Mass Effect [Game Thread - Concluded]

Yaropolk: Mmmm roast meat with potatoes - give me. You don't need it anyway. You're skinny! I've got to maintain my healthy weight!

Hmmm, Yaropolk, you can't give me orders if your rank isn't higher than mine. But you can always pay an economical rate for some roast meat with potatoes.

Deadline passed, update coming.

Commander Shepard: "There it is, I can see it... the Prothean beacon. Only a few more miles to go."

Yaropolk: "Mmm... bacon."

Commander Shepard: "Who are you? How the hell did you become a marine? You weigh at least three hundred pounds are your neckbeard is covered in Cheeto dust."

Askthepizzaguy: "Woah, hold on a minute there. By conversing with Yaropolk, are you inadvertently confirming that he's not Commander Shepard? Call me old-fashioned, but I'd prefer that such details are not revealed in the updates."

Commander Shepard: "Of course not. For all you, or anyone else, knows, you or Yaropolk (or anyone else I talk to) is simply a physical manifestation of my inner thoughts. Nothing is being confirmed."

Askthepizzaguy: "That doesn't really make any sense, but I'll accept it. Sir."

Commander Shepard: "Thank you. Moving on- "

Shepard was interrupted by the startled gasp from several Marines further up. Annoyed and curious, the commander made his way towards the commotion.

Commander Shepard: "What's the ruckus?"

Suddenly, a man darted out from behind some crates to the side.

Man: "I saw what happened!"

Shepard barely heard him. He was too focused on the dead body on the ground in front of him - Nihlus, the Turian Spectre Shepard's team was supposed to rendezvous with.

Commander Shepard: "Nihlus! I barely knew you!"

Man: "Uh... it'll all be okay."

Commander Shepard: "No, really. I barely knew him."

Man: "Ah. A tragedy in itself."

Commander Shepard: "Yes, yes. You were about to tell us what happened?"

Man: "Oh, right. Well, he was shot by a Turian Spectre."

Commander Shepard: "Oh God. Suicide. Tragic indeed."

Man: "Er, no. He was shot by another Turian Spectre. No suicide."

Commander Shepard: "Oh. Well, did you catch his shooter's name?"

Man: "Yes. Right before he shot the other Turian, he said 'My name is Saren Arterius, and I am a Turian Spectre.' He then stated his social security number and the password to his e-mail."

Commander Shepard: "I see. Would you be willing to testify to that in court?"

Man: "Um, no. Gotta go!"

Commander Shepard: "Wait! Wait!"

Shepard scratched his head at the man's inexplicable exit, shrugged, and moved on towards the beacon.

~~~~~~

Commander Shepard: "Finally, we made it. TaliZorah, it looks like you've been assigned the task of investigating the beacon."

TaliZorah nodded, then stepped towards the beacon. He (she?) started to tremble, then fainted. Then the beacon exploded into fragments.

Commander Shepard: "****."


TaliZorah is temporarily out of the game. They cannot post, vote, or perform night actions until further notice.



TALLY:

Dammit john, you had ONE job.

Shepard scratched his head at the man's inexplicable exit, shrugged, and moved on towards the beacon.

Click to expand...

What john? jht isn't playing.

Tali is clearly john.

Is not.

'epsecially', ociffer? Hic, I'm pretty and sure that I must have partaken of that space-vodka proferred by Comrade Yaropolk.

Deadline passed, update coming.

Joker: "Good morning, Commander. How many dead bodies did you have to step over to get to the cockpit?"

Commander Shepard: "Two. Take us to the Citadel, Joker."

Joker: "Right away, Com- ... wait, there are dead people on the Normandy?"

Commander Shepard: "Only two!"

Joker: "Who the hell is it, Shepard? Jesus, man!"

Commander Shepard: "Just a couple of marines. They were dead weight, anyways."

Joker: "They're even deader weight now."


~~~~~~~


Turian Councilor: "What brings three angry humans to the Council today?"

Salarian Councilor: "I don't think that's the proper opening to that joke."

Captain Anderson: "Myself, Ambassador Udina, and Commander Shepard are here to denounce a traitorous Spectre."

Asari Councilor: "Who is the Spectre?"

Captain Anderson: "Saren Arterius."

Turian Councilor: "This can't be! Saren has served as the ideal Spectre for a very long time. What evidence do you have?"

Captain Anderson: "An eyewitness."

Salarian Councilor: "Very well, let them speak."

Captain Anderson: "Well, he's not here. He ran away."

Turian Councilor: "I see. What crime did Saren supposedly commit?"

Ambassador Udina: "He murdered a fellow Turian Spectre, Nihlus, in cold blood."

Turian Councilor: "You didn't send a forensics team to the body? You let an eyewitness vanish into thin air? Stop wasting our time, and only come back if you actually find any evidence."

Commander Shepard: "Wait! He killed two people on the Normandy!"

Asari Councilor: "Do you have any evidence, Commander?"

Commander Shepard: "It's simple. Saren is a villain. Villains kill people. Ergo, Saren killed two marines on my ship."

Turian Councilor: "Get out of here!"


~~~~~~~~~~


Ambassador Udina: "Shepard, I have some sources that could provide us with valuable information to help us expose Saren. You should go talk to Harkin. He's a C-Sec officer, you can find him in a bar somewhere."

Captain Anderson: "No! Harkin is a drunken disgrace to humanity. Talk to Barla Von, he's a Volus in the financial sector. Much more respectable and reliable."

Commander Shepard: "Uh... I'll think about it."

Captain Anderson: "Oh, one more thing. Shepard, you mentioned a couple marines died?"

Commander Shepard: "Oh, yeah. Their names were Visorslash and Double A, I think. Real tragic. They'll be missed."

Captain Anderson: "You really think Saren did this?"

Commander Shepard: "I don't know, Captain. I don't know..."

Someone attacked me last night. I'm hurt, but still alive.

Wait, how do we know you aren't hurt because you attacked someone else?

I don't trust these aliens, so I'm voting Harkin and to travel to Feros.

The Shepard in these updates sounds like the Shepard from GMod videos.

Barla Von sounds trustworthy.

Noveria sounds fun.

Double A talked at night, died. Visorslash talked at night, died. Coincidence? I think not! We're probably searching for a NOTW player that is used to a undisturbed nights sleep. I think it's Sprig.

Barla von. To continue on the "not necessarily good" path, proposed by Pizza.

Lastly, can someone describe the planets?

e350tb said:

Wait, how do we know you aren't hurt because you attacked someone else?

Click to expand...

Why would I draw attention to myself if that was the case?

choxorn said:

Someone attacked me last night. I'm hurt, but still alive.

Click to expand...

So what you trying to say? "don't vote me?" hmmmm...

edse said:

Double A talked at night, died. Visorslash talked at night, died. Coincidence? I think not! We're probably searching for a NOTW player that is used to a undisturbed nights sleep. I think it's Sprig.

Click to expand...

you know Takhisis would have been first on my hit list.

There is nothing stopping the dead for doing analysis. With no private communication... I think Vis is a threat dead or alive.

Therum - Has Rum in it. All I need to know!

You know what's interesting, my first instinct would be to follow the so called untrustworthy lead, and go directly to Harkin. However, rumor has it that Harkin just flat out makes stuff up out of whole cloth to mislead people, because that's the kind of worthless low-life drunk that he is.

Even if we used his methods, and roughed him up, all he would do is continue lying. He's not worth our time.

The red option might be the better option sometimes, but doubtful, this time. I'm not talking to Harkin.

Barla Von, on the other hand, maintains the image of a legitimate businessman who knows all the legal loopholes.

Such a delicate balancing act means he's someone who has a lot to lose. He might be a harder nut to crack, but there might be something worth finding inside.

Not only that, but there might be methods of persuading Barla Von which could lead to his wanting to help us out. And if he refuses, he has more to lose. And, on top of everything else, he actually has connections, knowledge, experience, and competence.

He's the man. This time, the choice is much clearer to me.

~~~~~~~~~~


Choxorn, sit tight and heal up.


~~~~~~~~~~


I am mulling following edse's vote on Sprig. If he wants my support he needs to ask for it.

Meanwhile I'll go independent and nominate someone myself:

Jarrema needs to speak up.

I'll second that Therum suggestion, though.

I understand there's blue booty in them thar hills.