random quotes

Swedishguy: how is it possible to get 10 + ANYTHING wrong? :confused:


Some random quotes I've been collecting lately: :goodjob: and :rotfl:
You cant imagine how kicking <behind> improves your mood. Much better then smoking. <Behind> kicking is also a cheaper habit than smoking. Cigarettes are expensive, but <behinds> are always in good supply.
(Above: bowdlerized at moderator's request.)
I have an uncle in Germany. I visited him in his old apartment. Once he didn't know what time it was so he yelled what time is it and he got three answers. It was probably one of the reasons he moved.
Well, at least he's being honest. I mean, behind the "gummint is inefficient" and "wahhh! taxes!" arguments are essentially, "I don't want my money spent to keep other people from dying."
Babbler's signature said:
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Take care and call back, Narz.

You are an island of decency in a sea of vile squids.
:)
<snip>
"Meet the new boss, same as the old boss." (10 points to whoever knows where that is from.)

won't be fooled again, the Who.

He's French, can I get the points instead? :mischief:
You could hire yourself out as a drill-bit for an oil rig. Those things are hella expensive ....
That's why I don't go into the ocean: Fish <mate> in it.
(Removed the f-word, see above.)
I'm calling "llama-vomit" on that one :mischief:
Moderator Action: While helpful to the forum, the autocensor doesn't dictate what is and isn't profanity. ;) Those unable to keep their own mouth clean will be "encouraged" to brush their teeth with Leftypaste. :mischief:

I'm adding in more quotes here all the time, and will keep doing so until we get to the end of the page. Then I might make another post.

Does anyone actually like the CFC quotes I collect? Am I just spamming the thread? Shall I stop? Or are these rofl-worthy ones interesting to others, too?


EDIT: more quote collections: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, this one, 9, 10
 
"To me, Blackadder, socks are like sex. Tons of it about, and I never seem to get any."

Prince George in one of the Blackadder episodes.
 
Unlikely things to hear on Comic Relief
Andy Parsons: And we'd just like to thank the donation of 160 000 turkeys from a Mr B Matthews!
Frankie Boyle: Remember, Tonight isn't all about comedy, here's Ben Elton!
Hugh Dennis: This village had only one goat, until I ate it!
Frankie Boyle: Later Dawn French will be climbing into a bath of beans. not for charity, it's her supper!
Jo Caulfield: Hi, my name's Aday and I'm 7 years old, and I have to walk five miles everyday to get fresh water. So I really don't have time to play football with fat celebrities. **** off and give me the money!
Russell Howard: Right, here's one for ye: Three Ethiopians walk into a bar...
Frankie Boyle: And remember, 20% of everything you give goes directly to a grinning warlord, wearing a necklace of human fingerbones.
Russell Howard: (bouncing up and down in imitation of a BBC link) We're from the Masai Tribe, when are we going to get that money for that item we did?
Rhod Gilbert: Nah, I don't believe it either, some of those kids are fatter than I am!




From Mock The Week

i rember watching that:lol:
 
Chris Moyles: "Comic Relief, keeping African warlords in Gold Chains since 1985!"
 
Christopher Lasch: "Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success."
 
Borat: What kind of dog is this?
Zookeeper: It's a tortoise.
Borat: Is it a cat in a hat?
Zookeeper: No... it's a tortoise in a shell.
 
Spaced quotes

Tyres: Mine's a pint of the black stuff.
Mike: You can't drink a pint of Bovril.

Brian: Do you think I should lose the waistcoat.
Tim: I think you should burn it. 'Cause, y'know, if you lose it, you might find it again.
 
The Fast Show:

Carl Hooper: Next week on the show: bats - are they really blind or just takin' a piss out of me?

Ralph: What are you fishing for?
Ted: Fish.

News anchor: A fe fe fe a fe fe fe, Boutros Boutros-Ghali. Scorchio!
 
CFC quotes are the best. Keep it up, Sophie.

Swedishguy: That was my jokey take on your quotes. Sorry, I couldn't resist. ;)
 
From Pheonix Nights:

[Opens package to reveal a gun]
Paddy: What on earth is that?
Max: That my friend, is a German Broomhandle Mauser.
Paddy: I'm not using that...
Max: Why, what's wrong with it?
Paddy: It's an antique that's what it is.
Max: Hey. It's not an antique. There's nothing wrong with that. It was my granddad's. He shot a German with this.
Paddy: Was that in the Second World War?
Max: No, it were in Benidorme. He had a row over a sun lounger.

==========

Brian: You're a druggie Jerry, next thing we know you'll be doing Cesil in't bogs
Young Kenny: Charlie.
Brian: What?
Young Kenny: It's Charlie, he'll be doing Charlie in't bogs
Brian: I don't know I've never met the man
 
From My forums' Mod&Admin chat area, we have a thread with some brilliant posts. IE:
MikeyPC2006 said:
Not unless family counts


Bahahahahaha. Perfect reaction to Mikey's post.

I'm lost, what's that supposed to mean?
(from a thread about having someone to kiss on New years Eve)
Adding on to what Alex said, do you have charity shops in USA? Sure, they're not paid jobs, but it gets you work inexperience and you work with some really nice people :)
bumble-tastic said:
rawr kettch im ashamed, i thought mods were to keep the balance...

but there you are promoting negative stereotyping....and deleting my off topic, but valid points...
Johny said:
The thought of that stuff in my mouth was a turn on since i was 13... now it just makes me woozy... finally!
theres no such thing as logic

Also Sophie the CFC quotes are great. I have but one meagre offering, created by Birdjaguar.
Birdjaguar said:
Dr. Thunderfall will see you now...

Down the hall and to the right
You'll find his office pure delight;
Hello, King Ansar, step right in,
That's a nasty rash on pale white skin;
There it's blue that's dark as night,
And here it's green; oh what a sight;
Those red welts are oozing pus,
Nurse Lefty should've made a bigger fuss.
Hmmm...
Any thoughts on whence these swellings came?
It's so nice to lay some blame;
Troll bites can leave such contusions
Or flaming candles during birthday confusion;
Your thoughts might helpt to make things clear;
I'm at a loss, right now, I fear.
No exotic food food or crazy cream?
Piss in this cup let's check your stream.
Hmmm...
Your tests are done and quite complete,
Patient history all typed and neat;
Your illness is cured in just one session;
Listen well to this lesson:
No oils and ointments nor pills will do;
Over here I've got the cure for you;
Your rash is caused by outside air,
Sun and wind on flesh that's bare;
Here's the 'script, it'll work you'll see:

Post some more at CFC.
 
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