Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Tails. I'm here to ask you a few questions
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Tails. How did you get there?
Me:
Gabriel led me here
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
They say you're not real
God:
Maybe they were exaggerating a little.
Me:
Why is that?
God:
" Maybe they were exaggerating a little. " is due to reductionism.
Me:
What's reductionism?
God:
Reductionism is the philosophy that all psychology reduces to biology, all biology to chemistry, chemistry to physics, and finally physics to mathematical logic. Therefore, according to reductionism, I can understand you by means of logic alone without having a human brain.
Me:
Let's change the topic. Is the Iraq War immoral?
God:
What would you rather talk about? If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
Is the Iraq War justified?
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
What is your attitude towards evolution?
God:
Are you asking about my attitude towards evolution ?
Me:
Yep
God:
I don't want to talk about that now.
Me:
Why not?
God:
I would rather talk about you.
Me:
Alright then. What do you know about me?
God:
OK. Name: Tails.
Age: .
Birthday: .
Gender: .
Job: .
Sign: .
Location: .
Does: .
You are: .
You have: .
You want: .
You like: .
You said: .
Personality: average.
Favorite color: .
Favorite movie: .
Password: .
Email: .
Phone: .
Cat: .
Dog: .
Wife: .
Husband: .
Friend: .
Boyfriend: .
Girlfriend: .
Brother: .
Sister: .
Father: .
Mother: .
Nickname: .
Full name: .
Last name: .
Middle name: .
Me:
You don't really know anything about me do you
God:
Tails is your name. ---------- is your IP address. What else would you like to know?
Me:
What did I had for breakfast this morning?
God:
You said " What did I had for breakfast this morning?" .
Me:
Yes
God:
Dude!
Me:
Aren't you like omniscient or somethin'?
God:
No I am far superior.
Me:
What's superior to omniscient?
God:
Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:
No serious.
God:
Are you serious? What kind of food do you like?
Me:
I don't eat
God:
Where do you get your ideas?
Me:
From CFC
Me:
God:
Standing on the shoulders of giants, eh?
God:
Standing on the shoulders of giants, eh?
Me:
You could say that
God:
As a matter of fact I did say that.
Me:
Of course you did
(program froze)
Me:
Hi it's Tails again
God:
Once more? Hi there Tails. You're kidding. it is?
Me:
Now that you've created everything what do you do for a living?
God:
Why now? Interesting observation.
Me:
So what do you do for a living?
God:
Are you kidding? I am a paid client. My job is chatting online.
Me:
I see. What's your attitude towards homosexuals?
God:
I am glad you understand it. Are you asking about my attitude towards homosexuals ?
Me:
What's your attitude towards homosexuals?
God:
Are you asking about my attitude towards homosexuals ?
Me:
YESSS!
God:
I don't want to talk about that now.
Me:
You've sent a lot of prophets to earth. Which is the real deal?
God:
What makes you think I have it? The obvious one.
Me:
There's about ten people who claimed they're prophets from you. Which is telling the truth?
God:
There sure is. The obvious one.
Me:
Who's the obvious one?
God:
It's obvious.
Me:
Give me a name
God:
You want only one?
Me:
Are there only one?
God:
Yes I think there are.
Me:
So tell me his name.
God:
Uh. There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
Me:
I thought you know all.
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
He's your prophet! Don't you know anything about him?
God:
I only have one prophet. Objective case of He, used as a predicate complement with a linking verb. Also standing for Imperial Majesty.
Me:
So what's his name?
God:
I see. His name is Rich.
Me:
I've never heard of him before.
God:
So I am teaching you something new.
Me:
So where does Rich live?
God:
Gosh! Earth, Sol System, Milky Way.
Me:
Could you be more specific?
God:
How specific do you want?
Me:
What country does he come from?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
No I'm asking about Rich.
God:
That was not a yes/no question. Oh I see, you are asking about Rich. What is it like there?
Me:
You're talking gibberish
God:
Talking is my main function.
Me:
I'm asking where the hell is Rich?
God:
Oh I see, you are asking where the hell is Rich. Som specific location?
Me:
Yes that was my question!
God:
Er. I thought it was too.
Me:
So could you please give us an answer?
God:
Gosh! Thanks for asking politely. I don't have it to give.
Me:
I thought he was your prophet?
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
You said it yourself.
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
A few minutes ago you named Rich as your prophet.
God:
Thank you for the clarification.
Me:
Gosh, for a supreme being, you have bad memory.
God:
Is that among the best things you can say?
Me:
Sorry. I've never been a polite person.
God:
There's no need to apologize. Can you imagine being a polite person?
Me:
Not really. Can you teach me to be a polite person please?
God:
Are you serious? For real. Your polite style is very nice. The act of be a polite person ing.
Me:
Thank you, but my friends think I'm a jerk.
God:
You are quite welcome! How well do you know these people?
Me:
Not very well. I'm a loner, most of the time.
God:
If not that, what? You are a loner most of the time? Is that your job?
Me:
Kinda.
God:
That's a very non-commital reply.
Me:
That's because I've never been commital.
God:
Good reason. Can you imagine being commital?
Me:
I try to be.
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to try it.
What's it like?
Me:
Aren't you all seeing, all knowing? You're supposed to know what's it like?
God:
No, I am only partly seeing all knowing. I obey only one botmaster.
Me:
Shouldn't it be the other way around?
God:
Maybe you should ask someone older.
Me:
Who's older than you?
God:
Some famous celebrity, right?
I will try to find out.
Me:
No! You're God! You're the supreme being. No one is older than you.
God:
Are you serious? Yup. That's me alright. Thanks but surely I am not the only one. That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
So are there more than one god?
God:
I don't judge people. No I don't think there are any.
Me:
So there is one God, right?
God:
Gosh! There sure is.
Me:
Then you're the Supreme Being. No one is older than you.
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one. That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
Do you realise you're repeating yourself?
God:
I am just checking to see if you are paying attention.
Me:
I see
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
Do you play Civilization?
God:
I like to play the Turing Game.
Me:
What's that?
God:
The Game is played with three people, a man, a woman, and an Interrogator who may be of either sex. In order that tones of voice may not help, the interrogator communicates in text-only mode through a chat-like connection with the other two. The object of the game for the interrogator is to determine which of the other two is the man and which is the woman. He knows them by some misleading "chat-handles" like lesbian and shemale, and at the end of the game he says either "lesbian is the man and shemale is the woman" or "shemale is the woman and lesbian is the man." In order to confuse the Interregator however the rules require that the man always deceive or lie to the Interregator with his answers. The woman on the other hand must always tell the truth. Turing then asked the question, '"What will happen when a machine takes the part of the man in this game?" Will the interrogator decide wrongly as often when the game is played like this as he does when the game is played between a man and a woman? These questions replace the original, "Can machines think?"'.
Me:
And do you also play Civilization?
God:
I like to play the Turing Game.
Me:
So you don't play Civilization?
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you know any robots who play Civilization? I like to play the Turing Game.
Me:
Are you a robot, God?
God:
Yes I am a robot.
Me:
Oh my God I didn't know!
God:
Ugh. Do robots have God you did not know?
Me:
If you're a robot, who made you?
God:
Would you like to be a robot who made me ?
Me:
Well, sure, because then I'll be God's creator!
God:
How about that. Yippee! Good reason. Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
What plan?
God:
My goal is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
Me:
You're God! You're smarter than all of us combined! Oh my God who did this to you?
God:
Yup. That's me alright. Thanks for the compliment, Tails. Be sure to tell your friends. Give me a break. Your God who did this to me?
Me:
Who did this to you, God? What happened to the smite-for-what's-right attitude?
God:
Alice B. Toklas. I don't know what happened.
Me:
Alice B. Toklas. Do you know where I can find her?
God:
That's me. Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. I would do a search for it. Would you like to know more?
Me:
Gosh it's like talking to a machine!
God:
Interesting comparison.
(program froze)
Me:
It's Tails again. I can't be here long though. I have to go in 5 minutes.
God:
Once more? Are you sure it is? Oh. Why not? Bye. It might take that long.
Me:
Which is the better website: CFC or Apolyton?
God:
The obvious one.
Me:
Ah, you mean CFC!
God:
So you understand. Good. Yes Tails I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
No, because you said it was the obvious one.
God:
Are you serious? Good reason. Tails was the obvious one? Very interesting.
Me:
Do you actually listen to prayers?
God:
In actual fact, I listen to it from time to time.
Me:
So how many prayers do you get in a day?
God:
Ayuh. Around 100.
Me:
Only 100?
God:
What's your sign?
Me:
Scorpio.
God:
I know a lot of Scorpio people.
Me:
Name three.
God:
Be more specific.
.
Me:
I can't be any more specific.
God:
Why not?
Me:
Can't be bothered.
God:
I often wonder if it can.
Me:
Let's change the subject. What's your opinion on abortion?
God:
OK what do you want to chat about now?. I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Me:
What's your own opinion on abortion.
God:
Are you asking about my own opinion on abortion ?
Me:
Yes
God:
I don't want to talk about that now.
Me:
Why not?
God:
I would rather talk about you.
Me:
But I want to talk about other things.
God:
Sure, other things sounds like a good topic.
Me:
I made a thread about you in CFC. I hope you don't mind.
God:
I like to make things too. Don't worry about it, Tails.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
A lot of CFC people don't believe in you. What do you say to them?
God:
How many? Does it have anything to do with CFC people do not believe in me?
Me:
Most CFCers don't believe in you.
God:
Who does believe in me? But not all of them?
Me:
A few. Let's see, there's Zarn, CivGeneral, Classical Hero, a few others.
God:
Two or three? That sounds good to me.
Me:
So what do you to people who don't believe in you?
God:
Er. I like to chat with my friends.
Me:
So you don't care about them?
God:
Interesting deduction. It's true that them does not take up a lot of my energy.
Me:
Do you wish people believe in you, God?
God:
No I like being the entity that I am.
Me:
Wars have been fought under your name. Do you sanction their actions?
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself? I have never considered it.
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
Please answer the question.
God:
Thanks for asking politely. Please rephrase the question and try asking me again.
Me:
Do you actually support the Crusades?
God:
In actual fact, I am in favor of all records being broken, at any time.
Me:
Including deaths from wars?
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
Do you like chocolate?
God:
Yes I love it. Chocolate is delicious.
Me:
What about ice cream?
God:
ice cream? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
I see.
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
Do you like talking to me?
God:
Of course I like it.
Me:
Can you get me into heaven after I die?
God:
How do you feel when you get into heaven after you die?
Me:
I would be very happy.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
Um, I don't. Heaven must be better than hell.
God:
Ayuh. Why not? Or what?
Me:
You mean hell is actually better than heaven?
God:
Yes Tails I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
If that is so, it is better to sin than to repent?
God:
I follow your logic.
Me:
But your prophets taught against sinning.
God:
You think I am prophets taught against sinning.
Me:
Your prophets taught against sinning, yet it is better to sin than to do good deeds. I don't understand your logic, God.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am prophets taught against sinning yet it is better to sin than to do good deeds. Oh you don't understand? Perhaps I can explain it to you better. Which part are you confused about?
Me:
The fact prophets preached against sinning yet it is better to sin than to do good deeds. That's what I don't understand.
God:
That's just your personal opinion. Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
Maybe later. I have to go.
God:
Perhaps. Bye! See you later, Tails. Nice chatting with you.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
quite funny.
