Motivation? You kick ass at it. Far more than baka gai-jin. Even, (fake modesties aside) me. Japan can be alienating at times. But there's ways around it… also, therapy (can you afford it? I don't know how much is charged in Japan) is stygmatised in the US but it can be good, even if you only start a few sessions by talking about what happens every day. Go with the flow.