Zaphod of the Babylonians

[zaphod2016]

Technical details:

No work tomorrow....
Full case of cold pepsi....
Wife at work all night....
Forum of like-minded fanatics...
Loading up civ1 on DosBox...
Difficulty level: King Mode
Number of civs: Seven

Let the good times roll.

Also, I would like to make things interesting by doing some sort of fan fiction with this. I am making this up as I go along, so bear with me.

3980 B.C. - The Rise of Zaphod

After delivering a passionate lecture about the nomadic tendencies of the Babylonian peoples, Zaphod suggests that the tribe unify, and dedicate themselves to the pursuit of technology so that one day they might have computers to play civ1 on.

The people agreed that this was a noble goal, crowned Zaphod supreme dictator for life, and founded the city of Babylon.



-------

Special thanks to Drake for inspiring me to try this.

 

[zaphod2016]

2940 BC - Meet the Neighbors

The city of Sumer, west of Babylon, marks our border with the Greeks.

To the north, Uruk marks our border with the Russians.

An uneasy peace falls over the land.

The prophets warn of wars yet to be fought.

 

[zaphod2016]

2440 B.C. - War Were Declared



Those murderous Russians have betrayed peace, launching a militia against the people of Uruk. Meanwhile, the deceitful Greeks have breached our western border- a catapult moves eastward!



The Chariots of Babylon easily slaughter the meager Russian armies north of Uruk. Afterwards, one chariot holds guard, while another follows a migration to Ashur. Legend tells that the eastward lands are rich with gold and game; Ashur shall lay claim to our manifest destiny!

Meanwhile, the port of Egypt fortifies with phalanx armed with a catapult. This port shall allow us to easily move into the mysterious Greek Sea.

 

[zaphod2016]

1360 B.C. - Prepare for (more) war

The Russians soon beg for peace, and the glorious Babylonians decide to be merciful and make peace. Our people continue to expand into the eastern lands, and to explore the areas south of Egypt.




By 1240 B.C. we have taken command of the sea. The city of Akkad is founded north of the Greeks. As spies follow the Greek armies, Akkad begins production of the tools of war.



We have also sent a lonely ship westward, over the endless sea. Who knows what fate awaits it? Some say it has already fallen off of the edge of the world.

 

[zaphod2016]

The brave Babylonians have ventured across the vast seas, and discovered a new world waiting there. The Aztecs greeted us with feeble threats.



To the south of the Aztecs we found the Germans, and more feeble threats.



Our African colonies were greeted by the Mongol Hordes.



Meanwhile, in Europe, we have decided to rid the world of the hideous Greeks. Our powerful new Ironclad quickly eliminates the armies of Paris.



Our navy swiftly crosses the tip of Spain, and takes aim at the Greek capital.



The pitiful Greeks are no match for our legions of catapults. Behold: the Hanging Gardens! Throughout the empire, Babylonians rejoice!

And the Russians look on nervously...

 

[zaphod2016]

Without warning, the worthless Russians attacked the peoples of Babylonia.

The time for diplomacy had ended. And the world erupted in war.



Our catapults made short work of the eastern cities...



One by one the cities fell, as the catapults circled Moscow...



With their capital under occupation, the spirit of the Russians had been broken. Once again, Stalin begged for peace. However, it was too late. The enraged peoples of Babylon screamed with bloodlust, and march forward...

Meanwhile, the Aztecs conquered the Germans, and took control of the Americas.

 

[zaphod2016]

The northern armies, fresh from victory over the Russians sail southward.



The Mongols fall quickly. No one is spared.



At long last, the enemies of the Babylonians are vanquished!

The Babylonians overthrow the despotic warlords who have long ruled. The people demand democracy, and a government of the people, for the people, by the people.

President Zaphod is elected in a landslide, and promises an era of peace and technological development. The Babylonians return to building infrastructure, dreaming of the day their great-grandchildren will have computers.

 

[zaphod2016]

Note to mods: I put this thread in the wrong place. I'm sorry. Please move it.
------------

By 1776 A.D. the people of Babylon have been enjoying computers peacefully for a few decades. Using the SETI program, some Babylonian scientists have theorized that it might be possible to colonize space.

Meanwhile, our greatest ally and trading partner, the Aztecs, have betrayed us- opening fire on some undefended railroad builders.



The nation is divided:

Some demand revenge- they suggest that the only way to achieve a lasting peace is to invade the Americas, and force a regime change.

Others disagree- they suggest that our national defense can survive any major Aztec attack, and that we should continue focusing on the newly formed space program.

President Zaphod thus held a referendum: shall we erradicate the Aztecs, or colonize space? What is the will of the people?

 

[Tanktunker]

Why is your defense minister wearing a bear suit?
Does he plan on intimidating your enemies like that?

 

[zaphod2016]

Why?

Because that's Teddy (like the Bear) Roosevelt.



Duh...

 

[Comrade Aart]

I love it how you push your luck by acting peacefully.
Normally I'm really peaceful in civ, but once I'm at war with the Russians, Greeks or Mongolians I kill them fully, since they backstab anyway.

For the game itself I think world domination will be more interesting than a space race victory. Unless you see a great space rival in the Aztecs. I only had this once in a game, the only space race I've ever lost!

Good luck!