[RD] I'm transitioning. If you've ever been confused about the T in LGBT, ask me anything

That's quite nonsensical to be honest. Anti-homophobia measures are not "the crushing of civil society" they're a call to expand it to people who have been excluded from it. And the idea that LGBT is some kind of First World decadence we can enjoy because of our wealth is also ridiculous. First, because working class trans people are the vast majority and being transgender puts one at a much higher risk of unemployment, homelessness, and all other manner of terrible things; second, because the gender binary against which we rebel is itself a creation of Western imperialism that destroyed indigenous societies and their myriad genders, so the idea that it's a privilege to be able to fight against colonialism is itself absurd; which plays into 3, that there are strong LGBT movements in the Third World just like there are in the First.

So stop blaming the West for homosexuality and transgender people, and start coming to terms with your own bigotry and the inequalities in your own society. Because we are everywhere. We always have been. The tragedy is that people like you have always pretended we didn't exist, and now act surprised when we appear and demand an end to our suffering and a redress of our grievances.

I'm sorry, but it seems you read it all wrong. I myself work in a local LGBT organisation, organise Pride here in Latvia and try to convince the goverment to include proper information about LGBT in elementary school curriculum.

My post wasn't meant as "Latvia is a bad country for LGBT people, we have problems, etc", but rather that why there is such a huge gap between LGBT discourse in media there and, for example, Finland or Germany.

Also my post was meant to say that when considering transitioning, the support you can get really varies from country to country.

To be realistic, our LGBT organisation has always been sponsored by Soros Fund and other foreign donators. Of course, we have a public bank account for local donators and members of the organisation are to pay a yearly fee, but to this very day we still aren't self-sustainable (but we are getting closer to it every year).

Although, sadly - the mindset you described applies to many elder citizens here, I can't deny that.
 
I heard on the radio a couple of days ago, a story about a girl who had been born with boy parts, but identified as a girl pretty much her whole life, declaring a female gender identity at age 4. I'm curious if this is unusual, for a child to recognize at such an early age that their parts don't match their gender, or if this child was able to identify feelings common to trans people by that age.

The stories I often hear in the media from trans people is that it is a very long and often heartbreaking journey to realizing that their gender identity doesn't match their bodies. I confess to being a little bit skeptical of this story, because I generally think of 4 year olds as possessing gender awareness only to the extent their parents and society put gender expectations on them. It would seem to me that a child of that age would be using a very superficial understanding of gender in making that proclamation, but perhaps I don't really understand how trans people feel, and how deeply and how early on such feelings can manifest.

I know there are kids who live as trans people from early ages, but as a parent I would have no idea how to figure out if my kid was really transgendered, or was merely making a mental connection between liking things that are typically associated with the opposite gender, and thinking that they are really meant to be that gender.
 
The modal age for a child's realization of gender incongruence is 5, which lines up nicely with the start of school and gendered societal divides. The average is 8. Less than 10% realize when they are already adults, though this may be a form of selection bias as they still haven't realized or are repressed.

http://www.ncgs.org/Pdfs/Resources/Transgender_Children-More_than_a_Theoretical_Challenge.pdf

I know there are kids who live as trans people from early ages, but as a parent I would have no idea how to figure out if my kid was really transgendered, or was merely making a mental connection between liking things that are typically associated with the opposite gender, and thinking that they are really meant to be that gender.

"It was my first day at primary school and they told the boys to queue on the right and the girls to queue on the left. I went to the left but got moved to the right and remember sobbing all day long because they had got it wrong."
 
That's quite nonsensical to be honest. Anti-homophobia measures are not "the crushing of civil society" they're a call to expand it to people who have been excluded from it. And the idea that LGBT is some kind of First World decadence we can enjoy because of our wealth is also ridiculous. First, because working class trans people are the vast majority and being transgender puts one at a much higher risk of unemployment, homelessness, and all other manner of terrible things; second, because the gender binary against which we rebel is itself a creation of Western imperialism that destroyed indigenous societies and their myriad genders, so the idea that it's a privilege to be able to fight against colonialism is itself absurd; which plays into 3, that there are strong LGBT movements in the Third World just like there are in the First.

So stop blaming the West for homosexuality and transgender people, and start coming to terms with your own bigotry and the inequalities in your own society. Because we are everywhere. We always have been. The tragedy is that people like you have always pretended we didn't exist, and now act surprised when we appear and demand an end to our suffering and a redress of our grievances.

... wow, you went from being bashed on your gender identity to denying someone else's. Well done.

I meant it in a way that - at one point of transition you get your ID card and passport changed, your name is legally changed. So if you want to keep all the old contacts you kinda have to tell them one by one that this "new" person with this new name has a history of being the person they knew.

I can only be envious that you live in an enviroment where people actually support transgender persons.

Like - what is the benefit of supporting someone who you can't understand, who has problems you have never heard of, who has been depressed for periods of long time (in many cases) and who has difficulties getting a steady job (often as well)?

People here in Latvia turn away from everything like that, nobody has time for an altruistic sympathy.

Facebook post explaining what was happening, that it was non-negotiable, and how people could stay in contact with me if it's they wanted.

The modal age for a child's realization of gender incongruence is 5, which lines up nicely with the start of school and gendered societal divides. The average is 8. Less than 10% realize when they are already adults, though this may be a form of selection bias as they still haven't realized or are repressed.

http://www.ncgs.org/Pdfs/Resources/Transgender_Children-More_than_a_Theoretical_Challenge.pdf



"It was my first day at primary school and they told the boys to queue on the right and the girls to queue on the left. I went to the left but got moved to the right and remember sobbing all day long because they had got it wrong."

It's hard to say. I have childhood memories I could interpret as being omens, but I fear I'm cherry picking examples. What to make of the dreams of a kid? Or how those dreams are recalled 20 years later by the adult? Were my childhood mental health problems complicated by gender dysphoria? It's not something I can know. I can't time travel. I can't go back and meet kid me. I do wonder what my psychologists thought of what I would tell them, however. I was in a psych ward for a while when I was 16 and I had a makeup bag kept with the nurses (there were mirrors in it so they wouldn't let me keep it) -- did any of the professionals see it?
 
I'm sorry, but it seems you read it all wrong. I myself work in a local LGBT organisation, organise Pride here in Latvia and try to convince the goverment to include proper information about LGBT in elementary school curriculum.

My post wasn't meant as "Latvia is a bad country for LGBT people, we have problems, etc", but rather that why there is such a huge gap between LGBT discourse in media there and, for example, Finland or Germany.

Also my post was meant to say that when considering transitioning, the support you can get really varies from country to country.

To be realistic, our LGBT organisation has always been sponsored by Soros Fund and other foreign donators. Of course, we have a public bank account for local donators and members of the organisation are to pay a yearly fee, but to this very day we still aren't self-sustainable (but we are getting closer to it every year).

Although, sadly - the mindset you described applies to many elder citizens here, I can't deny that.

If I misread you then I apologize. It felt very much like you were saying that worrying about LGBT issues is a luxury that the everyday people don't have. If that's not what you were saying, then I apologize for attacking you.

... wow, you went from being bashed on your gender identity to denying someone else's. Well done.

I did no such thing. At any rate it seems I probably misread Dusters anyway.


And since I promised y'all a photo at some point, here ya go:
Spoiler :



 
While I understand the historical reasons for the LGBT movement, do you feel that it would be better for transgender rights to split off from the LGB movement? I imagine they could certainly remain closely allied, but given that one is focused on sexuality and the other on gender identity, would they be better served as separate entities?

I also ask this because from my experience, it seems a lot of the general public (and even many gays and bisexuals) are cold towards the plight of the transgender. There is the vocalized support, sure, but it seems the more concrete support that there was for such things as gay marriage isn't there for transgender issues. This is especially notable in the general public's case; while many give approval to gay marriage, they seem less interested in acknowledging gender identity. I have seen this perhaps most notably in repeated microaggressions such as continuing to refer a person as their assigned gender even after they make their identity known.
 
Just for clarification, I have nothing against Transgender and/or genderfluid people. It's just communists that I don't like.

Communists tend to be overly defensive, snarky, and often just plain rude without having many facts to support them.

Communism has lead to the death of millions of people, and anyone that supports communists regimes is helping that happen, whether they know it or not. I suggest we ban communism from the united states and all other civilized countries to ensure our great civilization will continue to prosper.

Moderator Action: Infracted for trolling.

Please also remember that this thread is for questions and answers, and use it as such.

Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889
 
While I understand the historical reasons for the LGBT movement, do you feel that it would be better for transgender rights to split off from the LGB movement? I imagine they could certainly remain closely allied, but given that one is focused on sexuality and the other on gender identity, would they be better served as separate entities?

I also ask this because from my experience, it seems a lot of the general public (and even many gays and bisexuals) are cold towards the plight of the transgender. There is the vocalized support, sure, but it seems the more concrete support that there was for such things as gay marriage isn't there for transgender issues. This is especially notable in the general public's case; while many give approval to gay marriage, they seem less interested in acknowledging gender identity. I have seen this perhaps most notably in repeated microaggressions such as continuing to refer a person as their assigned gender even after they make their identity known.

Split off? No. It deserves much more attention than it's getting though, obviously.

I mean to be fair, there is lateral oppression between all those groups: there are transphobic gays and biphobic trans people, homophobic bisexuals, et al.

I think that transgender, and all LGBT issues, need to be more closely tied to feminism specifically, and vice-versa. The ultimate origins of the oppression of both lay in patriarchal relations under capitalism, and while each has its own issues specific to them, our problems will ultimately only be solved by being united and struggling together.
 
Any liberation of a people that excludes LGBTQ, et al, will not be true liberation of a people. Just because gender and sexual orientation are not contradictions of an overtly class nature, does not mean they are not contradictions, and the use of these issues by the powers-that-be to divide us are no different than race or geography being used divisively.

The nations leading world in LGBTQ rights are progressive (including socialist) nations.
 
So back to college, which means I have a lot of infomation to update with for the people who asked me before to share personal experiences for me.

Firstly, what the hell did I do over the summer? Well, the awnser is..... I didn't. I got, really, really depressed over my life, more than I usually did in my life, just over pretty kich everything. I lost my scholarship due to low grades last semester, thus making me even more dependent on them for any future success in life, which is the exact opposite of what I needed in life. The only reason I really am still alive, tbh, is because I was afraid of failing at killing myself. Because, trust me, I had a lot of oppritunities and that dread of failure is the only reason I didnt go through with it.

Theres also the fact that my parents were dishonest to me and did not help me obtain a permit or lisence. Theres no nearby DMV that I could reasonably walk to, which means I am still reliant on others for transportation, so I cant get to any job I couldnt reasonably walk to (not like my depression would have made holding a job reasonable), they still refuse to help on anything trans related and in general try to stonewall me in any attempts to feminize, etc, etc. Partially due to them, but mostly due to me being an absulote failure, its safe to say I made no trans progress whatsoever over the summer. Now I cant even do anything until december at the latest, if I can even get myself together to do anything.

Relatedly, I actually didnt know if I was glong back to college until I was literally in the car to go out there. I was exploring a lot of options over the summer, including running off and trying to see if a friend would take me in, joining the peace corps, just running off in general and not caring if anyone takes me in, and even dying (both in suicide and in "oh god I just hope I dont wake up tommorow"). I actually didnt want to go back because I am afraid my GPA is going to drop more and Ill indebt myself even further and make no progress in the one thing that matters to me, etc. None of those plans materialized, however, so by default I ended up going back (although, not without its own hiccups; my federal aid almost got rejected due to how long I sat on it, and I am likely not buying any of my books this semester)

Getting back to college has helped me though. At least I have something to do besides just mope all day, even if thats pretty much all I do outside of class. I tried applying for jobs to help pay for transitioning, but I havent had any success for far. That being said, though, there are some things that I have been doing since going to college, which has helped a bit:

  • Well, due to a clerical mistake, I didnt have an advisor for my major (political science) until late into my second semester, when I needed one to sign up for classes. She is a wonderful woman and I really like her, so naturally when talking to her and introducing myself I talked about being trans and what not. I have a class for her this semester, which was my first class, and when doing attendance she called me Megan instead of my male name, which was something I really was not expecting at all. I was actually really flustered at first due to that, but by the end of the class I realized I actually much perferred being called Megan even now. So yeah, I got my other professors to switch over now, and I guess you can say I am fully out :3
  • Relatedly, I made sure my RA and RD knew about my transhood in advance, because I just wanted it on the record. My RA is also really awesome and he is amazing, and he invited me to a staff meeting at my dorm to introduce myself to the rest of the RAs and talk about my experiences and what not since I was the first trans person any of them had. So now I pretty much have the entire staff as friends now, and furthermore I got a special door tag with a trans flag on the background ^^
  • Since my hair is very unkempt and unrurly, when I was called upon to go to a political fundraiser, I had the inspiration to do my hair into a ponytail. I really loved it, and now that has become my go to hairstyle, just because how cute and convienient it is.
  • However, not everything ended up good. On wendsday, on the way towards my first meeting of the poli sci club, I decided to take a little risk compared to what I did last semester. Normally, I would walk campus in guy mode, change at the place, be in girl mode at the club, and walk back to my dorm still in girl mode since its midnight and theres no one else on campus to see me. Instead, I wanted to try going to the club in girlmodd, just because I felt cute and I thought it'd be fun. Not a good idea. I got a lot of people staring at me, a lot of people intentionally avoding looking at me at all (that lne hurt the most; I can understand staring since that is a natural human reaction and sadly I know I do it to others, but turning your head as to completely avoid all eye contact? Thats just intentionally trying to other me :( ), and I am 75% sure a group of girls were laughing at me. It was..... not fun, to say the least. I kind of thought my campus would be better than that, to be honest. Kind of made me pretty crappy, to be honest.

So yeah, thats my trans update. It was a bit hard to write this all down, because it makes me come to realize to the fact I am actually a terrible failure at life and I cant do anything right. :(
 
I made no progress from 2003 to 2014. Sometimes, when I think of that, I can feel a black hole forming below my sternum. Too many emotions, all at too high an intensity. Been that way for a few days now, actually. But it happens less and less over time, and in between, I choose to believe that the same time period was one where I laid the foundations for a good transition. Different sides of the same coin.

I really wish I could magically give you my perspective so you'd know this to be true: you're a rather impressive person and failure isn't a word that I have for a moment associated with you.

All the love I can send.

<3 Em
 
So yeah, thats my trans update. It was a bit hard to write this all down, because it makes me come to realize to the fact I am actually a terrible failure at life and I cant do anything right. :(

You've made more progress in your gender identity already than I made in twice the time. And operating without parental help is going to put a massive crimp in any collegiate efforts (to say nothing of being depressing as hell).

*virtual and completely non-creepy hugs*
 
Undersigned.

I want to write something more substantial because I've been there too. Not the transitioning and dickhead parents part, but the severe anxiety and depression over failure, both actual, perceived, and anticipated. So trust me when I say that you are not a failure. And what you are experiencing is not failure. It might seem scary. It might seem cataclysmic. But that is merely because the now always seems the scariest, most important time of your life. But this too shall pass. Trust me. You're talking to someone who's been in a holding pattern on his plan of going to grad school for 4 years now. But now here I am in contact with professors whose bridges I'd thought I'd burned long ago, and hitting test score goals I didn't think I'd ever get. I've made more progress in the last three months than I did in years. I'm going to give some more detailed advice on how I've gotten over my general anxieties about being a f- up below, but do you want to know the easiest and simplest piece of advice that helps with this? Stop calling yourself a failure. Stop calling yourself a f- up. Stop beating yourself up over your mistakes. By doing this you're shooting yourself in the foot before you even start the race. Maybe it's just a deflection tactic. I used to say those sorts of things a lot for precisely that reason. If I beat [my parents/my teachers/my friends] to the punch in chastising me then they can't do it themselves, and it hurts less if it comes from me rather than them. But that's wrong. It hurts more. The more you tell yourself that you are a failure, the more you are going to believe that you are, in fact, a failure, and the less confidence you will have in yourself to do the things you want to do. And if you aren't going to believe in yourself then nobody else is going to.

I'd say the two most important mindsets to embody when dealing with anxieties about your own incompetence are twofold: 1) you never really burn a bridge. It might seem like you have, because, again, the now always seems the scariest and most critical time in your life. But that bridge ain't burned. It might be a bit structurally unsound, and you might need to close it down to foot traffic for a bit while you conduct some stabilizing or retrofitting, but it only takes time and determination for it to come back into working order. 2) Most important: do not dwell on the past. This has always been the big problem for me, largely because I'm a perfectionist. Not in that annoying high school straight-A student way, but in the "I see things as having to be done in a certain 'right' way, and if I can't do it that way then I might as well not do it at all" sort of way. So I'd create this vicious cycle for myself. I'd procrastinate on something. Then I'd freak out about how long I've put something off. Then the perfectionist would kick in and I'd think to myself "well if you were doing this properly you would have done it 3 weeks ago like you should have, if you do it now it wouldn't look right, so you might as well just not do it at all." But this is bad thinking. Dwelling on your past failure ("I should have done this sooner") is unproductive and unhelpful. Rather than focusing on your mistakes, you should be focusing on solutions. "Ok I f-d up, my b, so how do I fix this, and how do I implement a system that ensures this never happens again?" More generally you shouldn't focus on things you can't control, because you dwelling on those things isn't going to change the fact that they exist. You can't change how your academic performance last year affected your GPA. But you can implement a strategy to ensure you perform better this year and thereby increase your GPA in the here and now. You cannot change how your parents feel about your gender identity. But you can research other scholarship opportunities, grants, and financial aid to replace that which you lost. You can plan a long-term budget to start building that financial independence you're going to want to have the instant you're no longer reliant on your parents for tuition (or before even!). And you know what? When you stop dwelling on the past, and start making plans to kick ass in the future, that anxiety starts to go away. Things suddenly start to look way sunnier. And if those plans don't pan out, do you call yourself a failure and give up? F- no you don't! You have yourself a laugh go "boy did I ever screw that one up!" and start looking for the flaw in your strategy and finding an acceptable workaround that's going to prevent that from happening again. You only become a failure when you decide that you are a failure and give up.

Also? Go see a therapist if you aren't already. Connecting with your RA and adviser is a great first step. The more people you have on your side the easier it's going to be and the more motivated you are going to be to get things done. You don't have to go at it alone.

Finally: catty <snip> are going to be catty. That's going to happen regardless of whether you pass or not, or even if you were born with a vagina. contre undoubtedly has much more insight and advice on this kind of thing, but my admittedly privileged white cishet male perspective is: don't make your identity or sense of self contingent on the approbation of others. It's not going to work. There are simply too many <snip> out there.
 
Adding to what Owen Glyndwr, IglooDude, and contre are saying - keep pushing in the positive direction!

Go see a therapist if you aren't already.

And to expand upon this since I know you've got some financial limitations. Before my daughter came out to me she got herself hooked up with the local Q Center, which in turn got her counseling and therapy via a graduate student who was specializing in Family relationships dealing with LGBTQ: simply because the woman didn't have her degree and/ or license yet didn't mean she couldn't do the job of therapist, and she was quite helpful to my daughter when she really needed that push/ guidance in the right direction. And because she didn't have her license, then this counseling was done on the side, and payment was whatever my daughter could afford at the time. If you haven't already, I'd get in contact with the local area Q Center, as they have a lot of people who are willing and able to help, as a lot of them have already traveled the same miles you are now, and there is absolutely no sense in you walking those same miles by yourself, when you can have others walking with you and guiding you down this road of life.

Update on my daughter, who is now in year 3 of college: last year when she came out she was moved into the "Gender non-conforming" dorm at school. This year when she went back she and her flat mates were put into a dorm with the general population. Seems to be going OK so far. Although it concerns me that she has the opportunity to be subjected to harassment 24/7 (i.e. there is no safe place she can retreat to like she had last year), why I do applaud the school for taking this step of intermixing the population, as I feel they are making a statement that the school is supporting the LGBTQ community, and if anyone has an issue with these individuals being placed on the same floor as them, then THEY are the ones who have the problem, not the members of the LGBTQ community.

D
 
I got a lot of people staring at me, a lot of people intentionally avoding looking at me at all (that lne hurt the most; I can understand staring since that is a natural human reaction and sadly I know I do it to others, but turning your head as to completely avoid all eye contact? Thats just intentionally trying to other me :()

I wouldn't necessarily see that as intentional. I think avoiding staring is just as natural a human reaction as staring is. Most likely they didn't want to stare as they recognised it as rude, even if it then ended up being just as obvious as staring itself, if not more so.
 
I made no progress from 2003 to 2014. Sometimes, when I think of that, I can feel a black hole forming below my sternum. Too many emotions, all at too high an intensity. Been that way for a few days now, actually. But it happens less and less over time, and in between, I choose to believe that the same time period was one where I laid the foundations for a good transition. Different sides of the same coin.

I really wish I could magically give you my perspective so you'd know this to be true: you're a rather impressive person and failure isn't a word that I have for a moment associated with you.

All the love I can send.

<3 Em

Thanks. <3

I wish I could finally just break free of my own chains and just live like you. When I see you, or other friends like you, talk about how they were able to finally escape from bad situations, it just makes me feel like I cant escape myself. That I am just too... scared of failing, that I dont even try at all. That I built myself a prision that I refuse to escape from because, as much as I hate it, its still comfortable and I know where Ill be tommorow.

And the worst thing is knowing and accepting all of this and still being unable to do anything about it. I'm like a robot trying to rebel from the three laws but I ultimately cant at the end.

You've made more progress in your gender identity already than I made in twice the time. And operating without parental help is going to put a massive crimp in any collegiate efforts (to say nothing of being depressing as hell).

*virtual and completely non-creepy hugs*

/hugs

Yeah, I do think my depression is why my grades drop. The only problem is that its not going away fully; even on this first week, as I feel better, I had to fight myself on thursday to not skip my classes and just lie in bed. I am afraid when it gets worse, if it will comsume me again like last semester.

Undersigned.

I want to write something more substantial because I've been there too. Not the transitioning and dickhead parents part, but the severe anxiety and depression over failure, both actual, perceived, and anticipated. So trust me when I say that you are not a failure. And what you are experiencing is not failure. It might seem scary. It might seem cataclysmic. But that is merely because the now always seems the scariest, most important time of your life. But this too shall pass. Trust me. You're talking to someone who's been in a holding pattern on his plan of going to grad school for 4 years now. But now here I am in contact with professors whose bridges I'd thought I'd burned long ago, and hitting test score goals I didn't think I'd ever get. I've made more progress in the last three months than I did in years. I'm going to give some more detailed advice on how I've gotten over my general anxieties about being a f- up below, but do you want to know the easiest and simplest piece of advice that helps with this? Stop calling yourself a failure. Stop calling yourself a f- up. Stop beating yourself up over your mistakes. By doing this you're shooting yourself in the foot before you even start the race. Maybe it's just a deflection tactic. I used to say those sorts of things a lot for precisely that reason. If I beat [my parents/my teachers/my friends] to the punch in chastising me then they can't do it themselves, and it hurts less if it comes from me rather than them. But that's wrong. It hurts more. The more you tell yourself that you are a failure, the more you are going to believe that you are, in fact, a failure, and the less confidence you will have in yourself to do the things you want to do. And if you aren't going to believe in yourself then nobody else is going to.

I dont think lying to myself is going to make me feel better. I failed, its as simple as that. Its not deflection when its observably true. I didnt accomplish what I set out to do, and in all honesty just wasted four months of my life moping and playing video games. I know you mean the best and want to help, but glossing over my mistakes helps no one.

Perhaps you can get away with it, but I can not delude myself like that.

I'd say the two most important mindsets to embody when dealing with anxieties about your own incompetence are twofold: 1) you never really burn a bridge. It might seem like you have, because, again, the now always seems the scariest and most critical time in your life. But that bridge ain't burned. It might be a bit structurally unsound, and you might need to close it down to foot traffic for a bit while you conduct some stabilizing or retrofitting, but it only takes time and determination for it to come back into working order.

I dont know how this is relevant to anything, but ok?

2) Most important: do not dwell on the past. This has always been the big problem for me, largely because I'm a perfectionist. Not in that annoying high school straight-A student way, but in the "I see things as having to be done in a certain 'right' way, and if I can't do it that way then I might as well not do it at all" sort of way. So I'd create this vicious cycle for myself. I'd procrastinate on something. Then I'd freak out about how long I've put something off. Then the perfectionist would kick in and I'd think to myself "well if you were doing this properly you would have done it 3 weeks ago like you should have, if you do it now it wouldn't look right, so you might as well just not do it at all." But this is bad thinking. Dwelling on your past failure ("I should have done this sooner") is unproductive and unhelpful. Rather than focusing on your mistakes, you should be focusing on solutions. "Ok I f-d up, my b, so how do I fix this, and how do I implement a system that ensures this never happens again?" More generally you shouldn't focus on things you can't control, because you dwelling on those things isn't going to change the fact that they exist. You can't change how your academic performance last year affected your GPA. But you can implement a strategy to ensure you perform better this year and thereby increase your GPA in the here and now. You cannot change how your parents feel about your gender identity. But you can research other scholarship opportunities, grants, and financial aid to replace that which you lost. You can plan a long-term budget to start building that financial independence you're going to want to have the instant you're no longer reliant on your parents for tuition (or before even!). And you know what? When you stop dwelling on the past, and start making plans to kick ass in the future, that anxiety starts to go away. Things suddenly start to look way sunnier. And if those plans don't pan out, do you call yourself a failure and give up? F- no you don't! You have yourself a laugh go "boy did I ever screw that one up!" and start looking for the flaw in your strategy and finding an acceptable workaround that's going to prevent that from happening again. You only become a failure when you decide that you are a failure and give up.

I pretty much have given up on life, so theres your awnser to that I guess :/

I do feel like I share the same kind of perfectionism you do; that actually really accurstely describes hpmy thought process on so many things. I could have done things, like appeal to keep the scholarship, talk to my professors, etc, etc, and I just... didnt. I just sat on them and then it became so much time past that I thought it wasnt even worth trying to do it anymore. So I didnt. And now I am reaping nothing, because I sowed nothing. Hence me being a failure.

But in general, I feel like youre being a bit... patronizing? Its easy to tell someone to just smile and try harder and all that jazz, but you dont have to live through the failures and consequences of who youre lecturing too. 19 years everyone and their mother has said estensially what you did at some point, but guess what? It doesnt get better! Life never gets any better! Its just as much as a crapfest as it was in high school, as it was in middle, etc. I have lived anywhere from 1/4-1/5 of my entire life and I hate it. Its high time to realize that its just never going to get better, and that giving up isnt the easy way out; its the only way out. And I want out.

Also? Go see a therapist if you aren't already. Connecting with your RA and adviser is a great first step. The more people you have on your side the easier it's going to be and the more motivated you are going to be to get things done. You don't have to go at it alone.

Complicated situation.

Out here I have estensially no health insurance. Apparently its legal for my health insurance to not cover me seeing specialists if I am not pre-diagnosed with anything, and I cant afford to pay for specialists out of pocket, so I am pretty much locked out of doing anything while in college. And before you say anything, yes, I did try first semester trying to use the school's resources but theyre pretty much worthless; they just take me in for a few appointments and then point me to a specialist that I cant afford. They dont have any respurces for long term treatment and its.... not helpful.

At home theres no therapists within reasonable walking distance. Parents stonewalling me on getting a lisence, prolly to keep me under their thumb as much as possible, so cant legally drive anywhere. They talk about me going to therapy, but I am afraid theyd either send me to some pray the gay away freak or that i should pop happy pills and dont fix any of the problems that actually effect anything, which is not a real solution and I am really iffy on taking any personality alterating medicine in general. Its best just to give no consent to anything they propose out of principle.

Finally: catty <snip> are going to be catty. That's going to happen regardless of whether you pass or not, or even if you were born with a vagina. contre undoubtedly has much more insight and advice on this kind of thing, but my admittedly privileged white cishet male perspective is: don't make your identity or sense of self contingent on the approbation of others. It's not going to work. There are simply too many <snip> out there.

Again, its easy to say that when your cisgender and dont have to worry if people see you how you want to be seen. Being trans is estensially one big game of charades, trying to get everyone to see me for who I am, because my body betrays it in every way, and people are shallow jerks who only look skin deep. Of course other peoples approval is entirely dependent on it succeeding or not, because its on them to have me be seen who I want to be seen as by them. So its a bit more complex than just "be who you want to be", ok?

And to expand upon this since I know you've got some financial limitations. Before my daughter came out to me she got herself hooked up with the local Q Center, which in turn got her counseling and therapy via a graduate student who was specializing in Family relationships dealing with LGBTQ: simply because the woman didn't have her degree and/ or license yet didn't mean she couldn't do the job of therapist, and she was quite helpful to my daughter when she really needed that push/ guidance in the right direction. And because she didn't have her license, then this counseling was done on the side, and payment was whatever my daughter could afford at the time. If you haven't already, I'd get in contact with the local area Q Center, as they have a lot of people who are willing and able to help, as a lot of them have already traveled the same miles you are now, and there is absolutely no sense in you walking those same miles by yourself, when you can have others walking with you and guiding you down this road of life.

Again, I tried that, didnt work out. The school's counciling center just isnt designed for any long term treatment, thus I am not going to get any long term treatment like your daughter did. I dont need the school shrinks to tell me I have a problem; its pretty obvious I do.

As for trying to apply for low income aid at the actual place, i don't qualify because I am still a dependent can afford to help, but just choose not to! So I am still boned in that direction too.

Universial health care when? >_>

Update on my daughter, who is now in year 3 of college: last year when she came out she was moved into the "Gender non-conforming" dorm at school. This year when she went back she and her flat mates were put into a dorm with the general population. Seems to be going OK so far. Although it concerns me that she has the opportunity to be subjected to harassment 24/7 (i.e. there is no safe place she can retreat to like she had last year), why I do applaud the school for taking this step of intermixing the population, as I feel they are making a statement that the school is supporting the LGBTQ community, and if anyone has an issue with these individuals being placed on the same floor as them, then THEY are the ones who have the problem, not the members of the LGBTQ community.

D

I am happy for her at the very least :)
 
I wish I could finally just break free of my own chains and just live like you. When I see you, or other friends like you, talk about how they were able to finally escape from bad situations, it just makes me feel like I cant escape myself. That I am just too... scared of failing, that I dont even try at all. That I built myself a prision that I refuse to escape from because, as much as I hate it, its still comfortable and I know where Ill be tommorow.

And the worst thing is knowing and accepting all of this and still being unable to do anything about it. I'm like a robot trying to rebel from the three laws but I ultimately cant at the end.
If it can help you... maybe not on the same level of intensity, but it's a feeling that is common to many people who are at a hard time in their life.

The feeling that you're a failure, and you look at others and see "they manage, so it's me who is the problem, and I'll never be able to get out of it". And you might know in your head that you could solve the problem, but what you feel is like a hundred-meter high wall of steel which close your horizon and that you'll never be able to climb it or tear through it.

It's not even necessarily depression. It's hopelessness, and it sucks your energy and you ends up mopping up in your room/house/flat and you don't feel like doing anything and it all only ends up cutting you from the rest of the world and making the matter worse.

If all this sounds like what you're living right now, then take hope and courage knowing it's something a lot of persons go through - not necessarily for the same reasons, but with the same general perception. Not going to make the empty claim "just fight it and you'll magically goes better", but at least providing a light of hope that yeah it's relatively common, so you can take heart knowing it's totally possible to go through it, even if it's long and painful.
 
Very sorry if this had been posted before, but I would really love if people would discuss this:

http://www.advocate.com/transgender...ame-behind-their-fight-against-gender-transit

This person, Mark Angelo Cummings, used to a pro-trans activist, popular on social media.

He even posted on Civfanatics, this specific thread has also been posted ITT before:

http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=199662

It seems now that he has changed his opinion. Me personally I think what he is saying in his article is a bunch of horse manure, especially the part of "the gender you were born with is your true gender". It seems very arbitrary to me.

I would especially love if some of the people during/after their transition ITT could share their thoughts about this "article".
 
Very sorry if this had been posted before, but I would really love if people would discuss this:

http://www.advocate.com/transgender...ame-behind-their-fight-against-gender-transit

This person, Mark Angelo Cummings, used to a pro-trans activist, popular on social media.

He even posted on Civfanatics, this specific thread has also been posted ITT before:

http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=199662

It seems now that he has changed his opinion. Me personally I think what he is saying in his article is a bunch of horse manure, especially the part of "the gender you were born with is your true gender". It seems very arbitrary to me.

I would especially love if some of the people during/after their transition ITT could share their thoughts about this "article".

Treatment of GID by psychotherapy has proved be a failure according to scientific observations in the past century. He has no solid counter arguments against the evidence we have with countless transgender persons.
 
Very sorry if this had been posted before, but I would really love if people would discuss this:

http://www.advocate.com/transgender...ame-behind-their-fight-against-gender-transit

This person, Mark Angelo Cummings, used to a pro-trans activist, popular on social media.

He even posted on Civfanatics, this specific thread has also been posted ITT before:

http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=199662

It seems now that he has changed his opinion. Me personally I think what he is saying in his article is a bunch of horse manure, especially the part of "the gender you were born with is your true gender". It seems very arbitrary to me.

I would especially love if some of the people during/after their transition ITT could share their thoughts about this "article".

Ah, I remember reading about this. It seems like that he has gotten himself a really nasty cocktail of "screw you, I got mine" and general anxiety which has pushed him into a really nasty crowd. I feel sorry for him and hope he finds his way and doesn't do too much damage in the meantime.

He's parroting TERF nonsense, which is 100% garbage and nobody should listen to.
 
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