Cows and Capitalism

I don't know if you've heard this before. No disresect to Welsh people BTW.




TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at
the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the
United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are on the barbie.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

Why is everyone obsessed with cows and the economy?

Yeah, someone posted most of those a while back. Still funny though

Especially the anarchy one, which I think Simon has...(waiting expectantly)...

Here are some of the others from a while back

A TALIBAN: You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels.

A REPUBLICAN (Yank): You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The
government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

A SOVIET CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

DESPOTISM - You have two cows. You pop-rush one cow, your herd goes into civil disorder. You move wolves into the city to shut the citizens up.

Good ones!
So is there some kind of obsession on the internet about cows and economy that I don't know of?

DEMOCRATIC SYTSTEM

You have two cows, but you sell one, and the taxes imposed by the government force you to give them your other cow.

REPUBLICAN SYSTEM

Same deal, only taxes are lower, so you only have to give half the cow to the government

THEOCRATIC

You are so grateful to God, that you sacrifice one cow, and because the sacrifice went well, you sacrifice the other.

COMMUNISM

All material belongs to the state, so you never had any cows to begin with.

SOCIALIST

You are unhappy, because the cows could be used to feed the rest of your equal world inhabitants.

STALINIST SYSTEM

Stalin is angry.

BANG!

Cows remaining: 0
Farmers Remaining: 0

Heavens! I am anticipated by pachyderms!

ANARCHY:

You have two cows, you kill both because you don't believe in property, nick your neighbours milk and p1ss on his haystack.

Here's some more:

FEUDALISM:
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. The church takes the rest.

PURE SOCIALISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM:
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.

PURE COMMUNISM:
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need." Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. You have to take care ofthem, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much as you can and sell it on the black market.

PERESTROIKA:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free market."

FASCISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

PURE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRATIC DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

BANKER'S CAPITALISM:
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM:
You have two cows. The government forbids you to milk or kill them.

FEMINISM:
You have two cows. You notice how peaceful the farm is without a bull around.

TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

COUNTER CULTURE:
Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You gotta try some of this milk.

ANARCHY:
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

SURREALISM:
You have two polka-dotted giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Cunobelin Of Hippo:
You have two cows. you kill them both and go look for some Hippos

GenghisK:
You have Two Cows. you leave them both and go look for some hippos just to keep them away from CoH.

Thunderfall:
You have Two Cows. You shut them down in an attempt to upgrade them. You put up a sign saying that the "cows are upgraded". You find out that the cows have eaten too much. You post another sign saying "Cows still down". Everyone moans because they knew this would happen.

Alcibiaties of Athenae:
Moderator Action: I DO NOT OWN COWS AND I WILL BAN KEFKA IF HE SAYS ANYTHING LIKE THIS ABOUT ME AGAIN!
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889

PaleHorse76
You have Two Cows. You Threaten to ban one of them when it replys "moo" to you and you give the other one to Thunderfall.

Kefka:
You have Two Cows. You dont think they are good enough and want Kefka as your Avatar.

Dell19:
You have two Cows. You wonder what they have to do with the economy.

stellar converter:
You only have one Cow but you pretend to have two cows and the first Cow denies being the second cow.


Kefka Action:I extended thunderfalls one per a suggestion by Palehorse76

Originally posted by Kefka
Dell19:
You have two Cows. You wonder what they have to do with the economy.
[/B]

Click to expand...

Actuallyn thats not quite right because I would be wondering why everyone else seems to be obessed with cows and the economy.

Originally posted by Kefka
GenghisK:
You have Two Cows. you leave them both and go look for some hippos just to keep them away from CoH.

Click to expand...

How about :
GenghisK:
You have two cows. They "showed up" on your "farm" and you are just "trying" them out. You allow your friends to "try" out the cows also when they log on, er, come over to your "farm".

Thunderfall:
You have Two Cows. You shut them down in an attempt to upgrade them. You put up a sign saying that the "cows are upgraded". You find out that the cows have eaten too much. You post another sign saying "Cows still down". Everyone moans because they knew this would happen.

Alcibiaties of Athenae:
PaleHorse76:
Kefka:
You have Two Cows. You dont think they are good enough and want Kefka as your Avatar.

Custom avatars rule....

Originally posted by Kefka
stellar converter:

Click to expand...

Reminds me of MOO 2...

Civ 3
You have one cow. You give her food. She reproduces untill you have 6 cows. Then they can no longer drink without help and you have to build an aqueduct. You do so and they reproduce again. When you have 12 cows they need medical care. You build a hospital.
You meet the babylonian king who also grows cows and you're afraid he'll take yours. You build a tank division. He sends his spearman and destroyes your tanks. He agrees to sign a peace agreement in return to the technology that will allow him to build tanks. You agree. Within a 100 years his forces finish their withdrawl.
You build the great library in your country. Then you decide to use the new knowledge source in order to educate your cows and to teach them how to make more milk, but you find out that education made the library useless.
You ask another cow grower what he wants for his territory map. He asks for your territory map + 150L milk but says he'll be exploited by such a deal. You offer him your world map + 200L milk so you won't feel too bad about it. He rejects it.
Then comes a ship and shoots at your farm from a distance of 1000km. All your cows but one are killed. The last cow is imortal. Then the barbarian from across the street comes and kills her.

Skilord Style: You have two cows. They have Silly walks and one of them runs behind the other clapping cocoanut shells together saying something about sparrows.

Protestant Style: God Gave you Two Cows. Why? What is the meaning of it all?

Morman Style: you have two cows, you go get a bull and a few more cows.... poligamy

Catholic Style: You have two cows. You send one to the pope so that he'll pray for you and tithe the milk of thew remaining cow

Evolutionist Style: You have two cows, you are constantly trying to breed them with ur neighbors bull to make their descendants evolce into SuperCows.
hehe Monty Python Rocks

The Cows are hilarious. Good Work!

(i meant no offense to anyone or their religion, please don't take it that way.)

Originally posted by PaleHorse76
How about :
GenghisK:
You have two cows. They "showed up" on your "farm" and you are just "trying" them out. You allow your friends to "try" out the cows also when they log on, er, come over to your "farm".

Thunderfall:
You have Two Cows. You shut them down in an attempt to upgrade them. You put up a sign saying that the "cows are upgraded". You find out that the cows have eaten too much. You post another sign saying "Cows still down". Everyone moans because they knew this would happen.

Alcibiaties of Athenae:
PaleHorse76:
Kefka:
You have Two Cows. You dont think they are good enough and want Kefka as your Avatar.

Custom avatars rule....

Click to expand...

The 's are good right.
I don't know so can you please explain your GenghisK: one to me?
And yes Custom Avatars rule!

Indian:
You have 2 cows, you let them out into the field and when they are stolen, you go out and kill your neighbour for having been part of the same community as the robber and blame the government for lax security


Pakistani:
You have two cows, you write "AMERICAN" on one and kiss its ass for milk and write "INDIAN" on the other, eat it and then complain there is no milk from it.


Indian National Congress Party:
You have three cows, one defects and forms a party of its own. THe best producing cow is sold, and you keep the dying one and blame the other parties for your loss.



Indian Software company:
You have two cows. You milk both of them dry and then teach them to write software

philippes style:you have 2 cows.
your neighbour has 3 cows.
you kill your neighbour kill your cows and then kill yourself
diablo2style: you have 2 cows.you take a sword and you slaughter them
taliban style:the taliban fly a plane into the cows. you are angry and you bomb every bit of afghanistan
bush jr style:bush jr nukes the cows and he gived you the american flag

this is a very funny thread

you have two cows take them out into the middle of a city then luanch an ICBM tagetted rght on the cows.