5020 Years of Greatness: A Babylon OCC in RFC DoC

Table of Contents:
Introduction and Chapter 1: Chinacide
Chapter 2: Barbs and Techs
Chapter 3: Perfectly Timed Persians
Chapter 4: Greek Conquerors and Great Walls
Chapter 5: an Abundance of Weirdness
Chapter 6: a Machinery of New Empires
Chapter 7: a Grand Canal
Chapter 8: Discoveries and Diplomacy
Chapter 9: Selling off the Seljuks
Chapter 10: Diplomacy Time
Chapter 11: More Enemies
Chapter 12: Furniture and Porcelain
Chapter 13: Guns, Germs, Steel, and a Crapton of Barbarians
Chapter 14: Crappy Puns for Everyone!
Chapter 15: Stupid Safavids
Chapter 16: Science is Power!
Chapter 17: IT'S A TRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chapter 18: Rudeness all Around
Chapter 19: Congress
Chapter 20: Stuffed Turkey
Chapter 21: Golden Slingshot
Chapter 22: Nations United
Chapter 23: Technology and War
Chapter 24: The (Space) Race Against Time (and Germany)
Chapter 25: The Last Leg of the Marathon
Epilogue and Thank You Post

Introduction and Chapter 1: Chinacide

Greetings, and welcome back! I am mrrandomplayer, as some of you may know and recognize from my other two stories, both on the Tamils. First, to set things straight, I had to stop the Babylon game not because I didn't want to update, but because I screwed up the game majorly. I have fixed that and COMPLETELY FINISHED THE GAME this time, so that will NOT happen. This story is a one-city-challenge, as the title may suggest. This story will be a comedy, because of the amount of ridiculous events that happened and my desire to tell terrible puns. Without further ado, our update is up!

Let's set up with the settings:



We start out with Hammurabi, our meat-loving protagonist (ironic since I'm vegetarian), standing on the wealthy banks of the Euphrates. However, since he was kind of, eu know, 'phrate (get it?) of that river, so he decided to move northeast to the feline-infested banks of the Tigris river. I Ashur you, my spot is much better. There, work begun on a worker.



Hammurabi also began researching the enshrouded mysteries of Mysticism.


A goody hut spawned inside of Ashur's radius, but it didn't pop. For goodness' sake, why didn't it do that?


Hammurabi also hired some eager Egyptian War Chariots, and sent them northeast through the deserts for no particular reason. Regular chariots are much warse (get it?), because they only have 4 Strength AND they don't fast-move on deserts. They were cool enough to pop the goody hut, as well as another one on the way to a random area, and the results were golden.



Work on the worker was finished, the people's wish to build a granary was granted.


The exploring warriors, popping a goody hut, received rich rewards.


The secrets of Mysticism were cleared up by Hammurabi's scientists, and a conspiracy to research Masonry was freely admitted after research began.



The eager War Chariots "coincidentally" found China "for no particular reason". They then declared war for "no particular reason" and "just happened" to burn down Chang'and with this, China was smashed out of the game forever.







Well, that's the first of many updates! I have fulfilled my promise to make this story by resurrecting it from the dead! Until next time, may you resurrect your dead stories *cough cough*all of the S & T'ers who didn't*cough cough*.

mrrandomplayer said:

We start out with Hammurabi, our meat-loving protagonist (ironic since I'm vegetarian)

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Yes and I always thought it was unorthodox to say the least for a rabi to be so into Ham...

mrrandomplayer said:

Until next time, may you resurrect your dead stories *cough cough*all of the S & T'ers who didn't*cough cough*.

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Haha nice, real subtle. We didn't hear you mention METY once...

great update the beginning was very "punny"

Haha nice, real subtle. We didn't hear you mention METY once...

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i thought the whole thing screamed METY

What do you mean by completed? Like a win?

BTW, I like your playstyle more now, as aggressive as it should be. Hammy is not more a eunuch.

Poor China, everyone is constantly rolling over them with chariots' wheels.

technically, a lose would end the story

Moai_Spammer said:

i thought the whole thing screamed METY

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MEh Thank You?

Moai_Spammer said:

technically, i lose my mind scenario would end the story

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ftfy.

who wants to see me spam moai

sorry couldn't resist

Moai Spammer Spams Moais.

try saying that 5 times fast!

technically, i lose my mind scenario would end the story
ftfy

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oops i meant A lose

Moai_Spammer said:

i thought the whole thing screamed METY

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Well yeah but you have to use a sledgehammer, see, otherwise no-one appreciates how subtle you were...

Update time!

Chapter 2: Barbs and Techs

Hammurabi's exploring warriors found another goody hut, but didn't have their previous luck. Their hosts were quite hostile.




The technology of Masonry was discovered. It may have been found by someone's son (get it?).


The city of Shushan's culture was shushed by Babylon's immense culture and as a result, the people from Shushan wished to join Hammurabi's empire. They were allowed to join, but the flip side was that Shushan's presence would be quieted by disbanding the city.


The Chinese workers on the way back through India chanced on a goody hut filled with flies and insects, but again, the villagers were not too good for them. The workers and insects barely managed to flea with their lives.


Hammurabi's scientists wrote down the secrets of writing. Multiple research projects were then begun on Polytheism.



The Walls were finished, and then some brers started working on a library ( get it?).


The list of the Most Advanced Civs came out, and Babylon came in 2nd out of 3. Hammurabi was still riding the mini-van to advancement. (get it?)


Hammurabi met A-soak-a, the leader of the new Indian civilization. Hammurabi was nearly soaked in the power of the Ganges, but the tigers at the Tigris protected him.



After building a pointless (he didn't study point-slope formula) road for no particular reason, our Chinese worker's work finished forever when he was impaled by Barbarian Chariots. (get it?)


Polytheism was discovered, prompting a forced revolt on multiple fronts to Forced Labor and Polytheism.



Some barbarian Chariots failed to upseat the Egyptian War Chariots.


Hiram, the rather phony leader of Phoenicia, said Hi to Hammurabi. He also seemed to hate the Indians.




Hammurabi, getting classy, decided to enter the Classical Era. With that, he learned that 1 + 1 is 2, prompting a revolutionary new religion to be born, called Confucianism. Also, as icing on the cake, the Temple of Artemis finished that turn!





That's all for today! Until next time, may you discover what 1 + 1 is.

the puns, they burn

@randomplayer

That trick you are about to use for killing the Persians (oh it reminds me something lol) is obsolete when you got War Chariots. Yourself you said that War Chariots have the special ability to move over desert tiles as it was nothing. It works for hilly desertic tiles. Thus, on T84 (IIRC), when you see the stack appeared, you move to one tiles north to the Persian city and using the hills as separation, but not for you you. I managed to get 100% chance of Persian destruction that way because no units went to both desertic hills.

Oh, now I get it. It still worked, anyway because none of the Persians were in my way, heh heh.

NO SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome back! Let's start the update!

Chapter 3: Perfectly Timed Persians

With the Temple of Artemis having been pulled together (get it?), Hammurabi needed to make an army. However, he was too broke and lazy to get a real one, so he decided to make it out of terracotta in the capital.


Meanwhile, the merciful mercenary War Chariot successfully defended against several
"mite"y Elamite Chariots in preparation for an unknown event...


The very powerful empire of Persia spawned at war with Babylon, but it moved all of its military units away from the capital. The Chariots, in a moment of opportunity, decided to attack and burn down the Persian's capital for "no particular reason", and with that, Persia's stack of doom magically disappeared. The mercenary was subsequently fired due to lack of need.






The knowledge of Priesthood was in the hood by then. The new tech path afterwards was simple: beeline for Machinery.



The Terracotta Army was finished, though the soldiers all looked Chinese. Hammurabi had suspected something about the architect... Orders then were released to work on the Oracle (get it?).


A peace treaty was made in Jerusalem, the only city of the pathetic Persian "Empire".


Hammurabi also didn't mind to discover Mining (get it?).


However, an embarrassing list was released that ranked Babylon in 6 out of 7 in terms of technological advancement.


However, the Oracle was completed, foreseeing the secrets of Construction. With that, work began on a wall, a Great Wall, to keep all of the pointy barbs out (get it?).



That's all for now! Until next time, may you not leave your capital undefended.