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Q: What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.
Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-1...
Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck
Q: Whats the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.
Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss?
A: He elected to receive.
Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.
Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.
Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!
Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador
Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They can't turn them on anyway.
Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of $800,000.
Q: How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."
Saddam Hussein, curious to see how his newly implemented decree allowing Iraqis to travel abroad for the first time in years heads down to the passport office. Once there he joins the line. One after another the passport seekers ahead of him insist that President Saddam take their place. Very quickly he has moved to the head of the line and he is dealing with the clerk. The clerk issues President Saddam his passport with lightning speed. The president thanks the clerk, then turns around to discover that all those in line behind him have vanished without a trace. Saddam turns back to the clerk and asks what has happened. "Simple," says the clerk, "if you leave Iraq, no else has to."
How many Iraqi's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four.
One to screw in the light bulb.
One to claim that they've actually screwed in 300 light bulbs.
One to claim that they've unscrewed 150 American light bulbs.
And one to claim that they're screwing and unscrewing light bulbs for the Palestinians.
Hussein's current complaint to the Allies is "the Allied planes are flying too high for the Iraqi anti-aircraft to shoot them down." (Awwww.)
Saddam, Bill, and 3 Buttons
Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair.
They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face. Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs.
A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.
But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well.
"I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clinton's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge.
They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"
Clinton says through tears of laughter: " there is nothing left of Baghdad , or even Iraq , I have just blow it up with a nuke".
Recently Clinton was visiting an elementary school where a kid asked the President to prove who he was. Bill showed the kid his American Express green card and pointed to the limo outside. A similar thing happened to Saddam. He was visiting an elementary school in Baghdad when a kid asked him to prove who he was. So Saddam took the class hostage and burned the school.
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you.
- N.S.Khrushchev
[This message has been edited by Simon Darkshade (edited July 31, 2001).]
