Chief RJ came to power in Vandal tribe through a rigorous and thorough leader-shaping process. (He was the winner of the "Most Head Lice" contest in last fall's Belch-o-rama. He placed a disappointing third in the "Worst Teeth Contest", btw) Despite these imminent qualifications, the previous tribal chief, J-2, did not relinquish power willingly. It was only after he suffered a humiliating defeat at the Flatulence Finals (an event where the *worst* seats were in the front row!), that he relinquished leadership to RJ and retired to one of the new settlements, hoping that his people will discover Sculpting soon and at least put up a fancy pigeon-attractor statue of him in honor of him being the founder of the Vandal homeland.
Once secure in his seat of power (which pretty much consisted of a moss-covered rock in a small meadow in the high-class neighborhood of the Vandal capital - e.g. upwind!), RJ looked around the new kingdom and was mightily pleased. The people were breeding like rabbits who heisted a Viagra shipment. The land was fertile, but roads were desperately needed to speed the movement of these prolific breeders to even more new lands.
The wise men (who in Vandal society were generally considered "shirkers", draft dodgers, or even far worse - Reservists in the Texas National Guard
)* - but usually knew some blackmail secrets against almost everyone, so no one spoke against them), were researching a concept called "Pillaging". Many had their doubts about their progress when it was discovered they were trying to arm warriors with goose-down pillows. The resulting snowstorm of feathers literally darkened the sky over the training ground. After that, they tried a more extreme form of the traditional vandalism, which for some unaccountable reason they were very, very good at. Every piece of gold we give to these wimpy freeloaders is much begrudged, but they keep promising that "the next thing we give you will be great! Big! Huge!" Yeah, right!
352 (1) Syracuse(Raider->Migrant) I make the social circuit, and got promptly kicked out of the three decent establishments (Sass, E. Rome, and W Rome), but not before getting some gold for our maps. Our boorish cousins had nothing to interesting to offer.
354 (2) Hippo(Barracks->Raider) Cagliera(Raider->Migrant) Got *rudely* kicked out of the same 3 good places (after snagging some of those free BBQ weinies first). I try to mooch off our lousy neighbors, but they were serving only rancid bear meat and leftover horse apples. The Sassinids offered us more criminal labor. We had to pass because the first set were still learning which end of the shovel to dig with.
356 (3) Cartannae->(Raider->Raider) They wouldn't even let me in the front door at the hoity-toity establishments. I had to go to the servant's entrance to sell my maps! Oh!!!! They'll get theirs---big time. The Franks somehow snagged Math. I'll wait for a 2-fer opportunity.
358 (4) Lilybaum(Barracks->Migrant) Most of our populace celebrates because Furs become available. This beats the heck out of me, because I was under the impression we were walking around in furs all this time in the first place? Maybe they figured out how to fumigate them to get the bugs out? On the Diplo walkabout, we managed to hire some Eastern Roman convicts for an exhorbitant price (125 gold). The Anglo Saxons wanted to get rid of some undesireables also and kicked in 6 gold for Horseback Riding.
360 (5) Syracuse(Migrant->Migrant) Zucchabar(Barracks->Migrant) Not much new on the begging circuit, but sold maps as usual.
362 (6) Hippo(Raider->Raider) Aleria(Migrant->Migrant) Uhmmmm. These last two years passed in a total fog. Must have been some of those mushroooms I found in the forest.
364 (7) The Vandal plague...errrr...I mean tribe, expands greatly these two years. Panormos is founded upon the Eastern river between two Cows. Sabratha is founded between some more furs and Horses (where the ground has a very strange looking red dot?) The Visigoths kick out all their undesireable elements (hair stylists, phone hygeiniests, dog therapists, etc.) and we give them Shipping. Western Rome also has heard of these strange Vandal's prediliction for buying other societies' dregs, and cashes in before we can come to our senses. (122 gold to them)
366 (8) Hippo (Raider->Raider) Saldae (Barracks->Raider) Rusicade(Raider->Worker) Cagliera(Migrant->Migrant) The Franks have learned Writing also. They might be a good trading partner once Pillaging is in play.
368 (9) Our lazy-butt wise men declare that we have learned "Pillaging". It turns out Pillaging is just like Vandalism, except you have to fill out more forms and declare your income at the end of every year. Their next project they are calling "Barbarian Leadership" - which sounds suspicously like they want to replace me. Hmmmm.... (Due in 12) Syracuse(Migrant->Palace prebuild for Scourge). Lilybauem(Migrant->Raider)
370 (10) Hippo (Raider->Raider) Zucchabar(Migrant->Raider) Cartennae(Migrant->Raider) Cirta is founded to the SW along river and with a cow. Hadrumemtum is also founded to the West with a River and Game. After a mere 20 years, RJ lost his Tribal Leadership (and his head) in a strange sword-sharpening accident. (Strange in that he was surrouned by wise men at the time, and shortly after he announced that he was going to cut their funding).
Per the variant rules - Accept no more workers from Western Rome, Eastern Rome, Anglos, Visigoths, and the Sassinids. Barbarian Leadership due in 10. We have an exclusive on Pillaging still. We can trade it to the Franks for Math and Writing, but everybody else is broke. Our Iron is almost hooked up. Our rapid expansion phase is almost over??? 2 Migrants are headed to the North, and another towards the SE Iron.
The Game (370AD)
*This is in jest. I have the highest respect for the National Guardsman. I was just poking fun at the latest U.S. presidential flap.
it might be worth it to point them in the right direction? I haven't played this conquest before, I'm not sure how Rome-focused the AI barbs are.
