NOTE: it's late but I'm posting this whole thing now regardless. Anticipate revisions tomorrow after I wake the heck up and review my assuredly flawed prose... You have been warned.
Alright, the text shouldn't change further, aside from tiny nit-picks...
As you know, for this game I am only building caster units and probably 95% of those units are adepts and wizards. Since I’ve had to make an army out of one type of unit, I have specialized those units heavily and given those specializations names. However, I’m picking up on some confusion concerning what everything means, so I’d like to use this space to clarify.
Battlecaster: A unit specialized in combat promotions and, later, Earth 1 and 2. Sometimes you need a big tough unit to crack a particularly stubborn defender or guard a stack of softer units. Park one of these guys in a city and you suddenly have a Defense 7, energy resistant, 3-first-strikes unit enjoying an additional +25% defense bonus. Really, an expensive warrior but the passive XP gain is nice.
Generalist: A unit specialized in being able to cast as many spheres of magic as possible. While the battlecasters smash, the Generalists hasten, spy via floating eyes and burn down troublesome jungles. Later on, they regenerate, lob fireballs and dispel mana nodes for repurposing. This “specialization” becomes obsolete once Govannon shows up.
Summoner: Death 1+2 and Extend Spell 1+2 for great justice!
Bombardier: Fire 1+2 and Extend Spell 1+2 to better
burninate the countryside and thatched roof cottages.
Domestic Caster: Takes Mind 1, Spirit 1+2, Earth 1+2 and maybe Water 1. Sits around and keeps the city
happy,
inspired and
well defended. Springs any nearby desert.
For the record, I gave Hemah Fire 1-3, Earth 1-3 and Extend Spell 1+2. While Twincast is awesome, I didn’t want to wait on accumulating the 6 non-casty promotions needed to get it and instead had Hemah burn and crush my enemies immediately (
mainly Svartalfar and demons from Bradelines Well).
Now, a wizard is simply the mage UU for the Amurites and the Battlemage is the archmage UU. I realize that the Battlemage and the Battlecaster sound similar but they aren’t necessarily the same thing (a Battlemage could, and arguably should, be a Battlecaster but it isn’t required).
And now, we commence with the next, and last, act of Revenge of the Nerds with...
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Scene Four
The Place: The Super-Continent of Erebus
The Time: The Age of Rebirth, Year 198 to Year 257
The Cast:
Dain the Caswallan:
Prime Procreator of his people, has had some long days and bad nights of late
Tebryn:
An impotent potentate, never moved out of his parent’s palace in Gavelhome
Capria:
Has a worrisome crusade-reflex triggered by literacy, death mana or other religions
Jonas:
Alpha Orc of the Clan, carries a torch for Bhall both figuratively and literally
Faeryl:
Queen of the Winter Court, she is renowned for her huuuge… tracks of land
Sandalphon:
Supreme Spook of the Sidar, is more transparent than his motives
Valledia the Even:
A wily wizardess, has a chip on each shoulder and a copy of Il Principe
Hemah:
A waking dream made manifest, he has a nasty habit of ret-conning reality when he dozes off
Dain is leaving the cafeteria when suddenly Faeryl is walking beside him (
how do the Svartalfar do that!?). She’s wearing a clingy dress (
does she own any other kind) which makes Dain’s mouth go dry and his palms, moist. “You know, you’re pretty good at sorcery, Dain. Do you think you and I could do a little after school study session for this week’s thaumaturgy exam? I know this room in the library
that’s perfect; (
she places her hand on his chest, making his pubescent body go crazy) no one ever goes there so we’d be
alllll alone. Just you and...” She stops suddenly, her head tilting ever upward. With an exertion of will, Dain takes his eyes off of Faeryl and follows her gaze over to the flag pole where Jonas is hoisting some ratty looking, strangely shaped flag. Which
isn’t. A flag. At. ALL.
How Jonas got a hold of his gym shorts, Dain will never know for sure. Dain had bound an elemental spirit to his locker to curtail him being
stuffed into it every other week or having a stink-imp summoned inside; perhaps Dain didn’t explicitly forbid anything being taken out of it.
Oops. And now, everyone is laughing at Dain. Sandalphon, Jonas, Daracaat, Hannah. Even Capria is failing in her effort to cover the smirk with a disapproving scowl. And Faerly... she has no desire to study eldritch bindings with a man who’s
under garments and
cod piece are blowing like some icon of Tali. Instead she walks over to Tebryn, whispers something in his ear and leads him in the direction of the library...
giggling.
Dain wakes up with a start, accidentally jostling
Noranna the Taciturn awake.
“What’s the matter?” she asks sleepily.
“He was having a nightmare.” muttered Gamela, who was already sitting up in bed, “He’s been muttering in his sleep for half an hour.”
Tilania, who had been laying on the side by the brazier, yawned and propped herself up on her elbow. “If it would help, I can make you some tea. No? What about you, Liara?”
“No thank you. I’d have to brush my teeth afterwards and
Marial the Limber has already claimed the bathroom.”
Ever since Capria had declared war, Dain had been forced to consolidate his schedule more and more to accommodate the additional demands placed on him; as a result, his
days and bed had become increasingly crowded.
Oye Vey.
There exist other worlds beyond Erebus. Worlds filled with beings beyond count,
some terrifying, others merely strange. There exist entire planes containing nothing but
infinite elemental energy. The wizards of the Amurites could, in their own limited way, access those places. So long as there were casters, the Amurites would never run out of fireballs or specters or anything else they cared to summon. How did Capria think she could compete when each of her axmen had to be
raised, trained,
fed, armed and
marched all the way from some distant Bannor city to Dain’s border? Was it even moral to sacrifice real, feeling people against an
ablative layer of summoned foes? Regardless of what she thought, the answer was... she couldn’t. A single circle of wizards could summon the equivalent of a
terror-inducing squadron of swordsman or catapult-shot of
pure flame. And they could do this every day, with each circle matching the military output of the
proudest Bannorian fortress. Attrition
FTW.
In the year 206, the defenders of Tentationis were defeated and the city captured by a battlecaster wielding Orthus’ Ax. In 209, Astrium was
razed and pillaged by undead at the behest of their robed masters. Dain kept sending messengers offering Capria the chance to surrender and save her people from further losses but those messengers kept coming back with the same response: “
When Hell freezes over.”
In 210, on the unveiling of the
Catacomb Libralis in Cevedes, Sandalphon’s shadowy legion went to Capria’s aid. Anta, the former capitol of the multi-limbed Archos, was suddenly surrounded. When danger reared its ugly head, the resident battlecaster told his squad of skeletons to “
keep ‘em busy” while he bravely turned his tail and fled. While not the most honorable form of combat, it got results: Anta was recaptured in 213 without the loss of any “
real” troops and Sandalphon would never again manage to budge the wizards and their
arcane cannon fodder.
In 216, Vallus was captured;
ectoplasm intermixing with the blood of its broken defenders. On 219, a cold snap unlike any since Mulcarn was
forcibly retired was felt across Erebus; hills and plains were frozen over and coated in snow. That same year Trinity was captured after a force of five wizards exhausted their spellstaves to summon a second barrage of fireballs; partly to reduce the militia to
barbecue but mainly to
stave off the cold. Capria, seeing that even Bhall was wearing a sweater, signed the statement of capitulation even before the last of the fires in Trinity had been extinguished. Dain wanted to be there in person but he was tied up by other things (
namely Marial, who was surprisingly adept
with knots).
The Library of Cevedes had been under renovation continuously and for longer than Dain could remember. Abnoba,
mad prophet of the Overlords, had been the chief architect directing its expansion; or rather, Mikel Dylantyr had been until Hemah began napping in the reference section… then
Abnoba was suddenly-had always been (
Editors note: conjugating the
preterit future durative tense is a pain. I blame Danalin). In 221, Abnoba led a great ceremony beseeching the
inscrutable submerged powers to bless the sprawling academic edifice, pronouncing that the
Great Library was completed (it was originally going to be called the
Librum Ubiquitous but Hemah had
nodded off while Abnoba was rehearsing his speech). Abnoba’s true desire was to find the famed
Necronomicon, an ancient tome revered by the Overlords which, according to legend, had been misshelved centuries ago by a Beadel
driven mad just by reading the book’s “
About the Author” page. After a year of searching, Abnoba was compelled by a dream to visit the rustic hinterland of the building:
the reference section. There he found the book set beside a sleeping figure whose snores made the
air change color . Abnoba gingerly lifted the volume and tiptoed away, making sure not to disturb the archmage; you didn’t last long as a cultist if you didn’t let
sleeping gods lie.
Peace had cost Capria her mana and no small part of her pride. Furthermore, she was forced to turn against her former ally, Sandalphon. However, Dain had made good on his tirade to the Bannorian envoy so long ago because the Bannor mainly had to stay out of the
way of the fireballs, lest their precious armaments
get melted. In 231, Stakrus was razed and its inhabitants driven out...
or so it’s thought; the garrison seemed to keep finding shades skulking in out-of-the-way places, single-mindedly
carving this or
composing that. The wizards had taken to leaving art supplies in conspicuous locations as a kind of
Sidar-trap and every six weeks or so they’d catch another one. In 234 Vetus was occupied and Sandalphon was finally willing to call a truce (
Rule of Acquisition #76: Every once in a while, declare peace... it confuses the hell out of your enemies). That or maybe he’d been willing beforehand and the Amurites simply
didn’t notice his messenger until then...
“
Valledia, I saw the upcoming itinerary for the Academy and couldn’t help but notice my directives had been changed.”
“Oh, I thought your secretary had simply botched something because the draft I received from you-”
Ahem
"The draft that somehow found its way into my office through
undisclosed channels... better? Anyway, that document said you wanted to research currency. What purpose have we for coinage when we could instead mint the
currency of the cosmos by researching
Elementalism,
Divination and
Alteration?”
“
A valid point, however, we previously pursued the arcane to the exclusion of all else because our survival depended on it. Now, we have cowed our neighbors, become the envy of all other nations and have more sage specialists than most people have teeth.”
Several thoughts seemed to cross Valledia’s mind all at once. Her face, normally a carefully maintained facade of feigned patience, twitched momentarily while she worked through some inner turmoil. Recomposed, Valledia drew a long breath, exhaled and steepled her fingers. “Dain, go back to your book-filled bungalow and bury yourself in your research or your
secretary’s cleavage or something. Go and live your little nerdy fantasy of
books and
boobies because I’m busy dealing with the real world where people
want to kill us. Remember that, Dain? Remember when the Archos and the Sheaim and the Bannor wanted to flex their mighty muscles and
cut the nerds to ribbons? It was me, Dain, not you, that got our people out of those situations with all their organs still on the inside. You’re a dreamer, Dain,
a philosopher; you’re not
organized like I am and you have no concept of just how many enemies
within and without are seeking, right now, to give you and me and every last ivory-tower egg head a
terminal wedgie.
“I’m not a monster, Dain. I don’t seek power because I enjoy it or because I have nothing better to fill my time. I wield it because if I don’t than
We. All. DIE. I have
more blood on my hands than you can even imagine Dain and I will not hesitate for a second to
spill yours if I have to. Our people don’t need
money. They don’t need
choices and they don’t need to know how things
REALLY work. They just need to ‘
know’ that everything is hunky-dory and that Dain’s
magic and
loins will save us all. So go smile for the masses, make lots of little
caster babies and
get the hell out of my office... I have work to do.”
Whimper…
Dain began work on Elementalism the next morning. In 235, when that task was completed, he turned to Alteration and in 240, he went to work on unlocking the secrets of Divination. No matter how many wards he created, no matter how many locks (
mundane and magical) he installed or ephemeral sentries he summoned, Dain slept poorly and the nightmares continued.
Magic is unfair. A wizened craftsman can pass his teachings onto his apprentices provided they have the wit and skill needed. It is a merit-based system; if you are talented or determined you can ascend to the rank of master. However, magic is not so kind and some people are
objectively superior to others at wielding it… which is why Dain’s bedchamber has a
revolving door. Once the Amurites tapped into all the raw mana dotting their dominion, along with the mana
being extorted from the Bannor, a new breed of casters came to be. Suffused since birth with copious amounts of mana, these adepts left the Cave of the Ancients already prepared to receive their
spellstaff as a full wizard. Furthermore, they had innate understanding of numerous schools of magic and what they didn’t know was freely taught to them by
Govannon, an archmage who had dedicated himself to learning the low-level magics and bestowing them indiscriminately to others. The first generalist, more experienced than any other caster
in existence, was put to shame by this new generation. It was during this time that gave rise to the first Domestic Casters, those who used their magic to enhance, rather than expand, the empire. Valledia wasn’t pleased by the new curriculum but the domestic caster program was endorsed by
Dain AND
Govannon so there was little she could do. That said, Dain’s anxiety worsened as he anticipated the wrath that Valledia
may or may not eventually visit upon him.
Standing within a wheeled cage, surrounded by
bars of unattainium (the only material known to resist
retroactive continuity), Hemah was brought into the Palace of Cevedes. Eventually word had reached Valledia that there was a portion of the
Great Library where stranger things than usual happened; furniture
becoming ambulatory, librarians being
transmogrified into primates, that sort of thing. After her third spy had returned from the reference section convinced that he was a
bowl of petunias (
“oh no, not again…”), Valledia sent in a crack squad of Beadels to apprehend Hemah. For the charge of “
altering the very tapestry of creation and messing with forces beyond mortal ken… without a permit”, Hemah was given two years of community service. However, after a nap in the holding cell
turned the bailiff into an eldritch horror, his term was increased considerably. To put it mildly, Hemah would be casting on behalf of the Amurites until Cardith Lorda
hit puberty.
Years passed and Dain slowly withdrawn from larger society. Valledia led the Amurites in their defense against
Faeryl’s invasion, while directing the construction of the
Tower of Divination within Cevedes. The Sidar had suffered the loss of two cities from the demons pouring out of
Bradelines Well and Vetus wasn’t giving us anything but grief so we gave it back to Sandalphon (hopefully he’ll act as a buffer between us and the
demonic rabble). This marked a substantial improvement for our financial situation and relations with the Sidar. Faeryl invaded over the western border but her units are
just as flammable as everyone else’s (except Tebryn’s Pyre Zombies; catching those on fire is
kind of redundant). Hemah and a handful of Bombardiers have been doing long range bombardment of the Svartalfar border cities (fire elementals and fireballs can cover a lot of open ground with the right promotions). Everything was progressing more or less to Valledia’s satisfaction until 255, when one of her (
literally) undercover contacts reported that the “Dain” she had been spying on was really
a simulacrum. No wonder he’d kept it so cold of late; normally that made it
hard for him to...
It wasn’t until 257 that Dain was found. Rather, in 257 the
many layers of illusions,
false walls and
hidden passageways shrouding Dain’s inner sanctum were opened. Dain, the real Dain, not the one made of
animate snow, strolled out accompanied by a
spectral assistant carrying a great pile of books, dockets and scrolls. Several of Valledia’s agents, who had been given orders to disable the Caswallan on sight, were repulsed by a
crackling barrier of energy. By unseen forces, crowds were parted and obstructing carts and tents were
rent asunder to make way for the archmage. Once he reached the palace, Dain and his ethereal escort flew up to the third story office where Ms.
The Even performed her cloak-and-daggers brand of leadership. The door was
blasted off its hinges,
immolated and
disintegrated, all in one display of raw magical might and gingerly Dain entered while a crowd gathered outside. Valledia looked up from her desk seemingly unshaken, though her hand moved imperceptibly to rest on a dagger she always had tucked away...
just in case.
“
Valledia, you scare the hell out of me. You are a conniving, Machiavellian and cutthroat ruler and you have been coercing me as your figurehead for longer than I care to imagine.”
So surprised (
or enraged, it was hard to tell) was Valledia that she did nothing but stare and tighten her grip on the dagger, which carried a number of
very nasty hexes.
“
My malleability and your ruthlessness prove that neither of us are fit to lead the most powerful nation on Erebus. Therefore, I am about to resign and, as my last act in office, abolish the position of Caswallan. Before that, I am making a few changes to ensure the power vacuum left in our wake is filled wisely. From here on out the Amurites will be a republic; one leader can be controlled where an entire delegation cannot. Furthermore, the apprenticeship system has ossified our civilization, ensuring that the powerful and influential stay in control by grooming their own replacements, continuing cycles of ideological nepotism. I am replacing that with a meritorious caste-system in which all people may rise to the rank their talent and magical prowess affords them. These castes will be too large and autonomous to be manipulated. So, pack up your things, Valledia; you’re fired.”
There was a long silence, during which Valledia seemed to size Dain up, as though to decide whether to
attack him outright or wait for a better opportunity to punish him for his
sudden possession of a spine.
“You are a petulant child and your tantrum is as
piteous as it is
naïve. A bunch of Ivory-Tower academics can’t even hold a symposium without getting into a
nerd-fight, let alone make life-and-death decisions in any sort of intelligent fashion. I have allowed the Amurites to concern themselves with learned things while I make the
hard choices, while my
conscience is burdened. These people don’t want
suffrage; they want to be free of suffering and dilemmas. If you open their cell then all they are going to do is elect a new jailer to
close it once more.”
“
Perhaps, but it isn’t our decision any more. If we, the Amurites, can’t govern ourselves then we have no business ruling this world. We can’t allow the Age of Magic to happen again; down that road lays strife, misery and caster-lynching mobs. The nerds have had their revenge and now we need to move on.
Goodbye Valledia.”
As Dain was summoning a nimbus to carry him to the ground, Valledia reared back and
hurled her dagger at the Caswallan. True to its enchantments, the blade travelled unfettered through Dain’s wards, cut through his clean and regal robe of office,
buried itself in his side and
burst into an
unnatural green flame. A steady trickle of water flowed out of the wound; Dain slowly crumbled onto the floor in a heap of
ice and snow, ruining what was surely a very expensive rug.
“
You may be a top notch dictator, Valledia, but you are mediocre wizard.” The ethereal steward morphed as the shadow-magic fell away, leaving Dain in its place, holding his own books and standing over the remains of his simulacrum. He was wearing his robes from high school,
burnt and
tattered but somehow capturing the proud determination that Dain possessed now as he had so long ago. Furthermore, a pair of floating eyes, one hovering over each shoulder, was now visible and the two viewed the whole scene. At a distant location, trusted sages were busily recording the exchange from their scrying glass into a
magical storage medium; soon everyone in Cevedes and beyond would bear witness to the entire scene.
“
Valledia, you are so boned right now.” With that, Dain departed on a platform of air and that night he enjoyed two things he had not experienced in a long, long time: a
bed all to himself and a
good night’s sleep.
And so it was that the Amurites became self-governed and kicked all sorts of butt using only
their wits and
their wands. The story from here is not yet written (
mainly because my computer keeps bogging down this late in the game) but on the eve of the first election, while the ballots were filled and the votes cast (literally in the case of the wizards who had to poll remotely via
astral projection), a robed figure strolled along the streets of Cevedes, humming a little tune and occasionally sipping a cup of very strong coffee.
“
You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And Erebus will be as one.”
End Scene Four
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All lyrics were pulled from
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/ and mangled by me when appropriate.
Further observations on gameplay and strategy to come soon. Until then, you can
look over the game (I have included many little, snarky comments) and, if you are so inclined, continue it.