random quotes

[PrinceOfLeigh]

"She said, 'I'm your biggest fan,' and I said, 'Who are you?' She said, 'Paris Hilton.'” - Ricky Gervais

“We're not arrogant, we just believe we're the best band in the world.” - Noel Gallagher

 

[thetrooper]

"I heard that there's a genetic predisposition for whinging in those who are born in Australia on days that have the letter 'Y' in the name."
- PrinceOfLeigh

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

French Soldier: Un cadeau.
Other French soldiers: A what?
French Soldier: A present.
Other French soldiers: Oh. Un cadeau.
Other French soldiers: Oui oui.
French Soldier: Allons y!
Other French soldiers: What?
French Soldier: Let's go!
Other French soldiers: Oh.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail​

 

[Swedishguy]

Heard in class:

Canadian Teacher: I promise you I will let you see Cesium, er I mean, Lithium burning tomorrow.

[some minutes later]

Canadian Teacher: And that's the reason Alkali Metals are so expensive, er I mean, reactive.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

"Dear diary: Today I killed off Moose and Squirrel. Weather continues fair."
"Boris, look! They're safe!"
"Raskarnikoff! Now I got to erase whole page."

Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale

"[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]What does Pottsylvania have more than any other country? Mean! We have more mean than any other country in Europe! We must export mean."
[/FONT]

Fearless Leader

​

 

[Sophie 378]

I just made a post here, and it disappeared... I was coming back to edit it, and hope this doesn't end up as a double-post or a warning

In response to the thread wondering why Americans are getting shorter (or aren't getting taller):

That's because God created the Americans as they are now and they are stuck with a fixed height, when the Europeans are blessed with Evolution and can thus get taller.

Americans saying they have nothing in common with Europe are like children hating their parents when they reach puberty.

 

[Steph]

I've been quoted! I've been quoted!

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

...And a fine quote it is, too!


"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down."

Mitch Hedberg

"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose."

Andy Rooney

"Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something."

Thomas Edison

"Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life."

Immanuel Kant

​

 

[Perfection]

"Laugh it up, fuzzball!"

-Han Solo

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

"William Tell could take an apple off your head, Taylor could take out a processed pea." - Sid Waddell's tribute to Phil 'The Power' Taylor.

 

[Swedishguy]

Heard in corridor:

Finnswede: Hey! Are you ready, chinese?
Chinese: Pardon?
Finnswede: I said, are you ready, chinese?
Chinese: It's not my fault I'm a chinese. I don't wanna be a chinese!
Finnswede: You can ski. That's kinda cool for a chinese.
Chinese: Oh, don't start you too!

 

[kristopherb]

"im dont want to be posseed i want a happy meal"

 

[Sophie 378]

In thread: "Some news to warm to very cockles of your heart"

My cockles havent been this warm since Bush choked on a pretzel

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

"The electrical business will be up and running in the next few weeks. It'll be a shock doing a full day's work again." - Brett Dallas, retiring from Rugby league to go back to work.

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

From The Simpsons

Drederick Tatum: Hey, cut it out, I insist that you desist!
Nelson: Sorry! I'm so sorry! *punches Tatum* Please don't hurt me!
Drederick Tatum: You leave me little recourse!

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

Groundskeeper Willie: It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!
Principal Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.
Groundskeeper Willie: You just made an enemy for life!

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

Bart: [sharpening knives] Dad, start diggin' some nerd holes!

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, it's not quite a puppet, but man...
[laughs hysterically]
Homer: So to answer your question, I don't know.

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

Arnold Schwarzenegger:

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”

"Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.”

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

Fat Tony: Greetings, Homer.
Homer: Hey, Tony. Still with the mafia?
Fat Tony: Uh, yes, thank you for asking. You might remember, a while ago you were done a favor by our... how shall I put this... mafia crime syndicate.
Homer: Oh yeah, that's right?
Fat Tony: Well, I have come to inform you that now it's your turn to do us a favor.
Homer: Wait - you mean the only reason the Mob did me a favor was because they wanted something back in return? Fat Tony. I say good day to you, sir.
Fat Tony: [Ashamed] Okay... I'll go now.
[He leaves the building]
Fat Tony: Hey... wait a minute.