God Save the King

This is an 18 civ world on vanilla Civ IV.

At the begginning of time, 4000 BC, a man named Matthias was born and took control over what would later be the English Empire. He founded the "capital" of England (apparently an island ) at London. He also sent a warrior north to explore. Matthias then said "You...silly people. You are researchers now. Research Mysticism." Leaving the newly coined "researchers" to scratch their heads and wonder "what the heck is mysticism????" Matthias went into his throne room and ordered a barracks to be built to train His Majestic Armies (HMA). He also met some hobo named Louis XIV who reallllllllly needed a haircut.


80 years later, the very old warriors found some people rolling a rock down a hill. They ran (and walked... they're 80 now remember)to the capital and announced the had discovered "The Wheel". Despite everyone looking at them like they were smoking a plant, they persisted and made a wheel, and Matthias said it was good.

After 160 years of Matthias rule, it was finally discovered that England was an island. Matthias said "No duh. Get back to London."

In what was later to be called 3800 BC, culture emanating from the capital caused a massive expansion of English land. Matthias also met Fredrick, (all the while Matthias was wondering "What is under that hat???") and Julius Caesar, who needs to lay off the salad and borrow Louie XIV's wig.

In 3720 BC, it was proudly announced that researchers had discovered Mysticism. Matthias looked at them for a while, then said, "Find out how to Hunt. Or Hunting. Whichever usage you prefer." Once again puzzled, the researchers walked away.


In 3560 BC, the researchers returned to say they had discovered how to hunt things. Matthias said "You look dirty. Ah well. Hmmm....now figure out how to kill from a distance....yes.....we shall call it: Archery!" Groaning and mumbling, the researchers trudged away to work on "Archery".

In 3220 BC, the researchers returned, full of pointy sticks and large "bows" and said they discovered "Archery". Matthias stated "Wow...you practiced Archery on yourselves?!?!?! Idiots. Get me new researchers!" After the old researchers went to to go teach "Archery" some idiots, Matthias' new researchers charged ahead with how to make wheat into bread.

In 3200 BC, Matthias met Isabella, who though she was nice, had this odd idea that this one fat guy controlled everything. She called it "Buddhism". Matthias ignored it and went on worshiping the trees. He also started to trade with Louie XIV for high class wigs, because he was 800 years old and his hair was starting to fall out.


In 3080 BC, the researchers had finally figured out how to make bread. Matthias said "Wow. You look fat. Find out hot to use stone, and let's call it "Masonry"."Mumbling about physical labor, they were rolled out of the room and Matthias went back to sleep.

In the year 2960, London finally finished building a barracks. Celebrations broke out all over the city. Matthias then said"......nice.....I have an idea!" The people groaned. They hated ideas. Matthias continued "Lets put large stones in a circle! It'll look cool!" After some serious thought on what would look cool, they decided to build Stonehenge, as it would forever be called.

In 2840 BC, the researchers (marginally less fat than before) said they had figured out how to build quarries to use Stone. Everyone was amazed. Matthias stated "Good job. Now work on how to domesticate those odd black and white colored things outside the city that I have decided to call cows. Mush!" The researchers scurried off.


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I demand screenshots........this has potential

This has... potential. Great potential.

thanks. To be fully honest.....I just don't know how to have screenshots or where they go.

Once i figure out how to add screenshots, I will post the newest one. WITH SCREENSHOTS!!!!!!!


EDIT:I figured out how to use screenshots. Soon I will post the newest update.

...potential...

Just press Printscreen. They're in the screenshot folder that has a link inside

your civ folder.

thanks for all the information. anyway, I will probably publish the next one tomorrow if I have time. Yes, it will have a screenshot!

Part 2:

2520 BC-375AD: The Franco-Anglo War…and some other stuff


In the year 2520 BC, Matthias' researchers returned, (smelling like "cow" poo among other things) and tiredly announced they had discovered "Animal Husbandry". Matthias candidly remarked "What? I asked you to tame the cows, not marry them! You all smell like poo! OUT OF THE PALACE! Guards, find me some new researchers." The researchers later became farmers who used cows to make steak and opened the first steak stand in London.

In 2200 BC, Julius Caesar, (who looked like he had lain off the salads) had an idea about forcing people to do his work. He called it Slavery. Later, Matthias looked at the idea, but decided it was worthless, as this happened anyway his own empire, without any trouble.

In 2160 BC, the new researchers returned and said they had discovered Bronze Working. They were ignored until they pulled out bronze axes. Everyone immediately ran to them and with cries of "Ooooooh! Shiny!" played with them. They were much sharper than the stone tools they were used to. Matthias stated "Shiny. And stop cutting yourselves. You know....there needs to be a way to cross those huge rivers to go to the other side." He pondered for a while, then said "I know! Let's build huge moving hunks of wood! We'll call them ships! RESEARCHERS!" The researchers ran to the throne, and were told to discover how to make wood move. Puzzled, they scurried away.

In 2000 BC, a farmer looked over the horizon and saw an odd island. He decided to call it "Ireland" for his wife, Irene. Though knowledge of "Ireland" quickly spread, the name stuck.

In 1880 BC, the people of London finally finished building Stonehenge. Random celebrations broke out throughout the city. After about a year of happy laziness, Matthias noticed that the people were getting fat and told them to begin working and making a farm to make wheat. Though wheat was already discovered, it would be even better to have it as bread sarcasm:as raw wheat is rather difficult to eat). The workers began to grudgingly assemble. At times, they had to roll people chewing wheat out of their houses.

In 1840 BC, the triumphant researchers sailed into London on a majestic ship. They announced to Matthias that they had discovered Sailing. Matthias said "Wonderful! You must make this common knowledge! Figure out how to scratch out symbols that mean this! We'll call it...Writing! WORK ON IT!" The researchers mumbled and walked away.

In 1680 BC, some 16 year old named Alexander walked into London as a representive of the Greek Empire. After saying something about "sandals" (what the bloody hell are sandals???) he left.

In 1600 BC, the now less-fat workers were assembled and were put to work building farms and quarries and mines and pastures. They did not like this. Thus Matthias said "Who cares. Get to work!" And so they did. London started to use the old technology of Archery to build Archers, and started to build one in London.

In 1480 BC, researchers showed Matthias some blocks with writing on them. Despite the fact they had to teach a 1520 year old man how to read, they did well and discovered writing. He then told them "Find out how to better connect with our gods. FIND OUT! I shall call it...Polytheism!" The pondering and mumbling happened again, and they left.

In 1440 BC, Fredrick, (with yet another hat) and Louie (as Matthias has now declared him to be called) both asked for Open Borders. Their diplomats refused to leave London until Matthias had agreed to Open Borders. Instead of killing them, thus provoking a “diplomatic incident” he agreed and they left.

In 1400 BC, the glorious city of London had finished building its first archer army. It was stationed inside the city, coincidentally preventing an angry, but fat, mob. It stayed inside the city. Then, noticing no one was doing anything, Matthias proclaimed “I have an idea!” Ignoring the cries of “NOT ANOTHER IDEA!” he continued, saying “We should expand this great Empire by having another city. You could move there and be fat!” After an hour or so of wondering what there was to do up in the Northern England (now called Scotland) they decided to go anyway and a party of Settlers began to form.

In 1360 BC, it was announced that the English Empire had .5 million people. This made people happy, mainly because it was declared a holiday, in which all work would stop. Strangely enough, some people continued working on making a settler party.
In 1280 BC, some lady named Catherine was met. Despite the fact that the towers in her background were shiny, and everyone wanted them because they WERE shiny, Matthias had peace and Catherine left.

In 1240 BC, another odd person claiming to lead a civilization was found in London. His name was Genghis Khan, and, after he was tied up and poked with a stick for saying his “horde” was bigger than ours (yeah. It was. We only had an archer and a warrior. But he was fun to tie up. we had peace and he left, amazed at the strength of our ropes.

In 1200BC, tired researchers announced that had discovered Polytheism. Matthias, saddened at the lack of power from the gods it gave him, stated that the researchers should work on making little clay shaped stuff to hold bread. Matthias called it Pottery. The researchers scurried off to go play in the mud.

In 1120BC, some workers said that they had connected an odd, four legged creature that didn’t taste good. They called it “horse”. As it was much faster than cattle, Matthias decided to build a pasture around the “horses” and domesticate them.

In 1080 BC, the settler party had finally come together. Most of the confusion resulted from the word “party” so there was 319 year party whose name was “Settler”. Once people realized these were the people going to settle in Scotland, the Settler party formed and left for Scotland. London also started on an archer army to protect the new settlement (once it formed).

In 1040 BC, the researchers returned with pots full of bread. They announced, after eating the bread, naturally, that they had discovered Pottery. Matthias, after crunching on a bread stick, said “I’ve been thinking about Polytheism. Maybe the reason I didn’t gain mighty powers is because we didn’t have priests. I’m sure if a polytheistic priest was there, HE could give me the powers!!!! Oh, researchers!!! Work on priesthood so I can have unlimited power! The researchers trudged off…. (This is becoming a pattern)

In 1000BC, Buddhism spread to London. You could tell by everyone trying to rub fat people’s bellies. Thus, everyone was rubbing everyone’s bellies. Slightly disturbed at the sight of all the fatties bellies, Matthias refused to convert and continued with his worship of many gods.

In 975BC Catherine, hearing of Louie’s and Fredrick’s successes at obtaining open borders with Matthias, tried the same tactic. Though everyone was quite tempted to kill the annoying Russian spies and just get it over with, Matthias agreed to open borders. In other news, the settlers had finally arrived in Scotland, and, after being chased by bears for 119 years, founded the city of York, the second city in the English Empire, and in order to mimic London, started to build a Barracks.

In 950 BC, diplomats from Loui (as Matthias now called him) begged Matthias to cut all ties and cancel all deals with Fredrick. Apparently, Loui and Fredrick had a falling out over which was better: hats or wigs? (Hats. Duh.) The diplomats were laughed out of the palace and thrown into the channel that separates England from France. Meanwhile, priests and researchers ran into the palace to announce that they had discovered Priesthood. After being blest, Matthias felt no special power. Saddened, he went for a walk in the hills near London. When he was walking, he saw a massive hunk of a shiny metal that was new to everyone. Matthias broke off a chunk and threw it at a deer. The deer died. Amazed, he ran back to the palace with the metal and announced that it was now called “iron” and researchers would have to go make swords out of it. The researchers, happy to be making swords, skipped away. A second archer army meanwhile began to go to York, which had connected to London and started a Barracks. In London, someone claiming to be a prophet sent from the gods named “Moses” went unnoticed and went to sleep.

In 850BC, the archer army that was sent in 950BC arrived at York. They quickly defended against an army of angry but old people who hated the idea of a barracks. The people were….disposed of.

In 775BC, the crazy Genghis Khan arrived again. This time, he managed to avoid the ropes sad and offered us open borders. Matthias accepted because he wanted to tie up more people like Genghis. It was fun.

In 700BC, Lou (new name as proclaimed by Matthias) converted to Buddhism. It looked odd, all the Frenchies rubbing each other’s bellies. Matthias also had his researchers return with the secrets of ironmaking. After this, a random clound flew over the palace that announced: Matthias has entered the Classical Age. But, Matthias still didn’t have huge amounts of power. He went to a priest and asked him about this. The priest said “You must only have one god, that way all of your worship shall go towards him.” Matthias was puzzled, then called in his researchers and told them to work on the worship of only one god. In London, a library had been secretly finished, and a huge ship able of transporting regiments of soliders almost anywhere was comissioned and began building. Iron was even discovered in England as a herd of deer charged it and all died.

In 600BC, tired but enlightened researchers entered the palace. The proclaimed they had discovered Monotheism. After being blest by a monotheistic priest, Matthias felt no extra power. “What is it….the….um……first…..what comes after 1?” “What’s 1?”the puzzled researchers said. “Work on mathmatics, and find out how TO COUNT!!!!”

In 575BC, the HMS (His Majesties Ship (duh)) Serapis was finished in London. It promised to be the frontrunner of the new British Navy Fleet #1. Matthias would’ve called it something else, but 1 is how far the researchers had gotten on mathmatics. Another galley was commisioned in London.

In 500BC, so much culture had come of out London that a massive expansion occurred. England now controlled the entire channel between England and France, which was now offically called the “English Channel”, as England controlled it and France isn’t important with Lo (offical new name).

In 475BC, barracks were finally built in York. The celebration was heard in London. However, the Yorkers were quickly put back go work and started on a library to hold the writings of others. Despite an angry author riot, the plan commensed.

In 450 BC, the HMS ]Victory was finished in London. She was the second of the HMS Serapis line of battle galleys. Londoners were unhappy when that had to build another galley. “What is this….the first?” “No….we’ve built more than that. Hmmm….” Matthias was actually glad (for once)at the slowness of his researchers.

In 400BC, another person claiming to be a great prohpet named Mahavria was born in London. Angred at the lack of praise he received, he went to sleep.

In 375BC, tired but amusing researchers returned singing “1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10” amoung other numbers. This annoyed Matthias so much, he decided to have them figure out what day, year, and month it was. (Matthias just made up those terms to mess with the annoying researchers).

325BC was an eventful year in England. The HMS Scotland was built in London, and they started on the fourth galley. Now, the people knew it was the fourth ship,and unhappiness rose. Yet another hobo arrived claiming he lead a civilization. His name was Saladin. Despite numerous jokes about his name (1: I’m Saladin. 2: Salad in what? Hahahaha ) he remained until the English gave him peace and sent him away while they laughed at his name.

In 250BC, Yorkers finished their library. It was a collection of books from all across England. After reading them, they were angry a the French, who had more books. They then decided to make 3 HMA Swordsmen Regiments to attack France. They sent word to Matthias, who was delighted at the idea.

In 225BC Julius Caeser came back to London. He threatened to throw salad at Londeners until they allowed him to have Open Borders. Mainly because he spawned a new set of Saladin jokes (1: Wow! That salad was good! 2: Salad in what? Hahahaha) and people were dying of lack of oxygen (too much laughing) Matthias finally agreed, and Julius left.

In 200BC, London had finished its last HMS York galley. It threatened to revolt if it had to make one more. Matthias set them building three HMA Swordsmen Regiments. They got to play with shiny sowrds. They were happy.

In 75BC, Saladin came back to discuss open borders. This lead to a renewal of the old “Salad in” jokes and eventually, to prevent over-laughing, Open Borders was accepted. Also the researchers returned and announced they had discovered the calander. They were ignored and then they fufilled Matthias’ quest, telling him it was June 8, 75BC. This astounded everyone because it sounded right. Matthias, angred that they had made a calender, told them to make a iron circle into a goat, calling it Currency. Confused and angry, the researchers trudged away.

In 25 AD, Yorkers had finished their 3 HMA Swordsmen regiments. They all went to a plain outside London to wait for more forces to invade France. Yorkers knew three swordsmen wouldn’t be enough to win, so they started on two HMA Axemen Regiments.

100AD was a busy year in London. They finished their 3 HMA Swordsmen Regiments, and began getting fat again. Matthias looked at them and told them to build a huge building with a fire in it to warm passing ships. He called it a lighthouse, because the materials were light, like what it gave ships (light). Also, researchers announced that the English Empire had a new currency, the pound. You could use it to get stuff. It weighed a pound. It was money AND a workout. They had started working on how to focus inner peace. Though Matthias thought they were crazy, he realized this could give him power and approved the research of Meditation, as he called it.

In 200AD, Yorkers had finished their 2 HMA Axemen regiments. They began working on markets to spend these “pounds”.

In 250 AD, London had finished its huge “lighthouse” and, after some people having to realize you don’t aim the light at the ships, but at the rocks (which resulted in a 50% decrease in ship crashings) it worked well and London worked on a market to spend pounds. Also Isabella and, for fear of her somehow provoking more Salad in jokes, she was given Open Borders and deported out of the country. Also, yet another person claiming to be a great prophet named Menicus born in London.

In 275 AD, the invasion force of HMA got into the HMS’ and sailed for the French coast. The extremely calm researchers returned again and announced they had learned how to meditate. (How does one do that?)After meditation, Matthias felt no extra powers. Angered, the not-so-calm researchers were forced to build huge buildings using Construction. “Ha.” Matthias thought “That’ll teach them to not give me huge power.”

In 325-375AD, war with L (as declared by Matthias to be his new name) commened. In 325 AD, the HMA armies landed near Paris. They had to deflect an immedite chariot attack while taking heavy casulties, but they killed the chariot. In 350AD, HMA invaded Paris. It lost 2 swordsmen regiments and 1 axemen regiment. They also fended off a warrior regiment, taking no casulties. In 375AD, a final push was made. The city was finally taken, and was kept as a prize of war. Matthias the Conquerer (new offical name) had taken Paris, long the capital of the French Empire.

PARIS TAKEN!!!!

Were are the screenshots!!!!!

We wanted screenies!

sorry...i tried to copy and paste them. They are on the website but are awaiting approval. If anyone knows an easier way, I will have it up as soon as possible.

Just click Go Advanced when you make the post, scroll down and you should see an option labelled 'Manage Attachments'. Click on that, find your image files and upload them. You can get 10 screenshots in that way.

Alternatively, if you want more than 10, upload them at imgur.

mayor said:

Were are the screenshots!!!!!

Click to expand...

I just added them!

Just click Go Advanced when you make the post, scroll down and you should see an option labelled 'Manage Attachments'. Click on that, find your image files and upload them. You can get 10 screenshots in that way.

Alternatively, if you want more than 10, upload them at imgur.

Click to expand...

THANK YOU! I BOW DOWN!!!

Looking good

hoplitejoe said:

Looking good

Click to expand...

thanks!

I hope you build a supercolonial empire (i prefer those over just massive warrmonging)

Good job so far, btw

mbkkbm said:

THANK YOU! I BOW DOWN!!!

Click to expand...

No problem. Anytime

Thanks for all the 's. Anyway, I'm probably going to have a LITTLE european warmongering But then I'll build galleons and invade africa/america and build settlers and colonize. Or maybe Japan?

Wanna know what happens next: Hint: Espana

EDIT : I've just finished to the next update, and it sohuld be out tommorrow or later. I'm rather lazy.

Cheers. Looking forward to the update.