Newsyear Magazine
We know everything and write what we like.
Publish Date: December 1900
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Austria
This week the new Emperor of Austria was named. A relatively unforeseen turn of events took place when the former Emperors youngest brothers middle childs best friend was crowned. He has asked to be called
Dreadnought.
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England
Recent elections have yielded a new Prime Minister in England. An Austrian immigrant and a Turkophob, Mr.
kittenOFchaos hopes to unite Christendom against the Sick Man of Europe.
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France
After rioting in the streets of Paris, a new government has been formed! It is led by the mysterious archer,
ambuel. She has thus far promised a Lego for every child and a gun for every man.
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Germany
The Kaiser has decided to call for a new Chancellor! Indirect elections have given the German people a strong new leader in
Taliesin. The Chancellor carried out his first act of office ceremoniously with the Kaiser being quoted as saying Ive never seen a man so capable of retrieving my pens from under my desk.
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Italy
The reigning King of Italy died tragically this year. Because of the lack of an heir, every man in Italys name was put in a hat. A name was drawn to become king. The process has given us King
Keirador of Italy.
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Russia
Czar! Tsar! Bizarre! Last month, a drunken Царь Nicholas named thirteen successors. Unfortunately, he then fell into a noose and accidentally hanged. Since this accident, twelve of the would-be successors have died in a series of unfortunate events. The only surviving successor is now Царь
Sheep2.
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Turkey
The Bulgarian Fundamentalist group al Siyah Tamarah has attacked the palace at Constantinople, killing the Sultan. His son,
Gnafflinger, has been named the new Sultan. He has since ordered that he will see no one until these terrorists are rounded-up.
Diplomacy begins! Orders due 2359 hours Zulu Time on Thursday, 27 February 2005.