Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Abaddon]

My body evolves so I harness the acid's power and can instead SPIT ACID! Which I do, into Seon's eyes..

 

[!!!!!]

i explode

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

You stop not letting me do my actions.

10 (13): Very well. Even if circumstances are such that it would be physically impossible to complete... there shall be a roll. But beware the Hax.

I attack someone with my chainsaw knife.

19 (20): You go on a rampage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (19): Abaddon trips you so you cut yourself for 20 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17: Darth Caesar likewise disorients you for another 20 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (6): Seon suffers 18 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (3): mythmonster2 takes 17 damage and ongoing -8 hitpoints.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2: civplayah loses 19 hitpoints and suffers ongoing 6 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
2: Verarde takes 21 damage and bleeds at a rate of -7 hp/turn.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5: CivGeneral takes 20 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (11): Abaddon's clone evades all injury.

I empty an AK-47 clip into Abaddon's head.

17 (16): You empty the magazine, dealing 42 damage and disrupting his regenerative ability. Somehow.

Look out a window to see how close we are to our destination.

14 (15): You think you can see the planet far in the distance.

I try my hand at using my hands to propel myself!

13: And it works!

My body evolves so I harness the acid's power and can instead SPIT ACID! Which I do, into Seon's eyes..

7: Not unless it leaks into your lungs.

i explode

8: You're just not angry right now.

 

[Red_Spy]

I find a nuke.

 

[mythmonster2]

What? You bastard... But first heal myself and tell my bodyguard to restrain Red_Spy.

 

[Terrance888]

I use the power of prayer to heal myself!

 

[Seon]

I bludgeon Abaddon to death with my AK-47.

 

[Double A]

I do something physically impossible. And awesome.

 

[Abaddon]

I snap Seons arms.

 

[GenMarshall]

I slash Red_Spy's arm for hurting me!

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I find a nuke.

2: In Soviet Cosmos, nuke find YOU!! Breaking open a container clearly marked "radioactive", you stumble upon a degraded warhead that contaminates you, dealing -13 hitpoints from radiation poisoning each turn.

What? You bastard... But first heal myself and tell my bodyguard to restrain Red_Spy.

4 (13): You stop the bleeding, but Red_Spy is nowhere to be found.

I use the power of prayer to heal myself!

10: Sunspots must be jamming the signal. I mean spiritual connection.

I bludgeon Abaddon to death with my AK-47.

1 (1): He snatches it from your arms and shoves it down your throat for 30 damage, worsening your already severe wounds by a further -13 hp/turn.

I do something physically impossible. And awesome.

4 (7): You'll have to be a bit more specific.

I snap Seons arms.

14 (17):

Spoiler :

Seon suffers 19 damage and is unable to manipulate his arms.

I slash Red_Spy's arm for hurting me!

1 (5): He's too fast, and the blade hits a bulkhead and bounces back at you for 14 damage.

 

[Red_Spy]

I cure my radition poisining.

 

[Seon]

I hurry to the nearby medical station.

 

[Double A]

I shoot missiles at everyone else

 

[Abaddon]

I break Seon's legs off.

 

[Terrance888]

I pray to the devil instead

 

[mythmonster2]

Search for Red_Spy.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I cure my radition poisining.

9: How, exactly?

I hurry to the nearby medical station.

18 (17): You duck into the medical bay where Abaddon's clone stops the hemorrhaging, repairs your arms, and restores 125 hitpoints.

I shoot missiles at everyone else

14 (17): You barrage the ship yet again, dealing 14 damage to everyone on board.

I break Seon's legs off.

3 (6): You slam into the door as it slams shut for 12 damage.

I pray to the devil instead

10: He didn't help landlubber and he's not helping you.

Search for Red_Spy.

9 (10): He's not in the washroom.

 

[Double A]

Civplayah and I exchange HP totals.

 

[Seon]

Restored, I burst out of the door, knocking Abaddon down in the process.