Scottish Joke (English people may be offended)

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I joke I got in my Email:

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Gabriel the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed
downwards through the clouds,
"Look Gabriel, look what I've made."

Archangel Gabriel looked puzzled and said,
"What is it?"

"It's a planet", replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance".

"Balance?" inquired Gabriel, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example,
Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern
Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot."

"Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people" God continued, pointing to different countries.

And over there, I call this place America. North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly.
And the little spot in the middle is Central America which is a hot spot.
Can you see the balance?"

"Yes" said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a small country in Northern Europe,
"What's that one?"

"Ah" said God. "That's Scotland, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful snow capped mountains, untouched rivers, streams and lochs of exquisite, timeless beauty.
The people make a drink called Uisge Beatha or Whiskey which means "The Water of Life".
The people are good looking, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be
found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as warriors, engineers, inventors and pioneers.

Gabriel gasped in wonder and admiration but then said
"You said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely.
"Wait until you see the bastards I'm putting next to them!".
 
So this proves that there isn't a God then...How about the freezing cold weather???
 
LOL I love the joke :D

However I am going to have to adapt that joke to be about Ireland
 
Awwwwww... :cry: Poor England. :cry:
But, I'm Scottish, too. So it's funny.
 
that joke was so much better when it was kiwis and ozzys
I agree :D :goodjob:



Let's hear that version then.
substitute scotland with New Zealand and Aussie with England :D and there you have it

t92300
 
Hehehe...:goodjob:

Take that Dr Samuel Johnson!


Funny thing, I can't find the joke in my book of Scottish jokes...
 
Speaking as an englishman I can sya that I love this joke, long been a favourite of mine.

All your land/taxes/oil are belong to us. Ha ha ha! :D
 
Scots Welcome
A commercial traveler was driving through the Scottish
Highlands when his car broke down. There was a cottage near by
so he went up to it and knocked on the door. The door opened to
reveal a burly Highlander.
"My car has conked out," said the traveler, "Where can I
spend the night?"
"Why, right here of course!" said the Scot, "Come in and
avail yourself of our world famous hospitality."
The traveler duly entered the humble but cosy residence.
"Jeannie," shouted the host in the direction of the kitchen,
and in response to his call his beautiful daughter appeared.
"Jeannie, make a meal for the gentleman and remember to uphold our
great tradition of Highland hospitality."
The traveler was soon tucking into an appetizing meal, the
girl had indeed spared no effort to extend Highland hospitality to
the guest.
"And now," said the Highlander, "I'm afraid I must go out
and milk the cows, but just make yourself at home and take full
advantage of our world famous Highland hospitality."
No sooner had the door closed behind him than the traveler
set about seducing the lovely daughter. In no time at all he had
had her on floor and was on the job.
Suddenly the door opened and there stood the Highlander.
He took one look at what was going on and his face turned purple
with rage. He dropped his two buckets of milk with a crash and gave
verbal vent to his wrath.
"After all I have been saying about the Highland hospitality," he roared,
"Arch your back woman, and take the poor man's balls off the cold floor."

:cry:
 
In India it will always be India and Pakistan. India of course being that beautiful land etc. etc. and the Pakis being ,ahem, the bastards.:D
 
Originally posted by scorch
that joke was so much better when it was kiwis and ozzys

Yeah, I also prefer it when it's about portuguese and spanish. ;)
 
Brilliant joke!!

I guess it could be modified for any taste, for any country, and either way, just some suggestions:
France/England
France/Germany
Poland/Russia
Serbia/Albania
USA/Mexico
USA/Canada
Israel/Palestine (I think this one is good, either way, but highly political, might have to change god for 'Allah' for one of the versions!)
China/Japan

Have fun!
 
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