#~~ The HEhe HAha Joke Thread ~~#

[Sophie 378]

My 100th post! How do snakes do magic?

Addercadabra and Abradacobra!


What do you get if you cross a millipede and a parrot?

A walkie-talkie.

 

[Own]

What do you get if you cross a millipede and a parrot?

A walkie-talkie.

These jokes are the best. Corny one liners.

 

[Pentium]

I hate baby jokes like that

- What is red and scratches a glass surface?

A baby in a microwave.

- What's the moral of this joke?

Before you put a baby in a microwave, make sure you cut its nails.

 

[Ultima Dragoon]

You sick fetcher. :shakehead

 

[classical_hero]

So a seal walks into a club...

 

[Ultima Dragoon]

@ Own: It's alright. I was just being a little psycho; i have major mood swing-age at the moment.

A corny joke (off google )

A new nurse listened while Dr. Blake was yelling, "Typhoid!
Tetanus! Measles!"

The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?"

The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots
around here."

*edit* Elephant jokes too!
Why did the 1st elephant fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the 2nd elephant fall out of the tree?
He was glued to the first.
Why did the 3rd elephant fall out of the tree?
He thought it was a game.
Why did the tree fall down?
He thought he was an elephant

How many elephants fit into a VW bug?
4

How do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge?
There is one peanut butter trail.
How do you know if two elephants have been in your fridge?
There are two peanut butter trails.
How do you know if there's been three elephants in your fridge?
There's three peanut butter trails.
How do you know if there's been four elephants in your fridge?
There's a VW Bug parked out front.

Part One:
Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: So they can hide in cherry trees!

Part Two:
Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
A: It works, doesn't it?

 

[Own]

- What is red and scratches a glass surface?

A baby in a microwave.

- What's the moral of this joke?

Before you put a baby in a microwave, make sure you cut its nails.

Didn't know those... But know a lot of others, that maybe I shouldn't say.

 

[madviking]

You Need to Study More Geography If You Think...
Andes is an after dinner mint

The Balkans are an alien people on Star Trek

The English Channel is a TV sitcom about Charles and Di

The United Kingdom is a cultural theme park

Butte Montana is Joe's new girlfriend

Reno Nevada is what you get for being Attorney General

The Tropic of Cancer is a sunscreen lotion

The $10,000 Pyramid is in Egypt

The Gaza Strip is a Middle Eastern folk dance

The Ring of Fire is the center ring of Barnum and Bailey's Circus

The Bermuda Triangle is a percussion instrument in a reggae band

The Cumberland Gap gives out a pair of clogs with every set of jeans sold

The International Dateline is a new cable TV network

The Equator is a cartoon action figure

The Continental Shelf is a specialty section of the supermarket

An archipelago is a food stabilizer

The Dust Bowl is Granny's old favorite dish

A fault is what you find in other people

A fjord is a Norwegian car

A mantle is what goes over your fireplace

Tide is a laundry detergent

You can do a research paper to find out who killed the Dead Sea

Kissimee
A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across Florida and were nearing a town spelled Kissimmee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME

They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress: "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."

The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng"

 

[Sophie 378]

Did you hear about the hijack at Heathrow today? Apparently this puss-cat walked into the cockpit with a gun and said "take me to the Canaries!"

 

[Ladasaguy]

Two fish are in a tank. The one looks at the other and says, "You man the guns, and I'll drive.

 

[Ultima Dragoon]

^

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

 

[Sophie 378]

How many people does it take to change a light bulb?
- Psychiatrists: only one, but the bulb has to want to change.

- Clubbers: one to hold the bulb and twenty to drink until the room spins

- Students: but it's far cheaper to burn your lecture notes!

- Dwarves: one to hold the bulb and six to hold the ladder

- Weight lifters: one to lift the bulb, another two to catch it if it falls

(Alternative: impossible, it's too lightweight, they won't do something that easy)

- Beaurocrats: one to report it broken, one to read the form, one to file the form, one to complain because the form was filled in wrong, another one to complain again that it needs changing, a maintenance man to be sent round to assess the job and someone to send him, a safety assurance officer to make a list of all the dangers, one to take the request down to Stores, one to answer this guy and ask his supervisor for help, the supervisor's flunky to go looking for a lightbulb, a secretary to telephone their bulk order company to ask for a new delivery of lightbulbs, another maintenance man to be sent round again to check what type of light bulb, the whole finance department to do a cost-benefit analysis on staff productivity vs buying another light bulb, a different secretary to ring the order through once it's been cleared, the secretary at that end, the packers and finance people at that end, the delivery guy, the receptionist who recieves the light bulbs, the porter sent to take them to stores, the three people in stores again, another person to take the light bulb to the maintenance man, the maintenance man to go to change the bulb - and then a receptionist to complain to that some impatient person had fixed it already, and must be fired for using non-company equipment.

 

[Totibbs]

Q: In holland, it is yellow and when it hits your eye, you are dead.
A: A train.

Q: What is 1 moroccan on the moon?
A: A verry small moon-eclips.
Q: What are 100 moroccans on the moon?
A: A bigger moon-eclips.
Q: What are all moroccans on the moon?
A: The final solution.

The Ajax (Soccer club in Amsterdam)-supporter calls the chairman how late the big match Ajax v PSV (soccer club in Eindhoven) starts. The chairman answers: What time fits for you the best?
(dutch soccer is so bad, no one likes to watch it anymore and the clubs do anything for the last supporter)

Q: It is yellow and you can step on it.
A: im not sure about the english word, but it is this

 

[Totibbs]

Q:What is the best glue in the world?

Spoiler :

A: Sperm. Have you ever seen a baby fall apart?

 

[Totibbs]

Not funny?!.
Slam! someone who is deaf and say "Who does not listen, must feel" is not funny.

Slam! someone who is blind and say "you did not see that one comming" is not funny.

To organize a parents-evening in an orphan house, is not funny.

A carpenter who bites on his nails, is never funny.

A pr0n-actor who doesnt finish the job, is never funny.

A cannibal who asks the hand of your daughter, is never funny.

To cancel a course "get used with disappointments", is never funny.

A doctor who tells his astma-patient to "get some fresh air before the operation" is never funny.

A person who never completes his sentences, i...

 

[Sophie 378]

Why did the owl owl?
Because the woodpecker woodpecker.

Why did the fly fly? (or flea flea?)
Because the spider spider.

 

[Own]

^ Am I missing something here?

 

[WildWeazel]

woodpecker = would peck her
spider = spied her

 

[Perfection]

The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng"

A waitress at Burger King?

 

[classical_hero]

Went to a Muslim Birthday Party last night. If that wasn't the fastest game of pass the parcel I have ever seen.