Mali on Earth 18 Civs

[brandon.herren]

Update

*Saladin enters*

Saladin: Can we please have open borders????
Mansa: Sure, but in case you don't remember, I still keep your hat
Saladin: *mumbles something about national disgrace*
Mansa: I know! Your disgracing your country. Joe feels your pain...
Joe: What?

*Saladin leaves*

Basil: Sir, our economy is failing once again!
Mansa: Dang! Joe! Didn't I tell you to leave...
Joe: How can one person ruin an entire nation's economy? Even if it was possible, it wouldn't be me... I wonder who it would be

*Cyrus enters*

Cyrus: How come you haven't sent any troops?
Mansa: I did send troops. Look at your own land! I sent 5 times the size of your army to help... 1 Skirmisher!
Cyrus: Very funny Forget it, I should have known you wouldn't help...
Mansa: I'm surprised it took you this long to realize. BTW, your land isn't very developed, I can see why we have a higher score than you
Cyrus: I get it! I get it! A sudden realization that you are the master of the Universe, and I a lowly barbaric tribal leader
Mansa: Glad you realized that! It's the truth afterall

*Cyrus leaves*

*Tokugawa enters*

Tokugawa: I am Tokugawa of the mighty Japanese Empire, bow down before our Samurai, and you shall never enter our borders
Tokugawa: Would you like open borders?
Mansa: Say what????
Mansa: Let me get this straight... You, Tokugawa are annoyed and want Open Borders?????
Tokugawa: Pretty much, yeah!
Mansa: Um... Ok! That just feels so wrong...

*Tokugawa leaves*

Basil: Sir, we just discovered Liberalism!
Mansa: Liberalism? What does that mean?
Joe: Ha! Surely someone like you could never know the meaning of such a complex idea!
Mansa: If it's that complex, than I'm surprised that you even know 1/1,000 of it without your head exploding
Joe: Well, I do know it gives a free tech. Why don't you get something cultural like Nationalism or Aesthetics?
Mansa: NO Way! I'm getting Printing Press. It's propaganda, heh, I mean educating time!
Joe: Great... You want to have a personal cult...
Mansa: Yeah, I've always been so jealous of those North Koreans...
Joe: Ha! I could see you being jealous of that nation...

*Messenger enters*

Messenger: Sir, should we change to Free Religion?
Mansa: Free Religion? What is that? Anything that's free can't be good...
Joe: It's um... an military religion philosophy that gets people to be obedient to there leader...
Mansa: Heck Yeah! This "Free Religion" certainly sounds appealing...
Messenger: Ok

*Messenger leaves*

Basil: That's not what it means...
Joe: Um... He's joking *nervous*
Basil: It means everyone has the right to there own beliefs
Mansa: What? You must be joking! What an evil philosophy! Joe!!!!!
Joe: Uh... I'm delusional, so how was I supposed to know....

*Isabella enters*

Isabella: Why are you trading with the Arabs?
Mansa: Um... Because I feel like it...
Isabella: Well stop!!! It's bad enough your following "Free Religion"
Mansa: In my defense, it's Joe's fault I'm in that philosophy...
Joe: Hehe....
Isabella: Foolish adviser. Why don't you just fire him...

*Isabella leaves*

Mansa: She makes a valid point... After all, how is Joe benefiting the nation...
Joe: Of course I'm benefiting the nation! Don't fire me!
Mansa: Fine, if I can think of one thing in the next week, you won't be fired. But I'm warning you, It's not likely I will... And just so you know, unemployment benefits don't exist yet...
Joe: Um... What about health care?
Mansa: Not that either... Same with social security. This "Liberalism" won't change my advanced economic system.

*Messenger enters*

Messenger: We discovered Optics!
Mansa: Great! I here there's a continent called America, that we can exile Joe on!
Joe: Whatever, I'll bless that America, with my expert leadership skills!
Mansa: I'd like to see that...

 

[Dumanios]

How you get Tokugawa Open Borders?

 

[brandon.herren]

He was at war with the Mongols too. Still, it was quite a shock when I first saw that...

 

[MaxWar]

I only played one half game in earth18civs so far. Tokugawa in it was the most utter incarnation of Suxorness, right next to the mongols that is... Yet he still managed to hold on his ultra xenophobic self.

 

[Optical]

OB with Tokugawa... OB with Tokugawa...

Awesome update

 

[brandon.herren]

Update #2

Mansa: Another Great day
Joe: The economy is failing!
Mansa: I spoke too soon... for a second I thought, Joe would be gone...
Joe: Did you here what I said????
Mansa: Huh?
Joe: The Economy is failing!
Mansa: Whatever, my diplomatic skills will solve that...

*Frederick enters*

Mansa: Hey, Frederick. I know your busy buying soap for your empire, but can you spare 7 gold per turn???
Frederick: Um... Ok....
Mansa: Yeah! Diplomatic score!

*Frederick leaves*

Mansa: See, I just solved our deficit problem, without any trouble....
(if only the USA could do this)
Joe: They'll cancel there deals eventually...

*Catherine enters*

Catherine: I'm canceling the deal!
Joe: Ha! I was right!
Catherine: *slaps Joe*

*Catherine leaves*

Mansa: Real smooth, Joe!
Joe:
Mansa:
Basil:
Joe: I hate you all!!!!
Mansa: Uh... Joe, there's a red mark on your face
Joe: *Throws book at Mansa*
Mansa: *dodges*
Joe:
Mansa: This is too good!

*Saladin enters*

Saladin: I have come to offer 6 GPT for Cows... What is with that guy's face...
Mansa: Catherine slapped him! And I agree to the trade!
Saladin: I'll tell all the other leaders!
Mansa: Great!
Joe:

*Saladin Leaves*

*Louis XIV enters*

Louis: Saladin just told me! Also, would you like open borders!
Mansa: Sure! Oh, and Joe, the red mark is getting bigger...
Joe:

*Louis XIV leaves*

*Cyrus enters*

Cyrus: Louis told me!
Joe: DAMN IT!!!!!!
Mansa: Eh, it's always fun to piss Joe off... Trade 5GPT for Gems?
Cyrus: Sure!

*Cyrus leaves*

*Frederick enters*

Frederick: I'm back! Oh, and Cyrus told me!
Joe: Why me?????
Mansa: Trade Education, for Enginerring, Aesthetics, Monotheism, 80 gold, and World Map?
Frederick: Ok

*Frederick leaves*

Mansa: Wow, I just succeded in pissing Joe off 50% more than usual, and made 4 trades...
Basil: We discovered Astronomy!
Mansa: Hooray! Start galleon production. We're building the Mansa's Mayflower!
Joe: ............
Mansa: I think he lost his voice...
Basil: You mean literally, he lost it metaphorically years ago...
Joe: ............

 

[MaxWar]

Hahaha, Mansa is on fire!

 

[Optical]

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Great update

 

[brandon.herren]

Thanks!

Now only one more update to go! But then it's the last update for almost 2 weeks

 

[strijder20]

Great.
Why do you put the month first in your sig? It's weird o-0
Unless you put the year in front of that too.

 

[thecaesar]

Great.
Why do you put the month first in your sig? It's weird o-0
Unless you put the year in front of that too.

Cuz americans ARE weird. Uh--I mean... Obama rules? ......

Why do you think we use the "standard" set of measurements, too? Because we're apparently so dumb-- I mean, awesome-- that we need to use our own set of measurements for no reason other than to confuse everybody.

 

[strijder20]

Obviously, one metre being 100 centimetres and a kilometre thousand metres is too confusing. A clearer system is : a foot is 12 inches, a yard three feet and a mile 1760 yard.

 

[brandon.herren]

We need to do everything our own way... Why? Because we're America
But, today, even though we are technically customary, all rulers and measuring cups have both customary and metric

 

[thecaesar]

Obviously, one metre being 100 centimetres and a kilometre thousand metres is too confusing. A clearer system is : a foot is 12 inches, a yard three feet and a mile 1760 yard.

Just one of many reasons that the Roman Empire was better than the USA.

 

[brandon.herren]

UPdate!

Mansa: Ahh, it's so nice to have silence
Joe: ..................
Basil: He hasn't been able to speak for 2 weeks now...
Mansa: And they've been the best 2 weeks of my life!

*Alexander enters*

Alexander: Hello, Mansa
Mansa: Hi Geek
Alexander: Your a nice guy right
Mansa: What?.... No, not really...
Alexander: Yeah the Malinese are awesome, your like my hero
Mansa: Ok, you want something...
Alexander: What! Of course not ...
Mansa: I know you want something, just spit it out
Alexander: Fine, I demand Ivory
Mansa: Hmmm.... NO!!!!!!
Alexander: Oh yeah, well your a.... Meany!!!!
Mansa: You geeks can't think of very good comebacks, can you...

*Alexander runs out*

*Qin Shi Huang enters*

Qin: Hi!
Mansa: Oh, it's you... that guy I made wait for an hour
Qin: I'm the leader of the Chinese Empire, we have 3 vassal states, so were way better than you
Mansa: Either that, or those 3 civs are 1/3 of a wimp, and your a wimp, while Mali is the most powerful civ in the world
Qin: Do you have vassal states?
Mansa: Well... No...but, that's because we destroy civs rather than be sissy and capitulate them!
Qin: I'm not sissy!
Mansa: Don't worry, acceptance is the answer, when confronting the truth
Qin: Stupid Mansa, anyways, I should tell you, that were taking over Spain!
Mansa: The City-State? Their like a 1/100th of a wimp, so I'm not so impressed... Who are your vassal states?
Qin: France, Japan, and Mongolia
Mansa: Ha, so your vassal states are led by a dude who looks like a girl, the weird guy who's always angry, and the guy who doesn't know how to do anything but brag about his supposedly great horde! I'm impressed, personally, I thought you were even lower than that
Qin: Well, at least I have vassals!
Mansa: Whatever, I'm still a way better at negotiating, just watch... So do you want 11 GPT for Gems...
Qin: OOOHHH! Gems, they're so shiny!!!! GIVE ME THEM!!!!
Mansa: Sure, just sign this...
Qin: Ok!! GIMME THE SHINY GEMS!!!!
Mansa: Ha! I just ripped you off, 11 GPT for gems
Qin: Ha! That's what you think, because now I have the shiny stuff! It's all mine!!!

*Qin Shi Huang leaves*

Mansa: It was worth it, because soon enough, with his obsession everything in china will say Made in Mali I rock!
Joe:
Mansa: Thank you for agreeing, Joe
Joe:

*Louis XIV enters*

Louis: Declare War on Spain!!!
Mansa: No way, am I listening to a 1/3rd of a wimp who just became a vassal
Louis: What? China is awesome, and will destroy you!
Mansa: In other words, you've given up, and your following the second worst civ Am I right?
Louis: Um... no.... hehe...

*Louis XIV leaves*

*Isabella enters*

Isabella: Theology for Aesthetics and Compass!!!
Mansa: What????
Isabella: You heard me!!!
Mansa: Um... sure
Isabella: Great! got to go! Stress from war taking over...
Mansa: I told you, that city-states never win...
Isabella: I'm not a city state!!!!

*Isabella leaves*

Joe: *cough* *cough* (scratchy) My voice is coming back
Mansa: *looks up at the sky* NO!!!!!

 

[MaxWar]

Made In Mali™

 

[Tambien]

Ok.
THE EPIC WARS

A long time ago on a forum infinitely close to this one...
The Epic people were in power. MoreEpicThanYou was known throughout the forum as the most epic person in the universe. But then... Tambien came. Tambien was an evil person who believed that he was more epic than MoreEpicThanYou. War ensued. Hundreds of smilies were deployed. In the end, MoreEpicThanYou won, and peace was restored to the forums.

I know this response is late but.....

YOU LIE!

In actual fact it was Tambien who had been here and in power the longest! And he who was the MOST EPIC.

He won!

Prooof of it is my awesomeness today!

 

[MoreEpicThanYou]

Not true. Everyone knows that MoreEpicThanYou the Epic won, just ask Bosco or Caesar.

 

[brandon.herren]

Oh god no!!! Please, keep the Epic War out of this thread!!!

Main Entry: Epic
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: brave, champion
Synonyms: bigger than life, bold, classic, courageous, daring, dauntless, doughty, elevated, exaggerated, fearless, fire-eating, gallant, grand, grandiose, gritty, gutsy, gutty, high-flown, impavid, inflated, intrepid, lion-hearted, mythological, noble, stand tall, stouthearted, unafraid, undaunted, valiant, valorous
Antonyms: afraid, cowardly, fearful, meek, timid

Also, METY and Tambien, try using one of these rather than Epic, which I'm sure most agree, has been overused...


@MaxWar

Made in Mali Mouse Pads!

 

[Dumanios]

I lay claim not to Epicest, but to Awesomest.