Dear Panzerholme Properties,
Ah, yes. Hmm. Houses. Well, I am an old man, so certainly I have no -- ah -- objections -- to living in a place occupied by another before me. But I am also an old man, so... hmm... let us say that I want to live in a building of my own design, for once. Here are my specifications:
- Let it lay on the hillside, but take as much advantage of natural light as possible. Windows on all the sides that face downhill!
- Mmm, let's say, humm, sandstone floors on the ground floor, and a heated pool (I prefer lava below glass blocks to heat the water. (I would also prefer a trap door hidden at the bottom of the swimming pool, leading to a secret tunnel for quick escapes during air raids or monster attacks. I will pay an additional [EXORBITANT FEE] for every secret passage that is in my house.)
- For any area that requires WOOD PANELING, I would prefer it to be made of unrefined jungle wood (or rubber wood, if you have that mod). I do not like the looks of the -- hmm -- "planks", and the open log is far superior. Bonus points if there is an obvious log frame that is tastefully integrated into the superstructure of the house.
- But I also prefer a modernist, smooth decor. Glass paneling everywhere (except in the bathroom and bedroom! Made that mistake in my last house...), and stone or muted green wool floors.
- I need a working shower and toilet. None of this -- how shall I put it delicately? -- paleolithic bull****.
- There must be extensive bookshelves in the bedroom. Half bedroom, half library; that's been my motto since I was a child.
- Also, a bookshelf in the shower. Naturally.
- And a cake on every floor. Just in case.
Respectfully,
The King of the North.