IdIOT: Shock and Terror

They don't think it be like it is, but it do.

Hey, I am no expert on this, but nukes do a good job in killing shades.

He who burns the candle at both ends is doomed to live as a hairdresser.

Tunnel snakes rule!

Every Villain Is Lemons.

"Scare quotes immortalise you" -Railroad Bill, presumably. Who knows?

CivGeneral said:

Every Villain Is Lemons.

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Mermaid Man, where are you?!

CivGeneral said:

Every Villain Is Lemons.

Click to expand...

Then we know what to do with Nova Terran troops:


Link to video.

War of E.V.I.L Aggression:

Although the drug war was over and Nova Terra had achieved victory over S.A.D.S, their overlords of E.V.I.L were not done yet. Operation Terran Abbot is Sad was intended to cause war between Nova Terra and Abbottsford by enacting yet another false-flag attack against Nova Terra. This time they planned to attack both Hawaii and Easter Island with a disguised fleet. To further frame Abbottsford, they ordered S.A.D.S.A.E sympathisers in South America to cooperate with the “Abbottsfordian” forces.

Their plan backfired. Although they were easily able to seize Hawaii, they experienced greater than expected resistance in Easter Island thanks to the extra military stationed there due to the enacting of Martial Law in the region. The Easter Island force also did not get their expected reinforcements from the Syndicates. In their headquarters in Africa, an intense argument in the highest levels of their government were raging. While some members of S.A.D.S.A.E were still loyal to E.V.I.L, others believed that their overlords were leading them to their deaths and that they should join forces with their fellow African crime lords, the Highwaymen. Eventually this disagreement turned into an attempted coup d'état by the anti-E.V.I.L forces, causing a few days fighting in the capital by the two factions. Eventually the anti-E.V.I.L forces came out on top. The new government of S.A.D.S.A.E have requested the Highwaymen’s support in securing their independence from their former overlords.

The chaos in the capital also spread to South America, with Syndicate members who wanted to follow E.V.I.L’s orders fighting those who didn’t. After they tired themselves out fighting, the Nova Terrans were easily able to crush both factions and send the survivors to newly-constructed re-education camps, effectively destroying most anti-Nova Terran resistance in the region.

The most disastrous part of the operation was that E.V.I.L’s disguise was seen through by Nova Terra’s new Department of Homeland Defence and their electronic expertise. This probably would not have been possible if it weren’t for the large amounts of money that Nova Terra put into their counter-espionage agencies this year. This has earned them a declaration of war by Nova Terra, which will likely be followed by declaration of war by the other Pacific Coalition states. With their recent actions surrounding FIFA earning them additional enemies, E.V.I.L is in dire straits. Is it possible for them to get out of this disastrous position?

Casualities:

E.V.I.L -6 MIL, +1 ECO
Nova Terra: - 5 MIL, -1 ECO
S.A.D.S: -2 ECO

Coup in Scandinavia!

It was believed that Toste "The Holy" of Munsö of was long dead, killed by the Witchhunter after she burned down his palace. However, this was not the case. However, he suffered first degree burns and his body has become charred. He was in a coma for five years, when he woke up he started plotting his revenge against the Witchhunter that hurt him so.

His opportunity came in the form of the world cup. During the game of the Scandinavian Huscarls vs the Jerusalem Templars, the majority of the loyalists were distracted. Asalug herself was watching the game in Space Qatar, she had taken most of the Imperial bodyguard with her. This allowed Toste’s forces to storm the palace and coronate himself as the new Emperor. Soon mobs supporting an independent Scandinavia formed, intimidating or killing all those loyal to the HNE. To add salt to the wound, the Huscarls didn’t even win the match.

“Death to the Witchqueen!” came the shouts from the streets “Skyrim for the Nor…er…Long Live the Fylkir!”

This coup may have full life consequences for the whole Scandinavian region. The idea of a united Scandinavia free of foreign influence has seen a surge in popularity in both Denmark and Norway. It seems a new chapter of war and internal conflict has arisen for these warlike people.

-Rebels have seized Scandinavia!
-Stability drop in Norway and Denmark

Conflicts in West Africa Continue:

While both the Holy Neko Empire and the Church of Goomy both invested resources in stabilizing the region, tensions were still extremely high along the West African border. All that was needed to set conflict off again was a single push. And boy, was one provided.

A newly constructed Pokemon centre right near the border was detonated, killing and injuring dozens. This caused the Goomish citizens to form a mob, overpowering the border guard and attacking Neko settlers. This prompted the Nekos to form a mob to attack the Goomish and so on and so forth. It took weeks for the joint Goomish and Neko militaries weeks to calm the rioters down, but the damage is already done. All goodwill built up in the region has evaporated and the two sides are once again out for each other’s blood.

Goomish counter-intelligence agencies believe that it is unlikely that it was the act of Neko citizens as the explosives were too upmarket for low-scale terrorists to afford. A foreign government, possibly even the Holy Neko Empire itself, may have been behind the incident. However, the Church’s counter-intelligence agencies cannot determine any more about the incident without a major increase in counter-espionage spending, something their agencies are practically begging for.

Causalities:
Holy Neko Empire: -2 MIL, -1 ECO
Church of Goomy: -2 MIL, -1 ECO

Indian Civil War & Madagascar:

Surprisingly, no combat happened in India or Madagascar this turn. I’ll post about this in the main update, I just put this here so people involved wouldn’t be confused.

Central Asian Civil War:

Three related incidents have sparked a massive civil war in Central Asia. The first of these incidents was the exodus of the Ayys. The Ayys were trading with the Vietnamese since last year, they were giving them leftover MREs (Meals, Ready-to-Eat a.k.a military rations). But it was merely a ruse! It was the intention of the Vietnamese government to poison the aliens, however the first batch of poison didn’t affect the alien physiology. The second batch of poison was more effective, but it only gave the Ayys stomach aches. Then the Ayys went home, which would have been a rather boring end to the story if it weren’t for the fact that the Ayys left all of their technology in the area. The Psych Nation stole the lion’s share of the technology before the Vietnamese had a chance to grab it. What a pity.

The second incident was a raid by the Goomish government against the Pysch Nation. A Mega Gardevoir squad was deployed, intended to incite fear amongst the Pysch armies due to the genocide and the prospect of facing psychic power that is feared so much in the country. However, the Pysch soldiers held fast and managed to grind the Goomish assault to a crawl. The Goomish commander had to rapidly adapt to the bravery shown by the defenders, they were not expecting this level of resistance and this really made the deployment of Weavile Marines much less effective than expected. The Magnazone, Talonflame and Tyranitar squadrons managed to prevent any attempts of a counter-attack by the Psych nation while the assault spearheaded by Excadrills continued. Realising that they had no hope of holding out, a local Pysch commander offered the Goomish raiders a large amount of Lamoran technology as tribute. The Goomish forces, exhausted from the campaign, decided to accept their proposal and left the Pysch Nation with pockets full of loot.

The final event in this miniature trilogy was the captain of the Goomish defensive forces marching to the capital, demanding an audience with Emperor Shawn Spencer. After marching into the palace, the captain found it completely empty. Apparently a couple of years ago, the Emperor and his highest advisors ascended to a higher plane of existence. This left the middle management of the Empire in charge and that ended just as well as one would imagine.

Upon hearing of their leader’s disappearance, the nation erupted into a vicious civil war. There is a faction representing every major power on Earth, with the notable exceptions of Madagascar (because “bloody foreigners”) and the Peaceful Skeletons (who consider no war to be civil).

Christian Life Sect (Abbottsford):

A Christian Life Sect, natural enemies of Islamic Death Cults, has popped up in Central Asia. They are Catholic, but they reject Pope Celestine VI’s rule as they believe that Ponies are “not really god’s creation”. They instead believe that Cardinal Pell is the real Pope. The sect is one of the most decentralized factions in the war, they hold small pockets around the country. Will Abbott support this new Sect, or will he refuse to indulge in their heresy?

Persian Catholics (Romania):

The second Christian faction is the Persian Catholics. The Persian Catholics wish to join with the Persian brothers and sisters in Romania. Obviously they are centralized in Persia.

Russian Pokemon League (Goomy):

The Russian Pokemon League was established to foster cooperation between Goomy and the Pysch Nation when their alliance still held. The league attracted those who were dissatisfied with Psych’s leadership and wished to turn to a brand new religion. Led by Russian Pokemon champion Joseph Stalin, who helped the Church with both the Belorussian Genocide and the recent raid, they are ruthlessly loyal to the church. Obviously they are centralized in Russia.

S.P.E.C.T.R.E (E.V.I.L):

The Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion has been reduced to a former shadow of itself, now only having few bases in Siberia. They are requesting E.V.I.L, who they shared many ideological similarities with, to come to their aid.

Siberian Junta (Vietnam):

The Siberian Junta is a small group of formerly Psych soldiers who defected to Vietnam as a part of their Militaires Sans Frontières program. If they are successful, they might become the newest member of the S.K.C.U.F alliance. Obviously they are centralized in Siberia.

Ravenholm Militia (Nova Terra):

Ravenholm is a city of Eastern Europeans near the Nova Terran border. Led by an eccentric Orthodox priest, the Ravenholm Militia have requested that the Nova Terrans help them install a stable government in the region. Obviously they are centralized in Ravenholm, Siberia.

Mystery Vikings (The Mystery Nations):

Somehow a group of Norwegian Vikings mysteriously got lost and found themselves in Central Asia. They are still loyal to the Mystery Country and are itching for a fight.

Siberian Cat Alliance (Holy Neko Empire):

An alliance of Siberian cats, sick of human oppression, have declared independence from the failed Pysch nation and has requested that the Holy Neko Empire assist them in obtaining their freedom. Obviously they are centralized in Siberia.

Russian Mafia (The Highwaymen):

The Russian Mafia, natural trading partners of the Highwaymen, have seized St Petersburg and has declared themselves the true rulers of the region. They have requested that the Highwaymen assist them in realising their claim to the throne. They are obviously centered around St Petersburg.

Caucasian Freedom Fighters (Kingdom of the Caucasus):

The Caucasians in the Psych Nation have long wished to join their brothers and sisters living in the Kingdom of the Caucasus, however the oppressive Pysch Nation would not allow them. Now they are taking the opportunity to declare their independence from the now defunct regime. They are requesting assistance from King Agathios in achieving their freedom. Obviously they are centralized near the Pysch- Caucasus border.

Neo-Pysch (Nationalist):

Neo-Pysch is the largest and most powerful faction within the remains of the Pysch Nation. It is led by the captain who broke into the Imperial Palace. He has now declared himself Emperor Spencer II. He wishes to restore the Pysch Nation to its’ former glory. His forces are centralized around Moscow, the new capital of the Nation.

[civil war intensifies]
-Ayy Lamora is ded ;_;

Raid Causalities/Gains:

Psych Nation: -8 MIL, -8 ECO
Church of Goomy: -7 MIL, +$40


Hi guys and girls, I’m incredibly sorry for the late update. A family emergency came up just as I was preparing to update and that threw my whole schedule out of whack. I probably won’t be able to update for another two weeks. I hate this staggered and inconsistent update schedule as much as you do, trust me. Hopefully by next year I’ll become more consistent with my updates.

NinjaCow64 said:

Somehow a group of Norwegian Vikings mysteriously got lost and found themselves in Central Asia.

Click to expand...

Link to video.

Stability Revisited:

The stability system that I used this turn was flawed. Only two or three people used their STA points correctly this turn, everyone else obviously did not understand the rules. This is my fault, they were needlessly complicated. Likewise, the RNG and player interaction elements did not coexist nicely at all. Therefore I am revising the stability system slightly (again).

Every turn I roll a 1D10 in each region, the higher the roll the better the result. I also add any STA points spent on the region that turn. A maximum of 10 STA can be spent on one region per turn. Additionally, players may now invest STA into their puppet states and their puppet states will transfer any STA generated to their masters. Revolts will usually be around half of the region’s ECO points.

SPICE-T:

SPICE-T (Special Product for Invoking a Complete Existence THETA), known as Jet in Africa, is the product used by S.A.D.S.A.E and the Highwaymen to control their unruly populace. I decided to finally mechanize this, so here we go.

SPICE-T, like WMDs, are a research project. Both the Highwaymen (who have annexed S.A.D.S.A.E) and E.V.I.L start off with this technology, everyone else will have to research it. It costs $100 to develop, but you can sacrifice your traditional points (ECO, MIL, POL) to cheapen the research (1 point = $5 of research). Like WMDs, this money may be invested over multiple turns and the research may be shared.

When you research SPICE-T, you may use it on a region for $5 per turn per region. This is a price increase for the Highwaymen, so I will compensate by improving their economy. When it is used on a region, the stability of the region drops to -3 however the region will become unable to revolt. SPICE-T may also be exported, with the consent of both parties a nation who can produce SPICE-T can send it to another nation, usual costs will still apply. However, if a region ever loses access to SPICE-T once it has become addicted, there will be a very, very large revolt, at least twice the size of a normal revolt.

Be warned, if SPICE-T use becomes too widespread then prepare for unexpected consequences.

Raiding:

Ever since I implemented the new combat system, raiding has been derpy. The casualty numbers are stupidly high and to make a profit you have to strip mine the region you are raiding. Therefore, I’ve decided that both attackers and defenders will only take half casualties when raiding.

That’s everything for the Rules Update. Sorry for the long wait, I’m thinking that the main update should be up by Monday at the latest.

A grand total of twenty-eight football teams participated in this legendary football tournament. Alongside the ones that were listed in the Football Update was Oceania. Oceania is a nation that doesn’t have any land whatsoever. But their football team is one of the biggest of the world, if not the biggest (I'll leave those kinds of things to Civ’ed). Size obviously does not equal quality in this case as their team was absolutely obliterated in every single match that they played.

Group A consisted of the United Nationals (Nova Terra), the Javamancers (Abbotsfordian Indonesia), the Flying Shekels (Space Israel) and Le Bribemasters (Space Qatar). Le Bribemasters managed to bribe all the opposing teams to tie with them, which did not help them get to the pre-finals at all. The Flying Shekels, [insert offensive Jewish stereotype here], won against the Javamancers and tied with Le Bribemasters but because of [insert offensive Jewish stereotype here] they lost to the United Nationals. As the United Nationals, the Javamancers and Le Bribemasters had an equal amount of wins, who progressed to the next stage was determined by goals. Both the United Nationals and the Javamancers had more goals than Le Bribemasters, much to the relief of the Javamancers who were terrified of the Sheriff of Nottingham.

Group B consisted of the Forgotten Hermits (Korea-Japan), Kochi Tohma (India), the English Badgers (Brown’s Britain) and Iron Maiden (The Highwaymen). Unfortunately for Iron Maiden, mismanagement of bribery caused them to fail every drug test and thus were disqualified from every single game except against the game with Kochi-Tohma who overcame their powerful drug kung-fu. The English Badgers were especially lucky this game, as they technically “won” the game with Iron Maiden and tied with the Forgotten Hermits due to an unfortunate mistranslation of “I hope we get cabbage for tea” from Korean to Japanese causing an own goal and a planet-wide riot. The only game they played fairly was the game with Kochi Tohma, where they were overrun by India’s better players. The Forgotten Hermits played some good matches apart from the embarrassment vs the Badgers, although they were hindered by mistrust between the Korean and Japanese portions of the teams. After an intense game with Kochi Tohma, they barely managed to scrape a win. Due to their impressive performance in that match and their successful graduation to the pre-finals, pundits started to predict that these teams were going to go have a great year.

Group C consisted of the Coordinators (Church of Goomy), the Roman Legionaries (Romania), the Reapers (F.E.A.R) and the Australian Azzamen (Abbottsford). The Coordinators were the strongest in this group, their superior Pokemon physique allowing them to overrun the other teams except for the Roman Legionaries whose magic use interacted unpredictably with the Pokemon powers causing the Legionaries to win. The Legionaries did not do as well against the Reapers, who used tactics adapted from the Coalition of India’s approach to fight off the Ponies, and the Australian Azzamen, who stole the Reaper’s tactics book like the thieving convicts they are. The top two spots were highly contested, but the Legionaries tying with the Reapers allowed the Legionaries and the Coordinates to progress to the pre-finals.

Group D consisted of the Scandinavian Huscarls (Scandinavia), the Danish Dynamites (Denmark), the New Guinea Pigs (Abbottsford New Guinea) and Oceania. An epic grudge match was held between the Scandinavian Huscarls and the Danish Dynamites with numerous fatalities both on and off the field caused by aggressive play and drunken fans. This is typical for Viking Football. The Huscarls, under the superior leadership by Queen Aslaug Khanjstavir, humiliated the Danish team, winning 3-0. The only reason that both the Viking teams were able to make it through when their major stars were either in hospital or dead was because of the complete incompetence of the other teams. Even then, the New Guinea Pigs were able to achieve a victory over the Huscarls.

Group E consisted of the Macedonian Phalangites (Romainian Balkans), the Jerusalem Templars (Romania), the Holy Neko Ocelots (Holy Neko Empire) and the Whangarei Oilers (New Zealand). The most exciting match of the pool was an epic match against the Macedonian Phalangites and the Jerusalem Templars. As many Macedonians Yugoslavians Greeks Balkanese? Chirstos please don’t kill me people in the Balkans are unhappy with the Romanian government, the flawless victory against the Templars was used as an outlet for national rage. Neither the Phalangites or the Templars had any trouble getting into the pre-finals thanks to the general incompetence of the Whangarei Oilers and due to the Holy Neko Ocelots’ team captain, Panther Caroso, breaking his tail in a game against the Oilers.

Group F consisted of the Malagasy True Brits (Madagascar), Team Evil (E.V.I.L), Rainbow Sneks (Science and Outerspace a.k.a Southern King) and Soos Doods (Mystery Country). Group F had a wide variety of talent ranging from brilliant to awful. The Malagasy True Brits are the true inventors of football, so of course they were good. Likewise, so was the much reviled but extremely talented Team Evil. The Rainbow Sneks were pretty good for a team that lacked players with legs or feet, by normal standards they were terrible, although they did manage to tie with both Soos Doods and Team Evil. And Soos Doods literally had one player. The most interesting matches in this pool were the Malagasy True Brits vs Team Evil, an epic match of two extremely competent teams where no goals were scored due to their excellent defences, and Soos Doods vs the Rainbow Sneks, which was interesting for the opposite reasons (seeing a lone man running around in a football field getting chased by snakes while he constantly gets confused which goal he is meant to go to is hilarious). Unsurprisingly, both the Malagasy True Brits and Team Evil made it to the pre-finals.

Group G consisted of the Aden Football Club (Madagascan Aden), UKIP Nationals (Madagascan Islands), the Hundred Thousand Fleet (Abbottsfordian Boat People) and the Skeleton Realm Peaceful Footbowl Teem (Peaceful Skeleton Realm). The first match ended disastrously for the Peaceful Footbowl Teem as the violent cheating performed by the UKIP Nationals, made up of the drunken rejects from the main UKIP Team, caught the Peacekeepers completely off guard. Their star players got injured, their goalkeeper’s arm was broken and Mr Bonaldo’s famous kicking leg was broken. These are extremely serious injuries for skeletons. Even though the UKIP Nationals got multiple red cards, they were able to beat the Peacekeepers. They never recovered, getting thrashed by the Hundred Thousand Fleet and barely managing to get a tie with the Aden Football Club. Talking of the Aden Football Club, they play surprisingly well for a bunch of Ponies forced to play football by pirates. I guess having one’s life being threatened is a major motivator. Both the Aden Football Club and the UKIP Nationals made it to the pre-finals.

The first match of the pre-finals was the Coordinators vs the Danish Dynamites. Any rumours that the Danish Dynamites might go easy on their overlords were cast aside quickly as both teams put up an admirable fight, however the Coordinators and their superior Pokemon abilities allowed them to score a single point while denying the Dynamites goals, winning 1-0. Next up was the Macedonian Phalangites vs Team Evil. Although most of the world were rooting hard for the Macedonian Phalangites, Team Evil prevailed due to their superior tactics and overwhelmed the Phalangites 0-2.

The third match in the pre-finals was the Aden Football Club vs the Javamancers. Both teams were known for being absolutely terrified by the people they were forced to play soccer for and for their aggressive offensive playstyle. This playstyle caused a large amount of goals to be scored on both sides. However, during half-time, the Aden Football Club learned that their hometown had been liberated. It is believed that they stopped seriously trying after this, allowing the Javamancers to win 2-4.

The next match was the Forgotten Hermits vs the Roman Legionaries. Unfortunately for the Forgotten Hermits, the divisions in their team was exploited by the Legionaries’ magic. Due to communication difficulties, the Hermit’s 9-0-1 strategy was ineffective and the Legionaries’ powerful magic overcame even President Juri’s martial art skills.

The next and possibly most infamous match in the pre-finals was the match between the Scandinavian Huscarls and the Jerusalem Templars. Queen Aslaug Khanjstavir led the team using her impressive tatics, her husband Emir Raul Khanjstavir and her most loyal advisors accompanied her to Space Qatar to cheer her on, but they could not overcome the magic powers of the ponies and they were beaten 1-2. This was not why the match was infamous, why it was infamous is because shortly after the match the nation of Scandinavia was couped by Aslaug’s believed-to-be-dead brother, Toste "The Holy" of Munsö. The Khanjstavirs have fled to the Holy Neko Empire, where they are setting up a government-in-exile.

The last match of the pre-finals was the Malagasy True Brits vs the UKIP Nationals. Both teams participated in a massive drinking game shortly before the match, causing it to be a very interesting game of football indeed. Both teams fumbled the ball a lot, allowing an absurd amount of goals to be scored. Luckily for the Malagasy True Brits, True Brits can hold their alcohol a bit better than the other team so when the UKIP Nationals passed out from alcohol poisoning two minutes before the end of the match, the True Brits were able to score the final goal, winning the game 4-3.

Both the United Nationals and Kochi Tohma were able to skip the Pre-Finals and go straight into the Quarter-Finals due to 28 being a weird number and their stellar performance in their respective groups. Unforutnately for the United Nationals, the Coordinators’ superior tactics and Pokemon won the day, the Coordinators winning 1-2. The next match was Team Evil vs the Javamancers. The Javamancers fought extra hard, they understood the plight of the oppressed and knew that the only hope for Team Evil’s brainwashed players was to be defeated. After an epic struggle, the raw determination of the Javamancers overcame talent and allowed them to win 1-2. After the game had finished, Vietnamese special operatives burst onto the field and counter-kidnapped Team Evil. They are currently being deprogrammed by Vietnamese Marine drill sergeants.

Next up was Kochi Tohma vs the Roman Legionaries. The fantastic players of Kochi Tohma overcame even the most powerful of the Legionaries’ magic, further cementing them as a major contender for the cup in the eyes of the public. The magic of Romania was once again beaten in the final match of the Quarter-Finals, when the Malagasy True Brits defeated them with their intricate knowledge of the game and British pride 2-3.

The first game of the semi-finals was the Coordinators vs the Javamancers. While the Coordinators initially beat back the Javamancers, their raw determination and fear of the Sherriff allowed them to overcome the coordination of the Coordinators and they won 2-1. The second game was Kochi-Tohma vs the Malagasy True Brits. Once again proving that countries that they colonize are better at the games that they invent, Kochi-Tohma beat the Malagasy True Brits 2-1.

The final match was Kochi-Tohma vs the Javamancers. Kochi-Tohma not only fought for the cup, they also fought to reunite their fractured nation. And it was working, for this final Indians on both sides of the border put down their guns and grabbed their flags as a show of support for a team that had truly become a representative for both nations. Meanwhile, in Indonesia the Sherriff of Nottingham allowed the workers to cheer on the Javamancers. A little. The Javamancers were scared by determined to win the cup, if they won the entire tournament there was no way that the Sherriff could punish them, right?

In some ways the final game was a bit of a disappointment, considering the epic matches that had happened earlier. Kochi-Tohama’s determination simply overcame the determination of the Javamancers to avoid punishment, allowing them to achieve an easy 1-3 victory. This caused celebration across India, even in areas near the border that saw the most fighting. Could this mean that the two Indias could peacefully coexist? The Indonesians and the Javamancers are less happy with the results, they are hoping that coming second will appease the Sherriff enough so that he doesn’t hurt them.

The Bronze match between the Coordinators and the Malagasy True Brits was more of an exercise in humiliation than anything. After getting really piss drunk during their lamentations about losing to India, the most immigranty nation in the whole world apart from Poland, they were in no position to play. The Coordinators absolutely steamrolled the Malagasy True Brits, winning 7-1. It is believed that the Coordinators allowed the True Brits a single goal because the match was so brutally in their favour that they started feeling guilty.

As the closing ceremony finishes, the world goes back to SRS BUISNESS. The memories of the cup will be cherished for the next four years, as will the money gained from the lucrative space tourism industry, as the new decade starts with yet more war and chaos…

-Madagascar gets 5 ECO for hosting the tournament
-Both the Duchy of India and the Coalition of India gain one stability from the victory
-All nations with a team get 1 ECO. Nations sending multiple teams get an additional ECO. Puppet States get the ECO bonuses as well
-RP done for these games will get your RP bonuses as well, don’t worry! They will be covered in the main update. These bonuses are in addition to the RP bonuses.

Trade and Culture Flourishes Once Again as the Suez Canal Reopens

The Suez Canal is once again open as the H.F.S Madagascar leaves the Earth. Fed up with immigrants and their objections to his parking methods, Captain Farage decided to leave the immigrant filled Earth for the -3rd dimension in space, a place where no immigrants will ever find them. Shortly after the Madagascar launched into space, Pony forces retook Aden and with that the canal was officially reopened without the need for any more fighting.

All nations of the world took advantage of this trade boom, but none more so than the Peaceful Skeleton Realm. They established a thriving agricultural trade mainly consisting of high-calcium vegetables and have now become the world’s top agriculture exporter. This event was rumoured to trigger horrific flashbacks amongst IOTXIV survivors. Calcium isn’t the only thing that the skeletons are exporting, they are also exporting their cultural products. Their film industry has undergone a boom as well, Skeleton films are being shown in theatres all across the globe, including the critically acclaimed “A KIOT KAROL”. With this booming industry, unemployment is at an all-time low and it is said by many that the Skeleton Realm has entered an economic golden age. Mr Skeletal gave a passionate speech, encouraging the nations of the world to abandon their statist ways and embrace RP-based economies as well as pacifistic democratic ideals. And of course, to denounce the evils of helicopters. Although the ways of the Skeletons seem strange to many, no one can argue the success of their economic policies. Could the Peaceful Skeleton Realm have found the perfect way to run a country?

In sharp contrast to the peaceful cultural produce of the Skeletons, Vietnamese music has become popular around the world. Although it is mainly popular in Asia (duh) and amongst rebellious Pony teenagers, it has begun to see wider appeal around the globe. Grunkle Stan in particular praised the Vietnamese musical tradition and many people are trying to use their music to have a glimpse into the unusual Vietnamese mind-set, with mixed success. What will come from this cultural intermingling?

-Almost everyone gets a global stability boost from the reopening of the Suez Canal!
-Peaceful Skeleton Realm gets 5 ECO from agricultural exports and their thriving film industry
-Vietnam gets 2 ECO from music sales worldwide

Springtime for Connie and the Americas! Winter for EVIL and SADS!

While the unexpected attack on Hawaii and Easter Island may have been a horrible act of aggression, perhaps this is a blessing in disguise for Nova Terra. For one, the revelation of who really is behind the Drug War gives Nova Terra an enemy that they can fight rather than fighting shadows and distrusting allies. These revelations couldn’t have come at a better time, with EVIL drawing aggression from Vietnam and possibly many other countries over their unethical football recruitment tactics. Although many are saying that the Nova Terran Spring may be over, with the extra money produced from the booming economy and government reforms having to be diverted to restarting the Nova Terran war machine and espionage defences, perhaps this war is merely a small gust of wind that comes before one of the warmest springs ever.

Meanwhile in E.V.I.L, things are not going so well. To continue the seasonal analogies, you could say that E.V.I.L is experiencing a harsh winter. With the backfire of both Operation Terran Abbott is Sad and their football plans as well as the loss of S.A.D.S.A.E, things are really not looking good for E.V.I.L. However, not all hope is lost. Their island fortress would be extremely hard to break through for any invader. Also they have a hoard of highly loyal recruits, even though they are very likely to die in the coming year they know that E.V.I.L (or what remains of E.V.I.L) will supply their loved ones with an extremely generous life insurance.

To stretch the seasonal analogy so far that it breaks, spring is also the time of hay fever and boy does Nova Terra get bad hay fever. Although nobody would ever say this to a government official, the people of Nova Terra are exhausted from war. Every single person in Earthen Nova Terra has either been roped into military service, know someone who has died during military service or both. The only reason that the people are not revolting about the constant war yet is because they are fighting a foe who seems to wish for their utter destruction and does not respect treaties (as evidence by their breaking of the treaty-via-proxy that S.A.D.S signed). Nova Terran commanders are worried that Nova Terra cannot fight a protracted war with E.V.I.L, they believe that if the first few engagements don’t go extremely well that they might not have the manpower or the public support to continue. Additionally, Nova Terra’s alliances have been shaky as of late. Although the appeasement of the Mystery Country and the rapprochement with Abbottsford has improved the stability of the Pacific Alliance, the future of the organization is still in question. Abbottsford may not be so inclined to come to Nova Terra’s aid if it weren’t for the fact that they are fighting a mutual enemy. Many high ranking members of Abbott’s government are encouraging the Dark Lord to have a serious conversation about the nature of their alliance after E.V.I.L has been dealt with. There are also rumours that Grunkle Stan is displeased with the authoritarian developments in Nova Terra. Will Nova Terra overcome these problems or will E.V.I.L succeed in their ultimate goal of destroying Nova Terra’s international reputation?

-Nova Terra gets +1 ECO, +1 POL and +2 MIL from the Nova Terran Spring
-E.V.I.L gets +2 MIL and +1 POL from their popular employment policies

The Big Buyout of Britain and Other Mysterious Exploits

Brown’s Britain was in debt. Gordon Brown had spent his nation’s budget on bribes to the Space Jews and he was now in crippling debt. His saviour came in the form of Grunkle Stan, who spent a whopping $55 on clearing the nation’s debt. All that Gordon Brown needed to do was to transfer control of Britain to the Mystery Country, which he did gladly. Statesmanship was proving too much for poor old Gordon Brown, who retired with his newfound cash and has become the patron of “Drab Weekly”. The buyout came with mixed response from the British people, but most are hopeful that Grunkle Stan can make their lives better. Some are worried that the UKIP-Pirates might not take kindly to the annexation of their homeland, but now that they are in space they shouldn’t care about that. Right. Right?

In related exploits Zek "The Golden" of Munsö, duke of Norway, has died of old age. He disliked the rest of his family, so he named Grunkle Stan as his sole inheritor, leaving the Mystery Country in direct control of their former vassal. However, will they be able to hold on to their holdings when they are faced with potential nationalist revolts and the might of Toste "The Holy" of Munsö?

Somewhat closer to home, Nova Terra agreed to compensate the Mystery Country for their efforts in the war by transferring Toronto and a large amount of industrial equipment. They also assisted the Mystery Country in constructing a space elevator, allowing the Mystery Country to tap into the lucrative space trade. All of these developments have caused the Mystery Country to become one of the richest nations in the world. It has been a good year for the Mystery Country.

-Brown’s Britain and Norway has been integrated into the Mystery Country
-5 ECO has been transferred from Nova Terra to the Mystery Country
-Mystery Country gets 1 ECO for the space trade from the space elevator

Church of Goomy and the Holy Neko Empire – Entwined Fates

For some reason, the Church of Goomy and the Holy Neko Empire can’t get out of each other’s affairs. With the recent events in East Africa bringing everything back to square one, both the Church of Goomy and the Holy Neko Empire are going to have to find some way of pleasing the colonists on both sides even though they both hate each other. They are also involved in the recent coup in Scandinavia, as talks of reunification with Toste’s new realm may call for cooperation between the two powers.

One thing that differs between the two countries is the state of their government. The Church of Goomy’s government is becoming increasingly unpopular, people are still upset about the recent genocide of the Belorussians. There are rumours of a mysterious man who travels alongside an Empoleon. They are apparently forming an army of Pokemon trainers to overthrow the Champion and establish a democratic government. Of course talking of this is heresy, but the fact that these rumours are persisting despite that fact may be a bad sign for the Church.

Meanwhile in the Holy Neko Empire, public perception of their government is much better (outside of East Africa at least). An investigation into the Diao Chan incident has revealed a large amount of incompetence and corruption in the Provisional armed forces and bureaucracy. Over a thousand military and bureaucratic personnel were arrested for their connections to the Highwaymen and, in a few cases, E.V.I.L. Another almost-thousand were fired or demoted for general incompetence. Empress Katia Managan has promised the Holy Neko Empire a more meritocratic form of government as opposed to the days of the Sultanate where all that mattered was familial connections. Although the details haven’t been worked out yet, the catfolk of the Empire seem excited by the idea. The appointment of the Holy Neko Dream Team has been a lot more controversial and has thus has taken up more of the public’s attention. While some of the choices have been universally praised, such as the appointment of the ever-popular Panther Caroso, some choices have had a mixed reception, such as the infamous pervert Dink. Despite the controversy, the Dream Team is highly competent, having overseen the tens of thousands of immigrants flooding in from around the globe excited at the prospect for a homeland for cats.

In unrelated news the Minister of SPAAAACE, Aisha Clan-Clan, has established a colony on a recently discovered planet that is purfect (I’m sorry) for colonization by cats. The colony, named Nya-1, is small but it already sending precious space goods back to the homeland.

Two nations, tied together by the GM’s incessant railroading fate. Will the two nations be able to untie themselves, or will they follow this fated path to wherever it may lead?

-The Holy Neko Empire has expelled some spies! Highwaymen spies will have a harder time conducting their business in the HNE for the next few years
-The Holy Neko Empire gets 2 STA from government reform and 2 ECO from immigration

Romania Forms Coalition Government, Potential Peace in the Middle East?

The Catholics United Party after some negotiations have formed a coalition with the Union for Minority Rights, allowing them to form a stable government. The main demand of the Union for Minority Rights were to enact a series of legislations aimed at reducing discrimination against racial minority groups in employment and education. While there was some concern amongst conservative Ponies, this legislation passed through the senate easily passed through the senate and has been enacted throughout the country without controversy.

Another demand that the Union made was a little more troublesome. They asked for the reduction in military presence within the Balkans and this demand was met, they were even given a much larger reduction than what the Union had actually asked for. Empress Starshine believed that giving the Balkans autonomy in their policing might help make them more receptive to the idea of staying a part of the Empire. However, this plan backfired. Because there was little to no foreign presence in the Balkans, the local government decided to be extremely uncooperative and refuse to pay their taxes to the Empire. Instead, the money that would usually go towards the federal government was spent on establishing military producers in the region, which will probably make a revolt more successful if one occurs. Some of the more conservative members of society, including a few CUP senators, are calling for the government to intervene in the region and force the Balkans to give their taxes. A military intervention in the Balkans would not be very popular in other parts of society and might lead to an open revolt against the government. On a positive note, the government propaganda campaign and the reconstruction of damaged wartime infrastructure in the Balkans seems to actually have been somewhat effective at reducing dissent, opinion polls are showing that the UMR and other less extreme groups are gaining a small jump in popularity which is a good thing for the government.

The third and least controversial demand made by the UMR was signing a Non-Aggression Pact with the Kingdom of the Caucasus. Since they were the ones who proposed it in the first place, pretty much everyone was happy about this. King Agathios appears to be making a military build-up anyway, perhaps this is because they wish to help their brothers in what was once the Psych Nation? There has not been much communication from the King in recent months so perhaps we will never know.

-Romaina gains 1 STA from cooperative senate
-Romania loses $8 and gains 2 ECO in the Balkans due to uncooperative local government
-Kingdom of the Caucasus gains 1 MIL from military buildup

Vietnam and Abbottsford Gear Up for War

When Abbottsford and Vietnam negotiated peace over the Indonesian revolt, many thought that would be the end of conflict in the region. However, with the recent revelations about E.V.I.L, both parties are now preparing for a new war. Vietnam, who are always ready for war, are drawing up plans of what the invasion force will consist of. Rumours have it that they will be putting a large amount of soldiers who were recruited from around the globe as a part of their Militaires Sans Frontières program. The program has seen a large amount of recruits this year, perhaps this has something to do with many Vietnamese songs referencing the organization and thus informing the world about it. Abbottsford, as part of their war preparations, have begun construction on a deployable net-like apparatus in the Indian Ocean. Nicknamed the Speed Trap, it is intended to reduce the mobility of enemy navies.

War is not the only thing on the minds of the people of Asia. Vietnam has begun her first foray into space. Using Japanese star charts they found a jungle planet called Catachan. Apparently these jungles reminded them of home so they decided to colonize it, tbh the place is pretty terrifying so they must be masochist or something? Using modified Saturn V rockets with FTL they have established their first colony on the planet, which is mostly just a military base. The soldiers that are stationed there have begun to call themselves the Catachan Space Marines AND THEY SHALL FEEL NO FEAR.

Meanwhile, in Abbottsford there have been multiple economic developments. Dark Lord Abbott oversaw the buyout of Abbott’s Frozen Custard chain as all things that are Abbott belong to him by right. Additionally, although his public dispute with Connie Marshall is (somewhat) resolved, when it was ongoing it sold a lot of papers. People like to read about the drama baby. Also Abbottsford stole a lot of money off of the DeadPhilipines, which sunk into the ocean after Deadpool got bored of running a country and decided to do something else.

-Vietnam gets 1 MIL from Militaires Sans Frontières
-Abbottsford gets 2 ECO from Abbott’s Frozen Custard and Abbott’s Broadcasting Corporation
-Abbottsford gets $10 from the fall of DeadPhilipines

Football Fails but Economic Gains in the Lands of the Highwaymen

While Iron Maiden might have failed at football, all the investment for them was not for nought. The attention on the band/football team has seen a revival in that form of music and has seen widespread attention alongside Vietnamese music. Additionally, with the annexation of S.A.D.S.A.E, the Highwaymen have access to a lot more money now. How will they spend this newfound wealth?

-The Highwaymen get 3 ECO from economic funtimes

GM Notes:

1 – Note that SPICE-T costs are already deducted from your income, that tab is just there to show you how much.

2 – I don’t really have much else to say here. Sorry for another long update waiting period, I’m hoping it will get better next year. Lock should come sometime in mid-November after exams are done.

Correction: That island off the tip of the Malaysian peninsula should be mine.

Thorvald of Lym said:

Correction: That island off the tip of the Malaysian peninsula should be mine.

Click to expand...

Ah, so it should. Fixed in the non-public map, will be fixed on the public map next update.

The following is the underground Rhomanian hit The Devil Went Down to Khe Sanh performed in clubs in Constantinople by the Vietnam-influenced rock group, the Heracross. It is quite popular among rebellious pony youth

The Devil went down to Khe Sanh. He was lookin' for a soul to steal
He was in a bind cause souls he couldn't find; In the jungle to make a deal
When he came across this young girl smoking pot and firing trick shots
And the Devil jumped upon a durian stump and said "Girl, let me tell you hwat."

"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a sharpshooter, too
And if you'd care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you
Now you fire a pretty good pistol, girl, but give the Devil his due
I'll bet a Deagle of gold against your soul cause I think I'm better than you."

The girl said, "My name's Megan, and I might have taken hits
But I'll take your bet; and you're gonna regret cause I know you're full of s***!"

Megan, load up your pistol and keep your aiming hand straight,
Cause the Devil's cocking his guns and not to masturbate!
And if you're a crackshot you'll get this deagle made of gold,
But if you miss the devil gets your soul!

The Devil opened up his slide and he said, "I'll start this party."
And ammo flew from his fingertips as he loaded up his CZ
And he pushed his finger across the trigger and it made an violent hiss
And a squad of demons joined in and it sounded something like this

*impressive music magic solo*

When the Devil finished, Megan said, "Well, that passable I guess
But sit down on that tree right there and let me put you to the test!"

Bad moon rising out on the west!
Gimme shelter away from the pests!
Dancing all along the watchtower!
Blowin' in the wind is a burnt flower!

*At this point the lead guitar, despite his anatomy, attempts an even impressive guitar solo by hoof*

The Devil threw his gun because he knew that he'd been beat
And he laid that golden deagle on the ground at Megan's feet
Megan said, "Devil, just come on back if you ever get a fit
Cause I've told you once--you son of a b****--YOU WERE FULL OF F***ING S***"

Bad moon rising out on the west!
Gimme shelter away from the pests!
Dancing all along the watchtower!
Blowin' in the wind is a burnt flower!

He had been standing there, for at least a quarter of an hour. Awaiting for the rest of the moffs and the Imperitrix to make their arrival to the Grand Moff Chambers. The Governor of the United North American States has been thinking inside his head on the preparations for the retaliation against the treachery of EVIL. It's been weeks since the sneak attack was made.

He stood rigidly straight, back almost to the wall, his posture matching his military uniform, a white Galactic Empire uniform with tasseled golden epaulettes followed by a pair of dark leather boots. His husky face had a distinct mustache under his nose and hair combed back. He was Grand Moff Zsinj, Governor of the North American States, the Nova Terran's North American territories.

After the umpteenth game of Solitare, he pocked his smartphone as footsteps signaled the end of his wait. Approaching him from down the hall was a man in a thick, furry winter coat, wearing black leather gloves, and sporting an ushanka on his head. He was Grand Moff Orlok, the Governor of the United Siberian States. He has taken a personal interest with the situation with the surprise attack on Hawaii and EVIL. Flanked next to Orlock was Lilith Aensland, head diplomat of the Department of State.

He stopped in front of Zsinj and looked him into his eye "Are you ready for the presentation?"

"Given that the Imperitrix has been livid about the revelations, I'm certain that I'm ready to address my plans to her" Zsinj replied.

As he turned to enter the room behind him, Lilith grabbed his arm. "I beg you sir, reconsider," she breathed, a concerned expression across her eyes.

Zsinj's brow furrowed in a show of sympathy. "I know how much this troubles you, m'lady ," he said softly while tugging on his mustache, before continuing in a more imperative tone: "Violence and treachery is the only language the Enlightened Vigilante Infiltration League understand; we have no choice but to respond in kind."

Leaving Lilith to her own affairs, Zsinj entered the huge meeting room. six chairs were arranged around an elliptical center table with one larger one reserved for the Imperitrix herself, only three chairs were empty and the other moffs have taken their seats. Orlok and Zsinj took their seats. Minutes later, the double doors open once more, revealing the Imperitrix; Connie Marshall herself. She stood tall, with creases in her uniform showing her muscular physique, hair jet black down to her butt with two side tails coming down the sides of her face. On top of her head was her trademark beret bearing the Foxhound badge. She wore on her hands were fingerless gloves. Her facial expression was of anger and annoyance. Yet she did not raised her voice at all, instead opting to take a softer lady of war voice instead. With her muscular figure and her voice augments her as an iron lady. She approached her seat with resolve and purpose.

The rest of the Moffs were seated. Pellaeon, Ardus Kaine, and Jerjerrod were sitting patiently. Abet surprised that Connie didn't stormed in shouting and livid. A drop of sweat came from Zsinj's forhead and flowed to his chin, expecting to have a whole new hole ripped in him. Connie, then looks at Zsinj and gives him a nod "I await your presentation to deal with the menace of EVIL", Connie said as she takes her seat.

Ignoring the butterflies in his stomach, Zsinj opened the folder and began laying out it's contents. "We studied what reports came back from Pearl Harbor to try to figure out what went wrong," he began, sliding a set of copies to Connie and to the rest of the Moffs. "We did not expect Herrick De Venn to be capable of mustering the manpower he did, nor did we think the mercs could have misappropriated Abbottsfordian materiale. Nevertheless, it was fortunate that Motoko Kusanagi intercepted and unraveled EVIL's intentions. Long story short, Hawaii was dumb luck, took advantage of our enforcement of martial law in the Southern American States. They're out-numbered, out-gunned, pissed off the entire planet, and a counteroffense launched within the next 24 hours will rout them from the island."

Connie then slouches in her chair, putting her right hand on her cheak "Business as usual since the Cybermen War, then" then she adjust herself to sit upright "All of these wars are putting a damper on my post war plans. Anything else?"

Zsinj cleared his throat. "Liberating the islands is merely a reaction. A reaction to a now old feud between Abbottsford and Nova Terra that EVIL stirred. They should never have been able to get this strong in the first place. I propose we move to neutralize the Enlightened Vigilante Infiltration League once and for all..." he smirked, putting his fingertips together. "And the Major has provided us the means to do so. She tracked down every movement of EVIL's transitions, and most importantly, we now have the location of their elusive fortified island fortress. Our victory is assured all we need to do is pick the time."

"Ahh, it's always good to feel an air of confidence" Orlok said as he lean in his chair "It reminds me of the Cyberwar in the Caribbean".

Connie flips through the files, skimming them. "Must we kill him? He's more suited to rot away in a hyper maximum security prison on Kessel" she asked in dejection.

"I know that you want to have him as your pet, but I think we all can agree the dog's gone rabid, and mad dogs must be put down."

"Very well. Was hoping to just shrink Herrick De Venn, put him in a jar and torture him for the rest of his days" she said, passing the documents back to Zsinj "Hawaii will be cleansed before tomorrow's dawn. As for the French Southern and Antarctic Lands," she then turned to look Ardus Kaine in the eye, "Assemble SEAL Team Six."

"As you will," Ardus responded automatically.

Zsinj reorganized the files as Connie and the rest of the Moffs move onto a new conversation on cleaning up the mess EVIL has left on Nova Terra's international reputation.

I don't want to give a concrete orders lock yet because of exams, but I think I should say that I am planning it to lock sometime between the 16th and 20th of November (Canberra time as always). More concrete time will be determined after exams are over.

NinjaCow64 said:

I don't want to give a concrete orders lock yet because of exams, but I think I should say that I am planning it to lock sometime between the 16th and 20th of November (Canberra time as always). More concrete time will be determined after exams are over.

Click to expand...

Sorry, I misread my exam schedule. Orders lock sometime between the 19th and 25th of November.

Let's do this.

Orders lock 22nd of November