strijder20
Wallowing in irony
War phants, crossbows and trebuchets should do the job until +-1200 AD.
Then I'll have to withdraw and crush the Turks
Persia: Destructor of Civilization
- Thread starter strijder20
- Start date
War phants, crossbows and trebuchets should do the job until +-1200 AD.
Then I'll have to withdraw and crush the Turks
strijder20
Wallowing in irony
Err... the next round has been... successful. Perhaps a little bit too successful.
I do not see how I can still lose in the situation I am right now. Of course, this is RFC, lots of things can still happen.
I have no time to post the round today, sorry.
And yes, there will be a LOT of razing in it, if you didn't expect it already
I do not see how I can still lose in the situation I am right now. Of course, this is RFC, lots of things can still happen.
I have no time to post the round today, sorry.
And yes, there will be a LOT of razing in it, if you didn't expect it already
strijder20
Wallowing in irony
It was a beautiful day, Cyrus thought. He was on holiday in Trollopolis, a metropolis next to the warm Black Sea. While he was sipping an elephant punch, he saw a Viking fleet moving towards a village next to Trollopolis. He waved to his allies – well, they were until they would get exterminated -, but then something shocking happened : the Vikings razed the whole village and took everything valuable they could get! Cyrus ran to his writing room and wrote a letter to Ragnar:
‘Dear Raggie,
A group of your people has raided a Petrollsian village. Why? I suppose this is an accident, but I still demand apologies.
Your best friend (as I killed all the other ones),
Cyrus’
A few later, he got another letter and the head of his messenger back:
‘Dear Cyrus,
I’m sorry, but I suppose you realize, this means war. I declare war. I’m very sorry, but I still do it, for the RNG god has told me to.
Have a nice holiday,
Raggie’
Cyrus was outraged. How did Raggie – err, Ragnar – dare to declare war on mighty Petrollsia? And what did he have to realize? He had always been nice to the Scandinavian people and had left them alone. He would get revenge. Not now, but in a very near future. The sooner, the better.
And the Vikings were not the only wasps stinging in the thick hide of Petrollsia. The Arabs, instead of staying in their sandy home, mustered an army of mercenaries and attacked Qods. Needless to say, they were slaughtered, but that wouldn’t hurt the Arabians, only their coffers.
A band of hardy horsemen from Samarqand made maps of the Spanish homeland. Hey, that rhymes! They discovered Spain was gravily underdefended, and an army was sended. Isabellas luck would turn, and the Iberian subcontinent would burn.
To the north was fertile France, and on it too they had a glance. Cowardish bows would stop no elephant, and France would be another sacked land.
Music was discovered in Persia, and Cyrus decided to stop his rhyming. Now, he would write music which would fit with (t)his story. If you listen very carefully, you should be able to hear it
Centuries ago, Spalatum was founded by Roman merchants who searched to expand their imperium. After the fall of the Roman empire, it quickly seized control over the neighbouring towns, and became an, if less flourishing than it used to be, important town in Croatia. But its garrison, including soldiers trained as the old legions of Rome, could not stop Petrollsia, which wanted free access to Western Europe, and Spalatum was on the middle of the road.
So was Mediolanum, the capital of the Italian alps. A small fort was founded on the ruins of the city, and it was garrisoned by Petrollsian medics, who could heal every army – as long as it was Petrollsian, of course – which passed there.
A great cathedral was founded in the Petrollsian heartland, and called ‘Notre Dame’. Cyrus thought Notre Dame meant ‘Praise our ruler’ in French, and was furious when he found out its real meaning was ‘Our lady’. Still, the name stuck.
After a meeting with his most prominent advisors, Cyrus realised that the stability of his empire was not what it used to be. Knowing his divine ‘Unique Ability’, which increased stability on conquering cities, he ordered his armies to raze even more! Burn, baby, burn!
On a frosted isle, a hardy group of savages and their ‘king’ was found. They obviously still were in the Stone age, constructing stone circles and the like. Although there were some rumours about those stone circles being UFO landing stations, Cyrus doubted those people ever could pose a threat.
They would likely never leave their homeland, even if Cyrus didn’t intervene. Obviously they did not have the quality of great empire-founders and would shiver at the mere thought of colonizing other continents, controlling the seas and founding a powerful colonial empire.
Paris was taken and levelled. Those arrows were obviously pointier than they looked, and some Ellies died, trying to jump over the city walls but shot down in mid-flight and crushing the longbows when landing.
But when Cyrus and his army ventured deeper into France, they fell into an ambush ! A large amount of footsoldiers was opposing them, and would obviously attack them before they could reach the last French town.
… They didn’t. When Cherbourg burned, this ‘grande armee’ and it’s general, called ‘le petit caporal’ by his soldiers – only behind his back, of course - was shattered at Waterloo, where nothing happened and no great battle was lost. They just lost courage when they heard their homeland was no more.
And Europe was getting crowded again. The Germans, the same barbarians who destroyed the Roman empire, decided to settle down. Cyrus would get them after Spain – No civilization besides Petrollsia was allowed!’ Long live Petrollsia! Long live me! Oh wait, of course I will live long, I’m immortal after all.’ Cyrus shouted.
A colossal elephant was caught near Sirajis. Its dung fertilized the ground for many years to come, and farmers from all over Petrollsia came there to do what farmers usually do, farming. After a few centuries, Cyrus had completely forgotten about this event, and wondered why that ‘plains tile’ was giving ‘2 food’.
Cyrus’s Checklist of completely trolled, destroyed and mocked on civilizations :
France
Phoenicia
Rome
Ethiopia
Axerushia
India
Egypt
Greece
‘Dear Raggie,
A group of your people has raided a Petrollsian village. Why? I suppose this is an accident, but I still demand apologies.
Your best friend (as I killed all the other ones),
Cyrus’
A few later, he got another letter and the head of his messenger back:
‘Dear Cyrus,
I’m sorry, but I suppose you realize, this means war. I declare war. I’m very sorry, but I still do it, for the RNG god has told me to.
Have a nice holiday,
Raggie’
Cyrus was outraged. How did Raggie – err, Ragnar – dare to declare war on mighty Petrollsia? And what did he have to realize? He had always been nice to the Scandinavian people and had left them alone. He would get revenge. Not now, but in a very near future. The sooner, the better.
And the Vikings were not the only wasps stinging in the thick hide of Petrollsia. The Arabs, instead of staying in their sandy home, mustered an army of mercenaries and attacked Qods. Needless to say, they were slaughtered, but that wouldn’t hurt the Arabians, only their coffers.
A band of hardy horsemen from Samarqand made maps of the Spanish homeland. Hey, that rhymes! They discovered Spain was gravily underdefended, and an army was sended. Isabellas luck would turn, and the Iberian subcontinent would burn.
To the north was fertile France, and on it too they had a glance. Cowardish bows would stop no elephant, and France would be another sacked land.
Music was discovered in Persia, and Cyrus decided to stop his rhyming. Now, he would write music which would fit with (t)his story. If you listen very carefully, you should be able to hear it
Centuries ago, Spalatum was founded by Roman merchants who searched to expand their imperium. After the fall of the Roman empire, it quickly seized control over the neighbouring towns, and became an, if less flourishing than it used to be, important town in Croatia. But its garrison, including soldiers trained as the old legions of Rome, could not stop Petrollsia, which wanted free access to Western Europe, and Spalatum was on the middle of the road.
So was Mediolanum, the capital of the Italian alps. A small fort was founded on the ruins of the city, and it was garrisoned by Petrollsian medics, who could heal every army – as long as it was Petrollsian, of course – which passed there.
A great cathedral was founded in the Petrollsian heartland, and called ‘Notre Dame’. Cyrus thought Notre Dame meant ‘Praise our ruler’ in French, and was furious when he found out its real meaning was ‘Our lady’. Still, the name stuck.
After a meeting with his most prominent advisors, Cyrus realised that the stability of his empire was not what it used to be. Knowing his divine ‘Unique Ability’, which increased stability on conquering cities, he ordered his armies to raze even more! Burn, baby, burn!
On a frosted isle, a hardy group of savages and their ‘king’ was found. They obviously still were in the Stone age, constructing stone circles and the like. Although there were some rumours about those stone circles being UFO landing stations, Cyrus doubted those people ever could pose a threat.
They would likely never leave their homeland, even if Cyrus didn’t intervene. Obviously they did not have the quality of great empire-founders and would shiver at the mere thought of colonizing other continents, controlling the seas and founding a powerful colonial empire.
Paris was taken and levelled. Those arrows were obviously pointier than they looked, and some Ellies died, trying to jump over the city walls but shot down in mid-flight and crushing the longbows when landing.
But when Cyrus and his army ventured deeper into France, they fell into an ambush ! A large amount of footsoldiers was opposing them, and would obviously attack them before they could reach the last French town.
… They didn’t. When Cherbourg burned, this ‘grande armee’ and it’s general, called ‘le petit caporal’ by his soldiers – only behind his back, of course - was shattered at Waterloo, where nothing happened and no great battle was lost. They just lost courage when they heard their homeland was no more.
And Europe was getting crowded again. The Germans, the same barbarians who destroyed the Roman empire, decided to settle down. Cyrus would get them after Spain – No civilization besides Petrollsia was allowed!’ Long live Petrollsia! Long live me! Oh wait, of course I will live long, I’m immortal after all.’ Cyrus shouted.
A colossal elephant was caught near Sirajis. Its dung fertilized the ground for many years to come, and farmers from all over Petrollsia came there to do what farmers usually do, farming. After a few centuries, Cyrus had completely forgotten about this event, and wondered why that ‘plains tile’ was giving ‘2 food’.
Cyrus’s Checklist of completely trolled, destroyed and mocked on civilizations :
mayor
Heart & Mind
y u no killing off Arabia?
strijder20
Wallowing in irony
y u no killing off Arabia?
Have patience, my friend, have patience...
(I already played until 1400 AD
)And why I didn't kill off Arabia when I was playing this round? A look at their stability should tell. I was afraid they would collapse before my army reached them
mayor
Heart & Mind
jtb1127
Deity
Well go get them. The Arabians are a nuisance and must be eliminated. Pretty impressive empire, especially for the date you're in.
thecaesar
Will appear randomly
You should definitely kill arabia, they are probly the biggest threat.
strijder20
Wallowing in irony
Thank you
I'm playing on Viceroy, however, and it's not like I have, err, opposition threatening me
And I only expanded into Core-Historical-Contested, which helps too of course.
Try building a few large cities instead of many smaller ones, it really helps with the 'cities' ranking, as you will probably get more production and buildings a city.
Alexius08
Emperor
- Joined
- May 28, 2010
- Messages
- 1,142
y u no killing off Arabia?
Rome already destabilized them.
strijder20
Wallowing in irony
*Yawn*
Cyrus woke up. He had been sleeping for a while, he thought. It was probably already 10 o’clock. Whatever a clock was, as the Swiss watchmakers had been locked up in their large clocks and subsequently thrown off the alps by his immortals, and they had taken the knowledge of clock making with them in their graves.
After this short reflection about little European cultures, Cyrus got out of bed. ‘Get me my breakfast!’ he shouted. ‘Two large elephant burgers, and a salad!’ But noone responded. Cyrus was outraged at this brutality of his servants, and raged through the palace. But he soon discovered there was indeed no one there. But suddenly…
‘My king! My ruler! Oh gracious Cyrus! Do you need me?’
Cyrus almost fell on the floor from surprise, but managed to keep himself on his two feet. ‘Old man! Tell me, where are all my servants?’
‘My king, you have slept for… let me check my wrist calendar… one and a half month now! They are all at home. But I will warn them you are awake again.’
‘Old man, how can this have happened? Did I really sleep for 45 days?’
‘Yes, my king. The reasons are mysterious, but my links with the supernatural revealed me it might have to do with the obscure force ‘Irlissues’.’
‘Oh, that explains it all, I guess.’ Cyrus had no clue what was going on, but did not feel like seeming dumber than that clingy old man that had been following him for centuries.’
‘Now, off to governing my empire.’
‘This is blasphemy! How do they dare to insult me, the divine Cyrus like this? I just razed France, and now the perfidious English come to settle it again? Very well, I shall raze them too!’ Cyrus soon found out that the settlers were too lazy to actually found a city, but it was still an insult to Petrollsia.
Peace with Rags was made. What a pity Cyrus would have to raze Scandinavia too because of this traitorous treason. But as he liked Ragnar, he would allow him to rule the cities of Scandinavia afterwards.
Oh wait… there would be no cities left. Whatever.
‘Cyrus, the Arabian mercenaries are coming again. The largest part comes from Assyria.’
Cyrus took his atlas (‘Petrollsia, China and piles of rubble : the world charted’ by Mercator) and looked up where Assyria was.
‘But we conquered Assyria in 500 BC!’
‘Yes,’ replied the old man, ‘but those mercenaries have been for sale for more than 1000 years now! That’s how the mercenary system works.’
‘Oh, fine.’
Again, the Arabs were beaten, but Cyrus hoped those stinging bees would soon disappear from the face of Earth.
In the meanwhile, the invasion of Spain had begun. ‘Take your foes down while they are small’ was one of Cyrus’s own personal mottos, just like ‘Elephants are cute’ and ‘I like ruins’. The first saying was widely considered the wisest, although Cyrus had other ideas about that.
A group of Vikings had founded a new civilization in the north. More cities he would have to raze! That wasn’t a real problem, as Cyrus was fond of razing, but he’d like to become Emperor of the world as fast as possible.
Xerxes was a famous general from Turkey. He founded a military school in Trollopolis to train trebuchet crew. One of his most famous reforms was to fire elephants, including riders, with trebuchets over city walls, after which the elephants would get up and fight without having to jump over the wall.
Madrid was taken. Exactly as Cyrus had predicted in his rhyme! He truly had visionary powers.
Although the fact that his empire was twice as large and about an era ahead might have had to do with it too.
Cyrus made an expedition in the summer to meet the Tsar himself in the icy north. When he first saw the Tsars left eye, he almost thought he had found someone similar to himself, brilliant, handsome and completely insane, but the crazy grimace soon disappeared and Cyrus realized he would never have friends on this world. Not a problem, though, as long as he had millions of subjects who did everything he said.
Well, not every subject did what he said : especially the Apostolic palace was trying to sabotage him. So Cyrus announced there would be no vote that year and send some priests to the frontlines to serve as ammunition for the trebuchets.
Goodbye Sevilla. It has been nice to know you.
Cyrus was pleased how there were traces of Arabian culture in the southern half of the Iberian peninsula. Razing one culture was fun, but razing two at a time was even greater fun!
‘Bandits?’ Cyrus thought. ‘Impossible. Who would want to revolt against me? It must have been parrots!’
Cyrus went to sleep again. He hadn’t destroyed any civilizations this day – well, a rather long day, about 40 years – but he had made significant progress in Spain, and his navy was already on the way to the English channel.
Remember : civilizations which are not razed now, will be razed tomorrow! More fun is ahead!
Cyrus woke up. He had been sleeping for a while, he thought. It was probably already 10 o’clock. Whatever a clock was, as the Swiss watchmakers had been locked up in their large clocks and subsequently thrown off the alps by his immortals, and they had taken the knowledge of clock making with them in their graves.
After this short reflection about little European cultures, Cyrus got out of bed. ‘Get me my breakfast!’ he shouted. ‘Two large elephant burgers, and a salad!’ But noone responded. Cyrus was outraged at this brutality of his servants, and raged through the palace. But he soon discovered there was indeed no one there. But suddenly…
‘My king! My ruler! Oh gracious Cyrus! Do you need me?’
Cyrus almost fell on the floor from surprise, but managed to keep himself on his two feet. ‘Old man! Tell me, where are all my servants?’
‘My king, you have slept for… let me check my wrist calendar… one and a half month now! They are all at home. But I will warn them you are awake again.’
‘Old man, how can this have happened? Did I really sleep for 45 days?’
‘Yes, my king. The reasons are mysterious, but my links with the supernatural revealed me it might have to do with the obscure force ‘Irlissues’.’
‘Oh, that explains it all, I guess.’ Cyrus had no clue what was going on, but did not feel like seeming dumber than that clingy old man that had been following him for centuries.’
‘Now, off to governing my empire.’
‘This is blasphemy! How do they dare to insult me, the divine Cyrus like this? I just razed France, and now the perfidious English come to settle it again? Very well, I shall raze them too!’ Cyrus soon found out that the settlers were too lazy to actually found a city, but it was still an insult to Petrollsia.
Peace with Rags was made. What a pity Cyrus would have to raze Scandinavia too because of this traitorous treason. But as he liked Ragnar, he would allow him to rule the cities of Scandinavia afterwards.
Oh wait… there would be no cities left. Whatever.
‘Cyrus, the Arabian mercenaries are coming again. The largest part comes from Assyria.’
Cyrus took his atlas (‘Petrollsia, China and piles of rubble : the world charted’ by Mercator) and looked up where Assyria was.
‘But we conquered Assyria in 500 BC!’
‘Yes,’ replied the old man, ‘but those mercenaries have been for sale for more than 1000 years now! That’s how the mercenary system works.’
‘Oh, fine.’
Again, the Arabs were beaten, but Cyrus hoped those stinging bees would soon disappear from the face of Earth.
In the meanwhile, the invasion of Spain had begun. ‘Take your foes down while they are small’ was one of Cyrus’s own personal mottos, just like ‘Elephants are cute’ and ‘I like ruins’. The first saying was widely considered the wisest, although Cyrus had other ideas about that.
A group of Vikings had founded a new civilization in the north. More cities he would have to raze! That wasn’t a real problem, as Cyrus was fond of razing, but he’d like to become Emperor of the world as fast as possible.
Xerxes was a famous general from Turkey. He founded a military school in Trollopolis to train trebuchet crew. One of his most famous reforms was to fire elephants, including riders, with trebuchets over city walls, after which the elephants would get up and fight without having to jump over the wall.
Madrid was taken. Exactly as Cyrus had predicted in his rhyme! He truly had visionary powers.
Although the fact that his empire was twice as large and about an era ahead might have had to do with it too.
Cyrus made an expedition in the summer to meet the Tsar himself in the icy north. When he first saw the Tsars left eye, he almost thought he had found someone similar to himself, brilliant, handsome and completely insane, but the crazy grimace soon disappeared and Cyrus realized he would never have friends on this world. Not a problem, though, as long as he had millions of subjects who did everything he said.
Well, not every subject did what he said : especially the Apostolic palace was trying to sabotage him. So Cyrus announced there would be no vote that year and send some priests to the frontlines to serve as ammunition for the trebuchets.
Goodbye Sevilla. It has been nice to know you.
Cyrus was pleased how there were traces of Arabian culture in the southern half of the Iberian peninsula. Razing one culture was fun, but razing two at a time was even greater fun!
‘Bandits?’ Cyrus thought. ‘Impossible. Who would want to revolt against me? It must have been parrots!’
Cyrus went to sleep again. He hadn’t destroyed any civilizations this day – well, a rather long day, about 40 years – but he had made significant progress in Spain, and his navy was already on the way to the English channel.
Remember : civilizations which are not razed now, will be razed tomorrow! More fun is ahead!
christos200
Never tell me the odds
Great update.
thecaesar
Will appear randomly
O his goodness, it is!
hoplitejoe
Top fun-poster
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2010
- Messages
- 5,470
Best UP ever.
thecaesar
Will appear randomly
The Roman UP doesn't even work for me, otherwise it wouldn't be that bad...
strijder20
Wallowing in irony
Yeah, the Persian UP is excellent, especially if you try to play a variant like this. I should have collapsed already.
The Mayan one? Meh, I guess they need something to compensate for their awful starting land and their somewhat... limited historical area.
Roman UP is great, isn't it?
The Mayan one? Meh, I guess they need something to compensate for their awful starting land and their somewhat... limited historical area.
Roman UP is great, isn't it?
thecaesar
Will appear randomly
Aside from the fact that nothing happend when I declare war, yup, it's awesome. 
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