G-man

[Bobbtjoe]

Hi, this is my second atempt at a story, and it is already typed out in microsoft word, so you'll know the thread won't die half way thru the story. I'm going to post one chapter a day. On with the show...

G-man​

Size: Duel
Civ: India, Gandhi
Type: Vanilla
Difficulty: Noble
Special Settings: No Barbs, raging barbs

Chapter 1: OMFG WTF ZOMG!!!
So there they were. A guy with a walking stick and a man wearing little clothes and holding club. Guy-with-stick (we’ll call him GWS) glowed, a city appeared below him, and then disappeared, presumed dead. “All at the price of progress.” Gandhi reassured. For he was India’s dictator-for-life, and what he says goes.

Many people opposed this (And by people, we mean corpses, as Gandhi personally beat them all to death, and later claimed they all died in hunting accidents, as soon as it was invented.).


Buddha somehow escaped the brutal beatings, and began to ponder at man’s deadly desire for procession, greed, and power. He would later use this knowledge to create Buddhism, the world’s first realign. Hundreds worship, hundreds flame the worshipers.

 

[Dumanios]

Oh my goodness this is so f***ing funny!I can't wait for more!

 

[Bobbtjoe]

A had a month long ban, so sory for the wait.

Chapter II: 2 L8 : ( ​

Few hundreds of years follow when an English Guy-With-Club-and-Nearly-Naked (GWCANN) Came within India’s borders. England hasn’t heard of the teachings of Buddha, but that will change.
Hinduism was discovered in India’s borders, and Gandhi immediately converted. Gandhi’s once brothers in the faith were now being brutally beaten. This caused no conflict in India, and progress didn’t stop.
Over the course of 2 thousand years, the idea that any more than 1 god existed sounded impossible to some people, and they founded their own faith: Judaism! Delhi now has a city nearly dived into thirds, proving that Holy Wars really are hell. If it weren’t for Gandhi’s many GWCANNs keeping peace, Delhi would’ve been in tatters. Also within 2 thousand years. Hunting was discovered. Many of Gandhi’s “friends” die in hunting accidents. Another GWS is built, and sent out into the fog. Exciting times indeed!

 

[Bobbtjoe]

Chapter III: TTFN L8R LOL!!!​

The GWS reaches a fairly acceptable piece of land. Bombay is settled. As with bronze working being discovered. Being able to mend bronze left much work to do. And looking for a way to punish the dreadful Jews and Buddhists, slavery was the only solution Gandhi could find. After informing the public about this, Gandhi returned to his palace. But a thin Jew was waiting by the door. “Who the reincarnations are you?” “Gandhi, I’m Matthew, your new slave.” “Good. And call me G-man. Fetch me several slaves. I wish to celebrate.” And G-man spent the night “hunting”.
Writing came into being, and more contact with Elizabeth became likely.
The Oracle, a testament to the pwnage of the disbelievers, was built. Gandhi took a trip downtown to see the wonder. He then placed a plaque that read, “In 1117 BC, this plaque was installed.” And, ironically, theology was discovered do to the use of this wonder. The word of Christ is discovered in Bombay over a thousand years before he was born. As with it, a Christian missionary is built, and spreads the word to Delhi. Gandhi quickly converts, and again, Gandhi’s once brothers in the faith were now being brutally beaten. Gandhi nearly shed a tear when he realized that killing people is now a sin. To express his sorrow, he called several slaves in, and “hunted”.

 

[Dumanios]

Chapter III: TTFN L8R LOL!!!​

The GWS reaches a fairly acceptable piece of land. Bombay is settled. As with bronze working being discovered. Being able to mend bronze left much work to do. And looking for a way to punish the dreadful Jews and Buddhists, slavery was the only solution Gandhi could find. After informing the public about this, Gandhi returned to his palace. But a thin Jew was waiting by the door. “Who the reincarnations are you?” “Gandhi, I’m Matthew, your new slave.” “Good. And call me G-man. Fetch me several slaves. I wish to celebrate.” And G-man spent the night “hunting”.
Writing came into being, and more contact with Elizabeth became likely.
The Oracle, a testament to the pwnage of the disbelievers, was built. Gandhi took a trip downtown to see the wonder. He then placed a plaque that read, “In 1117 BC, this plaque was installed.” And, ironically, theology was discovered do to the use of this wonder. The word of Christ is discovered in Bombay over a thousand years before he was born. As with it, a Christian missionary is built, and spreads the word to Delhi. Gandhi quickly converts, and again, Gandhi’s once brothers in the faith were now being brutally beaten. Gandhi nearly shed a tear when he realized that killing people is now a sin. To express his sorrow, he called several slaves in, and “hunted”.

Emphasis in nearly,but i like this story.

 

[Bobbtjoe]

emphasis in nearly,but i like this story.

thanks! :d

 

[Zelig]

Hi, this is my second atempt at a story, and it is already typed out in microsoft word, so you'll know the thread won't die half way thru the story.

It didn't help.

 

[Dumanios]

Man....

 

[Bobbtjoe]

It didn't help.

Frequent bans really hurt that.
Chapter IV: IDK My BFF Rose
Gandhi was determined to spread his religion. A Christian missionary was built took to the east. The English border was spotted, and the word of Christ spread to England.
Another city was built, and it seemed that the west would entirely fall to the Indian empire. Code of laws was discovered, as with Confucianism. “More slaves for me!” G-man chimed. Holy Wars are now an everyday event for Delhi. Most started by Gandhi, whose approval rating was less than how many people liked having rocks hurled at their face.
At 375 AD, well, a lot of @#$% happened. I founded 3 more cities, culture bombed one, pyramids built, two English cities on the verge of flipping, a courthouse was built in Delhi, Gandhi went on trial, he “went hunting” with the judge…during his trial, I have access to Irion and stone, and England isn’t looking too good.
Taoism is founded as well, all within our borders. And Christianity is the dominant realign, much to the delight of Gandhi. This allowed the civic pacifism. The revolution has begun!!! To celebrate, Matthew called in several slaves, and instead of brutally killing them, Gandhi just badly injured them. “You’re such a pacifist.” Matthew remarked. “I know, right?” Gandhi answered.
The next day Matthew informed Gandhi that he had important news. “Well, the slaves, see, are demanding more rights.” “To Hell with that!” “But, see, the slaves might work better if , say, didn’t put nails in their feet or have them ,see, sleep on jagged rocks.” A bill of rights was later produced, and a new system of government, serfdom, was being used. Gandhi asked Matthew to b ring in a few serfs to “celebrate”. But Matthew informed him that the Bill of Rights forbids him from doing that. Some “improvements” were made to the bill, and Gandhi “celebrated”.

 

[Dumanios]

Gandhi is soon going to be in my mod as the evil dictator who kills everyone.

 

[Bobbtjoe]

Gandhi is soon going to be in my mod as the evil dictator who kills everyone.

I'd enjoy a link to that.

anyways...

Chapter V: GTFO N00B!!!!​

Word reached Delhi that since the pyramids were built, all government types were available. The people demanded representation, so Gandhi gave the people what they wanted. In a historic election, Gandhi lost by 99.999% of the vote. Gandhi demanded a recount, and won by a 100% landslide, mostly because all his opponents died in “hunting accidents”. “I would’ve smoked my opponents none the less.” Gandhi said in his victory speech. All those who smirked at the comment were sent to “re-education” camps, and never returned.
The theory of supply and demand came into being, and the world’s first salesmen also came into being. Along with one of God’s people born into Bombay, a golden age came. On the same turn as the Taj Mahal being built create 20 turns of this. Let the good times role!
I also gained access to marble. Sweet!
Years pass, as Matthew was running to the palace on the sidewalk, only paved with gold (!!!), and wearing his diamond crested suit. As soon as he busted in the door, he saw Gandhi himself laying on a mound a gold. “How can a slave like you pay for that kind of suit?!” Gandhi questioned. “It’s a golden age, see, even slaves like me can live in luxury!” “Then why the hell are you still working for me!?” “You’re forcing me too…” “Oh yeah. Go make me a sandwich.” “But wait, I have news. Our people are asking for equality between them, see, they call it “emancipation”” “Screw that! Who then will make my sandwiches?!” “*sigh*”.
But these good times were not meant to last, for as soon as the golden age ended, a rising economy was replaced with an ever increasing depression, homelessness was the style, and suits made out of diamonds were replaced with rags.
G-man himself had to make sacrifices, such as not flushing caviar down his golden toilet. To help reverse the trend, the G-man proposed a bill called “the new kill” (New deal, new kill, get it?). The idea was for Gandhi to kill the rich and give their money to the poor. Fearing death, the rich quickly spent most or all of their money, and the economy showed signs of life.

 

[Bobbtjoe]

Chapter VI: Te L33ts R Comin
Matthew came into the palace to meet a very angry Gandhi. “WHAT!?!?!?” he yelled. “G-sir…” “G-MAN! It’s G-man, damn it! Now what the hell do you want!? I think (burp) I think I had too much tequila last night, and I wish to get some sleep!” “This is important, see, your slaves have worked, see, nearly ever tile. They wish to be granted freedom, since nearly all work is completed, see. Or to at least, (cough, cough), be paid” “I would wish to speak to our parliament about this matter first, see, Oh great! I picked up your freakin’ accent!” “But sir, you control the parliament, see.” “Just deal with it!!!”. “One last thing, our people also wish to speak freely, without oppression.” “Fine, fine, fine. Just leave me alone!” And that is how equality has spread to India. History in the making.
But many of the former slaves took the Christian’s jobs. Many people opposed this. One of them was Karl Marx. He believed that the current system was to only destroy itself, and that the rich had too much power. Communism was created, and it was very popular with India’s people. The G-man feared that many Indians were planning to over take him. To help ease tensions, Gandhi purposed a tax on the rich and give it to the poor. But he then he thought that killing the commies was a much better idea. Communism threat: minor. But their legacy still lives on in the Kremlin. On an unrelated matter, Hunting accidents are up 2,000%.

 

[Bobbtjoe]

Chapter VII: Y R U Doin Tat?
Bombay has the largest economy and production than any other city. National wonders are set up to take advantage of that fact. And railroads are discovered. Once useless workers now spend their days building railroads. Combustions is also among the many discoveries made by the Indian people. G-man has found a new hobby: drive by shootings! Mass media was created in order to satisfy man’s desire of knowledge. G-man was a proud sponsor of freedom of the media. He even agreed to do an interview. The first question asked was “How come so many people die while out hunting with you?” Gandhi later said he disapproved of freedom of the media do to political issues.
England civic swapped to free realign. She is now POed at us. But she could just suck at her junk cities.
Wait… what the hell is this!?!?
Looks like I won a domination victory. Well, that was unexpected. Victory is mine. Thanks for reading!

 

[Dumanios]

Your welcome

 

[W|M]

THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Bobbtjoe]

Why thank you.

 

[MrBanana]

This was really funny and random. Can I has some screenshots? What happened to Islam btw?

 

[Bobbtjoe]

Thank you. I now notice that I put "raging barbs" and "no barbs" as the special options

 

[Darth Caesar]

Pretty Funny!

 

[Dumanios]