random quotes

[Swedishguy]

''A good enough bucket should probably be polished''
-My subcounciousness

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

Homer: Oh, they have the Internet on computers now.

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

Computer Store Guy: "Only suckers buy that machine; you're not a sucker are you?"
Homer: "Good heavens no!"

 

[thetrooper]

Why don't you just change the thread title to 'Random Simpson Quotes'?

 

[PrinceOfLeigh]

Why don't you just change the thread title to 'Random Simpson Quotes'?

Oooh get her!

From Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Eddie: They're armed.
Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!

=======================

Rory Breaker: If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think your bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill ya.

=======================

Barry the Baptist: ****ing northern monkeys!
Lenny: I hate these ****ing southern fairies!

 

[Perfection]

"IF YOU DONT LET ME GO YOU GET CRUSHED WIT MY BUTTMUSCLE!" - Fifty

 

[Sophie 378]

In response to VX250 moaning about all the God and religion threads:

Meh, if God cared that much he would register as a member and then we couldn't make user-specific polls about him.

This sequence made me lol in the library:

Dunno if this quite qualifies as weird, but Sophie's post about putting me in a freezer reminded me of it

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/6283677.stm

Kan since when did you (or your relatives) move to FL?

Incredible how far they migrate. With a good tail wind at altitude scotsmen often make an anual migration as far as southern portugal and spain

 

[Kan' Sharuminar]

Squee! Quoted not once, but twice

Groundskeeper Willie: It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!
Principal Skinner: You Scots sure are a contentious people.
Groundskeeper Willie: You just made an enemy for life!

Alarmingly true

 

[Swedishguy]

Pondus comics: Mike Tyson on tour meeting local bodybuilders/drunkards...

Local bodybuilder: Greetings from Sweden, mister!
[SWOPP]
[SCHLUPP]
Judge: Don't kill him, Mike! Mike!!! DOWN!!!
Pondus: After him it's your turn, Jocke.
Jocke: I think I've lost control over the more vital bodyopenings...
Pondus: OK, Jocke, I'll give you some advice. You want to watch for his right swing. And his left swing. Ah, whatever, just run. Any body contact would be lethal.
Jocke: I don't think I'm into this anymore...
Commentaror: And in the left corner, wearing black trunks and weighing next to nothing: Jocke!
Audience: BOOH!
Commentator: And in the right corner: Mike Tyson!
Audience: YAY!
Jocke: Kiss it all goodbye, homeboy!
[PITCH]
Pondus: Jocke! What is your name?
Jocke: M- Mh- Mother Theresa?
Judge: Close enough! Try again!

I throw in a 'heard in class' too.

Math teacher: That was incredible!
Random persian: Thank you!
Math teacher: It wasn't meant as a compliment.
Random persian: Oh.

 

[Genocidicbunny]

Me: Whoo! I got ubuntu to work!
Friend: Commie, installing linux...
Me: Would a Commie make such a nice interface?
Friend: Okay, not commie for that, but you're still a commie for putting Linux on your iPod

 

[kristopherb]

"you love communism more then me"wendy
"of caorse i love you wendy but in all fairness communism was here first"corey

btw this was in england

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

"I picked the wrong play, I chose the wrong director, I hired the wrong cast...
Where did I go right??"

Max Bialystock

"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault."

Henry Kissinger

"We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners."

George Bernard Shaw

"Turn the spotlight inward."

Mohandas Ghandi
​

 

[Sophie 378]

Very random indeed:

No number of allegations of impartiality actually imply impartiality. <snip> Me and my mates hereby allege you are a frog. There's a lot of us therefore you are a frog.

tv inspectors? that's an old joke. apparently last year a detector van came round this area (a virtual licence free zone). nothing more has been heard. (i don't think the locals ate them, but it's possible.)

I eat dead animals, and then incorporate their proteins into my emmissions.

That'll teach 'em.

At this rate I'll turn into Croxis the Second, or even usurp his position as Collector of Quotes.


In The weather was hot/cold/rainy/windy today. Who do we blame?:

For future reference, here's who you're supposed to blame.

EVENT ---------------------- BLAME

Blizzards ------------------ ExxonMobil
Cold weather --------------- Rush Limbaugh
Drought -------------------- Microsoft
Fog ------------------------ Pfizer
Hail ----------------------- IBM
High humidity -------------- FOX News Channel
Hot wealther --------------- Philip Morris
Hurricanes ----------------- Karl Rove
Ice ------------------------ Monsanto
Rain ----------------------- Bush administration
Snow ----------------------- Wal-Mart
Thunderstorms -------------- CEOs
Tornados ------------------- McDonald's
Wind ----------------------- General Dynamics

 

[Swedishguy]

''You are not the watch on your wrist, you are not the car you drive. Remember: You're in charge.''

 

[Eran of Arcadia]

"Minimal collateral damage" and "entire star system" do not belong in the same sentence.

 

[Paradigne]

V: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.

 

[Fugitive Sisyphus]

From the Cyborg Factory wonder movie in Alpha Centauri:

A handsome young Cyborg named Ace,
Wooed women at every base,
But once ladies glanced at
His special enhancement
They vanished with nary a trace.

-- Barracks Graffiti,
Sparta Command

 

[Swedishguy]

Heard in class:

Me: Introducerades.
Random Persian: Felippe Torredes?
Me: Huh?

 

[Eran of Arcadia]

More webcomic examples!

"Nothing says 'condolences on the loss of your uncle' like a ninja death squad in the night."

 

[Sophie 378]

Most terrifying threat in the history of CFC:

I have a Triangle and i'm not afraid to use it.