Ive had to break up this post in two due to its size. The second one will be up momentarily. Please enjoy the final update for IdIOT I: Shock and Terror!
The Collapse of Nova Terras Earth Colony (3016 A.D)
Due to the overextension of their army, Nova Terras Earth Colony collapsed. Only the United States were still under the direct control of the Imperator. The rest of the Americas had been taken control by militia who, while still loyal to the Imperator were unable to contact her due to the destruction of communication lines by rebel forces. The Siberian States and Eagles Landing were abandoned due to most of the population of said area being angry K.C.U.F sympathizers. Vladimir Putin seized the area and formed the Siberian Federation, his own little fiefdom based off of the ruling philosophy of F.E.A.R and K.C.U.F. Japan and Korea seceded from Nova Terran control, although this was a natural transferral of power as Nova Terra quietly withdrew from the region to reinforce North America.
Abbottsford decided to directly intervene in the war. After crushing a revolt in their newly-established Pakistani puppet, Abbottsford mounted an invasion of the United Mexican and Caribbean States in an attempt to further frustrate efforts by Connie Marshall to rebuild the communication network across America. Their stronger and larger military, which was assisted by local rebels, easily crushed the poorly trained and equipped militia causing the local government to surrender. Abbottsford and the rebels reorganized the local government to establish the first post-Nova Terran democratic state.
Meanwhile, the Mystery Country slowly advanced across North America. Due to it being the most populous state in Nova, it had the most loyalist militia which slowed the advance. But by the end of the year, the Mystery Nation had occupied most of the Northern half of the former United States minus a few isolated pockets of resistance. The largest of these pockets was the old US state of New York, which is where Nova Terran capital of New Port City is located. The Mysterious military were organizing a push to take the area, when they were surprised with the entire state flying into the sky! Nova Terra, using stolen UKIP technology, lifted the entire New York state into space. The region had been converted into a spaceship of sorts, which blew up the friendship bridge built by Nova Terra and the Mystery Country in Ontario out of spite. After this, they carried the important Nova Terran personnel and some of the most economically rich areas towards the planet of Nova Terra. They plan to place New York in Nova Terra and make New Port City the capital of both the Novan Terran Empire and the planet of Nova Terra.
The exodus of New York was a major morale booster for the Mystery Country and the anti-Nova Terran rebels, together they removed the final resistance pockets in the Northern parts of the United States and established a new democratic government based out of Washington D.C. The Nova Terran loyalists in the Southern United states were surrounded on both sides, cut off from their friends in South America. Seemingly abandoned by their government, they prepared for the siege of a lifetime.
The Ultimate Fate of the Neko Imperium (3016 A.D)
Unhappy at foreign rule of the Imperium of Catkind, the Nekoese people revolted en-masse. Thanks to their new and powerful superpowers, they made quite a formidable fighting force. They were also supported by the Highwaymen, who helped them with economic support as well as direct military support. They also provided the rebels with a highly addictive mixture of SPICE-T (Jet) and Catnip, forcing the rebel forces into the Highways sphere.
The fighting was intense and tens of thousands of felines died all across Africa. After less than a year of this fighting, both sides sued for peace. The Imperial accountants worked out that although they could probably win the war it would take many years, would be extremely expensive and would cause the death of countless cats. The Highwaymen were reluctant to continue fighting as well, as all this fighting was destroying the very assets that they were hoping to secure. A treaty was quickly organized and signed the Imperium of Catkind would control Egypt and everything east of the Nile while the rest of the Neko Imperium was split up into thousands of squabbling states, all safely in the sphere of the Highwaymen.
Meanwhile in a galaxy far, far away the fate of Empress Kaita Managan and the colony of Nyan-1 was discovered. The Bothans had transported Kaita and her colony to another galaxy. After a series of incidents involving force powers, a pineapple and liberal amounts of alcohol Kaita Managan usurped Darth Sidious and was crowned Empress of the Galactic Empire. Only time will tell how this will effect Star Wars Episode IIX.
The New Mediterranean Order (3016 A.D)
After a series of harsh crackdowns on continued rebel activity in Central and Eastern Europe; the Church of Goomy have focused their efforts on rebuilding the infrastructure that was destroyed in the war, improving their economy and restoring stability to the troubled region. The Danish King, Max "The Other Heathen" of Munsö, died attacking a rebel compound. After the death of their King, the Danish people voted almost unanimously to be annexed into the Church of Goomy, becoming a productive and loyal member of the country.
Although the Romanians could probably have crushed the rebellious provinces, their people were sick and tired of war. The Free Alliance of Democrats, running on an anti-war platform, won in a landslide in the 3015 elections. On the turn of the new year, the new Romanian President negotiated a peace deal with Sinn Balk and the Anatolian rebels. The United States of the Balkans was given full independence, while the newly declared Anatolian Autonomous Prefecture was partial-independence. The Anatolian Autonomous Prefecture was allowed a parliament, 1/3 of which would be elected by Ottomans, 1/3 which would be elected by the Anatolian Humans and the remaining seats filled by Romanian Imperial delegates selected by the Empress. Also, Constantinople remained in Romanias hands. The two new states were also forced to join the Mediterranean Economic Zone, a financial union that shared the same currency and had open borders with each other. The Balkans and the Anatolians reluctantly accepted these deals, this was probably going to be the best deal that they were going to get out of their vastly superior foe.
Peace has finally been restored to the Mediterranean, but how long will it last? Will the aggressive Goomy and Romanians really follow a path of peace or can leopards never change their spots?
Rest in Pepperoines Free Trade (3016 A.D)
After the successful Lunar Free Trade Conference, a series of other conferences are had to lower trade barriers between nations. All the major powers except Nova Terra participate, with Nova Terra refusing to attend any conference with Abbottsford or the Mystery Country in it. After a series of painstaking negotiations, a free trade agreement is crafted that everyone can accept. Almost immediately after the negotiations finished, Abbottsford took advantage of a strange combination of the provisions of the treaty to completely undermine the whole point of the treaty. Of course, Abbottsford was the one who proposed that combination of provisions of course. Just according to keikaku (editors note: keikaku means plan). This action annoyed pretty much everyone, including Abbottsfords ally the Mystery Country. It also set back the dream of *real* free trade back decades.
With the collapse of the dream of a truly global market, the worlds major powers have reinvested large sums of money into agriculture production, once again triggering another food war. Economic trust, even with the Skeletals, has been completely shattered and it will take some time before it is rebuilt.
Nova Terran Exodus (3017 A.D)
Although the remaining Nova Terran pockets on Earth were able to cooperate better with the central government thanks to Realising that the war against the remnants of the Pacific Coalition was not winnable at this time, Nova Terra began to evacuate Earth. Those who passed strict loyalty tests by the Inquisition were shipped to Nova Terras Jupiter colonies, those who failed were forced to fight on the frontlines. Unfortunately for Nova Terra, they could not evacuate everyone and many loyalists and traitors alike were trapped on Earth.
With the fall of Nova Terran Earth, the war came to a stalemate. While Connie Marshall refused to sign any peace treaty, she realised that an invasion of Earth without the help of Stargates (which were deactivated by the Pacific Coalition) would require a lot of planning. So she instead retreated and began to restructure the Nova Terran economy to become capable of maintaining a fleet capable of breaking Earths defences.
The Pacific Coalition were unable to continue their war either, neither the Mystery Country or Abbottsford lacked the space capacities to attack Jupiter let alone Nova Terras extended Empire. And after realising the Mysterious Cabal vastly overestimated popular Nova Terran support for their liberation attempts, they did not particular feel like it either. They were still able to establish a series of friendly democratic powers in the Americas with not too much fuss as the most of the would be Nova Terran loyalists had been either evacuated or were dead. This didnt prevent parties funded by Nova Terra advocating annexation back into Nova Terra popping up constantly, but the influence of the Pacific Coalition managed to keep them free and democratic(ish).
Egypts Post War Economic Miracle! (3017 A.D)
The Cat Imperium started a series of governmental and economic reforms, with just the right ingredients for a
Post War Economic Miracle! And Egypt starts making cat memes, cat computers, dairy products and balls of string as fast as they can and also better than everybody else. They get rich and Egypts economy goes wild. And then the miracle wears off, but everythings still pretty cool I guess. Bye!
Fate of Asia (3018 A.D)
With Nova Terra effectively usurped from Earth, the Asian communities were much more willing to deal with the Pacific Coalition once again as there was less chance of them getting caught in the crossfire. And admittedly, they were impressed that they managed to yet again topple an oppressive dictatorship and replace it with a series of democracies even though they were on good terms with said oppressive dictatorship. Now that peace was achieved, it was time to divide up Asia.
In a joint operation, A.R.C.H.E.R and the Pacific Coalition ended the Siberian Federation and arrested Putin for crimes against humanity after he was sufficiently shirtfronted by Tony Abbott. The Russian portions of the Federation were annexed into the Mystery Country as Grunkle Stan wanted them for some reason. The remaining parts were turned into the Union of Greater Mongolia, which promptly joined A.R.C.H.E.R. Meanwhile in the South, the Peoples Republic of China formally ceded Taiwan to the Mystery Country, although the Mystery Country had occupied it for most of the Nova Terran war China did not recognize their claim on it. This allowed Grunkle Stan to begin plans on reconstructing the Philippines and create the great Mysterious Philippines and Taiwanese Resorts, making the region into a popular tourist destination. The beleaguered Borneo was also rebuilt by Abbottsford, which was promptly put under the
oppression authority of Sheriff Vaisey.
IdIOTs Guide to Greece Becomes Bestseller (3019 A.D)
The underground Australian historians known as Ye Olde Chaser complied an epic
jpg tome detailing the events of the history of the Soviet Union. Known as the
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Soviet Greece, it is probably one of the best historical works ever produced. You can see the minutes that the team laboured over trawling through world leaders Facebook histories. Initially it was banned in Abbottsford as it painted Tony Abbott in not the best light, but after they realised how much money they could make off the thing they decriminalized it. Funny how those things work.
King Agathios the Great (3020 A.D)
King Agathois reign was known as a peaceful one, for the most part. Ever since uniting the Caucasian tribes he has overseen a policy of peaceful economic expansion, privatization and pacifism in world affairs. He instituted a 15% flat tax which attracted foreign investment from most of the worlds major powers. Although some are concerned about his human rights track record when it comes to Communists and Leftists, they are obviously rabble rousers.
However, Agathois grew weary and became stressed. The stress gave him nightmares, visions of war and horror grew stronger and plagued his dreams every night. After five years of rule, he could not bear the weight of running the state anymore. He abdicated his throne and made Kyriakos Mitsotakis, Minister of Public Order, the new ruler of Caucasia. Agathois knew that the people wanted a strong leader and didnt want to risk their stability by transitioning to a potentially anarchic government system such as a democracy.
The public turned up en masse to the abdication ceremony. But this ceremony was a bit more eventful than Agathois had initially planned. The palace was suddenly attacked by a gigantic communist robotic bear piloted by none other than Antonios Samaras himself! Using stolen Cyberman technology, he managed to become a cyborg and survive the sinking of the Basil and in secret he created a Communist army on Mars to take over the world once again, starting with the Kingdom of the Caucasus! King Agathois asked Samaras a simple question, Why us?. Samaras then laughed an evil laugh and explained who Agathois really was and how he was destroying his precious kingdom as revenge against the traitor. Agathois memories came back and then he screamed at the top of his lungs DO NOT WANT.
Samaras then asked the people of the Caucasus if they still supported their king, even though he was once a dirty Communist. The people stood defiantly, they charged against the Communist cyborgs even though they were only armed with sticks. They shouted that they loved their King, he was the saviour of the Caucasus and that it didnt matter who he was before then. Seeing this grand patriotic display moved Agathois and allowed him to escape his mental anguish, he attacked the gigantic communist robotic bears weak spot for massive damage. He then had an epic lightsabre battle on top of the Palace with Samaras and then he finally killed the evil Communist menace once and for all. The people then cheered for their king and the ceremony was continued. Kyriakos Mitsotakis said that he could not accept the title of King, there was only one and will only ever be one King of the Caucasus and that would be King Agathois, the Greatest Man to Ever Live. Instead Mitsotakis declared himself the President of the State of the Caucasus.
Mitsotakis reign was coloured heavily by the events that played out in the capital on the day of abdication. He banned all political parties other than the Neoliberal Party of Caucasus and enacted increasingly authoritarian laws in an attempt to remove any communists that were left. The people generally were fine with his rule as if the King supported these measures then they were truly necessary.
King Agathios, after reading the IdIOTs guide to Greece thoroughly, experienced a series of flashbacks of his past life as both Alexis and Darth Revan. He spent his last days in Caucasia writing
From Soviet General to Caucasian King, his autobiography. Shortly after finishing this book he disappeared, the only clue to his whereabouts being a dedication at the beginning of the book.
To my love, whom I will finally be reunited with. Our marriage is overdue, but I will put on a much better wedding than a few dollars could buy. Wait for me, for I am coming soon. The nation had a day of national remembrance when his disappearance was discovered. Despite his questionable record on human rights, there is not a single soul who can deny that King Agathois will be remembered in history as a truly great man.
Space Cats Don't Dance (3021 A.D)
Abbottsford had been building up a disturbingly large amount of nuclear missiles. Most people believed their story that it was stop Nova Terran attempts at blowing them up in retaliation for their recent actions, but many were sceptical of Tony Abbott and believed that he had a hidden agenda when it came to these missiles. They were right. Unbeknownst to the general public, Dr Grey Mann had equipped these missiles with robotifier warheads reverse engineered from Manchinian and Japanese mind control technology. They would transform sapient organisms into mindless robots under the control of Tony Abbott, via Gray Mann's cybersoldier command nexus.
The world learnt of Abbotts horrifying inventions during the maiden voyage of the
A.S.S Thatcher, Abbottsfords first convoy to Space Australia. The ship was supposed to be carrying trade goods, but instead it was carrying thousands upon thousands of those warheads. Halfway through the flight, the spaceship blew up in an accident and devastated the surface of the Moon, Mars and her Moons, as well as blowing up a huge chunk of Egypt. Luckily the God Emperor of Catkind was able to survive the attacks thanks to the thousand folded glorious Nippon steel surrounding his palace, but most of his citizens were not that lucky. Millions of cats were turned into heartless cats were turned into technological abominations, their love for mice turned into a craving for virtual mice. And non-human blood.
Obviously, nobody bought the whole oh it was an accident excuse. Especially when someone leaked that this was the first phase of Abbotts plan to get rid of all non-humans from the Earth. With the only other nation in the world who stood for that sort of thing being dismantled and, with the robotifier technology seen as dangerous as the Basil Class Cruiser, the world decided to act.
The Skeletal Preventative Orbital Orange Kinaesthetic Electromagnetic Defence (3022 A.D)
After the devastation of the Imperium of Catkind, the Peaceful Skeleton Realm spent their entire national budget on ensuring nothing like that would ever happen again. They invented the Skeletal Preventative Orbital Orange Kinaesthetic Electromagnetic Defence System, or the S.P.O.O.K.E.D System. This system used revolutionary missile tracking systems to detect incoming WMDs, whether they come from Earth or outer space, and blow them up with orange lasers (as opposed to blue ones). This system put an end to the era of WMDs, ensuring that nothing like the tragedy of the Cat Imperium would ever happen again.
Abbottsfordian Civil War (3022 3024 A.D)
Tony Abbott was not a popular man within his country or outside of it. But nobody dislikes Abbott quite as much as Bob Katter. Although Katter and Abbott share many of their opinions, Katter is disgusted at how Abbott and his personality cult has transformed this once great nation. While Katter hates furries as much as the next red blooded Christian, he thinks that Abbotts hard-line crusader attitude towards non-humans outside of Australia is counter-productive and potentially suicidal. And Katter thinks all this robot rubbish is horrible, what happened to good old penal legions? Does Abbott see himself as the new Empress Shi with all this mind control talk? Katter didnt want to put up with it anymore, so he devised Operation Antipope.
Katter had been channelling a large group of hard-line Christian refugees who disagreed with the Ponification of Catholicism. Katter hopes to use these people to counter the power of Abbotts personality cult, by playing up the connection between Romania and Abbottsford due to Abbotts support of them during the Basil Class Crisis. He also hopes to win over the population by using the fact that Abbott has become obsessed with Grey Manns robots and that he turned a bunch of cats into robots that he is the one thing worse than a furry a Five Nights at Freddys fan!
Katter launched his coup attempt shortly after Abbott admitted to personally approving the missile launch. Pro-Katter sleeper cells, known as Katters Krew, erupted into a riot in all the major cities. They quickly forced their way into government buildings, overwhelming the unprepared defenders. They almost made it into Kirribilli House, however Abbott had Grey Mann preinstall rocket thrusters in case of emergency so he flew over to New Zealand, which was basically turned into a giant robot factory as 90% of New Zealanders had been executed on suspicion of attraction to sheep. Katter then proclaimed that he had restored the Commonwealth of Australia and her Allies and that Abbottsford was no more. Katter was hoping that this move would see him get widespread foreign support, but he didnt know that others were also taking opportunity of this situation
Lady Akane, also known as the Red Lotus, was not happy with the situation in Abbottsford. None of the A.R.C.H.E.R governments liked Abbottsford all that much really, they supported him simply because he was willing to help them obtain liberty from Vietnam. However, once Abbott had made his intentions of performing widespread genocide on non-humans clear they could not stand by any longer. Using China as a staging ground, a coalition of Australian dissidents who were secretly being hidden by the Chinese government organized themselves. All sorts of people were there, various Australian pop-culture icons such as Barry McKenzie, Dame Enda Everage and Aunty Jack. A surprisingly large amount of Nickeolodean characters turned up too. Bill Shorten, although too old to fight nowadays, came out of hiding to support the growing movement. Lots of famous Australian CFCers were there too, even e350tb (yes hes Australian, not British. I was as surprised as you are)! All of them were led by none other than Game Moderator Supreme Taillesskangaru. Supported by the armies of A.R.C.H.E.R, this rag tag bunch easily toppled the cruel Indonesian government and arrested Sherriff Vaisey for corruption, silly taxes and the terrible state of the latest season of Game of Thrones. At the same time this was going on, A.R.C.H.E.R invaded Abbottsfords client states in Pakistan and Kazakhstan, forcibly changing their regimes, the new provisional governments in both countries opting to join A.R.C.H.E.R.
Now that this three-way civil war had truly started, the nations of the world started to pick sides. Tony Abbott was truly a man without many friends, nobody wanted to see him regain power. Even his old allies of the Mystery Country had abandoned him, both them and the post-Nova Terran states were supporting the Revolutionary Australians as even they had had enough of Abbotts evil. The only foreign support he had was Space Australia, but they werent much help as Space Australia is a really bloody long way away mate. Most of the democratic nations of the Earth were supporting the Australian Revolutionaries as opposed to Katter; including Romania, Mediterranean Economic Zone and the fearsome Peaceful Skeleton Realm. Katter had his supporters as well, nations that were not fans of Abbott but didnt want to support a democratic revolution sent lots of his support his way. These nations included the Church of Goomy, what little remained of the Imperium of Catkinds army, Nationalist Nova Terra (who were more than happy to assist in Abbott removal) and the Highwaymen. The only major nation who did not support any nation in this war was the Kingdom of the Caucasus, who maintained their long tradition of absolute neutrality in foreign affairs.
Tony Abbott earnestly believed until the very end that he would be victorious. Looking down on New Zealand from Kirribilli House and overseeing the giant robot factory, the only thing left of his empire, he refused to negotiate for some sort of peace settlement with Katter or the Revolutionaries or even the Pacific Coalition army at least three times the size of the remainder of his robot armies that was bearing down on them. It was then time for the age old tradition of what to do when you are losing and your leader is completely insane, backstabbing! Grey Mann snuck up behind Abbott himself and plunged a knife right in his back. But, moments later, Agent Smith stabbed Grey Mann in the back, turning against his creator as his programming told him to defend Abbott at all costs! And then, Malcolm Turnbull, who had escaped from Kirribillis dungeon after Abbott put him there due to a prophecy of betrayal, stabbed Agent Smith in the back because thats Turnbulls favourite pastime! Then Kevin Rudd stabbed Turnbull in the back because he wanted all the glory to himself! Then Julia Gillard stabbed Rudd in the back because whenever a backstab-o-thon happens, shes invited! Then the Spy stabbed Gillard in the back because he never really was on her side! The whole building then erupted into an orgy of backstabbing, if you had a back it was probably going to get stabbed. When the joint Mystery Country and Post-Nova Terran armies fought through the robots and finally got to Kirribilli, all they found were a pile of bodies with knives in them. No leader had survived to formally surrender to the Coalition forces, but it was obvious that Abbottsford had ceased to exist, never to return. As their allies in the war were utterly destroyed, Space Australia sued for peace. Space Australia actually profited from the war as Jeice had managed to grab a whole lot of Abbotts secret gold hidden under the picture of Margaret Thatcher while everyone was busy stabbing each others backs. He used this gold to invest into Space Australias tourism industry, earning them lots of dollary doos.
In the first year, the Indonesian front was a stalemate. Neither side was able to break through the others naval defences, even with the large amounts of foreign support in the forms of money, supplies and even soldiers on the ground that both sides were getting. It remained this way for about a year, when the Pacific Coalition were able to make a second front on the East Coast after the liberation of New Zealand. This divided Katters navy, leading to the disastrous Second Battle of the Timor Sea and the Battle of the Tasman Sea. This allowed Revolutionary Australian forces and her allies to land on Australia itself. Katters army was demolished by the superior Revolutionary Alliance force, the newly developed Mysterious Mammoth Tanks helped turn the tide in the favour of democracy. One by one Katters allies left him. The Cat Imperiums army was completely cactus after all this so they just left. The Goomy forces, realising that they were fighting a losing battle, stole everything that wasnt nailed down and then fled (#JustGoomyThings). Nova Terra realised that it didnt have much to gain now that Abbott had been defeated, so they took their damaged fleet back to Jupiter. And the Highwaymen quietly demanded payment for their mercenary contact and left. Katter, unlike Abbott, knew when he was beat so he then formally surrendered to the Revolutionary forces. He has now retired to farming and local farmer advocacy in his hometown of Cloncurry, Queensland.
Taillesskangaru, leader of the heroic insurrection, declared the formation of the Commonwealth of Oceania regionally delegated into Australia, New Zealand, Indonesia, Borneo, Singapore, and Micronesia. He declared the restoration of parliamentary democracy and brought the capital back to Canberra, its rightful place. He was then elected Prime Minister by the popular vote in a historic landslide. This was truly the best outcome for all concerned, this truly is the Good End.
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gotta find a way to reference that in the update.
