1889
Mayor of H-Marker Lake
The First strike
The tensions between Locotopians and Innovians were ancient, so people were not surprised that a millennium party, no matter how huge, was not enough to clear them away. None the less, the early departure of the Innovian delegation seemed ominous. Many celebrants chose to party like it was 999 and tried to ignore the steady stream of Locotopian reinforcements gathering as inconspicuously as possible. It couldn't be that one of the worlds most beautiful cities and most happening hot spot was about to become its first battlefield.
From his position on the beach the commander of the Innovian Armada knew very well that it was; so, quite reasonably, he ordered all Innovian citizens to evacuate the city and refused to grant any leave. Regardless of the reason soldiers do not enjoy missing parties, that was especially true of the camel muckers.
Now, everyone knows that camels are the beasts named after the famous Innovian Camel Archers who ride them. But not everybody realizes how large they are, the Innovian soldiers do though. Finally getting tired of ruining their boots in the large steaming biscuits deposited by these big animals, the officer corps decided to form a squad of camel muckers to remove the wastes from camp. Moral quickly improved in every unit, except the camel muckers.
Using a shovel similar to a pizza peel, the muckers hoist the manure onto A-carts, hence the moniker of “A-team” for those so employed. The A-cart is reminiscent of a wheelbarrow although flat and pointed like a capitol letter A. Once full the cart and its cargo are hauled away to be dumped and forgotten.
Few volunteers could be found to accompany the army on a dangerous invasion, risking death or dismemberment for low pay and no thanks in order that camel dung should not muddy soldiers’ boots, but the positions had to be filled. At the last minute a radical scheme was adopted. Convicted soldiers awaiting execution or facing very long prison sentences where offered a chance to clear their records by serving as camel muckers for the invasion force. Six men took the offer. Working bare foot like camel muckers always have (camel muckers don’t like to ruin their boots either you know) they took to calling themselves The Dirty Dozen.
Anyway back to my story: The soldiers were upset that they couldn’t attend the millennium party, soldiers don’t like to miss parties, especially soldiers that are also convicted felons being used as slave labor in the most unpleasant, thankless job that I could make up.
So that evening The Dirty Dozen fashioned their work into a model of the city, quickly made a plan that was just crazy enough to work, developed a catchy song that would help them remember said plan, then quietly set out to crash the biggest party ever…
The incredible exploits of that night are already well known so I’ll spare you the details, but when they returned to camp the next morning hauling a large section of millennium cake on their A-carts, many Innovian soldiers called it the first strike of the war and hailed Hogan Hannibal Kelly and his A-team as heroes.
The celebrating didn’t last all that long though. The carts and the men handling the prize were as filthy as usual. Few were willing to tastes any of the fouled cake so it was simply dumped and the soldiers got back to work preparing for their assault.
The tensions between Locotopians and Innovians were ancient, so people were not surprised that a millennium party, no matter how huge, was not enough to clear them away. None the less, the early departure of the Innovian delegation seemed ominous. Many celebrants chose to party like it was 999 and tried to ignore the steady stream of Locotopian reinforcements gathering as inconspicuously as possible. It couldn't be that one of the worlds most beautiful cities and most happening hot spot was about to become its first battlefield.
From his position on the beach the commander of the Innovian Armada knew very well that it was; so, quite reasonably, he ordered all Innovian citizens to evacuate the city and refused to grant any leave. Regardless of the reason soldiers do not enjoy missing parties, that was especially true of the camel muckers.
Now, everyone knows that camels are the beasts named after the famous Innovian Camel Archers who ride them. But not everybody realizes how large they are, the Innovian soldiers do though. Finally getting tired of ruining their boots in the large steaming biscuits deposited by these big animals, the officer corps decided to form a squad of camel muckers to remove the wastes from camp. Moral quickly improved in every unit, except the camel muckers.
Using a shovel similar to a pizza peel, the muckers hoist the manure onto A-carts, hence the moniker of “A-team” for those so employed. The A-cart is reminiscent of a wheelbarrow although flat and pointed like a capitol letter A. Once full the cart and its cargo are hauled away to be dumped and forgotten.
Few volunteers could be found to accompany the army on a dangerous invasion, risking death or dismemberment for low pay and no thanks in order that camel dung should not muddy soldiers’ boots, but the positions had to be filled. At the last minute a radical scheme was adopted. Convicted soldiers awaiting execution or facing very long prison sentences where offered a chance to clear their records by serving as camel muckers for the invasion force. Six men took the offer. Working bare foot like camel muckers always have (camel muckers don’t like to ruin their boots either you know) they took to calling themselves The Dirty Dozen.
Anyway back to my story: The soldiers were upset that they couldn’t attend the millennium party, soldiers don’t like to miss parties, especially soldiers that are also convicted felons being used as slave labor in the most unpleasant, thankless job that I could make up.
So that evening The Dirty Dozen fashioned their work into a model of the city, quickly made a plan that was just crazy enough to work, developed a catchy song that would help them remember said plan, then quietly set out to crash the biggest party ever…
The incredible exploits of that night are already well known so I’ll spare you the details, but when they returned to camp the next morning hauling a large section of millennium cake on their A-carts, many Innovian soldiers called it the first strike of the war and hailed Hogan Hannibal Kelly and his A-team as heroes.
The celebrating didn’t last all that long though. The carts and the men handling the prize were as filthy as usual. Few were willing to tastes any of the fouled cake so it was simply dumped and the soldiers got back to work preparing for their assault.
