MrPresident
Anglo-Saxon Liberal
Ship mate (SM): Land Ahoy!
Columbus (C): See I told you lads. I told you we would hit land. You all thought I was crazy but I proved you wrong, I proved you all wrong! [Evil laugh]
SM: Sir?
C: Yes?
SM: Do you want to go ashore?
C: Just a minute. [Finishes evil laugh] Okay, lets go.
[One short boat trip and several capsizes later]
C: Ahh [Smells the air] India.
SM: Sir, this isnt India. Its America.
C: Its India!
Native 1 (N1): Excuse me. [Native 1 walks past with a bag full of fish]
SM: Sir, it cant possibly be India.
C: Why not?
SM: We havent travelled nearly enough miles for it to be India.
C: You and yours miles, when are you going to adopt the metric system?
SM: I dont see how that is relevant.
C: Thats why you're not captain.
SM: I know. I wasnt captain because you called it first.
C: It doesnt matter how I became captain all that matter is that I am captain.
SM: Yes, sir. [Whisper] Idiot.
C: What was that?
SM: Nothing. [Whisper] (censored due to vulgar language. It sounded Italian at least)
C: Okay, good. [Plants Spanish flag in the sand] I claim this land in the name of Spain.
******
N1: Hey Steve, who are they?
Native 2 (N2): Explorers.
N1: What are they doing?
N2: Exploring I suppose.
N1: Exploring what?
N2: [Pause] Probably this island.
N1: Why are they doing that?
N2: I dont know, maybe theyre European.
N1: Damn Europeans! Dont they know this is our island?
N2: Apparently not.
N1: I think we should go tell them.
[Native 1 walks over to Columbus who is praying]
N1: Excuse me? [Native 1 taps Columbus on the shoulder] Excuse me? What do you think you are doing?
C: Praying.
N1: Praying?
C: I am thanking God for delivering us safety to the land of India.
SM: Its not India.
C: Shut up!
N1: Whats India?
N2: Probably their word for land.
N1: Well listen here mate; youre trespassing on our island.
C: Trespassing? But I have just claimed this island in the name of Spain.
N1: You cant do that.
C: I just have. Look I have the flag and everything.
N1: But you cant claim this island, its ours.
C: Do you have a flag?
N1: That doesnt matter.
C: If you dont have a flag then I can claim it.
N1: Just because you have a flag doesnt entitle you to go about claiming all the land of non-flag people.
C: But those are the rules.
N1: Who wrote these rules?
C: We did.
N1: Then you can change them.
C: Sorry but I cant do that.
N1: Why not?
C: Listen I dont try to understand the rules, I just follow them.
N1: So you can claim any land you like if you have a flag because that is the rule?
C: Yes.
N1: But thats stupid.
C: Thats exploration. Now if you excuse me I have some enslaving to do. [Columbus and Ship Mate exit]
N1: Did you hear that Barry?
N2: I sure did Steve.
N1: Who does he think he is?
N2: Christopher Columbus, the famous explorer.
N1: I dont care if he is a famous explorer, he cant just go about claiming islands.
N2: Now dont get upset you know what the doctor said.
N1: Yeah I know its just these explorers get right up my nose.
N2: Dont worry Im sure this is all just a big misunderstanding.
N1: Youre probably right, well go talk to him in the morning and straighten all this out.
N2: Thats the spirit.
[Native 1 and 2 start to walk away]
N1: Did you see what he was wearing?
N2: I know, what the hell was that? Doesnt he know that was so last spring?
N1: Italians, when are they doing to get themselves a fashion sense?
Columbus (C): See I told you lads. I told you we would hit land. You all thought I was crazy but I proved you wrong, I proved you all wrong! [Evil laugh]
SM: Sir?
C: Yes?
SM: Do you want to go ashore?
C: Just a minute. [Finishes evil laugh] Okay, lets go.
[One short boat trip and several capsizes later]
C: Ahh [Smells the air] India.
SM: Sir, this isnt India. Its America.
C: Its India!
Native 1 (N1): Excuse me. [Native 1 walks past with a bag full of fish]
SM: Sir, it cant possibly be India.
C: Why not?
SM: We havent travelled nearly enough miles for it to be India.
C: You and yours miles, when are you going to adopt the metric system?
SM: I dont see how that is relevant.
C: Thats why you're not captain.
SM: I know. I wasnt captain because you called it first.
C: It doesnt matter how I became captain all that matter is that I am captain.
SM: Yes, sir. [Whisper] Idiot.
C: What was that?
SM: Nothing. [Whisper] (censored due to vulgar language. It sounded Italian at least)
C: Okay, good. [Plants Spanish flag in the sand] I claim this land in the name of Spain.
******
N1: Hey Steve, who are they?
Native 2 (N2): Explorers.
N1: What are they doing?
N2: Exploring I suppose.
N1: Exploring what?
N2: [Pause] Probably this island.
N1: Why are they doing that?
N2: I dont know, maybe theyre European.
N1: Damn Europeans! Dont they know this is our island?
N2: Apparently not.
N1: I think we should go tell them.
[Native 1 walks over to Columbus who is praying]
N1: Excuse me? [Native 1 taps Columbus on the shoulder] Excuse me? What do you think you are doing?
C: Praying.
N1: Praying?
C: I am thanking God for delivering us safety to the land of India.
SM: Its not India.
C: Shut up!
N1: Whats India?
N2: Probably their word for land.
N1: Well listen here mate; youre trespassing on our island.
C: Trespassing? But I have just claimed this island in the name of Spain.
N1: You cant do that.
C: I just have. Look I have the flag and everything.
N1: But you cant claim this island, its ours.
C: Do you have a flag?
N1: That doesnt matter.
C: If you dont have a flag then I can claim it.
N1: Just because you have a flag doesnt entitle you to go about claiming all the land of non-flag people.
C: But those are the rules.
N1: Who wrote these rules?
C: We did.
N1: Then you can change them.
C: Sorry but I cant do that.
N1: Why not?
C: Listen I dont try to understand the rules, I just follow them.
N1: So you can claim any land you like if you have a flag because that is the rule?
C: Yes.
N1: But thats stupid.
C: Thats exploration. Now if you excuse me I have some enslaving to do. [Columbus and Ship Mate exit]
N1: Did you hear that Barry?
N2: I sure did Steve.
N1: Who does he think he is?
N2: Christopher Columbus, the famous explorer.
N1: I dont care if he is a famous explorer, he cant just go about claiming islands.
N2: Now dont get upset you know what the doctor said.
N1: Yeah I know its just these explorers get right up my nose.
N2: Dont worry Im sure this is all just a big misunderstanding.
N1: Youre probably right, well go talk to him in the morning and straighten all this out.
N2: Thats the spirit.
[Native 1 and 2 start to walk away]
N1: Did you see what he was wearing?
N2: I know, what the hell was that? Doesnt he know that was so last spring?
N1: Italians, when are they doing to get themselves a fashion sense?
It's like a history lesson come to life! 
