the Song of the Wistful Gamester

[Öjevind Lång]

If I had a patch, man,
I'd march to Rome at once and take the city for my own,
Letting Caesar run behind my horse,
Wearing chains and jeered at by the mob.

If I had a patch, man,
I'd kill off Shaka right away and then send Hattie all my love,
Conquer Izzy's lands and make them mine,
And send packs of missionaries there.

I'd teach all of Spain to cleave to my religion
And cede their Wonders unto me,
Build me lots of archers, catapults and swords!
I'd go to war with Monty and both Khans,
Enlisting faithful friends to my help me out:
Yaqob, Franklin, Elizabeth, sending hordes.

I'd fill the civs with corp executives and spies, all
For the world to see and hear,
Laughing as they make them pay to me.
And lots of squawks and honks and songs and howls
Would land like a trumpet on my ear,
As if to say: "He owns the Modern Three."

The heads of all the mighty civs would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to vassalize them,
And call me greatest of them all.
"If you please, Augustus..."
"Pardon me, Augustus..."
Giving me every resource I ever could desire!
And it won't make one bit of difference if I treat them right or wrong,
When you rule, they know that they are owned!

If I had a patch, man,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd play Beyond the Sword,
If I had a working patch.
I wouldn't have to get annoyed.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I had a truly working patch,
Yiddle-diddle-didle-didle-man.
You who made the game and sent it out,
Can't you see why I object and pout,
Would it spoil some plan that you did hatch,
If I had a working patch?

 

[SwordofStriker]

Haha! Nice one. At least somebody can turn a bad situation for some into good wholesome entertainment.

*gets ready to sing Always Look on the Bright Side of Life*

 

[Bushface]

Excellent !

 

[thelibra]

A fantastic parody of one of my favorite musical numbers. I could see Topol singing and dancing to it in my head... Makes me want to make an animation to it....

 

[plesniak]

I'm not 100% sure but is that...If I were a rich man?

 

[Modder]

HaHa! Excellent! They should perform it and put it as the opening menu song in the next patch as another opening menu choice.

 

[Modder]

HaHa! Excellent! They should perform it and put it as the opening menu song in the next patch as another opening menu choice.

 

[Dynamic Cow]

My word! Good one! Much effort must have been put into this one. Neat, nevertheless.

 

[Öjevind Lång]

A fantastic parody of one of my favorite musical numbers. I could see Topol singing and dancing to it in my head... Makes me want to make an animation to it....

If you really should like to do that, by all means do it!

Plesniak: Yes, it's a reworking of "If I Were a Rich Man".