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Reasonably rude but NO worse than some of the other jokes. A parish gets a new vicar. The Vicar eager to impress his boss decides to try and smarten up the vicarage. He planted flowers and cut the grass and thought, i know, i'll call a window cleaner, good grief they could do with a good...

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine. A backward poet writes inverse. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijonvu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. A man needs a...

What GCSE results did people get? I got A* Business A Food B French A* History A Maths A English Lit A* English Lan A* Religious Studies C,C Science I was quite pleased cos i was predicted 2 A*s and got 4. Earned quite alot of money as well from my results which is a bonus. Can't...

Anyone like to talk snooker or planning on buying the World Championship Snooker for the PC. My fave player was Steve Davis and is now Stephen Hendry or Rocket Ronnie. Anyone else like snooker or got the new version of WCS 2003 for the XBOX or PS2?

Why are so many American troops being kiled in Iraq compared with so few British troops. It is a myth in this country that though the US has the most powerful military in the world their soldiers are rather trigger happy. I know there are more American troops than British troops in Iraq but...

Who'll be the first Managerial casualty in the Premiership this season? I think it'll be Ranieri as i doubt the chairman will give the players the time they need to gel. He'll be calling for Sven-Goran before Christmas!

anyone else think that the new Champ Man is absolutely shocking! I much prefer the previous versions. Everything about the new game is awful and i find myself playing on the previous version than the latest one. Sorry one of my favourite games ever is now rubbish i hope the enxt one is a huge...

I would like it if civilians could kill one of your garrison when you take over a city. Say you have 5 Mech Infantry in a city with 10 people rebelling it would be good if there was a 10% chance that a unit of yours could be killed. How about countries being able to create terrorists of fund...

We should be able to help allies at war with an opponent by giving them the location of troops etc.... This as well as being able to trade units would make allies really beneficial- maybe you could plan your attacks with an opponent e.g lets invade Russia in ten turns etc...

Could citizens in neighbouring countries attempt to join your civ and vice-versa and join the populations. I feel an economy needs to play a bigger role in the game. Someone mentioned tourism i think thats a great idea with wealth moving from country to country. I would also like it if we could...

Should Joan of Arc still be leader of France In Conquests

Replace J O A as leader of France and replace her with Napoleon or someone else

go to the editor and change it to 1. This really speeds up the game and doesn't give you an unfair advantage- it benefits everybody. I always do it because with 2 food per person it takes ages. Oh and if you love cheating go to the units and go to a explorer or other unit that isn't "vital" to...

Allow the UN to declare war on a nation attempting to develop WMDs by providing evidence from spies to declare war with other countries without taking a rep hit. I would also like it if the UN could control cities, i often capture ****ty cities and destroy them as i can't defend them or maintain...

Why was Stalin not chosen as the leader of Russia surely he made the biggest difference to the nation. When he assumed dictatorial powers the country was backward and weak after it was a world superpower who had defeated Germany and had a nuclear capability despite his purges!

It would be good to be able to build airbases or naval bases in foreign countries like the US does. This would make the game more challenging and allow you to "take on" an opponent on other countries soil. I think making different propositions to civs would also be better e.g offering a country...

Can we have different choices of leaders for each country like for a WW2 scenario we could have Stalin, Hitler and Churchill and for a modern day one we could have Bush, Blair and Putin because it gets annoying in PTW scenario with the same leaderheads. It is the same for advisors could they...

Being ble to get UN backing for a war e.g trying to build weapons of mass destruction or links to terrorist organisations. If you have a spy you can prove it and ask other nations to declare war in stopping the proliferation of WMDs. Signing agreements on pollution or trade embargoes with the...

Each civilization having a currency that changes in value throughout the game or being able to join the Euro. In the stock exchange nations can invest their wealth and they too can crash or fall due to world events e.g war

>more raw materials like zinc and copper to increase the realism and trade activity. >More military units that are available to specific civilizations e.g suicide bombers, kamikaze aircraft. >leaderheads that could be modified or for each nation we could have a choice of leaders to choose...