Sir Edmund of the Albioners - a fantastic dream

Picture intensive
WH2 mod
26 civs
custom map
emperor
Blackadder


Hi!

Reading stories and tales for quite some time, I hope to be able to give something back to you by starting my own. I'll play a game with Embryodeads WH2 mod on one of Billy Rubin's maps (wh2_non_random_4, 160x160, 26 civs) as Albioners on emperor, regicide and all victory conditions allowed. I'll probably loose the game on that skill level, because I've had quit playing civ for quite some time until WH2 revived it for me, but who cares - this is just about starting a game and seeing what happens. For some reasons I like losing games...

I've had a peek on the preview, so I have an impression on what landmasses are there.

I wont go too deep into detail, to make this story not take forever, but try to make it as entertaining as possible (english as well as humour are none of my strengths, so please be forgiving ).

[edit]: Some more info: The first page is not as picture intense as the rest and the graphics are quite lousy, because I wanted to check if there's interest in anything like this, before I put too much effort in it - it's getting better after this page. Best viewed with ancient or modern cfc styles.

Let the story begin​

Chapter 1​

the Beginning​

Sir Edmund Blackadder went to bed - utterly drunk. As usual, he soon started dreaming about finally being King.

Glad to see another Warhammer story! Good luck on yours! The Albions are a great civ.

But because of all the wine, it was not England he was King of, but a strange tribe called "Albion". "Great" he thought - King of one stinking settler called Baldrick - but allright, let's see what we can do. "Settle down Baldrick" he shouted annoyed. "Yes milord" Baldrick answered and settled down.

So lets see, what shall we research? Having the strange feeling of being on an island, he decided to be building ships would be the best way to go, but in order to do so, first farming and then pottery would have to be researched.
After so much work, he decided to go for a littlte walk to find out more about his future kingdom...

@Semulin: Thanks - I've read and enjoyed yours a lot. Mine will be far less detailed in terms of production etc... (my strategy could be embarassing ) - more like a lose fairytale. Never played Albion, so I'm looking forward to it .

Why do you look like Mr. Bean? lol.

Another Whammer story. Don't quit.

V

Soon, he found another tribe: Norsca with their King Eric Redaxe - He smelled bad, but was quite polite otherwise.

His people were just as ******** as Baldrick, and so there was nothing to learn from them. He took a cup of mead and went on.

@Vanadorn: I look like Mr. Bean because the Black Adder character is based on a BBC comedy series in which Rowan Atkinson (Mr. B.) plays him.

I wont quit unless I rule the world or am destroyed (the last is quite well possible - no reloads, out of training, new mod, new civ - would fit the character though ...)

Soon, Baldrick started reproducing himself somehow and other cities were founded, Lord Blackadder was allmost killed by skeletons on his stroll, the Albioners learned how to farm and traded their knowledge with smelly Eric, after it was made sure that his people wouldn't really profit from it by making new ressources available to them. Unfortunately, the arrogant bastards wanted Blackadder to pay quite a lot of money (125) along with some tribute (2 per turn) to teach us the art of mining, but he saw no real alternative, because as he guessed before, he was on an island, the Norsemen being the only other tribe with them.

Further, the rancid stinking Norsemen settled in a place we wanted to found a city in. To prevent that in the future (the island was small - too small for both of the tribes), Baldrick came up with a cunning plan: Operation human shield. Lord Edmund and some peasants lined up in a row and so hindered the Norsemen from passing. In the meantime, strange news popped out of nowhere, saying that a people called "wood elves" built "Errantry war" and Bugmans Brewery a little later, and the so called Imperial people built the "great forge". Someone also built standing stones, but Lord Blackadder was quite unimpressed.

This is halarious so far! I love the pictures and funny comments! keep it up!

In 200 IC, norse spearmen entered our territory in 2 places - Lord Edmund hurried to trade pottery and 40 gold in exchange of warrior code, so he could put up something more against them than mere peasants, in case their intentions were unfriendly - (well, what would smelly, spear bearing brutes do in Albion? Pick flowers? Unlikely...). The trade made him once again proud of his brilliancy - "we get spearmen and axemen and they can now throw pots at us..." he laughed deviously... To his surprise, they didn't attack either because of his bold move or for some other reasons.

In the meantime, he discovered sailing - the norsemen had many fine techs, but he decided to wait a few turns until teaching them the art of how to sail, so he would be the first to find new lands - 2 cities switched production from axemen to coracles - and a few workers rushed to build roads that would make it possible to build stronger ships with quality timber. Soon, the first coracle set sail and found a tribe called Westerlanders.

Their King, Marius the fen wolf didn't smell as bad as Eric (in fact he smelt a little too perfumed - for a man...) and was polite.
Blackadder saw that his people were backwards and so decided to teach the Westerlanders sailing in exchange for something else, but all they wanted to give was 1 piece of gold. he didn't even want to trade any technology for sailing and 53 gold. That made Blackadder conclude, that they must be shortly before discovering sailing themselves. Something had to happen (things looked very grim indeed - the empire had just built the great Bazaar) - he checked back what smelly Eric had.

The only accessible tech the westerlanders had more than him was chronicles. That was the way to go - unfortunately, King Marius was especially unwilling to give us chronicles, so Blackadder decided to take some drastic actions, lowered the expenses for science and killed a few peasants that couldn't be fed through. This way, chronicles was traded for the astronomic price of sailing, 45 gold and 14 gold per turn. Quite some Cutthroat for such a queer, Edmund thought.
Then, he went to smelly Eric and traded chronicles and sailing for mysticism, smithing and ballistics.

He had allmost caught up to the Norse, who now only had riding left as an advantage, but the Westerlanders were still ages ahead.


He then made contact with Reikland, Bretonnia, Kislev, Tilea and Estalia - all except the Estalians were much further developed than poor little Albion. Blackadder could get stone working from them in exchange for pottery and 3 coins. This, he could then trade for riding with the Norsemen - now having sailing and riding, he could get astrology from the Estalians - a science none of the others knew something about. It proved to be his rescue. After lots of negotiations, he got meteoric iron, literature, civil service, construction and trade by playing everyone off against each other. He was top notch scientifically now (way ahaed of the primitive Norsemen and he only lacked ship building, Reikland was unwilling to trade) - in just one turn. He even got cash and tribute, so he could afford a new fancy hat. "Marvelous" he smiled...

Semulin said:

This is halarious so far! I love the pictures and funny comments! keep it up!

Click to expand...

Thanks a lot - I'll do my best...

BTW: It should say "tricky trader" in the picture...

Exploring further, the great Albionese navy consisting off two coracles made contact with orcs, chaos and dwarfs. The first two were quite primitive, but at least chaos had money, so they get stone working. The dwarfs are more advanced, and there's nothing to get from them. In 760, we meet some Barbarians, calling themselves Dolgans. They know ship building but lack some other techs, so ship building is mine. A little later, we get military training, caravans and public executions, followed by magic. In 750, the Sylvanians build the black library, we meet them a few years later, as well as the backward dark elves.

In the meantime, our not-so-great own wisemen learned the secrets of Irrigation, at least noone else has it, but also noone really wants to pay anything for it.

In 890, Lord Blackadder feels very unsatified. None of the lands he discovers hold space for new settlements, but Albion is far too small to even think about world domination. Because of his diplomatic efforts, Albion is still one of the most advanced nations, but as communications spread among the rivaling
nations, things will become harder soon. "How can I dream about ruling the world if I can't even rule my own Island?" he shouts - Norsca was the first target to think of - they're primitive and their territory would be a nice addition to Albion.

He summons his military advisor, but things are not looking too bright - 3 Axemen and 4 Hunters, along with spearmen needed as city guard. By far not enough to conquer the 6 norse cities on Dragon Isle. What if we just extirpate the problem by its root and kill smelly Eric? We'd abandon the option of having Norse slaves, and settlers would have to be built prior to the strike, because Westerland, Reikland and others were near and eager for expansion, but it was still more realistic. He sends an Emissary to Olricstaad, the Norse Capital to see what force would be needed to accomplish the task, but he brings bad news: It's crowded with spearmen, norse marauders and warriors. Maybe Eric was planning the same? He'd have to build his military, even if that would mean falling back in all other categories. Eric had to die!

To be continued in Chapter 2: Kill Eric

I like Mr. Beans hat.

The war plans still have to wait - there are allways necessities interfering with his plans to conquer norsca, like cities needing aqueducts and so on - also, after having sailed around most of huge continent, he changed his method of exploration.

Ship building and seafaring allowed him to build strong war galleys and safely passing the sea, so he built 2 of them and sent them into the unknown. After losing one of them, he finally found unsettled land in 1020 IC - it looked rich in ressources - rare brightstome could be seen on the mountainous shore.

He raced back to his island to pick up settlers before exploring any further - if any of the others finds it, his new island is lost.

This proved to be a mistake - coming back with his settlers, druids and spearmen, he spotted a dragon on the shore - right in the first spot suitable for landing. Slaying the beast with his expedition force would surely not be possible, but landing, founding a city and getting pillaged by the wyrm, who'd then hopefully disappear with his loot seemed quite a good plan.
So they landed - the dragon instantly attacked and killed the spearmen, but Belhaven could be founded, guarded by the druids. The beast then withdrew at first, to lick the wounds our heroic spearmen managed to inflict.
In the meantime, news reached the Lords ear that things like witch hunts were being built - he was beginning to fall behind, so he started another diplomatic offensive, which finally made him reach a new age, by acquiring artificing and later gearworks for some pipeweed and 80 gold from the dwarfs, as well as dolgan ivory, estalian wine, elven silks, kislevite furs and dark elven gems.

Having explored gearworks himself for quite some time, he decided to go for monoliths - something exclusively open to his Druidic faith and thus something, he could not get from others. It would also help his now long time goal to kill Eric, by strenghtening our soldiers when fighting on their own soil.

His war plans have been seriously delayed by finding Azuria (that's what he called his new Island) and as time went by, it seemed more and more likely that the Norsemen would build up forces to attack us sooner or later instead of the other way around.

In Azuria, Clouds started darkening the skies. The dragon pillaged Belhaven, but seemed to be satisfied and disappeared. A little later, as our second settler had just landed, the damn dwarfs founded a city on our Island.

The Dolgans tried the same, but could be stopped by our settler being faster.
Meanwhile, we found another island to the north, but the Dolgans were there allready, battling the demon guarding it.

Other events of Interest:
920: Black Death rages in Alawn
930 Empire builds vauls anvil
1040 Dwarfs build the cursed pit
1070 Dwarfs build the suiddock

Great story

BTW, are you aware that you can post more than one image per post? Not as an attachment, but in the middle of your post.

Thank you I know - but there are some reasons I didn't do it:

- Some info file told me to upload files smaller than 500kb to the boards attchment system, not the easy upload feature (Hell knows why...). Being new as a poster, I didn't want to "abuse" the forum from start. I think I know how to do it with the upload system, but I can't figure out how to do it with the the forums attachment system.

- I wanted to keep the filesize as small as possible, because I didn't know if anyone would read on after the first post at all (that's why the picture quality looks so poor btw). So people could take a look, post their comments and let me know if I should go on without having tremendous loading times.

But with growing confidence, I think I'll put more work in it.

I just decided not to rush through my game like I usually do and take the speed down a little bit so the writing gets better (I'm German and didn't have to write anything in english for quite some time, but I realize that I improve my vocabulary by having to look up some things I want to say) - also, I think I would've reloaded or even quit this game if I hadn't started this thread, but not doing so and identifying with Lord Blackadder and his drunk dream is fun, as I realize. So I polish my veeery rusty english and have more fun playing this - all because of this thread .

BTW: I'm allways open for suggestions, if anyone is familiar with this mod - things don't look too bad, but winning should be quite hard. I'm in place 10 out of the 19 factions I've met (there are 26). I know it's hard to analyze the situation as I rarely (never) post what I build etc..., but If you have any suggestions (be it on the game, or the thread) please post them.

Hey - nice one - just found this thread by clicking on the link in your sig in the WH thread. I'll be definetely reading this, especially 'cause you play on one of my maps - hope it turns out to be a good game.
Can't really give you any suggestions, 'cause I never played Albion on that map, and you've found the closest goody islands allready. I also don't want to give too much away.
When played by the AI, they usually manage to survive 'til the end, so their defensive position doesn't seem to be too bad.
You're allready doing lot's better than the AI. They usually are very "low tech" because they have more problems handling the island situation.

Good luck

In the Year of our Lord 1190, when the Egg replaced the worm as the lowest form of currency in Albion, Lord Blackadder set up an expedition to settle on demon island - it was a cold island and the Dolgans were allready there, but incense could be found on it and it was not yet claimed by the Dolgans.
Meanwhile we discovered Monoliths in 1200 - the first science we discovered ourselves for ages. It would make our troops fight better up to an area of 2 miles surrounding it.

Arriving at demon islands coast in 1210, we saw that the Empire also had founded a city on the tiny island, but they also didn't claim the hill incense could be found on, so nothing was lost. Also, he was quite surprised to learn that the demon he had seen allmost slain a few years back had healed his wounds and obviously didn't bother to attack the Dolgans or the Empires settlement. He landed and Llangollen was founded in 1220 - once roads and a harbor would be built, we'd have another fine luxury.

In 1230 the demon ransacked Llangollen - lord Blackadder was now sure that Reikland and Dolgans must be utterly evil, since they obviously had a mutual protection pact with the evil forces the demon was part of.


In 1270 an expedition meets the Amazons - they look hot, but are backwards and broke.

Timetable:

1150 The Dwarfs build the hall of kings
1160 The wood elves build the silk route
1180 The dark elves build chaos moon
1190 The egg replaces the worm as the lowest form of currency in Albion
1200 We discover Monoliths - our first self-researched tech since irrigation
1210 The high elves build the spice route
1220 Founded Llangollen on demon island
1230 Llangullen ransacked by Demon
1250 sylvania builds the witch hunt
1270 we make contact with the amazons
1280 Reikland builds the fighters guild charter

@ Billy Rubin: So far I can say I like the map - thanks for that. Nice to hear that I'm doing better than the AI

In 1310, we hear that the Wood Elves have destroyed the Dark elves, so we lose our supply of gems. He didn't like Witch King Malekith anyway, saying: "I thought he was the least convincing female impressionist since Tarzan went through Jane's handbag and ate her lipstick", so he could even live with the loss of the gems.

There should be new room for settlements now, but a fleet and settlers would have to be built and by the time that would be done and they'd reach the dark elven lands, there wouldn't be any space left most likely, so lord Blackadder abandoned the idea.

New lands are discoverd in 1360 - Nippon, Cathay and a litle later Ungols. They allready have contact with other tribes, so there are no trades to be made at the moment and there's no room for new settlements either.


In 1410, Things started looking grim indeed - Blackadder had to increase productivity by giving more luxuries to his decadent people - what they needed was a war. He had put some money aside (eighthundredsomething), but losses of 18 gold per turn were inacceptable, especially as he was planning to somehow obtain Alchemy, which would let him build the alchemists guild. This wonder would earn him interest on his treasury, but to exploit it properly, he'd constantly need 1000 gold coins in his treasury. On the continent most nations started pulling away in science and this time there was nothing he could do about it.
He looked around if anyone was likely to pay tribute, but either they were more advanced or broke. The only thing he managed to get was wine from Bretonnia. At least this allowed him to limit his losses to -4 per turn.

Because of Albions cultural superiority, he managed to expand his borders into formerly norse territory, which would further weaken them, so he finally decided to kill Eric now. It also meant shorter marches through enemy territory, to reach Olricstaad.

He had no big force - 22 units ready for attack consisting of hunters, cavalry, and swordsmen who looked like girls, but could fight like men.


There were also some supportive druids, a catapult and spearmen among them. A Monolith was built near the Border, less than 2 miles away from Olricstaad and spearmen and a Druid were positioned to guard it. The main force moved to Olricstaad.

He met Eric in a drinking hall close to the border and started making demands Eric could impossibly fullfill and repeated them over and over again with a shrill voice. Eric got annoyed.

When Eric was shortly before going berserk, Lord Blackadder said: "You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the Court, wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be." with a calm, arrogant voice.

That did it: Eric went home to Olricstaad, furiously screaming all the way, seeing the troops piling up in vicinity of his capital. As soon as he got home, he sent a note to Blackadder saying "remove your forces from our territory or declare war!".



The only answer coming back was "that's it, goodbye" and finally, war was declared.



Timetable::

1300 Contact with Slann (backward and broke)
1310 we lose our supply of gems because the wood elves destroy the dark elves
1320 chaos & reikland ally vs. sylvania
1360 we make contact with the Nipponese (slightly backward)
1370 contact with Cathay (only one tech behind)
1390 contact with the ungols (primitive)
1440 WAR!