Yeah, so. I hit some writer's block with my Carthage story, but it should be up and running again later this week. I got REALLY bored and decided to get some frivolous tomfoolery in while I was at it. And before you read this, I'd just like to let you know that the UN's Criminal Courts can't prove anything! 
The sun rises on a pleasant morning in the late August of 1914. A war's raging in Europe, but what do we Iranians care? Life is good, and the oil profits are higher than ever!
... Say, what's that up in the sky?
oh my sweet jesus
Looks like SOMEBODY ( ) decided to give all those barbs in Mexico, Mongolia, South America, and Greece a rather copious number of nuclear weapons. God knows they're cheesed off at ending up as minor civs in almost every historical scenario. I wonder how the rest of the world is faring?
If the Middle East is any indication... not well. It's lit up like a Christmas tree on the Fourth of Joo-ly! They even hit Mecca. That takes some serious cojones.
I've heard that Austria-Hungary was going to ruin, but this is ridiculous.
Western Front? What Western Front? That stack in Strassburg that managed to survive the nuclear holocaust is going to snag all those nice, plump, undefended French cities in a couple turns, I bet.
Not that Germany's exactly in a good position to fight the French right now. If I were them I'd be spending more time wondering "What the hell just happened" than kicking around a bunch of Frenchmen. (It's a tough call, I'll admit.)
It's more Airstrip One than anything else right now, really.
Alas, even neutral nations in this war have been hit just as hard. Half of Spain is dead faster than you can say "Adios".
I notice that the vassal states - Canada, Australia, and Italy (French vassal... I never thought I'd meet a nation with more cowards than France) - are unaffected by this disaster. Canadian annexation of US pending. Prepare to be assimilated to the metric system and bagged milk!
Both sides of the Russian Civil War have been hit very hard, but the Whites hold the advantage in the West, at least, thanks to their mega-stack in the Ukraine. Their wandering troops, surviving the attack, are about to take Moscow and turn the tide.
The Mongols hit China hard. I wouldn't be surprised if a second Yuan Dynasty is impending.
Japan's overseas forces largely survived (well, except the ones in New Guinea...), but the Home Islands have been devastated. Japan won't be able to project power into the Pacific for a while.
I'm not sure what's more confusing here. That the barbs nuked Greenland, of all places... or that it's owned by Austria-Hungary.
Other parts of the globe were nuked too, but none of them are important enough to really warrant our attention.
... Well, uh. Except that.
Luckily, the barbs have no real concept of stockpiling anything, and have squandered all their nukes on a one-turn-only coup de grace, which means the uranium's finally stopped flying. But I swear to you, Iran will rebuild, and then have its vengeance on these uppity barbarians! And from the ashes of the old order shall arise a new Persian Empire! *sits atop a throne of skulls as thunder cracks*
... Well. Next update, any way. We want to keep you guys waiting.
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The sun rises on a pleasant morning in the late August of 1914. A war's raging in Europe, but what do we Iranians care? Life is good, and the oil profits are higher than ever!
... Say, what's that up in the sky?
oh my sweet jesus
Looks like SOMEBODY (
) decided to give all those barbs in Mexico, Mongolia, South America, and Greece a rather copious number of nuclear weapons. God knows they're cheesed off at ending up as minor civs in almost every historical scenario. I wonder how the rest of the world is faring?If the Middle East is any indication... not well. It's lit up like a Christmas tree on the Fourth of Joo-ly! They even hit Mecca. That takes some serious cojones.
I've heard that Austria-Hungary was going to ruin, but this is ridiculous.
Western Front? What Western Front? That stack in Strassburg that managed to survive the nuclear holocaust is going to snag all those nice, plump, undefended French cities in a couple turns, I bet.
Not that Germany's exactly in a good position to fight the French right now. If I were them I'd be spending more time wondering "What the hell just happened" than kicking around a bunch of Frenchmen. (It's a tough call, I'll admit.)
It's more Airstrip One than anything else right now, really.
Alas, even neutral nations in this war have been hit just as hard. Half of Spain is dead faster than you can say "Adios".
I notice that the vassal states - Canada, Australia, and Italy (French vassal... I never thought I'd meet a nation with more cowards than France) - are unaffected by this disaster. Canadian annexation of US pending. Prepare to be assimilated to the metric system and bagged milk!
Both sides of the Russian Civil War have been hit very hard, but the Whites hold the advantage in the West, at least, thanks to their mega-stack in the Ukraine. Their wandering troops, surviving the attack, are about to take Moscow and turn the tide.
The Mongols hit China hard. I wouldn't be surprised if a second Yuan Dynasty is impending.
Japan's overseas forces largely survived (well, except the ones in New Guinea...), but the Home Islands have been devastated. Japan won't be able to project power into the Pacific for a while.
I'm not sure what's more confusing here. That the barbs nuked Greenland, of all places... or that it's owned by Austria-Hungary.
Other parts of the globe were nuked too, but none of them are important enough to really warrant our attention.
... Well, uh. Except that.
Luckily, the barbs have no real concept of stockpiling anything, and have squandered all their nukes on a one-turn-only coup de grace, which means the uranium's finally stopped flying. But I swear to you, Iran will rebuild, and then have its vengeance on these uppity barbarians! And from the ashes of the old order shall arise a new Persian Empire! *sits atop a throne of skulls as thunder cracks*
... Well. Next update, any way. We want to keep you guys waiting.
