The Forgotten Civilization

Chapter I

Man: *yawn* Time for another boring day...
Adviser: Why so glum, chum?
Man: I have no authority outside the drones of my religion. Ever since the Empire died, no one has respected our grand empire!
Adviser: What about the thousands of your followers?
Man: Meh, they don't count...
Adviser: Cheer up, you are practically the most powerful man in the world.
Man: Oh yeah? Who's ahead of me?
Adviser: A long list of people...
Man: Maybe I should just kill myself, that would do the world a favor...
Adviser: I'm sorry you feel that way... But, look, you are a very respectable man. You may not control much land, but you control the most glorious city in all of the world.
Man: Constantinople?
Adviser: No... Not yet...
Man: Stupid Byzantines... I thought they would be here by now!
Adviser: Look, the point is, your people need you! The world needs you! You bring hope to this world filled with sorrow! ...Even though you are a cause of the sorrow, too.
Man: You know what?! I think I... don't care...
Adviser: Well, killing yourself won't help. Do you want to tick off God?
Man: But he's my best friend...
Adviser: Then go out there and appease your people!
Man: I will!
*runs out to the balcony*
Man: People of this glorious city! The Eternal Empire survives! God bless you are! We will retake back the Empire's wondrous culture! In the name of the Father! And of the son! And of the holy spirit! We are the Papal States!



Pope: I am the pope! Not a pope, but the pope! You can call me Gary. Aided by my right hand man, who is left handed, but we forgive him, Cardinal Cardinalson, I will spread Catholicism to the rest of the world! And we will become close friends with the Byzantine Emperor, who is playing make-believe and pretending to be the leader of Christianity! Ha, what a chump...
Where was I? Oh yeah, in Rome... We will ensure that the world is Catholized again and again! And we will forgive any Orthodox Byzantines for their unorthodox sins! Now come on, my unknowing servants! Let's rebuild Rome into the prosperous city it once was! Over there is fine.
Citizen 1: Pope Gary sure seems to be a charismatic guy.
Citizen 2: Yeah, I'm actually listening to a pope for once!
Citizen 1: He's so young and vibrant...
Citizen 3: I know, 83 is a young age for a pope!
Citizen 4: And yet he plans on reviving the Empire in his reign.
Citizen 2: He really would be a roamin' Catholic!
Citizen 1: I wonder if he can convert the barbarians...
Citizen 3: Then our religion would reach critical Mass!
Citizen 4: Can we stop with these jokes?
Citizen 2: Okay, nun of them were funny anyway...

Interesting. This is RFCE++, isn't it?

Nope. It's regular RFCE.

constantinople said:

Nope. It's regular RFCE.

Click to expand...

But I thought you can't play as the Papal States in RFCE! Unless you are using the chipotle...

Chipotle.

Subbed! What were the victory conditions for the Papal States again? I remember them being really funny...

Smite the Infidels
???
Prophet!

Of course, they are fake.

Haha! Yes, for some reason I find that hilarious.

constantinople said:

Smite the Infidels
???
Prophet!

Of course, they are fake.

Click to expand...

That's a really good pun

Chapter II

Pope: Now let's start this death campaign!
Adviser: You mean religious campaign?
Pope: Same thing.
Crossbowman: We can go through Independent borders because we're just that awesome!



Pope: Holy cross- bowman! The crossbowmen spread Catholicism wherever they go!



Justinian I: My friend, can Byzantium tempt you with this offer?
Pope: Well, you're finally warming up to be, aren't you? Yup! Today it's open borders, tomorrow you will follow the Pope once again.



Crossbowman: So... What do we do?
Pope: I don't know, look for people to convert and heretics to put down...



Pope: What are you doing to those horses?! They are holy horses!



Worker: We're just building a pasture...
Pope: On their heads?!
Crossbowman: Hey, um, we've found some towns.
Pope: What do you want, a cookie? Keep exploring!



Crossbowman: We're bored...
Pope: Then plunder the towns and massacre the innocents...
Crossbowman: What?!
Pope: Meh, I don't care. The Papal states are quite poor and we need funds. Looting from innocent towns should support our cause.



Justinian:
Pope: ???



Pope: Why would you do that?
Justinian: Because you suck!!!
Pope: Who pooped in his pants.
Adviser: ...He wears the yellow and purple pants... right?
Pope: Yes...
Adviser:
Crossbowman: Hey, what do we-
Pope: Keep rampaging!



Crossbowman: Murdering infidels is fun!



Pope: What is that hideous music?
Adviser: It's coming from the Middle East.
Other adviser: It must be Islam.
Pope: Is that a form of Christianity?
Adviser: No, it's not. But, we share the same God and the two religious are similar.
Pope: I hate it.
Abu Bakr: Do you come in peace?
Pope: ...Yes. But I don't like you...



Crossbowman: Ugh, I'm getting such an adrenaline rush!



Crossbowman: Fresh meat...
Pope: I feel kind of guilt about this... Oh well, only kind of...



Crossbowman: Ow, I got hurt this time.
Pope: *Sigh* Rest up and pillage later.



Adviser: We're the wealthiest nation in da world!
Pope: Woa! We're the first out of five nations!



Crossbowman: AHAHAHAHA!!! DIEEEEE!!!



Adviser: Umm... We've met another Muslim nation.
Pope: What?! I thought there was only one.



Pope: ...We must covert all of Europe to Catholicism... The Arabs, the Vikings, even the Byzantines must all worship me...
Adviser: You mean worship God?
Pope: Ha! Oh, you poor, naive man...

Make sure Henry VIII doesn't divorce his wife.

YES!!!! More Constantinoplely goodness.

man, you sure have a lot of stories going on right now constantinople...
maybe you have 2 brothers named byzantion and istanbul who help you update them...

I'm not going to be able to make too many updates because of school and band.

Chapter III

Crossbowman: Pillaging is fun!
Pope: God would be proud of you. Actually, He is!



Adviser: We have constructed an abbey in your honor.
Pope: What's an abbey?
Adviser: I don't know, it sounds wimpy so no other civ would build it.



Pope: Time for some more exploration. We need to find more townsmen to oppress and towns to loot.



Adviser: We should increase our number of open borders.
Pope: I agree. Justinian is bipolar so he's out of the question.
Adviser: What about that ugly guy? Charlie.



Crossbowman: Darn. We were hoping to map out this "France." Oh well. We found a town to terrorize.



Adviser: The good news is we've kidnapped Joan of Arc's brother, Jeanne of Ark.
Pope: Isn't Jeanne a female name?
Adviser: Hey, this person has a beard so I assume they're a male or an unholy female...
Pope: Let's force this person to join our city as a priest against they're will. All will be my slaves whether they are male or not!



Crossbowman: Yay! We've slaughtered by the trillions!



Justinian:
Pope: I know I'll regret this...



Pope: Dang! You sorry son of a... But Papal can into open borders...

Mounted Sergeant: Okay, watch this...



Townspeople: AUIGHHAGHAFNL;BKGG *DIE*
Spearmen: What the?



Mounted Sergeant: Ahahaha!!! They just got pranked! We ding-dong ditched them!



Mounted Sergeant: This is fun. Pillaging is arsum!



Mounted Sergeant: We should join up with the crossbowmen.



Pope: Those rascals...
Justinian:
Pope: Oh so now you want open borders! You hypocrite! No! ...You hippodromecrit!



Mounted Sergeant: Oh, loosen up, Popey. Have some fun murdering the innocent.



Pope: Ugh... Well, here comes a new nation.



Mounted Sergeant: Keep calm and pillage on!



Adviser: Some sap composed a list of the most advanced civs.
Pope: Am I number one?



Pope: OH COME ON!!! HIPPODROMECRIT!

Best.update.ever

Hehe, Hippodromecrit.

Chapter IV

Pope: Now to continue with-
Mounted Sergeant: Whew! We've slaughtered another mound's worth of babies!
Pope: What about my story!? ...Thank you. Now, as I was saying.
Mounted Sergeant: It's a miracle! I think I see Jesus and his disciples!
Pope: Dang it, camera man, what about me?!



Pope: So, as I was saying, I-
Justinian:



Pope: Hippo...

Mounted Sergeant: Thank God for open borders with the indys! We're really mapping out Europe. Most of it, for the matter.



Adviser: We've completed a polytheistic shrine.



Pope: But we're monotheistic.
Adviser: Yeah, well... You just can't please some people. No one built it, so...
Pope: How are we on reclaiming the empire?
Adviser: We've almost started!
Pope: Right...
Adviser: I'm sorry, all there is to do is pillage.



Simeon I: Screw you.
Pope: Wow. I'm going to call you Justinian Jr.
Simeon: I hate that guy too!
Adviser: You do look a lot like him. You have the same crown and build. Only Justinian has a baby face.



Pope: I'm getting sick of this pillaging.
Adviser: Suit yourself.



Justinian:
Pope: I know I'm going to regret this...



Pope: Stupid Byzzies.
Adviser: At least Catholicism is still dominant.



BOOM! SMACK!
Pope: What the? What was that? Galleons? We must fight them to the death! The mighty galley can beet the galleon.



Mounted Sergeant: Oops. Maybe I provoked the Mediterranean pirates...



Pope: Nooo!!! My slaves!!!



Pope: Stop them!



Pope: On second thought. No. Let them wreak havoc throughout Neapolis, it really isn't my problem anymore.
Adviser: But aren't we-
Pope: IT'S THE GOOD NEIGHBORLY THING TO DO!!!



Adviser: Karma...



Pope: Karma? I've never heard of it. It must be fake and stupid. We must ban that stupid religion.
Adviser: Oi, don't hate on the east. Especially after we've constructed an embassy to it. It's a magical place full of dragons, rice, and rotting carcasses.



Pope: Maybe there is a karma-ism. Fine, I'll be nice.



Pope: That proves it. Karma is a lie. Just like cake. There's probably a Chi-Rho on that ship.



Justinian: I'm offended. You've hurt me. No more open borders.
Pope: You know what, I've had it with you! I'm censoring your face.



Adviser: Just ignore those Byzantines. It's not like they're the most powerful nation...



Pope: I've had with Justinian. I'm sending him a text message.

TehPope500: yo justin
J00571n14n: wat
TehPope500: u suk lol
J00571n14n: : (
TehPope500: trololololol
J00571n14n: go away
TehPope500: hey biz e
J00571n14n: wat
TehPope500: x comunic8!
J00571n14n: NOOOOO
J00571n14n has been kicked off the server.



Justinian: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeassseeee...
Pope: I'll make open borders but I doubt I'll let you in the church again. You're on your own.
Justinian:

Lol! yolo swag!

tehpope500?