TerraNES: The Civil Experiment

Minigame 7:

How many Armoricans does it take to light a lamp?
All of them; one to hold the lamp, one to hold the flame, and the others to die.

So a Dumonan man walks into a drinking hall. The tapman asks "Why the long face?" Then stabs him to death and laughs.

A Vahlshallahn man walks into the forest one day and finds several druids bathing in a pool. He rolls his eyes and sets fire to the woods.

Did you hear the one about the Druids winning a war? Neither did I!

How many Frenks does it take to win a war? Three. One to pay the enemy off, one to pay his army off, and one to pay for the other two to be assassinated.

So a Buggerite is found one day fornicating in the field with his horse. "This is astonishing!" said no person ever.

A wary traveler walks into a Ostavan settlement one day and proceeds to order a bowl of soup. While there, he sees a lone Armorican enter the town and change the flag flapping over the city. "Why is he doing that?" he asks the shop owner. "Oh don't worry," says the shopkeeper. "We've just been annexed again. This happens every week or so."

So a Druid, a man of the Faith, and a non theist walk into a beer hall. The Faithful man turns out to be a member of the Red Faith and starts munching on the teufela leaf. "Doesn't that cause sores on your body?" queries the Druid. "Eh," says the Red Faith man, "you get used to it after a while. Besides, who wants skin anyhow?"

An Armorican curraugh sails into a Ostavan harbor and it's captain disembarks. He begins to unload his cargo for sale. The master of the Ostavan harbor walks up to him and says "So where do you want me to put your flag, master?"

A Vahlshallahn grandmother tells her tale of the Dragon Horde members, of how they eat the flesh of children in the night when they are naught and do not listen to their families, because the Dragon Horde is a Faithless monstrosity. A passing Dragon Horde man responds "We only eat babies, wench!"

"Heard a good joke about Egypt?"
"No"
"Didn't think so."


"Head about the Kushiite who lived?"
"No"
"Didn't think so."

"Heard about the empire that was bigger than Egypt?"
"No"
"Didn't think so."

"Heard about how Axume won a war?"
"No"
"Didn't think so."


In Egypt there is a common saying that goes like "Like an Axumite Trade Center". It is usually spoken about a place that no one cares about and no one wants to be in. Cynicism is big in the United Egyptian Empire

Another common saying is "Loved like an Anorian" and it has a secondary saying "Trusted like an Anorian".


ooc: You kind of removed my capital of THEBES from the map and made it a small town. What gives?

Southern Aramyans are alternatively effete and fanatical, in degrees that become more and more pronounced the further south you get. Prone to excess and fond of luxury, they are capable of making rather dramatic shifts between this, and unbridled religious fanaticism. Of course, this fanaticism to the lesser gods of the Heavenly Pantheon is roughly equivalent to the fanaticism of the Hyakkids towards Takarzi, but, you know, Takarzi is the king of the gods, and master of the Throne of Heaven, so our fanaticism makes sense. Thus, Hyakkid jokes at the expense of Aramyans consist of your usual array of jabs implying that they possess an inappropriate or reversed of gender roles. Other humour revolves around the implication that Aramyans are touchy, overly defensive, and have inferiority complexes as a result of the repeated defeats of their armies and deities.

Wait, that was the King of Viria?

Yes it was, my general.

Well, that throws last night's escapades into an altogether different context.

Aramyans of Shamammu are, contrastingly, seen as spartan and fanatical, though lacking in common sense. However, they still appear to have the same ludicrously overinflated pride as that held by their southern bretheren. These folk are seen as willing to seek duels to the death over petty disputes, often displaying an utter lack of self-presevation. This is looked on with a mixture of admiration and ridicule.

I am afraid that I lack the currency to give you change for that bread.

My descendants shall fight you to the very ends of the earth.

Doussans are subject to many of the standard Aramyan stereotypes, but in them, the strongest stereotypes are relating to their mercantile behaviour. Some waggish observers will note that the Aramyans of the south have great culture, and the Aramyans of Shamammu have great spirit, and the Aramyans of Doussa are what's left.

A Doussan traveler was laughing as his ship sank ever deeper into the Fallen Sea.

Why do you laugh? Asked a sailor, desperately bailing water out of the vessel.

Because I did not purchase return passage!

Boukaens are of a markedly different culture than much of the region. Perhaps most notably, this comes up in matters of family structure, food restrictions, and politeness. As such, the Boukaens have earned a not entirely fair reputation for being strict and officious, taking poorly to humour. The Boukaen accent is often the butt of Hyakkid jokes, who find their mispronunciations, malaproprisms and word substitutions to be unintentionally hilarious.

You cannot eat the fish until you have made a sacrificial offer in the waters of the Euphrates.

Do not fear, for this time I have remembered to offer the correct sacrifice.

To the correct gods?

Yes, to the correct gods.

With the correct amount of offal?

Yes, with the correct amount of offal.

With the correct knife?

Yes, with this very knife.

...

What have I done wrong?

You have used the goat, not the fish knife.

Ah...

No matter, today we shall eat goat. Did you conduct the proper sacrifice in the pastures of the river valley?

Medes are seen as wild, virile and warlike. In many ways they are viewed much like primeval Hyakkids, or like the half-brother of Hyak, raised by wild animals. This tends to lead to jokes of bestiality and unintelligence, usually teasing in the form of puns and wordplay that might be missed by those less well-versed in the Hyakkid Language.

How do the Medean Charioteers motivate their steeds to run so swiftly towards their enemies?

They are not running towards their enemies- they are fleeing the men behind them.

Hurrians are combative and self-destructively murderous. Humour tends to poke fun at Hurrians reacting with ludicrously over the top violence, or coming up with the most bloody possible solution to a simple problems.

A Hurrian trade caravan's lead cart got a wheel stuck in mud last week. There were no survivors.

Katanics are outsiders, often given a broad variety of bizarre traits, particularly pyromania. While generally seen as respected rivals, Katan is also seen as too ambitious for its own good. It is sometimes joked that so great is the destructive prowess of Katan, that by the time they conquer anything, it has been rendered worthless.

The Prince of Katan has launched a new war, it seems.

Oh? And for what purpose?

To pay for the last war.

Egyptians are seen as a more 'Aramyan'- that is to say, civilized- type of outsider than Katan. Egypt is seen as a grand and mighty empire that is plagued with inefficiency, obscure rituals and monumentalism to a ludicrous degree. The Egyptian state is seen as a horrifying, self-defeating mass of bureaucracy, while individual Egyptians are either deluded elites who are thoroughly out of touch with reality, fatalist peasants who serve as wry, but helpless observers of their unenviable situation.

It seems that there is an ongoing turf war between the vizier responsible for flattening the land in preparation for the construction of the Pharaoh's tomb, and the vizier responsible for quarrying stone for the very same tomb.

What has the result been?

So far, a perfectly flat strip of desert filled with perfectly cubed blocks.

Hyakkids are seen by themselves as combative, proud and pragmatic. Charges of arrogance and bloodthirstiness are often leveled at them by their neighbours, usually coupled with mentions of Hyak's entirely unhealthy fascination with blood, weapon fetishism, and their bloody-handed god Takarzi. Referring to Hyak as fundamentally mercenary and unnatural (having no claim of divine descent, just divine approval) is particularly popular amongst Aramyans, most of whom are convinced that Hyak is just a historical aberration that is bound to come to an end soon enough. Other cultures will mock Hyak's own gender norms, which are quite tolerant of situational homosexuality between soldiers, who may spend years away from women while on campaign, and their wives at home who may be similarly isolated.

You Hyakkid barbarians will never take our city!

Would this sack full of human skulls convince you otherwise?

That doesn't scare us!

Funny, that's exactly what the last guy I added to the sack said.

Lol nice Tycho. Some of those made me chuckle, especially the Ostavan ones because they are true. We conquered Ostava all the way up to the Beurtgang border.

Gem Hound said:

Lol nice Tycho. Some of those made me chuckle, especially the Ostavan ones because they are true. We conquered Ostava all the way up to the Beurtgang border.

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Well thank you.

http://forums.civfanatics.com/showpost.php?p=11577783&postcount=2343

I am disappoint Terrance. I demand a redo for Minigame 5. Unless you don't feel like it.

Lord_Iggy said:

I am afraid that I lack the currency to give you change for that bread.

My descendants shall fight you to the very ends of the earth.

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Lokki242 said:

http://forums.civfanatics.com/showpost.php?p=11577783&postcount=2343

I am disappoint Terrance. I demand a redo for Minigame 5. Unless you don't feel like it.

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Wow, that is certainly the crazist, strangest, addition to your (former) culture yet.

I don't feel satisfied with making your trade more likely for some reason, so I'll just make it so that your neighbor's trade is less likely.

EDIT: Awesome minigaming!

Due to other commitments and my failure to get in orders so far, orders, minigame 7 and final RP for the Jin horde should all be coming around this time tomorrow.

My minigame 6 should hopefully come tomorrow.

The people of Ildaris are more interested in the Faith and in making their nation powerful than in jokes. In fact, they despise most petty forms of humor, and have created "anti-jokes" against it.

"A druid and a member of the Faith walk into a bar. Upon realizing who they are to each other, they begin a violent conflict that ends with them both bloodstained and fatally wounded, in a such a way that neither one could ever come away victorious."

"A Oledo man went to an Ildarian market. He was quickly apprehended for his heathen ways, and thrown in a dungeon. Upon refusing conversion, he was executed."

"Why did the Leonite cross the sea? To begin creating a vast empire, you dolt."

"A Faithful and a Druidic merchant are talking about their homelands. After conversing about the horrors of war, they realize how terrible their lives are and decide to stay in Ildaris."

"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "A Keltic soldier of the (Faith/Druidic faith). I have come to brutally massacre you because of your beliefs." At this, the soldier kicks in the door and kills everyone inside, before burning the building down.

Stereotypes

Everyone Still in Keltia-Psychotic murderers who are going to destroy each other's lands to such an extent, that neither side could truly claim victory. They are stubborn for their refusal to come to Paradise, and appear to have a fetish for cold weather.

Leonites-Imperialistic snobs who think they are the greatest thing since bread. They have greasy black facial hair that they twirl while discussing their plans to dominate all of the known world.

Oledan Tribesmen Stupid, ugly, inbred, faithless, unsanitary, overweight, greasy, foolish, violent ape-men. A Ildarian proverb says, "If you give a man from Oledo one wish; he will wish to live in a slightly larger hut," in reference to their waste of Paradise.

Yueh said:

And how can we be sure you won't break the deal?

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The Realms and the Laws that hold this world together have little patience for liars and tyrants. Those twin forces will bind us to our word, chieftains.

Gao said:

Thank you. How much do you wish to invest this year into the discovery of new knowledge. (law of diminishing returns is in play)

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The Treasury is willing to disburse a bursary worth 4,000,000 in converted copper or other in-kind cash (4 ep).

Terrance888 said:

MINIGAME 6 IS NOW ACTIVE

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Terrance888 said:

You are supposed to do that anyway, although I might bring it back later. NEVERTHELESS, I found the perfect thing for Minigame 7.

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OOC: I just figured out right now what the hell was going on with this "minigame" stuff. I'll do 6 and 7 (and maybe 5 for the hell of it) tomorrow.

Council of Heaven, the Three Gods of Suguda

The three principal gods of the first Asmaran civilization are unique in the history of religion for circumventing the fields of war, fertility and rivers, beginning instead with engineering, medicine and mathematics. To understand the council of heaven, the three gods, we should begin with the geography of Suguda.

Numerous migratory peoples had crossed the lands of ancient Suguda. Most did not reside for long, but their beliefs, skills and inventories left impressions which parented the infant land. From as far away as the Doussan trade ports and their trading partners, the Hyak and former Aramyan artisan and agrarian cradle, and the counter-migrations towards and back from both the lands beyond the Toxri basin and south to Dakinsan civilization - this eclectic migration and early trade network is the root of the seemingly sudden development of gods and bronze working in the area.

The region, whether it be the ancient plague, which brought down other civilizations, or the raider Turans or other turbulent warriors against civilization, matured before ever growing a city of standard size, or instituting any formal state. Only with the advent of effective bronze defensive weapons and trained horsemen offensively could any state emerge, and this is the probable code of the mythical Joc, who’s closer relations to horsemen is more likely the explanation of his power than his contacts with the council of heaven.

So we realize, rather than maturing quicker than other regions, the maturation date for religion, and the formation of the first state, are closer together only because they coincide in their mutual assistance in protecting civilization and justice with the use of construction and smithing.

Understanding this beginning allows us to realize the importance of engineering, medicine and mathematics to the ancient Sugudans. Strong walls in defence against raiders, and to protect against overhauling ethnic changes by migrations in larger number than the habitual residents were vital to stability. The necessary medium of such construction and protection, mathematics, would be decisive in defining which state would proceed to maintain justice in the region - and the occupation of protecting the weak and the ill from the recurrent plagues and various other diseases so many traders, travellers and migrates brought to this crossroads region would guarantee a cult of medicine.

Whether it be chance or tired trial and error after so many recurrent onslaughts of disease, a tradition of effective medical advice grew, and its purveyors were the bulk of the clergy. Ancient Sugudans believed the god of medicine, Rud, gave their sacred knowledge to the mythical Joc, who then taught his first disciples, who became the first medicine-clergy of Suguda. The position was natural to double as an extension of the priests before the legend of Joc, and medical science became an integral part of the rituals and religious practices. Healing battle wounds, minimizing the transmission of disease with sewage systems and street cleaning services came from government and priest cooperation, leading to rapid initial population growth in the city of Balkh.

This formed the first pillar, the medicine elite, the priests, the herbalists, the medical arts, which were canonized and espoused in the rituals of Rud. The two other pillars, engineering and mathematics, were also highly academic, and this compounded the overlap between academia and religion which persisted in Sugudan society.

Byan was the god of engineering. He understood the science of construction, of wall building, of irrigation and the practical applications which mathematics allowed. He embodied the physical realm, and Rud the organic. While engineers were not frequently priests themselves, the overlap of academia and religion was immense.

The engineers did rely heavily upon the mathematicians, who were the chaste followers of the council of heaven’s inner principles. They represented the non-physical, the invisible forces of the universe, the laws which caused the winds and rivers to move, the celestial bodies to operate, and the very explanation of the universe’s existence. This most celestial deity, though no higher in power or importance than the other two, but of great theological significance to the ancient Sugudans, was named Kospa. Mathematics, which was the basis of commerce and proper engineering, stood squarely in the priestly domain; and the dynamism of the trinity of gods, which altogether with the lower deities, is referred to as the Sabha - the council - or Sabhaism, is the source of a flourishing academic record for the region’s early era.

The lay Sugudan likely only concerned himself with the first god, Rud, and merely respected the awesome powers of the other two, Byan and Kospa, through their inclusion in community rituals. Literature existed in the regions between; with such practical gods, the regular infighting and emotions which generated ancient stories had to develop from the numerous lower deities and demigods. The ancient Sugudans did not pretend their three main gods were the only gods, or necessarily the most powerful of all, just that they were their gods, and Sugudans had the right to claim prowess in the fields of engineering, mathematics and medicine. Both the scholarly and lay Sabhaist would consider any other peoples who had successfully built anything to have either borrowed Sugudan granted knowledge, or to have only bungled into the ideas of construction, number systems, healing, et cetera.

Sabhaism comfortably allowed gods and goddesses of fertility, war, nomads, famine, and so forth, but held those gods as cults, and the Sabha as the true religion of any respectable Sugudan.

Leonites-Imperialistic snobs who think they are the greatest thing since bread. They have greasy black facial hair that they twirl while discussing their plans to dominate all of the known world.

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But we ARE the greatest thing since bread!

hmmm, the knights of the Codex UU is not listed.

LESS THAN 40 HOURS LEFT FOR ORDERS

I will make a mandatory -1 Confidence for missed orders. I would like excuses, NPC orders, and anything else before the dead line is here.

If you are in the Story War, send orders as normal, your adjusted stats are here and will be added onto the OP.

I will add the Knights UU TerrisH.

[/SPOILER]

Trade was still a major defining factor in Axumite culture, though after the Nile War, the new government began considering ways to diversify the economy, in practice, trade and commerce still defined much of Axum. Some historians would argue that this continued emphasis on trade was almost escapist, trying to hide the fact that Axum had been defeated and needed a new system. Others would claim that it was proof of the resillience of a comericalized nation. In any case, trading resource maps would continue to be issued as before, though in lesser numbers. The bellow is an example of such a map, with many resources marked on it. The coin symbol marks tolled canals (or in the case of the Suez peninsula, where no canal existed at the time, a tolled land chokepoint) while gold stacks mark major trading centers. Despite this apparent renewal of the trade map and other commercial attributes, the lower sales of these documents marked a shift in Axumite thought, with many now trusting the localized economy more than global trade. Nontheless, this shift would not yet be reflected in government policy, which focused on reestablishing old Axumite contacts, knowing that this would boost the Axumite economic system and seeing that Axum now had access to the Monoreme, giving hope that a second naval embarrasment could be prevented .

Hyak evidently has no trading goods.

What about wheat, sheep and a trade center? Come to think of it there should also have been iron, but too late to fix that.

Edit: Ok, yes they are technically in Southern Aramya, but those are Hyakkid vassals and besides, the goods are labeled where they are exported from, instead of where they originate.

Edit 2: And cows and pigs...