Riiiight, let's see what we have here.
If you're here you know you've got a bit of an issue, yeah? That's what we're trying to get across here - you need to improve, or be eliminated.
Name: AA
Restaurant Name: Paw's
Restaurant Style: NC BBQ
Signature Dish: pulled brisket
Brisket, done right, can be amazing. But are you sure this is seasoned? Really? It's bland! It's blander than a clean chef's jacket! It's blander than half the comedy in this show! You're going to need to get your act together, bozo, because "Paw"'s pretty upset.
Name: KaiserElectric
Restaurant: Skeletoni's Italian Eatery
Restaurant Style: Italian
Signature Dish: Spaghetti with Meatballs
Skeletoni's, yeah, I can see that. How are you supposed to feed anyone on these portions? And this singular meatball looks like... Is that supposed to be cat food? It sure bloody looks like catfood.
Name: czerth
Restaurant: Hot Pot Heroes (火锅英雄
Restaurant Style: Sichuanese
Signature Dish: BEEF NOODLE HOT POT / niuroumian
Frozen beef, frozen noodles... have you considered opening up an ice cream stand? They need someone with the skill to freeze things that you have. And how much do you try to sell this for? That's outrageous!
Name: Baron Ludwig von Nuka-tan
Restaurant: The Baron's Steakhouse
Restaurant Style: Steakhouse
Signature Dish: The Baron's Porterhouse Steak
Steak is overcooked. Steak. is. OVER. COOKED! Restaurants are more than your pet project! SHOW SOME RESPECT!
Name: El Terrance
Restaurant Name: Cantina Sunrise
Restaurant Style: (Gourmet) Tex-Mex
Signature Dish: Chimicherry-Changa
[Also, Quesarito Sushi with Guacamole-Wasabi sauce]
Very ambitious. Too ambitious, perhaps. Let's try some of this...
Poisoning me doesn't earn you any points, you realize that, you clown?
Name: bombshoo
Restaurant: post
Restaurant Style: Hipster None Sense
Signature Dish: Green Eggs and Ham - A crispy "shell" made from crisped kale and ramp chips encloses a "yolk" made from a Calville Blanc d'hiver apple and wild turnip foam. Served with Lacón Gallego (Galician ham made from pork fed exclusively on acorns) and macadamia oil confit zucchini flowers.
How do you mess up all these ingredients? Why are you trying to be special? Why don't you begin AT THE BEGINNING?
Name: Tux
Restaurant: The Whale's Gullet
Restaurant Style: Seafood
Signature Dish: Spicy Tunalmon - Blue fin Tuna wrapped salmon with a special spice mix slathered between the two. Pan-seared, the pair is cooked to perfection and served on a bed of rice. It is finished off with a kelp salad surrounding the dish.
The Tuna's BLOODY RAW! Tuna! Expensive fish! Salmon AND Tuna! How much money are you losing, all of it? Seems like it!
Name: Andy Sumdé
Restaurant Name: INFECTED!
Restaurant Style: American with a gimmick
Special: The Zombie Dog- Frank with "teeth" (crumbled Fritos) and "brains" (hot tomato chili)
Not even touching that food. Gimmicks in restaurants can be deadly, you do realize that?
Name: Junko Okawa
Restaurant Name: Shinobi no Resutoran
Restaurant Style: Japanese/Sushi
Special: Funa-zushi (a carp-based sushi with the peculiar trait of being fermented for six months before serving)
Fermented fish? Fermented fish???
Honestly I'm this close to just shutting the competition down now and sending you all home.
Name: NinjaCow64
Restaurant Name: Emiya Kitchen
Restaurant Style: Japanese, although it serves certain Chinese and Indian dishes due to the demands of angry Church officials.
Signature Dish: Unlimited Bake Works - A desert platter consisting of various baked goods, imitations of the signature dishes of many different pastry chef. But there is no rule that says an imitation cannot surpass an original. Here I come, King of Angry British Chefs - do you have enough appetite in stock?
Is... Is this from one of my cookbooks?
Are you serious? Your own front room?
Are you sure you're in the right Gordon Ramsay show?
Name: jackelgull
Restaurant Name: Delhi Delights
Restaurant Style: Indian
Signature Dish: paneer tikka
I've been in India, I hope you realize that. Because this is hardly Indian. It's bland, bland, BLAND.
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Right, all your food needs work. Serious work. Hopefully we can get some of that done.
Everyone has.... 10 points. 10 points to improve an aspect of your restaurant for next time we meet up. I expect improvements, though that won't be too hard.
