IdIOT: Shock and Terror

Hello players. After realising I some mistakes and that some people were a bit confused about some things playing out in the update, I decided to make this post to clarify and correct mistakes:

1) S.A.D.S is the vassal of another player. Any diplomacy done by/with S.A.D.S will make it's way across the desk of said player and said player will have final approval on anything they do. Who is this player you may ask? it is a mystery

Seriously though, if you want to find out who runs S.A.D.S you better do espionage missions in their nation. It won't be an easy task though.

2) I forgot to mention: Polyblank launched a WMD at CivG this turn, but it was destroyed by CivG's defensive WMD. Apologies for not putting that in the update.

The main update should hopefully be out before June, so stay excited everyone!

I've finished my last assignment for the term, which means the update will be coming sometime this week, ideally today or tomorrow! Hooray!

Is that mystery thing from a game?

Peace in our Time?

With the Basil finally sunk, there is peace in the Mediterranean once again. It is likely that Jerusalem will become one of the world’s major economic and military powers after the peace talks are finished, with the lands of former Soviet State practically under their control. Additionally, scraps of the Basil Class Supercarrier have been scavenged by Allied scientists, allowing massive scientific development for the victorious nations.

While peace may have finally come to Jerusalem, who knows how long it will last? With their neighbours getting involved in nasty border disputes, the entirety of America engulfed in war and with Jerusalem now having quite a few new neighbours it is possible that they will get involved in a new war. But this time, will they be the aggressor?

-All PC Allied/Cobelligerent Nations (Jerusalem, the Khajiit, Abbotsford, Mystery Country, Nova Terra and even the Church of Goomy) get 20 to WMD research from destroying the Basil. Those with WMDs and the Balkans get 2 MIL instead.

America in Flames!

The Great Cyberwar has escalated, dragging the entire continent of America into the conflict. The war now touches every citizen from the frozen Alaskan wilderness of Nome to from the once-quiet Argentinian fishing village of Ushuaia.

Leaders on both sides must prepare for fighting a two front war, with the Nova Terrans surrounded by the United Manchinia and S.A.D.S and with the United Manchinians surrounded by Nova Terra and the Mystery Nation. Both sides are looking for quick solutions to this quagmire, thorough new technologies and tactics and thorough the continued economic destruction caused by S.A.D.S.

The Nova Terrans are trying to beat the United Manchinians at their own game, by constructing a robotic army of their own. These Dark Troopers will be equipped with state of the art weaponry, with jetpacks to boot. They are also going to be controlled remotely by a real human being so they don’t end up with any AIs feeling sympathy for the enemy. The Nova Terrans are also working on multiple counters to the new cosplaying robots so that their soldiers will never fall for such a heinous trick ever again. With this new technology and help from the Mysterians, the Nova Terran generals are confident that they will be able to turn this war around.

Meanwhile, the AIs that make up United Manchinia are worried. Although they have had a series of victories, they were ultimately pyrrhic victories. The Nova Terrans know how to counter their human[/b] superior-life-form wave tactics, leading to them being hopelessly outnumbered. Even with reinforcements from the Lantean Cybermen and S.A.D.S, they are not anywhere near as big as the enemy. Even more worryingly, the Lanteans say that this is the last reinforcements that they will be able to send for a while, as they have run out of people on their planet to convert. To overcome this problem, the United Manchinians have created the “Manchinian Raidfest”, a new army of elite robots. Little is known about this new army other than the fact that they boast new 360 noscoping tactics and that they are consuming an alarming amount of S.A.D.S’ weed.

How will the leaders of America deal with this new chapter of war? Will they thrive or will they crumble?

-Nova Terra gets 2 MIL from research.
-Nova Terra loses 2 ECO from drug operations.
- United Manchinia get 6 MIL from reinforcements from the Lanteans and the Raidfest

The Asian Question

With the destruction of the Empire of the Rising Sun, the aggressive United States of Vietnam, the influential Abbotsford and the quiet Great Ficcon are the only major powers left in Asia. But the power of Abbotsford may be put into question soon. The recent crackdown of left-wing elements have radicalized elements that the government failed to arrest. Know Labour member and Communist-Sympathiser Bill Shorten has managed to unite these anti-government elements into a rebel group. Calling Tony Abbott “…the worst dictator that Australia has had since the redcoat-wearing Ralph Darling.”, it is obvious that he and his minions will settle for nothing less than the complete and utter destruction of the Abbott government. As tensions grow, pro-government civilians are becoming wearier of their neighbours and anti-government elements are becoming increasingly militarized. It is likely that Abbottsford will break into full-on civil war in the following months.

In financial news, the Abbottsford region has become incredibly prosperous following the fall of the Empire of the Rising Sun, with Abbottsfordian ships not needing to be weary of Japanese pirates anymore. This allows for shipping companies to cut back on the amount of money spent in escort vessels, resulting in an increase of profit for Abbotsford and her closest trading partners.

In more financial news, the Tet Corporation was bought out by Space Jews and liquidated as part of their plan for global economic domination. Top shekel.

-A bonus ECO for Abbottsford, Nova Terra and Mystery Country from increased shipping.
-An additional 1 MIL and 1 POL for Abbottsford from loyalist civilian consumption of propaganda.
-Loss of 40% stability from impending crisis. A revolt is very likely soon unless extreme measures are taken.
-Tet Corporation is kill ;_;

Mistakes were made as Criminal Empires Rise in Africa

With the annexation of South Africa by the Bandits, the continued economic rise of E.V.I.L and the disappearance of Port Hadley the power of crime is fully cemented in the continent. Although not everything is going well for these new empires, the instability in new lands of the Bandits will hurt them in the long run and a very unusual incident inside E.V.I.L prompted an embarrassing moment for the government which has undermined the confidence E.V.I.L minions have in the system.

General Slane Ommidan was stationed in Timbuktu, he was there to ensure that weapons operations in Mali were performed unhindered by forces opposed to E.V.I.L. Unfortunately for E.V.I.L, Ommidan was a paranoid fool. After hearing news of the Bandit’s takeover of South Africa, he became convinced that the Bandits were performing secret operations in the city. He then requested that the main security forces reinforce his soldiers in defending the operations from these imaginary threats. Ten battalions of E.V.I.L Security Officers were sent to comb the Malinese desert for a trace of the Bandits, but of course none were found. After this embarrassing incident, General Slane Ommidan was fed to Herrick De Venn’s pet Dolphins.

Although this incident has slightly shaken the confidence that the E.V.I.L minions have in the system, none of them can deny the near-impossible amounts of money that E.V.I.L is making from the venture.

-E.V.I.L gains 2 ECO from their continued investment in Malinese Arms Trafficking
-E.V.I.L loses 1% Stability from the embarrassing Timbuktu incident
-A revolt in Bandit-Held South Africa is very likely
-Port Hadley is kill ;_;

A Sick Man, a Luddite Khajiit and a Belorussian Nationalist Walk Into a Bar…

A leaked British diplomatic cable described the Church of Goomy as “The new sick man of Europe”. It is not only the British that believe this. Thanks to a series of disastrous raids resulting in heavy casualties for dubious gains, European confidence in the church is at an all-time low. Additionally, the bulk of their armies are drastically under levelled thanks to the loss of many of their veterans in the raid on the Soviets. The weakness of their armies have caused crises on their borders, with zealous Khajiit causing trouble in North Africa and Belorussian nationalists becoming bolder in their attacks.

Supporters of the new Luddite regime in the country formerly known as the Elsweyr Sultanate were extremely active in Algeria on the border, burning down Pokémon Centres and other important buildings that “encouraged the worship of oil and machines”. The Goomish colonists were outraged at this provocation and are organizing a counter attack. Unless cooler heads prevail this could erupt into a full on border dispute between the two nations.

Meanwhile on the Goomy-Psych border, Belorussian nationalists are becoming even more aggressive in their attacks. Most of the nationalists movements have merged into Belorussian United Revolutionary People, also known as B.U.R.P, which has been making increasingly aggressive attacks against both Goomish and Pysch forces, taking advantage of Goomish weakness. Most analysts agree that an uprising is imminent. Will the Church of Goomy be able to overcome these problems, or will they collapse like the former sick man of Europe did before them?

- A revolt is very likely in both Goomish and Psych Belorussia unless extreme measures are taken.

GM Notes:

1 – Phew, that was big one! Sorry it took so long, but hopefully you’ll agree that it was definitely worth the weight.

2 – If there is a red number in your stability column then that means a revolt is guaranteed to happen this turn unless you do something drastic.

3 – New combat system! The old combat system was shockingly unbalanced and had a terrible exploit in it that I won’t go into just in case this new system doesn’t work as advertised. I’m going to put the new combat system in a new post so I can link directly to it in the rules, expect that up in a few minutes. Most of it is math so it won’t affect you too much, the only thing you really need to know is that there will be less upsets (smaller armies steamrolling larger ones) and less pyrrhic victories.

4 – The Great Ficcon, the Psych Nation and Madagascar are on the list of nations that will be purged if they don’t get orders in this turn. You have been warned.

5 – I think that’s everything. Expect the rules update up in about an hour.

Actually, on second thoughts I'm not going to post an explanation of the new combat system. It is way too complicated to explain easily and you really don't need to know about the internal workings of it. Just know that ramming larger armies into smaller armies will give you a good chance at a win and that equal or near-equal size armies are anyone's game. May good bones come you thee.

Logica said:

Is that mystery thing from a game?

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No, it's a (2+2)chan meme.

Define "something drastic".

How many provinces can I claim? 20 claims or more because of later start?

Thorvald of Lym said:

Define "something drastic".

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Genocide, en-masse drugging of your population, nerve-stapling ect. Basically something that would either a) be considered a major atrocity b) cost you loads of money or c) backfire spectacularly and make the whole situation worse.

christos200 said:

How many provinces can I claim? 20 claims or more because of later start?

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Just twenty.

Madagascar

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Damn immigrants I swear

To: Nova Terra
From: United Manchinia
What a stalem8, m8. Prepare your back side

-The Home Islands of Japan, along with Saikan, Okiwana, the Senkaku, and Taiwan, will be annexed directly into the United States of Vietnam Suprised the Japanese /wanted/ to join Vietnam. What happened to our reputation the Butchers of Hanoi? Still, we're honorable, unlike those goddamn Victor Charlies and Ho "Blue Balls" Chi Minh. So, whatever
-The region of Manchuria will be annexed to the Far East Asian Republic Got to keep our current allies happy. They don't get much because they didn't do much, but that should keep us content
-On the region of Korea:
Inchon will become a treaty port of the United States of Vietnam. Vietnam reserves full rights to place barracks, forts, naval yards, airfields, and whatever military installations may be needed within the seceded territory. This lease shall be renegotiated in 100 years. Like we're going to give it back to them in 100 years. This is just to placate the Koreans

The rest of Korea shall be reincorporated as The Forgotten Republic of Korea As our brothers who fell there were forgotten, the land itself shall bear the price of their faded memory

The FRK shall, in no less than six months, determine their Supreme Leader through a nationwide Taekwondo tournament Seriously. The Koreans insisted on this. Whatever

The FRK shall join the military alliance with the USV and FEAR. We just need a puppet state ally that starts with the letter c for the best alliance name ever...

The FRK shall hand over all WMDs, along with the knowledge to make WMDs, to the USV God, forgive the commies. Because we won't.

-Singed, the collective Joint Chief of Staff of the United States of Vietnam

Omega124 said:

TREATY OF SAIGON
Italics are annotated guides by an anonymous Vietnamese diplomat​

-The Home Islands of Japan, along with Saikan, Okiwana, the Senkaku, and Taiwan, will be annexed directly into the United States of Vietnam Suprised the Japanese /wanted/ to join Vietnam. What happened to our reputation the Butchers of Hanoi? Still, we're honorable, unlike those goddamn Victor Charlies and Ho "Blue Balls" Chi Minh. So, whatever
-The region of Manchuria will be annexed to the Far East Asian Republic Got to keep our current allies happy. They don't get much because they didn't do much, but that should keep us content
-On the region of Korea:
Inchon will become a treaty port of the United States of Vietnam. Vietnam reserves full rights to place barracks, forts, naval yards, airfields, and whatever military installations may be needed within the seceded territory. This lease shall be renegotiated in 100 years. Like we're going to give it back to them in 100 years. This is just to placate the Koreans

The rest of Korea shall be reincorporated as The Forgotten Republic of Korea As our brothers who fell there were forgotten, the land itself shall bear the price of their faded memory

The FRK shall, in no less than six months, determine their Supreme Leader through a nationwide Taekwondo tournament Seriously. The Koreans insisted on this. Whatever

The FRK shall join the military alliance with the USV and FEAR. We just need a puppet state ally that starts with the letter c for the best alliance name ever...

The FRK shall hand over all WMDs, along with the knowledge to make WMDs, to the USV God, forgive the commies. Because we won't.

-Singed, the collective Joint Chief of Staff of the United States of Vietnam

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-Signed Vladimir Putin, President of F.E.A.R

-Signed Shay Fur Dispray, First Citizen of the Provisional Government of the Setting Sun

Sorry for the double post, but I felt this was important enough to warrant a separate post.

S.A.D.S ARE NOT A TRADITIONAL NPC, THEY ARE A PUPPET STATE OF ANOTHER PC. SAID PC SENDS ME THEIR DIPLOMACY AND THEN I REDO IT IN MY OWN STYLE SO IT ISN'T EASY TO FIND OUT WHO CONTROLS THEM. DON'T BLAME ME FOR THEIR ACTIONS AS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEM!

I'm sorry for making this so big and aggressive, but I really need you guys to understand this. While we're going big text:

ORDERS LOCK THE 18TH OF JUNE CANBERRA TIME

There is no resistance mustering within ten thousands kilometres of the GAFA. Allegations that His Holiness the Most Beneficent Lord Abbott is a megalomanic charlatan are lies by American Soviet Japanese American homosexual infidels, who are at this moment yiffing themselves to death at the gates. Confidence in the government is at an all-time high, as this chart unequivocally demonstrates:



The following public service announcement is sponsored by the Australian government to reassure faithful subjects that state healthcare remains top-rate and there are absolutely no grounds to suspect its robot spy programme has secretly infiltrated the computer networks of filthy traitorous pinko swine misguided dissident individuals. Enjoy. OR ELSE

Making a Cat Girl Queen​

Part 1​

One Year Earlier

"...and make sure you check for any tears in the intestine that could affect the durability," Katia Managan concluded, pointing out the lacerations in the chunk of intestine she had in her claws. "A makeshift rope, intestinal or otherwise, isn't much use if it's easy to snap in half." There was a muttering and a rustling of notebook paper as the members of her elite commando squad took down notes. Most of them thought that an impromptu lesson on making rope out of the innards of an enemy during the middle of an important mission was a bad idea, but when your commander was standing knee-deep in the mangled guts of a dozen Basil Carrier personnel, arguing seemed like a really bad idea.

"Right, so let's go find something else to mess around with!" the crimson-stained cat said with a toothy grin. "Maybe we can find another missile pod and chuck fireballs in it. Kaboom!"

And so they went onward, trying to find yet another thing they could blow up. After so many days stuck in the metal deathtrap, so long that they ran out of bullets to fire, it seemed like it went on forever, with more than enough cloning bays, missile pods, and strip clubs on every level. It was enough to make even battle hardened commandos start whining a bit.

"My feet are killing me," one of them complained to no one in particular. "And I feel naked without a gun. I know that we can use magic to keep fighting, but can't we just steal one of their guns and use a silencer?"

"Well as you know silencers don't actually silence the gunshot, in fact it only reduces the noise to the same volume level as a jackhammer, even for a smaller firearm, thus a silenced weapon is ineffective at silently killing, which is why most modern armies prefer to use the term suppressor," another commando rattled off.

"Of all the laws of reality that get broken in this game, THAT is the one that we have to adhere to?"

"Duffy, shut up before you get that Q character to zap us away for breaking the fourth wall again."

"Hey guys, shut up and check out this thing!" Katia interjected, poking her head into the next room. "I think it's some sort of rec room!"

And so it was. Unlike every other room which was filled with missiles, mooks, and the occasional pole dancer, Katia and her quirky miniboss squad had stumbled upon the personal rumpus room of Antonis Samara. Unlike the rest of the airship, which consisted largely of dreary metal surfaces and bland propaganda posters to break up the monotony, this room was pleasantly decorated with soft carpets, wooden siding, and skylights that lit up the glittering gold and diamond statue of Antonis in the center of the room, who stood with a USSR flag planted in the ground, which doubled as the world's most patriotic stripper pole. While most of the commandos were drawn to the expansive entertainment center or the mile-high wall of weapons on the opposite end of the room, Katia decided to poke around in what looked like a personal zoo for the Premier. Made up of hundreds upon hundreds of golden cages, all of the standard exotic animals were present, but there seemed to be a few humanoids and other creatures in the mix as well. Katia came across all sorts of strange and odd creatures, including a massive shark man chewing on an equally massive steak, a Japanese-looking android girl who zipped around her cage on rockets in her feet, a man in power armor carrying a bulky flamethrower paired with a black haired woman with a sniper rifle on her back, a young miserable-looking unicorn mare in a blue and yellow jumpsuit with a big clunky television thingy strapped to her leg, and a blonde haired girl in a blue armored dress, who gave Katia an intense feeling of jealousy. Most of these people didn't pay much attention to her, until...

"Who are you supposed to be, furball?" came a bored sounding voice on her left. Katia jumped and turned around to see an extremely large cage with an extremely large amount of dragons, of all shapes and sizes. Some looked like the ones back home in Tamriel, others looked more Oriental, and some, like the dark-scaled female dragon that called out to her, looked strangely humanoid, with wings scales and all the usual dressings but put on a human body instead of a dragon's.

"I'm K-Katia Managan, head of Special Forces for the Elsweyr Sultanate," she rattled off, unsure of why she was so nervous around this woman.

"My name is Kreszentia," the dragon woman said. "I'm the Queen of the dragons."



Katia wasn't exactly happy about this development. She may have gotten over her crippling fear of royalty to the point that it no longer crippled her, but she still could barely meet the Sultana without shaking. Thankfully the dragon queen's casual demeanor offset some of her royal-ness, so Katia could at least look at her without bursting into tears.

"You broke into this place without getting you or your men killed?" Queen Kreszentia went on. "You must be a main character. Do you lead a nation or something?"

"No," Katia said bluntly.

"Well you should," she said. "You are definitely leader material if you can walk around this place without a scratch. Unless that's your own blood you're caked in."

"It's not!" Katia mumbled, fruitlessly scrubbing at the stained stealth uniform with her paws. "And...royalty is kind of spooky. I don't want to be scared of myself."

"I see," Kreszentia said, clicking her tongue in dissapointment. "Can't say I'm too fond of royals myself after what happened in my last relationship. But you know you don't HAVE to be a royal, right? You can be a president for life or a dictator or something."

"I don't know, still feels kind of....regal," Katia said with a shudder.

"Look, I think we can help each other out," Kreszentia said, leaning in to the conversation. "If you let me out of my cage, I'll have my subjects help you take over this Sultanate of yours, help you get set up as the not-Queen of Somewhere Else or wherever you live, and we'll be on our way."

"I don't know, I kind of like the current leadership..."

"Yo, boss," one of the commandos shouted. "We turned to a news station on this big TV. Says here the Sultanate is raising the taxes on spiky fruit and stringed toys to pay for the war effort."

"WHAT?!?!" Katia shrieked, fire shooting out of her hands in anger and burning the nice carpeting. Fury burning in her eyes like a furnace, she turned back to Kreszentia, who seemed nonplussed by the announcement.

"I take it your answer is yes. Lovely," the dragon queen said plainly. "Now I think the keys are past the-"

"Keys are for chumps," Katia interrupted, pulling a hairpin from out of her ████████ and starting to fiddle with the lock. Within seconds it fell off with a clatter, and the door swung open."Alrighty, now that the lock is off you ca-"

Katia found herself cut off as a clawed hand grabbed her by the throat and hoisted her off the ground, leaving her struggling and gasping for air. Kreszentia gave a dark chuckle as she watched the poor catgirl struggle.

"You really are stupid, aren't you?" the dragon queen said haughtily. "But at the very least you are useful. And as thanks for releasing me and allowing me to conquer this puny world, I'll grant you a quick and painless death."

"Oooh, did you just call Katia Managan stupid?"said a man in the opposite cage dressed in a sparkly golden outfit with a large fancy hat and goofy looking Brazilian carnival mask. "The author of this story is going to be maaaaad."

"What do you mean, 'the author is going to be m-' "

"BOLLOCKS, THE COMMANDER IS IN TROUBLE, I'LL SAVE HER!"

"DUFFY NO DON'T USE THE PLASMA DISINTEGRATION CANNON THAT WE CONVENIENTLY JUST FOUND!"

It was too late. Kreszentia didn't even have time to contemplate the folly of insulting the author's waifufavorite character as the plasma beam struck her in the back, disintegrating her the surrounding area with the sheer power of the plasma-induced explosion. As the smoke cleared, all that was left was a large pile of ash in a circular divot on the floor.

"Goddamn it Duffy!" everyone else shouted in unison. "First you nearly blow us up by smoking at a fuel depot, then you disintegrate the commander with a plasma beam?!? What is wrong with you?"

Duffy merely looked ashamed as the plasma rifle was ripped from his hands by an irate second in command. They were prepared to tear into the guy some more before they heard a moaning from the ash pile. They looked on in shock as their commander, coated in molecularly degenerated dragon, popped out of the sooty pile.

"Wow, that felt weird," she said lazily. "Anyone else get caught in that atomic brouhaha?" Her grin faltered a bit when she saw the shocked faces of her squad staring back at her.

"Uh, it's just ash guys, not like it's innards or anything like th-"

"WHY DO YOU HAVE WINGS?" the entire team shouted at her.

Katia blinked in surprise and attempted to rub some of the soot out of her eyes, temporarily oblivious to the fact that her claws were notably larger than they were supposed to be, having approached the size of talons. "Guys, if this is a prank it's not funny and I don't OH SWEET MERCIFUL TIBER SEPTIM WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CLAWS."

"I think your eyes changed color too," Duffy said bluntly, as Katia reached behind her to feel the big pair of dragon wings that inexplicably sprouted from her back. "Looks more purple then before."

"It must have been the plasma cannon," concluded another commando. "The commander does have the Atronach birthsign, which lets her absorb magic. Maybe when Duffy disintegrated the magical dragon it got absorbed into her in the same way, because she was caught in the same plasma field."

"Excuse me? Miss Managan?" one of the more posh dragons in the cage piped up. Katia turned to look at him abruptly, still freaking out over the weirdness of what happened. "I do hate to interrupt this wonderful exposition, but the rest of us just partook in a vote. Normally we would just roam free and do whatever we want at this point in time, but since you seem to have absorbed some bits of our queen we decided that you should be bestowed with the title of Queen of the Dragons."

"Oh, well thank you," Katia said gratefully, only for her face to light up with glee once again. "Hey, I got over my fear of royalty!"

"I guess she got some bits of the late dragon queen's personality as well," one of the commandos said.

"We have a fancy space rifle that can cure phobias with the plasma-diffused DNA of another creature, and yet we can't use silencers because they aren't 'feasable'."

"Shut the f*** up Duffy."

"Regardless of how it happened, we're yours to command, milady," the posh dragon said with a little bow. "What will you have us do first?"

"...and in other news," the since-abandoned big screen TV broadcasted to the room, "the Sultanate announced that in addition to the war, the tax levied on spiky fruits and stringed toys will be used to contribute to a big fancy trophy for noted philanthropist and alchemist Sigrid of Kvatch."

Katia gave a wicked little smile...

Part 2 coming soon!

To: The USSR
From: Jerusalem

Topic: Surrender



kthnxbye

Terran Emperor said:

To: The USSR
From: Jerusalem

Topic: Surrender



kthnxbye

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Also, I have exams over the next two days and then orders lock. So...

<72 Hours Until Lock

Wait, there's an extension?!

#PraiseTheIOTGods

e350tb said:

Wait, there's an extension?!

#PraiseTheIOTGods

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No, it was always due on the 18th...