No More Pirates in the Caribbean, or Northern Canada or New Guinea for that matter
With peace brokered between Japan and the DYOS Alliance (it is unknown what the acronym stands for), attention was turned to vengeance towards the UKIP-Pirate Condomium. The UKIPirates desperately attempted to broker peace, but the Alliance knew that with their greater numbers they would be able to get a much better deal at the peace table after pirate blood had been spilled.
Mysterious and Nova Terran forces overwhelmed the outnumbered pirates in the Caribbean and in North American islands using unconventional weaponry such as robotic sea monsters and giantesses. The Australian forces overwhelmed the severely outnumbered UKIP garrison with an aggressive blitzkrieg strategy made possible by their recent unification of Australia. The UKIPirates were routed, forcing a retreat to newly-colonized Borneo.
Although the UKIPirates managed to sink an Alliance ship for each one of their ships that were sunk, if things continue at this rate they will soon be destroyed due to the alliance having a large numbers advantage. Even at full production, the docks of UKIP cannot out-produce the DYOS Alliance. The UKIPirate fleet being once a former shell of what it once was, the age of UKIPirate dominance may soon be coming to a close. However, rumours of their uranium fleets being dismantled to create a terrifying new weapon has turned to be true, with the UKIPirates becoming the third nation to possess WMD capacity. Will this ALLMIGHTY ISLANDINATOR be enough to save the UKIPirates from destruction and, more importantly, mass immigration?
-UKIPirates, Mystery Nation, Nova Terra and Abbotsford lose 2, 3, 2 and 7 MIL points respectively
-UKIPirates lose 2 ECO in the fighting
-Abbotsford, Mystery Nation and Nova Terra gain an ECO each from nice RP and reclaimed Pirate Booty!
Tactical Genius and Heroic Ponies Delay the Advance of the Soviets
The eyes of the world turned to the Mediterranean with the USSR planning a devastating assault with their Basil Class Supercarrier. A Coalition was formed against the USSR to stop their plans at world conquest. The Coalition consisted mainly of Jerusalem and the post-Soviet states. Members of the anti-UKIP alliance were reported to be planning to assist the Coalition, but they failed to show up which has reportedly annoyed Pony officials greatly.
The Basil Class Supercarrier attempted to bombard areas just outside of Samaragrant. The Crusader Air Force, consisting of mainly Unicorns and Pegasi, performed coordinated harassment campaigns against the ship that prevented them from doing any serious bombardment against their enemies. Regardless, the Jedi Armies were sent out in a human wave to overwhelm the Coalition defences.
Ten Jedi squadrons were sent north of Samaragrant to secure the area, as it was believed that the Coalition had focused their armies on the other front. However, this information proved false as they were ambushed by an army lead by Alexander, who hid them from Soviet reconnaissance using his
Iranian Hentai Ionioi Hetairoi. The army was about twice the size of the Soviet army, forcing the Soviet Jedi to retreat after heavy casualties. However, due to them being freaking Jedi, they caused a large amount of causalities to the Coalition armies. Most of the causalities were felt by the Ponies as Alexander managed to minimize his casualties by using his
Iranian Hentai Ionioi Hetairoi to distract the stronger foes. Also the Varangian Guard was there but they didnt do much.
The Ponies really shined on the Eastern Front. Outnumbered almost 3-to-1, the Ponies managed to pull a victory out of their hats thanks to extremely well planned gruella warfare in the region. Even when the entire Ottoman force died on an idiotic charge ordered by General Stooliman, the Ponies held the damned line. After being turned around by the Pony forces and barely managing to kill any of them, the Soviet armies realised that they were not making any ground and were losing too many men, so they stopped their advance. The commander of the Eastern Front is expected to be awarded the most prestigious medals for their miraculous victory.
Unfortunately for the Coalition, they could not prevent the Soviets from unleashing a torrent of ICBMs on Jerusalem. The city and other major cities were evacuated to account for this possibility, which reduced the loss of life and minimized the destruction. However, unless the Coalition can end the war fast, the Basil Class Supercarrier will sink other major cities. While the Coalition managed to kill a soldier for every soldier lost, at the end of the day the Soviet army supported by the Supercarrier is double the strength of the Coalition. Will the Coalition be able to cause a couple dozen more military miracles, or will the Supercarrier conquer the known universe again?
-USSR, Jerusalem, Ottomans and Balkans lose 18, 8, 7 and 3 MIL respectively.
-Jerusalem loses 2 ECO and Jerusalem proper sinks into the sea
War in Byelorussia, People are Still Happy
Nothing exciting has happened in Byelorussia has happened for decades, but the Byelorussians were happy with that. Until now. The Psych Nation, who were also quite bored, decided to invade them with all their military might. At the same time, the Church of Goomy decided to raid the region to take money from their booming economy. Denmark tagged along for the lols as well.
Byelorussian men and women, who were perfectly happy to die for their country, scrambled to defend their nation. However, they were not prepared to defend their nation on two fronts. The result of this was mass Byelorussian casualties, large parts of their land being annexed by the Psych Nation and their economy getting gutted by the Church of Goomy. The Goomish forces even made it to the capital, where they unintentionally killed the entire government.
The new Byelorussian government has decided to surrender to the Pysch Nation. They are happy to surrender and become a puppet state of the Pysch Nation, however they have two conditions. The first condition is that they give all the clay taken in the war back to the new puppet government and the second condition is that they declare war on the Church of Goomy in revenge for the murder of their government.
In related news, the Byelorussian happiness rating is still absurdly high, even in the most war torn areas.
-Bair has quit! Byelorussia is now an NPC
-Byelorussia, Psych and Goomy lose 7, 5 and 2 MIL respectively
-Byelorussia loses 8 ECO in the war. Psych gains 1 ECO from conquests, Goomy gains $4 from raids and Denmark gains $1.
-The Psych Nation faces a UBER SUPER MEGA HYPER ULTRA CHOICE!!11!!one!! Will they accept Byelorussias surrender proposal?
Scandinavian Civil War Peters Out
The Scandinavian Civil war was concluded in a quick affair, with the suzerains of the various factions demanding their clients to stop the war because of them having to deal with more important issues. The Mystery Country had to deal with an unsuspected attack on their home soil, while the Church of Goomy quickly went back to their usual raiding antics.
The Elsweyr Sultanate also convinced their clients to sue for peace, but their reasons are less clear. Rumours of their Witchhunter being transferred to kidnap JJ Abrahams spread after his disappearance from his own private island, however the Sultanate has denied involvement. Whatever they are up to, it is sure that their notorious espionage and military strength will grow as a result.
-Each Nation in Scandinavia gains an ECO due to peace.
-Elsweyr gains 1 MIL and 1 POL
Top Shekels: Economic Lulz in Asia
Peace has been secured in Asia, with the DYOS Alliance and Japan having brokered a deal after Shis impressive display in the Philippines. However, building the weapons left the Empire in a tremendous amount of debt with the Space Jews. So part of the deal was to exchange a large amount of money in exchange for the DYOS Alliance gaining access to WMDs.
However, the DYOS Alliance got diddled in the end. While they were convinced that the correct amount of money was $30, according to Shis zombie accountants the correct amount was actually $35. And we all know what misers zombie accountants are, so the DYOS Alliance diplomats were sent back home, much to the anger of the Alliance.
While this money was greatly appreciated by the Space Jews who Shi is in debt to, it wasnt enough. Therefore the Space Jews came down on their space ships and seized a bunch of Shis property to make up the difference. Also they blew up South Africa for the lolz. The Space Jews have offered up their shekels to be loaned out to the worlds nations, however they are at quite dangerous interest rates. And loaning from them is a big risk, as the Space Jews have an unknown agenda. What are they hiding?
-New NPC Space Jews
-NEW MECHANIC UNLOCKED: DEBT AND LOANS!
-Japan loses 3 ECO points and some land to the Space Jews
British People Emigrate to Places (oh the irony):
The British people hate immigration, unless they are the ones doing the immigrating. Plot twist: They arent immigrating out of Britain. Well not all of them anyway.
The rulers of Port Hadley, an interdimensional travelling nation that travels between more serious IOTs, have achieved awareness of the fourth wall and are destroying it ruthlessly. Also there is a Bosnian. Africa just got a whole lot more interesting, baybee.
The ones who did immigrate out of Britain were the United Kingdom of Great Britain, Northern Ireland and Greater Falkland. After a dashingly successful conquest of Argentina and the destruction of democracy for her subjects, Queen Elizabeth II the Immortal now rules over her rightfully owned land. Sure, UKIP has taken over Britain, but who needs them anyway? These two new very British nations will shake up the world by bringing proper British civility and humour to this very uncouth world.
-Robert has joined and Red has rejoined! Hooray!
United States Upgrades to United Machina
Things have escalated quickly in what was once known as the United States. Under the guidance of Zeus Systems and their robot overlords, they upgraded the entirety of the United States. And by upgrade I mean transform them into mindless robots. Thanks to successful propaganda efforts, most of the population willingly went along with the procedure. However, a sizeable portion resisted when they learned the truth behind the upgrade. This resistance caused massive economic damage, but the rebels were quickly rounded up and deleted and genocided. Now there are no non-upgraded humans left in America and the country will never have a revolt again, except those left in Stargate Command. With the top stars of Stargate incapacitated or kidnapped by Space Jews, will there be any salvation for the people of the United States?
Bob the Builder Opens New Business
Millionaire Bob the Builder announced the opening of his new construction service. Seeing the widespread devastation from WMDs, Bob has realised his chance at getting some really good money. He is offering a new service that allows nations to repair the damage that has been done to them by WMDs. What will the leaders of the world do with this impressive new service?
-NEW MECHANIC UNLOCKED: BOB THE BUILDERS PROVINCE RECONSTRUCTION COMPANY
GM Notes:
1 I am sacrificing my fingers by typing on the bad keyboard to give you these notes so be thankful.
2 Four people claimed the Ladle Money this turn, thats a little disappointing. Read the GM notes people.
3 New mechanics: Loans have a 100% interest rate per annum so they are a terrible idea. It costs $5 to get Bob to rebuild a province.
4 Im getting rid of the war tab for now, might add it back in when I get a chance.
5 Thats it I think. Oh yeah it might take me a little while for me to clean out my PM box so Id wait until I say I have cleaned out my PM box before you send me PMs. Enjoy the update.
