The Reign in Spain

The Reign in Spain

Note: This civ story will be EXTREMELY long.
Finished as of 2/27/13

Chapter I

King: Finally, the auto-play turns are over. I, Garcia I, vow to bring my kingdom to glory. Advisor, what's going on?
Advisor: I don't know- Oh, how convenient, there is a floating message explaining what is going on.



King: WHAT!?!?!? THE CHRISTIANS ARE BEING DANGED FOR ETERNITY! I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING!
Advisor: Sire, some n00b just crossed out part of the sentences. It really says-
King: SHUT UP! LIES! Besides, we're at war with the moars!
Advisor: Hey, another poster.



King: Well, I don't what a "High Middle Age" is, I think it's some sort of disease old people get, but it looks awesome!
Advisor: Can we just found a city, your majesty?
King: Umm...sure. What is a kingdom without a king? ...Wait, I am a king. I mean, what is a kingdom without a dom?



King: I call it Leon, after my old friend in high school. Let's work on a crossbowman, oh, speaking of cross, you, missionary dude, spread Catholicism into this city and-



King: Holy crap! Where did you come from!?!?!
Advisor: Holy indeed, your majesty, this is the Pope, he's basically the ruler of the PayPal states and the leader of Catholicism.
King: Cool! What you got, Pope?



King: Does this work out?
Pope: Yeah, whatever.
King: Bye then.
Advisor: Your royalness, Catholicism has spread to Leon, shall we convert?
King: I know that, I ordered the missionary to spread the religion there in the first place! Yeah, whatever, I'm Catholic so I might as well force my people to be Catholic.
King: Also, we should research farriers so we can build lancers to attack...THEM!



King: You! Go with him and the other missionary and found a city over there.
Advisor: Shouldn't we settle the city in the blue circle?
King: No, no...



King: You and you, settle in the middle of the blue circle thingy to appease my whiney advisor.
Advisor: I'm just trying to give you advice. I'm an advisor.
King: You're going to be a dead man soon...



King: Lancers, go attack Tuli, Tulaytoo, Toota, go attack that one city. Swordsmen, go follow them but go over the valley and through the woods. Take the catapult which will be used in a suicide attack.



Advisor: The anarchy has ended and we've begun researching farriers. The troops are nearing the city also.



King: There is no a chance of winning, catapults, I know you'll lose win!



Advisor: Sire, casualties have been minimal and we've won!
King: YES! Tulaytulip, tuna, the city is ours! First things first, I will rename the city Toledo after the city in Ohio!



Advisor: What shall we name the eastern city?
King: How 'bout Torre de la Vega? It's four separate words so it sounds even cooler.



Pope: You seem cool, bro. Want to have open borders?
King: Wha? Yeah.



King: I wonder what's going on the known world...
Advisor: Press the F4 key, your awesomeness.
King: Ooh, cool!
King: Ha, Burgundy has no friends!


King: Now, to capture, oh Lord..., Quertebrobra, or something like that. Lancer, attack those innocent workers!



Advisor: We need to connect that iron to the capitol.
King: Glad I though of that! Workers, build a mine over the iron.



Advisor: The city Qaturbah, or whatever, has been captured. As expected, we lost only a lancer.
King: Re-name the city Cordoba, everyone knows Q's have to have a "u" after them...



Advisor: The settlers are ready to found the city. They'd like to call it El Ferrol after a dead feral cat found neat the area.
King: So be it.



Philip the Bold: Even though you're caught up in a war with the Cordobans, want to randomly join us in defeating the France who are miles away from you at this time?
King: No.



Advisor: If you want to become more stable, I suggest adopting a feudal government.
King: What, like Family Feud?
Advisor: Kind of. I suggest adopting serfdom and manorialism.



King: Umm, why are you guys building a road? My lancer can easily swoop in and kill you?



Advisor: We've connected the capitol to the iron.
King: Good.



King: So Abby our Rayman III, want a sign a treaty?
Abd-ar-Rahman III: Ooh, I like signing things! I just learned cursive! I'll give you my lunch money, farriers and a book of useless codes!
King: No.

Chapter II

King: Now, get the horseys!


Charlemagne: Hey, can give you this really expensive tech for free?
King: No.



King: Okay, so Cordoba died and WTH is with all of these French troops!?!?



King: Lancers, explore the remnants of the Cordoban Empire.



Advisor: Your majesty, we've spotted the Berbers near the outskirts of our holdings around Toledo.
King: Mm-hmm.
Advisor: Shouldn't we-



King: Hush, child! The lancers are exploring and have reached the "Mediterranean Sea" as the locals call it.



Advisor: The horse archer will pillage the copper...
King: Don't worry, it stupidly attacked the city and is half dead. The problem solved itself.



King: Go to Leon, lancer, I sent to crossbowman to defend the workers.



Charlemagne: Hey, um, can you help us attack-
King: No.



Advisor: We now know the secrets of the Goth, your majesticness.
King: Research blast furnace then.



Advisor: The pasture is complete.
King: Yay! Now build a pasture around the piggies!



Advisor: The citizens of Portucale want to join us.
King: That's their problem.



King: Hey, the pasture is complete. Connect Leon to El Ferrol.



Harun al-Rashid: Hai.
King: Hai, peace, goodbye, ect...



Philip the Bold: How 'bout this?
King: Sure!



Advisor: The city has joined us, your coolness.
King: Keep it, keep it. Call it O'Porto after my old Irish neighbors.



King: ZOMG, BERBERS! Oh, phew, they died.



Harun al-Rashid: Would you like the secrets of literature for a reasonable price?
King: Okay...



Advisor: We've trained our first unit, a crossbowman.
King: Yeah! Order him to fortify.



Advisor: Also, we've built a quarry near that Torre place.
King: Good, connect the Torre city to the other cities.



Advisor: The borders of Torre de la Vega have expanded, our culture is growing!



Pope: Can I have this?
King: You know what? Yes, you seem okay.



Advisor: We've built a guisarmer, your righteousness, what shall we build next?
King: A market, the evil shadow of debt is rising!



Philip the Bold: Can we-
King:

Chapter III

Justinian: May the heavens bless you as you deserve the be blessed, king of Leon!
King: Hey, I could used to this guy.
Justinian: Open borders?
King: Sure, why not?



King: Stupid barbarians...



King: Now that wine is connected to the cities, I'm going to let you workers build whatever you want.



Charlemagne: Would this deal work out?
King: Umm, errr, sure. Advisor, we'll research cartography next.



Justinian: Can you attack your friends the Arabs?
King: Yes, but I don't want to.



Advisor: What shall we research next, your epicness?
King: Classical Knowledge, it will open up a door for techs like philosophy and alchemy, whatever the heck that means.



King: Armored lancer, explore southeastern Spain, we need to acquire new lands.
Advisor: Sir, I don't think one measly armored lancer can take a whole city.
King: You really are a pessimist, aren't you?



King: The monastery is done, good, now we can train a missionary to convert the heathens in Cordoba.



Lancer: Uh, all we found was these, like, city ruins. So I guess we can't really conquer anything...
King: Dag nab it! It was the French! I just know it! They razed the city just to piss me off!
Lancer: It could've been destroyed by the other independents or that Burgundian mounted sergeant thing.
King: Shut up. I won't be happy 'till I raze something.



Advisor: I know what will make you happy, your majesty. We have fishies!
King:



Lancer: So this one city was captured by the other independents, shall we declare war on them?
King: Um, yes, you have to declare war on countries to destroy them.



Lancer: Ha! We're hiding in palm trees! You can't get us.



Lancer: CHARGE!



King: We might as well keep the city. The prophets tell me it won't be taken away for another 100 years by some Eragon Aragon.



King: We've captured - you know what, I'm not even gonna try to pronounce that! I'll name it Valencia.



Advisor: Sire, Catholicism has successfully spread to Cordoba.



King: All right. I feel like spreading my influence. We shall settle near this place called "Andalusia". At least I can pronounce that. And we have met Morocco. I'll bet we'll be friends!



King: Are you related to Zara Yaqob by any chance?



Advisor: We've discovered classical knowledge, your excellency. What shall we research next?
King: Monument building, there aren't enough statues of me around these parts...



King: Oh, look! Another freaking Berber.



King: That went well.



Rothari:
King: Rothy, let's just have peace.



Advisor: We've trained our first naval vessel.
King: Good, now we can explore and find new victims friends.



Philip the Bold: Although I've asked you 100 times, I think-
King: Bye.



King: WTH is that thing!?
Harald Hardrada: AI_DIPLO_FIRST_CONTACT_LEADER_HARALD_3
King: GET AWAY!



Advisor: Here is our empire.
King: WEAK!



Advisor: We've randomly compiled a list of our statistics.
King: WHAT?!?! WE'RE BEHIND BY 1000 SOLDIERS!?!?!?!?!
Advisor: And our approval rate is a D!



Thus concludes Chapters I to III

Hmmm...there is potential in this one... (Impersonation of Yoda).

But seriously coming along great!

Thank you, it's my first civ story. I'll try to post updates daily.

You must have noticed: those random pop-up king dudes keep calling you Isabella! You're not going to stand for that, are you?!

(Nice writing)

A good start, I'll pay attention to this one.

Chapter IV

Advisor: We're done researching monument building.
King: Good, I don't know what alchemy is but it will allow us to build wealth so it must be cool. And I like shiny things!



King: Ooh, a settler. Go to Andaloser a found a city.



Harun al-Rashid: Not to bother you but-
King: CAN'T YOU SEE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!?????????!!!!!!
Harun al-Rashid: No.



Advisor: If we're gonna explore Yurup, we need to make open border agreements with countries.
King: How 'bout France?
Charlemagne: Screw you.
King: I hate the French...



Robert Il Duce the Bruce:
King: Um, are you asking me for peace, Bobby?
Robert: Sorry, I have a stammering pr-pr-pr-problem.



King: Hooray, Cadiz was founded! Hooray for salt!



Advisor: We know have alchemy, whatever that is, what shall we research next?
King: Hey look a tech tree. Hmm...apparently, we will get magic sticks that shoot out death balls. Haha, that will never happen. We should research this "paper" so we can trade "maps."



Advisor: France finally died, your majesty.
King: Well they wouldn't have if they would just sign open borders with me.



William the Conqueror: Well met friend, who shall we conquer today?
King: How the heck am I supposed to know, Billy? Why don't you go conquer yourself?
William:
King and Advisor:
William: Bye, then...



Saladin: Hello, king, your empire is cool. Not as cool as mine, of coarse, but still, pretty cool.
King: Thank you.
Advisor (to King): That was an insult.
King: Grr....
Saladin: He's not that bright, I assume?
Advisor: Tehe...



Saladin: Anyways, can I have this tech?
King: No...are you okay, you look sleepy.
Saladin:
King: TAKE HIS WALLET, QUICK!



Advisor: We're trapped, we can't get past the independent city's border
King: Declare war on them!
Advisor: We can't risk getting sunk. Besides, I'm a coward.



Harald: Want open borders?
King: Yes! Finally, someone wants open borders with me, even if they're a half human, half wolf hybrid.



Advisor: Our ship can't go through English waters, we need open borders or to get our ship out of the English Channel.
Billy William:



King: I'm sorry I called you Billy, please, here's ten bucks!
William: Thanks. I'm still mad at you, though.



Rothari: I'll sign open borders with you!
King: Yea!



King:



Advisor: That right there is the text book definition of irony.
Advisor: By the way, our boat is stuck 'till we get open borders with the Scots or the Engs.



Advisor: At least our cities are getting more productive and the borders are expanding.



King: I, I need to get to Eastern Europe. Let's just pass through the city of Barcelona...
Lancer: But we'll have to declare war on them.
King: We've been through this talk before...



Archer: DIE!



Horse Archer: You've defeated the archers but can you handle -ARCHERS ON HORSES!
Lancer: Ummm....yes.



Crossbowman: Ha ha!



King: Fools, I have thousands of troops to throw at you! You just watch!

Will the next lancers die (horribly) or will they not? Find out tomorrow!

You're hilarious, Constantinople! I love the PayPal States! I'll be following.
And I'm a liberal airhead, too!

Laughed so hard when Italy collapsed

Settling on the spot that turns out to be named Albuquerque would make this story even better.

Alexius08 said:

Settling on the spot that turns out to be named Albuquerque would make this story even better.

Click to expand...

I actually have done that.

Chapter V

Independent Leader: Send out our weakest and mentally unstable spearman.
Lancer: Gee, I hope I don't die.



Lancer: Yes!
King: Wait a second...



King: We don't have open borders with Burgundy, so...
Lancer: What!?
King: Well that was useless, guess you have to come back to Leon.
Lancer: So we were assaulted brutally by spearman for nothing!?
King: Well it's not the treasure, it's the journey-
Lancer: You weren't there! We lost 347 troops! Some were slaughtered before my eyes! Our food supply was cut off! We had to eat the carcasses to survive! Why didn't you plan ahead?!
King: Sorry.
Lancer: YOU IDIOT! I-
King: <--- Lancer guy

King: What the- What's going on?



Advisor: The city of Oporto hates you for killing the general of the lancers and wants to join "Portugal". Also, because "Oporto" sounds a lot like "Portugal"...

King: Fine.
Robert: Hi king of leon, I love watching people die horribly so I'll sign open borders with you.
King: See advisor, killing people works out in the end!



Advisor: No, it - Hey, we've made contact with the Portugeese.



Afonso: Yeah hi, I'm the leader of the Portuguese and your biggest fan!
King: I have fans? Cool!
Afonso:
Advisor (to King): We could use his man crush to our advantage...
King: Heheh, I smell a future vassal...



Advisor: Here comes Eragon Aragon.



King (to Advisor): I don't like this "Jamie" but I'll make open borders with him...



Advisor: Why, your greatness, he seems like a nice guy. Besides, he was willing to sign open borders, and that seems to be a big deal with you.
King: I know he wants to invade me. City of Toledo, build be a giant castle in case Jamie tries anything smart.



King: Also, we should probably build a city over the rubble to the south. It's not like it's haunted or anything...I mean, a city that randomly disappears can't be too bad, right?



Advisor: Good news, your amazingness, a great scientist was born in the city of Leon, his name is Filippo Brunelleschi!
King: Good, he will join the city as a 7th grade science teacher, a very important position in our society. By the way, how did he get to be a "great scientist"?
Advisor: It's incredible - he actually passed the 11th grade!



Armored lancer: So we did some research in the city rubble, by that I mean grave robbing and we discovered the name of the city translates to Almeria, shall we call the city that?
King: Yep.



James: He, can you cancel your deals with Genoa?
King: WHAT?!! HOW DARE YOU! OUUUUUUUUUUTTTTT!!!!!
*Kicks James out of the palace front door*
King: WAR, WAR, PREPARE FOR WAR!!!
Advisor: Sire, don't you think you're overreacting?
King: Yep, I'm aware of that. I'm just using this as an excuse to invade Eragon!
Advisor: Aragon.
King: Aragon.



King: Prepare the troops!





Du-du-du duuu-ooo-ooo tsch tsch

King: Attack!!

INSERT FIGHTING NOISES HERE



King: To the capital!



Will Zaragoza fall to Leon or will it not? Find out tomorrow!

This installment of the Reign in Spain was brought to you in part by the King of Leon
Killing Aragonese since 1197!

She blinded me with science! This is great, keep 'em coming. And kill Aragorn Eragon Aragon!

God, I love Eragon. T'was a great book cycle . Don't you find it strange that it goes from Portugese, Spanish, to Aragonese? Seems like the Spanish are defying iberian tradition.

5 chapters in the time you did...impressive. Most productive author this year.

Daedwartin said:

5 chapters in the time you did...impressive. Most productive author this year.

Click to expand...

Was that a challenge? I swear I will start another dead-end story just so I could demolish this record

Don't get your hopes up, all new stories are like this. Believe it or not, Eternal Empire was updated daily when it first started.

CocoIsKing28 said:

Was that a challenge? I swear I will start another dead-end story just so I could demolish this record

Click to expand...

Not really...the day after I started the story, I played the game until 1616 or so. When I checked my screenshot folder I had 300 images . So I deleted 90-ish of them. Since I have the pics ready, I just have to describe them and edit a few select pictures in paint. Since I'm on winter break until January 7th, I've got a lot of free time. And I'm not going to continue playing the game until I catch up. 163 screenshots divided by the limit of 30 pics = at least 6 more updates 'till then.

Double Post

And I'll most certainly make another story. I might make one as Rome and call it "Not another Roman story!" or make one as Russia just so I can do the Russian reversal joke.