battlemace18
Chieftain
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2006
- Messages
- 4
Today I wondered how does my emperor deal with day to day problems, and this story was born.
One Sunday morning, I Mansa Munsa 23rd decided that I should visit the town of Djenne in order to assess civilian achievements and military strength. I guess that I should provide a little background on this town. Djenne is the second town that our glorious civilization has founded. Due to the fact that the whole town is entirely surrounded with hills, it has grown into the industrious powerhouse of our country. Moreover in the ancient times when our ancestors discovered the secrets of iron working this town was the only one with the readily available iron deposits. This has of course made it the juicy target for the rival civilizations, and since Djenne had a border with three different civilizations, the amount of bitter fighting over this town was immense.
When I finally came to the town first I went on tour of the foundries, factories, churches and other civil achievements. I will not bore you with the details because I know that everybody would rather want to hear about the military than look at some run down buildings while some advisor explains that this is the place where a great engineer was born.
Finally, when the bells from the nearby church tower announced that it was 5 PM, we started to go to the main military base. Base was situated just a few kilometers outside the city, next to one of the hills. The first thing that could be seen in the distance was the tip of something very tall but I could not discern what it was until I came closer. Finally as the structure grew in front of my eyes I started to recognize more and more parts of it. Then it hit me.
A ROCKET I shouted, turned to my military advisor and said what kind of lunatic would put a nuclear rocket in the middle of the military base???
The advisor replied Well Mr. President you remember that you said that the research of the space ship components is paramount and that 100% of all money is to be allocated to the research? You see, we wanted to build a lovely nuclear silo, but since we ran out of money when we dug a hole about 5 cm deep, we decided it will be much more cost effective if we disguise our rocket.
I looked at the advisor and said Disguise? What the hell did you do to it looks just like any other rocket I have seen.
The advisor grinned and replied Are you sure? We painted it in different colors; you will see when we get closer.
I look appalled Well, this is the way I see it my dear advisor, a rocket is a rocket whether is green, blue, black, or white.
Advisor shook his head and replied With all due respect our research clearly shows that the rockets are supposed to be either white or grey. We have even done focus groups within our military where we showed our soldiers rockets with different colors. The result suggested that the rocket was identified only if it was white or grey, if we showed them, for example a green rocket they usually said grass, or trees, if the rocket was blue the answers ranged from sky to sea. So you see sir, this kind of camouflage really works, you are the first one who was able to see through, but that is why you are the leader of our country.
I listened in disbelief and whispered Remind me again, what is exactly our military recruitment policy is?
The advisor pulled out a leaflet and pointed on the bold letters. I read it out loud If you cannot make it anywhere, join the army, we will make use of your non-existent abilities.
Then I looked out of the window and saw the outer fence of the base. In that moment I was temporarily blinded because the sun was reflecting off some shining surface that moved just by the fence.
What the hell is that? I asked the advisor.
If you are referring to those people by the fence, they are guards. the advisor said.
But what kind of uniforms are they wearing, that is certainly not camouflage uniform, the only thing that they can blend in with is the sun, and I do not see too many suns around.
The advisor checked some papers and replied This is our famous Screech battalion. They are equipped with plate armor and pikes.
I scratched my head and said Didnt my ancestor Mansa Munsa 3rd defeat the invasion of our lands by the Alexander with only the Screech battalion?
Yes sir, he did and this is that battalion still proudly serving the country.
But, but, but didnt the warfare change in the last 2000 years, maybe just a bit? I started to plead.
Again you are correct sir, but we have to be ready for anything, just imagine what would happen if the enemy attacked us with the chariot and we did not have the Screech battalion.
I said Yes I am imagining, I can see a horde of chariots rushing across the field, and then they all die when our tanks arrive.
But sir, we cannot be certain how our tanks would hold against the chariots, you know they where never tested for that kind of situation.
Please advisor, indulge my curiosity and answer one more question, this sounds stupid but what the heck, why didnt you test the tanks against the chariots.
We wanted to said the advisor but somebody has lost the plans on how to build one and we do not have any left from the old days.
I sat there, wondering how the hell do these guys manage to do anything right. Then I remembered a little fact from the history books, every time one of my ancestors had to go on an extended war campaign upon their return they would go to their son and say You are the leader now and committed suicide. Now I finally know why.
We finally got to the inner part of the base where the inspection was scheduled. After exiting the vehicle I saw an impressive display of our military power. As I walked I was in awe while looking at these modern tanks, marines, gunships, Sam infantry, horses, more tanks Wait a minute horses, what the hell was this now
I shouted ADVISOR
Behind me a squeaky voice could be heard Yes Mr. President?
I turned and asked Ok, I know that you will come up with some stupid explanation but Ill ask anyway. What are these horses doing here?
Advisor looked at horses and said Standing there sir, some are even chewing grass.
Argghh, why am I surrounded with such incompetent fools. I meant what are these horses supposed to be?? Cannon fodder maybe, logistical support, food??? I yelled louder and louder as I lost my nerves.
No sir, this is our main attack unit, our spearhead, I believe that is a proper term. The advisor continued These guys are made of our aristocracy, actually sir I believe that in case of war you would have to ride in front of them to lead them to victory.
Disgusted I walked away mumbling to myself Now I know why most of my ancestors avoided war at all cost.
An hour latter the advisor found me next to the huge bunker.
What are you doing sir? advisor asked.
Well since that inspection was a complete fiasco I wanted to see what is hidden in these bunkers. I replied.
Shall we go in this bunker than sir? I believe that this one is where our artillery is kept.
I followed my advisor into the bunker and was what a surprise that was. Our engineers sometimes even surprise me, and I thought I have seen all what they could do. Although from the outside the bunker looked small, in reality inside space was huge because most of it has been underground.
I turned my attention on what was stored here. Everywhere I could see the artillery laid still, a truly impressive sight. And best of all there was nothing odd in this bunker; I even started to hope that there is someone in my military who knows what is he doing.
The advisor said shall we inspect the other storage areas of this bunker sir?
I gasped for air and said There are more areas?? Woha Sure lets go.
We passed trough the cleverly hidden door and that room was even bigger than the last one in it was filled with er cannons??? I looked at advisor opened my mouth, then decided against it and just looked at all this antique junk. In that moment I could hear two men shouting at each other. I decided to find the source of all that racket and found out that it came from another storage area. I opened the door and was greeted with the biggest enclosed space I have ever seen and it was filled with wood, no not just wood, but with wooden catapults. Hmm, imagine the bonfire that could be made from these things. Shouting pulled me back to the reality and among the catapults I saw two men. I immediately recognized them both. One was an elderly man with a long white beard and a cane, the recently appointed director of the Versailles museum. The other one was a rugged looking man in his forties, our supreme commander of land forces. I came closer and asked What seems to be the problem gentleman?
Both started to explain at the same time, so I couldnt understand anything. This went awhile until I was angry enough to shout Enough, speak one at a time!.
They looked at each other and then the director cautiously said I decided to put our ancient military weapons on display in museum and I came here to take one catapult, but
Then the general started to shout You cannot do that these weapons are not ancient, they are still in use, if you would take one not only would you lower the defensive capabilities of our country, but you would allow enemy spies to scout our weapon designs! Do you know how closely guarded is the secret of catapult construction??
Then I felt compelled to intervene General, but we havent deployed the catapult in combat situations for ages, and besides what good is catapult against tanks?
The general said You sir are not of military background, right? Now let the real soldier explain you something about the value of catapult. The catapult is what we like to call the ultimate weapon, because it cannot jam and the ammunition is always readily available. If you need to kill an enemy just hit him with the rock, how to deal with the tank you asked, easy, just find a bigger rock. It is all a matter of scalability, bigger target use bigger rock.
After such an explanation I knew that I could not say anything that would convince the general to give the catapult to the museum so I decided to retreat while I still had a hint of sanity left.
When advisor and I exited the bunker I said I really need to lay down because the day has been very exhausting.
Very well said the advisor closest barracks are just around the bunker.
When we got to the other side I looked at the caves in the hill and asked Are the barracks situated in those caves to be able to withstand the bombardment?
No the advisor responded they are there because the unit that is using them has always lived in caves.
I asked And who might they be?
The first clubman battalion of course the advisor hurled the answer at me.
The world started to spin in front of my eyes and I could only squeak Please, take me to the plane.
As we were walking towards the airfield, I noticed some unusual activity at the nearby building. After I though about all the crazy things I had seen and heard today, I said to myself, one more is not going to kill me, I hope. Then I turned to my trusty advisor and asked I have realized that military matters are not my strong suit, but it seems very odd that the trucks are bringing the money to this building and the cavalry battalion is entering on one side, while on the other side the gunships are coming out.
Well, sir the advisor said slowly you sent the directive to the generals that you feel that more gunships are required to support our boys in tanks, and the high command thought that it would be much more cost-effective to upgrade the old units, than to build new ones.
I stopped for a moment and then asked How do you upgrade anything to the gunship, especially if it did not fly before? I thought that only way to produce these was to actually build them?
Advisor responded immediately We thought so ourselves, but one day one brilliant engineer came up with a plan, if we have a cavalry, we can just pay them a little money and upgrade the horses to helicopters and thus we get the flying cavalry, clear?
But how do you manage to create a helicopter out of horse? I gasped.
It is too complicate to explain, do you maybe want to see for yourself? the advisor asked me.
I felt that if I took that offer my stomach would revolt violently so I said Please, just take me to my plane.
As I was flying back to my beautiful capital city I was thinking that maybe it is the time that my son takes my place and maybe I should join my ancestors in the afterlife, or maybe just to reform my military ..
One Sunday morning, I Mansa Munsa 23rd decided that I should visit the town of Djenne in order to assess civilian achievements and military strength. I guess that I should provide a little background on this town. Djenne is the second town that our glorious civilization has founded. Due to the fact that the whole town is entirely surrounded with hills, it has grown into the industrious powerhouse of our country. Moreover in the ancient times when our ancestors discovered the secrets of iron working this town was the only one with the readily available iron deposits. This has of course made it the juicy target for the rival civilizations, and since Djenne had a border with three different civilizations, the amount of bitter fighting over this town was immense.
When I finally came to the town first I went on tour of the foundries, factories, churches and other civil achievements. I will not bore you with the details because I know that everybody would rather want to hear about the military than look at some run down buildings while some advisor explains that this is the place where a great engineer was born.
Finally, when the bells from the nearby church tower announced that it was 5 PM, we started to go to the main military base. Base was situated just a few kilometers outside the city, next to one of the hills. The first thing that could be seen in the distance was the tip of something very tall but I could not discern what it was until I came closer. Finally as the structure grew in front of my eyes I started to recognize more and more parts of it. Then it hit me.
A ROCKET I shouted, turned to my military advisor and said what kind of lunatic would put a nuclear rocket in the middle of the military base???
The advisor replied Well Mr. President you remember that you said that the research of the space ship components is paramount and that 100% of all money is to be allocated to the research? You see, we wanted to build a lovely nuclear silo, but since we ran out of money when we dug a hole about 5 cm deep, we decided it will be much more cost effective if we disguise our rocket.
I looked at the advisor and said Disguise? What the hell did you do to it looks just like any other rocket I have seen.
The advisor grinned and replied Are you sure? We painted it in different colors; you will see when we get closer.
I look appalled Well, this is the way I see it my dear advisor, a rocket is a rocket whether is green, blue, black, or white.
Advisor shook his head and replied With all due respect our research clearly shows that the rockets are supposed to be either white or grey. We have even done focus groups within our military where we showed our soldiers rockets with different colors. The result suggested that the rocket was identified only if it was white or grey, if we showed them, for example a green rocket they usually said grass, or trees, if the rocket was blue the answers ranged from sky to sea. So you see sir, this kind of camouflage really works, you are the first one who was able to see through, but that is why you are the leader of our country.
I listened in disbelief and whispered Remind me again, what is exactly our military recruitment policy is?
The advisor pulled out a leaflet and pointed on the bold letters. I read it out loud If you cannot make it anywhere, join the army, we will make use of your non-existent abilities.
Then I looked out of the window and saw the outer fence of the base. In that moment I was temporarily blinded because the sun was reflecting off some shining surface that moved just by the fence.
What the hell is that? I asked the advisor.
If you are referring to those people by the fence, they are guards. the advisor said.
But what kind of uniforms are they wearing, that is certainly not camouflage uniform, the only thing that they can blend in with is the sun, and I do not see too many suns around.
The advisor checked some papers and replied This is our famous Screech battalion. They are equipped with plate armor and pikes.
I scratched my head and said Didnt my ancestor Mansa Munsa 3rd defeat the invasion of our lands by the Alexander with only the Screech battalion?
Yes sir, he did and this is that battalion still proudly serving the country.
But, but, but didnt the warfare change in the last 2000 years, maybe just a bit? I started to plead.
Again you are correct sir, but we have to be ready for anything, just imagine what would happen if the enemy attacked us with the chariot and we did not have the Screech battalion.
I said Yes I am imagining, I can see a horde of chariots rushing across the field, and then they all die when our tanks arrive.
But sir, we cannot be certain how our tanks would hold against the chariots, you know they where never tested for that kind of situation.
Please advisor, indulge my curiosity and answer one more question, this sounds stupid but what the heck, why didnt you test the tanks against the chariots.
We wanted to said the advisor but somebody has lost the plans on how to build one and we do not have any left from the old days.
I sat there, wondering how the hell do these guys manage to do anything right. Then I remembered a little fact from the history books, every time one of my ancestors had to go on an extended war campaign upon their return they would go to their son and say You are the leader now and committed suicide. Now I finally know why.
We finally got to the inner part of the base where the inspection was scheduled. After exiting the vehicle I saw an impressive display of our military power. As I walked I was in awe while looking at these modern tanks, marines, gunships, Sam infantry, horses, more tanks Wait a minute horses, what the hell was this now
I shouted ADVISOR
Behind me a squeaky voice could be heard Yes Mr. President?
I turned and asked Ok, I know that you will come up with some stupid explanation but Ill ask anyway. What are these horses doing here?
Advisor looked at horses and said Standing there sir, some are even chewing grass.
Argghh, why am I surrounded with such incompetent fools. I meant what are these horses supposed to be?? Cannon fodder maybe, logistical support, food??? I yelled louder and louder as I lost my nerves.
No sir, this is our main attack unit, our spearhead, I believe that is a proper term. The advisor continued These guys are made of our aristocracy, actually sir I believe that in case of war you would have to ride in front of them to lead them to victory.
Disgusted I walked away mumbling to myself Now I know why most of my ancestors avoided war at all cost.
An hour latter the advisor found me next to the huge bunker.
What are you doing sir? advisor asked.
Well since that inspection was a complete fiasco I wanted to see what is hidden in these bunkers. I replied.
Shall we go in this bunker than sir? I believe that this one is where our artillery is kept.
I followed my advisor into the bunker and was what a surprise that was. Our engineers sometimes even surprise me, and I thought I have seen all what they could do. Although from the outside the bunker looked small, in reality inside space was huge because most of it has been underground.
I turned my attention on what was stored here. Everywhere I could see the artillery laid still, a truly impressive sight. And best of all there was nothing odd in this bunker; I even started to hope that there is someone in my military who knows what is he doing.
The advisor said shall we inspect the other storage areas of this bunker sir?
I gasped for air and said There are more areas?? Woha Sure lets go.
We passed trough the cleverly hidden door and that room was even bigger than the last one in it was filled with er cannons??? I looked at advisor opened my mouth, then decided against it and just looked at all this antique junk. In that moment I could hear two men shouting at each other. I decided to find the source of all that racket and found out that it came from another storage area. I opened the door and was greeted with the biggest enclosed space I have ever seen and it was filled with wood, no not just wood, but with wooden catapults. Hmm, imagine the bonfire that could be made from these things. Shouting pulled me back to the reality and among the catapults I saw two men. I immediately recognized them both. One was an elderly man with a long white beard and a cane, the recently appointed director of the Versailles museum. The other one was a rugged looking man in his forties, our supreme commander of land forces. I came closer and asked What seems to be the problem gentleman?
Both started to explain at the same time, so I couldnt understand anything. This went awhile until I was angry enough to shout Enough, speak one at a time!.
They looked at each other and then the director cautiously said I decided to put our ancient military weapons on display in museum and I came here to take one catapult, but
Then the general started to shout You cannot do that these weapons are not ancient, they are still in use, if you would take one not only would you lower the defensive capabilities of our country, but you would allow enemy spies to scout our weapon designs! Do you know how closely guarded is the secret of catapult construction??
Then I felt compelled to intervene General, but we havent deployed the catapult in combat situations for ages, and besides what good is catapult against tanks?
The general said You sir are not of military background, right? Now let the real soldier explain you something about the value of catapult. The catapult is what we like to call the ultimate weapon, because it cannot jam and the ammunition is always readily available. If you need to kill an enemy just hit him with the rock, how to deal with the tank you asked, easy, just find a bigger rock. It is all a matter of scalability, bigger target use bigger rock.
After such an explanation I knew that I could not say anything that would convince the general to give the catapult to the museum so I decided to retreat while I still had a hint of sanity left.
When advisor and I exited the bunker I said I really need to lay down because the day has been very exhausting.
Very well said the advisor closest barracks are just around the bunker.
When we got to the other side I looked at the caves in the hill and asked Are the barracks situated in those caves to be able to withstand the bombardment?
No the advisor responded they are there because the unit that is using them has always lived in caves.
I asked And who might they be?
The first clubman battalion of course the advisor hurled the answer at me.
The world started to spin in front of my eyes and I could only squeak Please, take me to the plane.
As we were walking towards the airfield, I noticed some unusual activity at the nearby building. After I though about all the crazy things I had seen and heard today, I said to myself, one more is not going to kill me, I hope. Then I turned to my trusty advisor and asked I have realized that military matters are not my strong suit, but it seems very odd that the trucks are bringing the money to this building and the cavalry battalion is entering on one side, while on the other side the gunships are coming out.
Well, sir the advisor said slowly you sent the directive to the generals that you feel that more gunships are required to support our boys in tanks, and the high command thought that it would be much more cost-effective to upgrade the old units, than to build new ones.
I stopped for a moment and then asked How do you upgrade anything to the gunship, especially if it did not fly before? I thought that only way to produce these was to actually build them?
Advisor responded immediately We thought so ourselves, but one day one brilliant engineer came up with a plan, if we have a cavalry, we can just pay them a little money and upgrade the horses to helicopters and thus we get the flying cavalry, clear?
But how do you manage to create a helicopter out of horse? I gasped.
It is too complicate to explain, do you maybe want to see for yourself? the advisor asked me.
I felt that if I took that offer my stomach would revolt violently so I said Please, just take me to my plane.
As I was flying back to my beautiful capital city I was thinking that maybe it is the time that my son takes my place and maybe I should join my ancestors in the afterlife, or maybe just to reform my military ..
.
