America: Write Your Own History

Royal Tenenbaum said:

Progressive Majority in the House.

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Fair enough I guess.

Joseph Stalin Dies!
The Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin was found dead at his personal residence of unknown causes today at the age of 74. The Soviet propaganda arm Pravda stated his death was due to stroke, although the circumstances are unconfirmed. Unconfirmed reports have said that this was, in fact, an assassination. (Please turn to page A-4 for complete obituary)

Downed Plane Found
Outside the Soviet city of Kazan, the wreckage of a B-29 bomber was found largely intact, revealing a cargo of a five kiloton nuclear device. Soviet officials have yet to shed any light on the plane's pilot, beside the fact the plane was shot down over five years ago. (Please turn to page A-11)

Section B

Man escapes Soviet Border Crossing
Early this morning, an elderly individual was spotting fleeing across the Soviet border. Many speculate this man was actually a dissident of the Soviet state. (Please turn to page B-7)

RRRR! This newspaper doesn't work! I try to turn the page and it only leaves fingerprints on my computerscreen!

If you download it as a jpg it should work fine. Just flip gently also, that's quite an undramatic death for Stalin. I like it


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CaterpillarKing said:

If you download it as a jpg it should work fine. Just flip gently also, that's quite an undramatic death for Stalin. I like it


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Bonus points if you can connect the dots.

Moai's assasination attempt. It was his plane that was near Kazan. It was his in-story avatar that was running across the border.

DKVM said:

Moai's assasination attempt. It was his plane that was near Kazan. It was his in-story avatar that was running across the border.

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Congratulations! You win the Whacked Dictator Cookie. I wouldn't recommend you eat it, though, because it may have arsenic, cadmium, ricin, anthrax, and Ebola in it.

How do you or anyone mistake a stroke for an ice pick to the head??


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Grifguz said:

Joseph Stalin Dies!
The Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin was found dead at his personal residence of unknown causes today at the age of 74. The Soviet propaganda arm Pravda stated his death was due to stroke, although the circumstances are unconfirmed. Unconfirmed reports have said that this was, in fact, an assassination. (Please turn to page A-4 for complete obituary)

Downed Plane Found
Outside the Soviet city of Kazan, the wreckage of a B-17 bomber was found largely intact, revealing a cargo of a five kiloton nuclear device. Soviet officials have yet to shed any light on the plane's pilot, beside the fact the plane was shot down over five years ago. (Please turn to page A-11)

Section B

Man escapes Soviet Border Crossing
Early this morning, an elderly individual was spotting fleeing across the Soviet border. Many speculate this man was actually a dissident of the Soviet state. (Please turn to page B-7)

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guess i have to make a newspaper too now on what happened to moai

============================
Moai's Death Announced to public

Early this morning, Comrade Luna announced to the proletariat that Montezuma Moai, died last night, cause of death unknown. He had returned to the 4th International 3 day earlier, to a crowd of excited Trotskyists, proud that one of their leaders had returned as well as killed a life long enemy of Trotsky. "It was just like topping ole Bismarck" Moai is reported to have said to Luna. His death came as a shock to world, as footage from the 4th International have shown him looking healthy as ever during the 2 day long party. Opposition claims Luna killed him off to consolidate her power, but a sobbing Luna claims that he died "From being too god damn old".
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Can the 4 heisters who recently toppled the Benevolent bank secretly be working for the 4th International? Find this myth debunked over on page 4


(can anyone guess the reference at the end )

What is that Payday??


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CaterpillarKing said:

What is that Payday??


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payday 2 to be precise

I wrote a sort of funny story of one Americans experience during the inquisition. While nowhere near as stood as one of RT stories or Atlantics, I hope you guys still like it.

Knock, knock, knock. John felt a cold chill down his back at the sound.
"Who is it?" He said, knowing very well that it was the inquisition.
"I am minister Frollo of the glorious inquisition. I notice that you have locked your doors. The faithful have nothing to fear from the world for their protector is God and there is no greater protector than him."
When John saw Frollo, he imagined hearing ominous Latin music as a tortured Catholic lamented on how he can't get some. Then to seal the deal, from some alternate dimension, John received memories of a fanfic tigon in which Frollo named his male member, petite Lolo. He nearly snorted but then his self preservation instincts kicked in.
"It is better to be safe than sorry. There are vicious Protestants about and God helps them who help themselves."
"Yes, speaking of God, the local church has noted your absence in prayer. Is there any particular reason for this?"
John felt a very bad feeling in his gut. What excuse could he make for himself? A weak excuse would be torn apart by this guy. Well, John thought resignedly, when all else fails, groveling would work.
"I'm sorry, but I have a confession to make. I am a former Protestant. I converted seeing the superiority of Catholicism. However I feel ashamed to go amongst my brothers and sisters in faith. How can a wretch such as I mingle amongst other purer practitioners of my faith."
With that John felt the last shred of his dignity die. He simply gritted his teeth and reminded himself that he had survived Browder, he could survive this. Besides how could he take anyone who hired such incompetent guards seriously, the thought came unbidden to John's mind, a crossover from another reality. John mulled over it, confused by its presence, before accepting it and moving on.
Frollo's face softened, an oxymoron if John ever heard one, and said, "That is understandable to feel one' sown worthlessness, but remember, God loves his children and to not come to church would be to betray that love. I will accept your absence this time, but I expect to see you in church from now on."
Frollo marched outside his cape swishing as if it had a mind of its own. John breathed a sigh of relief, wondering how much he'd have to sacrifice before this nightmare was over.

I was thinking John is a weird name for a Mexican but I remembered they own part of America. That was good! I liked it!


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I've been told it will be alright. I've been told we will survive. 'Jospeph, we survived Browder.' The difference between Browder and these Mexicans though is that he had all of America to "purify" while these bastards only have a few states because the rest of Mexico has been Catholic for centuries. My parents said we would survive, my parents said we would live to see the day we are once again Texans. The thing is, they wouldn't. It was late one night, probably around ten, I had gotten into a huge fight with my mom over god knows what. It's funny, I don't remember what we fought over, but I remember my last three words to her. 'Go to Hell.' I left and slammed the door behind me. I walked to the local Catholic Church, not to pray oh god no, but to sit behind it. I ended up falling asleep and a priest woke me up. I remember his words clearly "it is alright my son, whatever sins your parents committed have been cleansed." I had literally just woken up so I had no idea what he was talking about it. Then it sank in. I scrambled to get up. Like a bat out of hell I raced home and I could swear, I heard the priest laughing behind me. Millions of thoughts sped through my mind as my eyes welled up. How had they found us? We were Protestant yes but we went to Catholic church. We had been imprinted on our minds early on that nothing but pure devotion would be allowed. We were extremely careful, we got baptized, we hung crosses everywhere, and we got rid of anything that said "Calvin" on it.. I made it around the corner when I saw it. The smoke plumed into the air in a certain, vicious elegance. In the front were old Catholic men saying prayers as they waved a cross over my burning house. I knew my parents were inside. I ran to get to the door but the one old man tripped me. Not long after, the weakened structure broke and the house collapsed on itself. I screamed in despair as the men looked to the heavens as they finished their hymn. I looked at them, my face stinging with tears, the oldest of the three priests looked at me, smiled with his crooked teeth and said 'You're soon to be our newest Catholic member.' I was not that big nor was I all that strong, but right then I felt the surging power of a thousand bulls. I stood up off the ground and looked the man straight in the eye and spoke the words 'see you in hell' and I stabbed him with a piece of broken metal. He immediately crumpled into a mass and his friends tried to grab me but elderly people don't have the most strength or agility. I ran away. I ran and never looked back. I write this letter to you as my last testament. They are about to take me. Please Mr. President, help us, end our suffering. They are about to take me and I don't know if I will survive. Don't let this live on, help us. Dear god help us.
-Joseph Madison Merlock, age 18

Moai_Spammer said:

guess i have to make a newspaper too now on what happened to moai

============================
Moai's Death Announced to public

Early this morning, Comrade Luna announced to the proletariat that Montezuma Moai, died last night, cause of death unknown. He had returned to the 4th International 3 day earlier, to a crowd of excited Trotskyists, proud that one of their leaders had returned as well as killed a life long enemy of Trotsky. "It was just like topping ole Bismarck" Moai is reported to have said to Luna. His death came as a shock to world, as footage from the 4th International have shown him looking healthy as ever during the 2 day long party. Opposition claims Luna killed him off to consolidate her power, but a sobbing Luna claims that he died "From being too god damn old".
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Can the 4 heisters who recently toppled the Benevolent bank secretly be working for the 4th International? Find this myth debunked over on page 4


(can anyone guess the reference at the end )

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Jeez, Michael Linz is the last to survive, still odd considering he's 81 now. I'll kill him off soon.

Luna seems mighty ambitious, we need to write a story in the new America soon

Royal Tenenbaum said:

House of Representatives Decides Election

Becoming the closest election in American history, the House of Representatives had to step in to use (for the first time in American history) their power to give disputed electoral votes. Hallinan, with 8 votes, did not have the majority against the 7 votes of Eisenhower and 2 votes of Harriman. Unresolved, Hallinan called upon the House to end the controversy. The three disputed states were Florida, Louisiana, and South Carolina, which consisted of 20 contested electoral votes (With Eisenhower and Hallinan only a dozen apart).

An informal deal, known as the Compromise of 1952, was quickly struck, which awarded all 20 contested electoral votes (1 real from Eisenhower to Hallinan) to Hallinan. In return for the Republicans' acquiescence in Hallinan's election, Hallinan stated he would not pursue the legalization of prostitution, and would increase espionage funding similar to Eisenhower's plan.

Hallinan Gives Victory Speech

After the House of Representatives struck a compromise, Hallinan celebrated his victory by giving a speech in his resident town of Point Place, Wisconsin (as his hometown in California is under Mexican occupation).

Ballot:
Progressive Party 9 (After +1) (52.9%)
• Hallinan 9

Republican Party 6 (After -1)
• Eisenhower 6

Democratic Party 2
• Harriman 2

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Oh come on!Why Hallinan why?why did you make compromise?

Hallinan hasn't even done anything yet how can he break the compromise?

jackelgull said:

Hallinan hasn't even done anything yet how can he break the compromise?

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Sorry meant why did you make a compromise.

Grifguz said:

Joseph Stalin Dies!
The Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin was found dead at his personal residence of unknown causes today at the age of 74. The Soviet propaganda arm Pravda stated his death was due to stroke, although the circumstances are unconfirmed. Unconfirmed reports have said that this was, in fact, an assassination. (Please turn to page A-4 for complete obituary)

Downed Plane Found
Outside the Soviet city of Kazan, the wreckage of a B-17 bomber was found largely intact, revealing a cargo of a five kiloton nuclear device. Soviet officials have yet to shed any light on the plane's pilot, beside the fact the plane was shot down over five years ago. (Please turn to page A-11)

Section B

Man escapes Soviet Border Crossing
Early this morning, an elderly individual was spotting fleeing across the Soviet border. Many speculate this man was actually a dissident of the Soviet state. (Please turn to page B-7)

Click to expand...

Ok this is a bit nitpicky but a B-17 could never carry a nuclear bomb. Hell the B-29's could barely carry them.

Lord Bigfoot said:

Ok this is a bit nitpicky but a B-17 could never carry a nuclear bomb. Hell the B-29's could barely carry them.

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I changed it.