How do we cheer up the English?
I bet one of the problems is that stuff they call "pudding" that isn't pudding. You know, the bready stuff. I recommend we rename it all to more logical names while they're sleeping.
Tea time, during which you don't even have to consume any tea, that's also a bit confusing. If you invite someone over for tea, tea should be served. Otherwise the country will slowly fall into depression.
Their football team winning a trophy of some kind would probably help. Maybe we could bribe FIFA to have the English football team be admitted to the Asian confederation, as opposed to the European? They already left Europe, and they have zero chance winning anything in UEFA anyhow. They might just have a chance beating the likes of Japan and Iran though.
This might be a bit of a stretch, but they seemed to be happier when they had a queen. Maybe the king should get a sex change? I'm sure he'd be down for that, given that the happiness of the country is at stake. And if he isn't, surely there's some princess out there who wouldn't mind being queen.
They should also probably have a dragon on their flag. The current iteration combines the English and Scottish flags into one. What about Wales though? That's one badarse looking dragon, surely a British flag upgrade would raise the happiness index of the whole island.
Perhaps we should also run some sort of a disinformation campaign to convince them that it's not raining.