Cyrus called his generals to his office. The army was marching to Egypt, and the old immortal tactic had lost its effect, with axes replacing bows. The cities were barely defended, and any ridiculous nation, such as Greece, would be able to conquer quite a few of them before his progress came to a grinding halt. Surely Petrollsia would be able to raise an army capable of trolling civilization to the underworld, but it needed time. If it would be attacked now, then
The old man rushed into the throne room, exhausted.
Oh God-King Cyrus! Oh God-King Cyrus! I have run 42 kilometres to tell you this! The Greeks have declared war! We must promptly withdraw our army from the Egyptian border and stop them!
Cyrus thought for a moment. Delaying the war with Egypt and teaching the Greeks what warfare really was like would be the most logical decision. But why would he follow logic? Wasnt he, Cyrus Ozimandius, Troll of all trolls? They would look upon his armies, those unmighty, and despair!
So to troll his oldest advisor he promptly declared war on Egypt.
On hindsight, that decision was wiser than it seemed, as the Greeks reconquered Appolonia from the Romans. Cyrus knew the Romans werent good at war. It was not like they had a good early UU, with, say, a ridiculous strength boost and a bonus against axemen, capable of stomping every civilization.
The town of Pi-Ramesses was soon captured by the glorious Petrollsian Army. Guarded by axes only, Persian chariots slaughtered its garrison, laughing at the Egyptians who clearly hadnt heard of balanced defence. Cyrus, hating any civilization but his, ordered to burn the city.
Meanwhile, in the priest-town of Jerusalem, Mulla Sadra was born. He teached the Petrollsians a lot about Theology, and then he just died.
When a certain man, Jesus Christus, heard the Petrollsians were the first to discover Theology, he came to Persia. A Roman legion which was strolling around in the area decided to murder him, but not before he taught the Persians about Catholicism.
Cyrus ordered his troops to push further into Egypt, and cleaning that particular country of civilization. The poor-defended capital was soon destroyed, and after a few hundred years no one remembered who built the Pyramids. Cyrus would claim to have built those stone tombs all by himself, but for some reason many would not believe him.
And soon the last stronghold of Cleopatra was captured and, needless to say, burned to the ground. Trololol!
Egyptian fugitives founded a new civilization deep into Africa. Cyrus brainwashed them with his paranormal powers. This made them forget who razed their homeland, and they adapted Catholicism as their state region. Petrollsia had made its first ally.
Well, ally until it was time to crush them.
After having made a very successful campaign in Egypt, Cyrus returned to Petrollsia (where else) . There he found out the old man, who ruled the country when Cyrus was away, had made peace with Greece. Cyrus was furious, as Petrollsia had noone to crush now.
Or had they? It seems India had run out of weeds yet again.
Currency was discovered. This made Cyrus happy, as he could now ask money as taxes instead of cattle. Having two million cows in the stable of his palace was getting a little dirty.
The Greeks showed the Persians how to build theatres, huge walls and little towers on the back of Elephants. These Elephants would make a welcome addition to the army.
The Indians sent a group of parrots to sabotage Trollopolis. This outraged Cyrus, and he ordered the elephant trainers to train their elephants faster.
The little border town of Jaipur was razed to the ground. But the Petrollsian army was winded and tired, so Cyrus made peace with India. The war would be resumed once the Persian war elephants would be ready for battle.
A great palace was constructed, stressing the fact that Cyrus was an extremely powerful, charming, capable and humble ruler. Cyrus allowed the Catholic elite to hold their conferences in his palace, and Ninua was declared the new holy city of Catholicism.
Trolloposian guards reported to have seen a Chinese siege engine to their north. Ah, great! Cyrus thought, Surely those Chinese will go and raze Europe. They must be trolls too!
The army was ready, and open hostilities broke out again.
Romeon and Julias, a young Greek couple, came to Petrollsia to be married in the Catholic tradition. Cyrus ordered the construction of a great wall near the Bosporus, on which a picture of the newly-wed and the words : We own you, Greeks! were painted. This upset Alexander and he declared war.
Ah, Dilli! Pinacle of culture! Holy city of Hinduism and Buddhism! Home of artists and philosophers! Perfect place to raze!
But while the Persian army was occupied in India, an army of Greek mercenaries took the city of Samarkand. It was soon recaptured, but it enraged Cyrus to a great extent, as this was the first Petrollsian city to be taken.
But near Trollopolis things went better. A small Greek army was destroyed and brave Petrollsians founded a fort called Byzantium.
Another great prophet came to Ninua, this time to construct a building to honour the catholic god. When the construction of the building was completed, a loose stone fell on his head and he died.
Egypt destroyed, India collapsing
Cyrus was satisfied. Surely more civilizations would rise, but no one could stop him from making Persia the only civilization in the world! His barbarian friends would soon arrive, and Rome and Greece would fall. They would settle down and form new civilizations, which he could destroy! Life was good.
Cyrus ordered his army to garrison Jerushalim, as he knew the Arabian peoples would soon unite and attack his empire. He did not know when exactly they would come, as the calendar wasnt invented yet.
Oh wait
it was. It turned out it was only 220 AD, and the Arabians would not come for another four hundred years. This meant Jerusalem would be safe for a little longer, and his army could go
Troll civilizations!
It's the civ who comes to crush you when you are playing as Greece, it's the civ which splits off your empire when you are reigning over one of the caliphates, it's the civ which comes settling in your territory when you conquer India as the British...
).
I don't think there's any currently active ones.
Hooray for Pertrollsia!
