The Simpsons - A Civ Tale

[Yahzi]

Excellent writing!

But you should have founded Springfield _on_ the hill with the gold mine. It would have given you +1 gold, and if that is a plains hill (and not grassland), +1 hammers. So you can have a starting city with 2 food, 2 hammers, and 2 gold!

True, later you can't mine the gold for +3, but as soong as you discover mining you get the + benefit of the gold - without having to build a mine on the tile. This is particularly useful if you don't actually have a worker yet!

Founding your city on a resource is a great way to get a big head start in the early game. And founding it on a hill gives you bonus defense - 25% for the hill and 20% for your archer's special ability. And plains hills give you a bonus hammer.

 

[IroquoisPlisken]

Love the Simpsons! Can't wait for more!

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: Dienne has also fallen. We have pushed the Malinese back to their core

Apu: The world trembles at our miltary might. I recommend we demand the Americans give us fish, and the Indians give us clams. These would make excellent squishy flavors.

Homer: MMMMMmmmmmmmm…..clam flavored squishy………DO IT!

Apu: They have wisely decided to accommodate our demands rather than face our wrath. Germany has also sent an emmisary asking for our extra iron.

Homer: The Germans have no iron? What the hell have they been doing this whole time?

Apu: Apparently they quibbled over whether or not to build a wall. In the end they decided to build three World Wonders instead.

Bart: Let’s crush them, their defenders are longbowmen and Lisa has just taught our infantry a new weapon called a mace. Some have even learned how to fight while on horseback, we call these warriors Knights and the enemy will tremble at their thunderous charge.

Ned: Don’t do it Homer. The Germans are our allies and brothers in faith!

Bart: They’ve got beer…….

Marge: Uh Homer. Walata has changed allegiance to Germany, apparently the villagers admire the Wonders they possess.

Homer: BART! I thought you said the city was secure. Why you little!

Bart: CHOKE….GAG…..SPUTTER…..

Homer: Apu, make peace with the Malinese. Bart, let me know how the war with Germany turns out, I’ll be at Moe’s.

Bart: The war goes well. Walata was quickly re-taken, and we secured Cologne as well in order to remove the cultural influence on Walata. We will plan a dual attack, on Frankfurt to the south and Munich to the north.

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: The war on Germany is going well. They have no response to our armies of Knights and Catapults. We pressed them on both their northern and southern flanks and both Munich and Frankfurt now below to the mighty Incan empire.

Apu: The Romans have demanded that we cancel our dealings with the Americans. I see no reason to comply.

Homer: Drool……snore.

Bart: Dad’s drunk, that means I’m in control. Let’s wipe those Romans off the face of the earth.

Lisa: Is it a good idea to start a war on our Northern front when we are fighting the Germans far to the East?

Bart: Shut up Lisa-know-it-all. Caesar’s forces are weakened, and his troops have moved to the north in a heated battle with the Americans. The time is ripe to finish what we started a millennia ago. Cancel all science spending in order to upgrade our troops.

Lisa: Mommmmmmm!

Marge: My hands are full trying to figure out how to make schnitzel to keep these Germans happy…you two are on your own!

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: As always, I am right. Caesar’s forces are weak, Archers and Spearmen to stand up to our mighty seige engines and mounted troops. Our bombardment of the city terrified the locals and destroyed the moral of the Roman resistance. The Romans will be the first civilization wiped from existence.

Nelson: HA HA

Bart: Their last city is to the North. It will take us some time to reach it, but we will soon wipe them out and make the world forget the name of Caesar!

Ned: Be as gentle as possible. They are Christians!

Quimby: Be sure to ah, send us some more Roman maidens.

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: The seige of Berlin has begun. Once the city falls we’ll control two world wonders. The third is in Hamburg.

Nelson: Our troops report a small German city has sprung up to the SW of Frankfurt. We’ll have to double back and conquer that city too. I recommend Ralph lead a small band in this mop up duty, he is useless on the front line.

Ralph: I bent my wookie.

Burns: I see we are working on a concept called banking to swell our coffers. Excellent. Bart, while the troops are on the march ask them to round up some gorillas, cats, gophers, greyhounds, turtles, robins and other animals. I need a new wardrobe.

Smithers: I think you look great sir.

 

[The Duff Man]

Lisa: I hired an artist to paint a world map. At some point we should build some ships to see what other continents exist. Surely we haven’t met everyone who inhabits this world.

Bart: I’m not wasting time with trivial matters. We all know the world is flat! I won’t send ships past our borders only to watch them fall from the world! Besides, there are still plenty of enemies to conquer.

 

[The Duff Man]

Nelson: We have Hamburg surrounded.

Homer: Mmmmmmm....hamburg.....drool....

Bart: Quiet! You are going to wake up Homer. I'm having fun!

Marge: Enough conquest! I am having a hard enough time. The Romans need wine and togas, the Germans need beer and leiderhosen, and I don't know what to do with these Malinese! I can just imagine what the Americans and Indians need....no thanks!

Patti: Maybe you can find yourself a good American and dump this loser Homer.

Selma: Speaking of dumps. You call this a palace? I hear that Delhi is the most beautiful city in the world, with several wonders. Maybe you should pay a call on Asoka.

Bart: You two get back to work at the DMV. I need that Dept. of Mounted Vehicles to train more knights.

Apu: We negotiated peace with Caesar. We can't reach his city for some time and he may still be of some use to us. Thank you, come again!

 

[The Duff Man]

Ralph: Bart, Essen has been captured. The German civilization has been destroyed. Can I have my glue back?

Homer: Ooooohhhh my head. What’d I miss?

Bart: The Germans are defeated.

Homer: Did you plunder their beer?

Bart: I saved you the finest kegs!

Homer: WOO HOO! Keg party!

Bart: Oh yeah, we declared war on Caesar.

Lisa: Unnecessarily I might add. He had just taught us how to make a tasty salad.

Homer: Lisa, you don’t make friends with salad.

Homer/Bart (dancing): You don’t make friends with salad! You don’t make friends with salad!

Apu: Actually if we donated some of our crops to our neighbours that WOULD strengthen our relations with them.

Homer: Hmmmmm…..make friends eh? That gives me an idea. (Homer pounds sign into the ground at our borders saying KEEP OUT UPON PAIN OF DEATH).

Apu: A ship has arrived on our shores with word of an Aztec civilization from a far off land. They are not very advanced, they had never even seen a hot dog machine!

Smithers: But Montezuma's head dress is to die for!

Lisa: We are learning about the printing press. I feel this will lead to further riches. Plus I'll be able to start a newspaper, The Thinkin Incan.

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: I sent knights into America and India to scout their lands. India is isolated on a NE peninsula but America seems to have abundant land to the NW. The Malinese have only four cities. Although they match us in technology our superior numbers should let us easily overwhelm them.

Ned: MUST we destroy every other Christian nation?

Homer: HA HA, Stupid Flanders.

Bart: We have troops prepared to invade Gao on the east and Awdaghost on the west. When we have these cities under control we will converge on their capital in the middle. Their last northern city will fall soon after.

Homer: Why are we only making 3 gold! With all of our cities we should be swimming in money!

Burns: Hmmmmm. I'll look into it. (Bide your time Monty....)

Quimby: I don't know what the problem could be.

Lovejoy: Whew. I have completed a shrine to Christianity in Rome.

Ned: Praise Jesus! Now I know where you'll be every day when I have questions!

Lovejoy: Homer, do you need a volunteer for missionary work?

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: Our forces approach Awdaghost. The ground shakes at our approach, and the wails of terror from the women and children can be heard for miles. Although they should have no fear, for we are not barbarians, their despair will surely sap the strength from the city defenders. We will settle in for a long seige and bombard the city.

 

[The Duff Man]

Bart: Gao shares the same fate.

 

[Tommy1234567890]

this is awsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hope you continue.

can't wait untill they can get their handz on nukes!!!!!!!!

 

[The Duff Man]

Updates will be slower now, this is as far as I have gone in the game.

If you are interested in particular screenshots let me know. I have multiple saves so I can post a screenshot of something that has already happened if there is interest.

 

[dc82]

haha wow, i kept refreshing 'cuz it was such a good read. def. great spin on things - u def. got the characters down pretty good. hopefully w/ some cattle lunchlady doris will be able to stop using gym mats for food.

 

[admiral-bell]

more please

 

[Mewtarthio]

He had dreams of one day reaching the stars……ah who was he kidding, he would never travel into space!

What, did you forget that classic "Homer goes into space" episode ("I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality I could be helpful in roundng up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.")? For shame.

 

[The Duff Man]

What, did you forget that classic "Homer goes into space" episode ("I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality I could be helpful in roundng up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.")? For shame.

The comment was made tongue in cheek.

 

[Lord_Iggy]

I loved that one.

"I would like to reassert my loyalty to the human government- for the moment"

 

[Corlindale]

Great story. Really nice to imagine the characters actually saying their lines. Hope someone from Fox sees this thread and decides to make a new episode based on it.

I loved that one.

"I would like to reassert my loyalty to the human government- for the moment"

Heh, yeah, and the HAIL ANTS! poster he hastily ripped down.