Stories of Bravery and Such

[Tubby Rower]

truly inspiring story of love, peace, and carnal knowledge of the fine Hawaiian women

 

[Robi D]

At was a chilly night when the A.S. Meleager docked in Aloha Port. As Foreign Minister Robi D came down the gang plank he was greeted by GeorgeOP who had a carriage ready to whisk them away.

George- “How did it go?”
Robi- “Not so good”

Both were quite for the rest of the trip.

The streets themselves were alive with activity and colour, for it was Alohan Proclamation week and celebrations were being held across the nation.
The two men soon arrived at the OP’s Restaurant and bar where government officials and other notable citizens had gathered for the festivities.

When they entered the table went quite and all eyes turned to them. The President was first to speak.

BCLG- “Did Piffle agree to anything?”
Robi- “No, they are playing hard ball, I think they are still sore over the whole dyes issue”

Robi’s plate of rice and pork kebabs arrived and then he continued. He dug in eagerly as lets face it ship food isn’t exactly great, and then he continued.

Robi- “I still think we can get a deal but its going to take time, they are setting the bar deliberately too high at the moment so…”
Robboo- “…we wait? I don’t like it. Especially with that occult lurking around to our East”
Kuningas- “I don’t like it either, those Leader worshippers are completely loco, it would be a lot better for us if Piffle would sign up to the security agreement”
There were nods of approval all around the table.
George- “Don’t even get me started on the weirdo programs they are broadcasting, have you seen the latest one with all those women mud wrestling each other just so they can worship the leader personally”
Kuningas- “Don’t mind that one actually” said with a smile on his face. Not that it surprised anyone in the room as he was flanked by two beautiful “worshippers” of his own.
BCLG- “Anyway there is much we can do now about it all so let get on with the celebrations”

Little did they know, Piffle’s evil plans were about to unfold in Kia Ora.
Not long after Robi had left Piffle’s war machine had swung into action and Galleons loaded with troops and weapons had set sail for Alohan waters.

In Kia Ora itself the people busy celebrating like it was 1999. The atmosphere was relaxed and even the soldiers were taking a night off. It wasn’t until the Galleons had virtually gotten to shore that anyone noticed them. Even then they were not sure what to make of them.
“Maybe our neighbours have come to ask us to turn the music down” joked one man which was greeted with laughs all around.

Then seemingly out of nowhere a huge rock crashed into the newly opened Cajun Chowder restaurant. Bits and piece rained down onto the street injuring many people. This was followed by another and another. Panic broke out as men, women and children went in all direction in an attempt to escape the carnage.

The soldiers in town realised what was happening and started to scramble to the posts to get their gear on and ready for battle. They already knew the battle was lost but they wanted to slow down the invaders as much as possible to give a chance for the citizen’s to escape. Many men of the town joined them.

The battle itself was all to brief and one sided, many of our soldiers were cut down before they could even reach the armoury by the throng of macemen and cavalry that came pouring out of the boats. Those that did fought valiantly to the last, ensuring that some civilians escaped the mayhem. The soldiers of Piffle were without mercy that night, anyone that got caught in there sights was mowed down, and once the people were out of the way the buildings of Kia Ora took the brunt of their naked aggression. By daybreak the fighting was done and the town was just a shell of its former self.

At 6am that morning in Aloha GeorgeOP, somewhat hung over from the previous night was running up the palace steps as fast as he could. Once inside summoned the president.
BCLG- “What on Sirian is going on, what’s this all about”
“Piffle…attacked…Kia Ora…Galleons!” said George as he tried to catch his breathe.
President BCLG went numb for a second, Aloha was now at war.
BCLG- “When?”
George- “Sometime last night, don’t know exactly, details are still sketchy”
BCLG- “And Kia Ora?”
George- “Lost I’m afraid, took them by surprise”
The President then turned to his assistant Gandhi Rules
BCLG- “Send out a full alert and get the ministers down here ASAP”
Gandhi Rules just nodded and ran into the next room.

Kia Ora was lost but the battle has just begun…

 

[Kickbooti]

I am heavy of heart by the misunderstanding communicated in this thread. The Piffles love peace and light. We are dedicated to the good the true and the beautiful.

So distressed am I that I will bypass discussion in my team's forum and announce that I will loby for an ambassador of good will that NOBODY can argue represents the highest embodyment of virtue, goodness and love.

See details at
http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=160988

Peace out, y'all!

 

[Conroe]

Episode 2:
Dramamine and Frog Legs​

The dawn light broke over the beautiful white sand beaches of Kia Ora. The smoldering embers were all that remained of the once great city. It was with heavy hearts that Piffle's Ambassadors of Goodwill decided to depart these shores. Such carnage, such violence, it was all beyond the understanding of the peace-loving people of Piffle. How could any ritualistic code of honor require the deaths of so many innocent civilians? It is one thing for Aloha's soldiers to want to atone for their many sins. But to force the same upon the general population? Clearly the peace-loving people of Piffle had much to learn about their neighbors of Aloha.

The voyage back across the channel really wasn't very long. But to the saved Hawaiians, it seemed an eternity. For some odd reason, they were not upset over the loss of their homes, their shops, nor even their city. As the ships approached the shores of Piffle, the Aloha civilians became almost giddy with joy.

Meanwhile in Piffle, news that not everyone from Kia Ora had perished spread quickly throughout the realm. Quite a large throng of people gathered by the harbor docks to greet their Kia Ora neighbors. This would be the first time that any of them had ever met someone from Aloha. The Hawaiians would be greeted like noone before! With bands, and music, and singing! With confetti and ticker tape flying! With love and light, in the only fashion that the peace-loving people of Piffle knew how to greet a visitor. And as those innocent Aloha civilians of Kia Ora came down the gang planks, you could see the joy on their faces! You could also see the relief! Relief because this would be the very first time that any of them had ever set foot on free soil. "FFFRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM" cried the happy Hawaiians! As they kissed this ground that Sirian had made.

The excited Piffles gathered around their new found friends. They were anxious to know of life in this exotic land called Aloha. One of the elders of Kia Ora, an elderly man named Bob, began to recant tales of Hawaiian life. But the tales were not of an exotic land, they were of ... of ... a ... Actually noone could figure out what in the name of Sirian that Bob was talking about. You see Bob's mumbling accent was rather difficult to understand. Fortunately his friend Neal was able to translate.

No, the story that Bob and Neal told of Aloha life was no picnic. They described gruelling days spent in endless farm fields. And evenings filled with a back-breaking, blood-soaked whip. The Aloha life was one of slavery, it seems. Slavery for everyone. Everyone, that is, except those fortunate few members of the government. "Ndbr tvrt gubnet afl frog" said Bob. "Never trust a Government Official" translated Neal.

While government officials would feast on delicacies such as Pork Kabobs, the average Aloha peasant was lucky to receive a ration of rice gruel. More often than not, millet was the only sustance of Aloha's citizenry. "Ndbr tvrt gubnet afl frog" repeated Bob.

At that very moment, a young Hawaiian woman stepped forward. "You should heed thier warning, they speak only the truth" she said in an eerily voice. "My name is Onesta Verita and I was enroute to Allegra before you saved me" she said. "The government officials," shaking her head, "they cannot be trusted."

"I work in the foreign office. I know what they are up to. Their offers of peace and trade were only a ruse" she continued, "Meant to trick you and solace your fears."

We explained to the Aloha survivors how overjoyed we were to receive Aloha's offer of trade. We readily agreed to anything they proposed. But rather than consummating the trade, they said "nevermind". What is Aloha up to? To propose a trade and then decline? Most confusing it was.

But not confusing to all, no siree. Some Piffles had heard of a strange land called Kiss, where they knew of such knavery. "Yep, already got that T-Shirt," His Royal Modship was heard to comment.

Onesta Verita nodded her understanding. "But, that is only the half of it," she continued, "The new President has hatched a diabolical pl...." but she was stopped. Stopped by this horrible screeching noise.

"Where is that coming from" someone asked? And then it became all too clear. It was comming in off the wind from Aloha. An entire nation was screaming in agonizing pain across the channel. The people of Aloha were being incessantly and cruelly whipped to death.

An unending, agonizing pain! This was too much for the peace-loving people of Piffle to bear. Something must be done. Calls for another musical were heard from the crowd. No, no, not even a summer musical spectacular would be enough. Not this time.

The people of Aloha must be saved! Saved at all cost!

To wit, the Piffle navy set sail. They were going to rescue as many innocent Hawaiians as possible from the Aloha tyranny. No one, but NO ONE, else would die this day! Viva La Libertad! Viva La Libertad!

As the naval vessels departed, Onesta Verita was seen running down the long pier. "Wait! Wait!" she cried. "There is something you must first know ...." but ... it was too late. The ships had already sailed ...

TO BE CONTINUED ....​

 

[1889]

In a brief ceremony on an uninhabited island in the Gulf of Pennsylvania the Innovatopian war came to a sudden end. Innovia’s chief negotiator Carter Burke apologized for the invasion calling it “A bad call.”

 

[General_W]

Especially with that occult lurking around to our East

Burn!


Really great stories here everyone! Fantastic reading.

the Innovatopian war came to a sudden end.

Are hopes for peace truly reborn?

 

[Conroe]

Episode 3:
Prologue of a Sidekick​

Not many people are aware of this, but Chuck Norris was actually born in Piffle. He was born in 940AD in a small hamlet outside of Balderdash. As a small lad growing up in Piffle, Chuck was a very inquisitive boy. Constantly exploring, constantly learning. He was a very curious lad. He also had a pet monkey and a yellow hat, but that's a different story.

Now contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris did not invent the roundhouse kick. While it is true that Chuck is a master of the manuever, it is only a myth that he was the first. No, the truth is Chuck learned this kick, and many other kicks, from the master that taught him. Kickbooti, that world-famous Piffle, was the one that taught Chuck how to roundhouse kick.

"Young Chuck was a joy to train," Kickbooti once commented. Yes, Young Chuck was an attentive student, always curious and ready to learn. Our poet laureate recalls a story from Chuck's childhood:

Back in those days, 'Booti used to work the lads pretty hard. But during one of the rest breaks, a young Chuck Norris came up to me. "Excuse me, Mr Rower", said young Chuck. I will never forget what he said to me. "Why do the peace-loving people of Piffle love peace so much?" asked young Chuck.

At that moment, I knew Chuck's talent would be used only for good!

"Wonderful question, lad," I said to Chuck. "You see, peace is one of the three P's of life. The three P's define what it means to be a civilized people and give meaning to life," I explained to him.

"Peace, Piffle, and Beer!"

Young Chuck nodded his head in understanding. But he was still young and truly did not yet understand. "Beer doesn't begin with a P, Mr Rower" he said to me.

"No, but it does en.... " and unfortunately I was interrupted before I could finish, when Kickbooti called an end to the break.

But as a young Chuck Norris grew into a man, the man that he is today, he did grasp an understanding of the three P's of life. And today, Chuck Norris loves peace just as much as all of the peace-loving people of Piffle. An embodyment of virtue and goodness, he truly is of Piffle!


Ahhhh, but enough reminiscing by this faithful scribe. For the hour crosses high noon. Lager Time! And I have a ship to catch up to ... if our epic tale is to have a conclusion ...


To Peace, Piffle, and

 

[Kickbooti]

Well, I was to humble to reveal that I was indeed the genesis of Chuck Norris. But now that the information is out there, I still don't want you to treat me any differently.

Besides, the astounding power of the roundhouse kick is nothing compared to the writing of Conroe. Good job! (smilies are broken - how does that happen)?

 

[jeejeep]

Are hopes for peace truly reborn?

Indeed, Innovia has now withdrawn from our lands. We look forward to being able to rebuild our civilization from safe from the Camel Archer menace. We hold no further menace towards Innovia. We believe the mistakes they made in the war have been greatly repaid by their fair offer of peace.

 

[1889]

The troops came home to an unexpected welcome, they were pelted with tomatoes, bananas and even watermelons. Sadly that was the best part of Gallagher’s show. The troops applauded politely; after all it was nice of him to give a free show to the returning soldiers. He even stayed behind afterwards to help hand out discharge papers, even the dishonorable ones.

But six soldiers didn’t get to have fruits and vegetables thrown on them. The A-Team were not soldiers, but convicts. At least they were until a courier met them at the dock and handed them a stack of pardons excusing them for their various crimes. He nervously asked for a receipt and then hurried away. It was not the welcome they expected.

 

[General_W]

-- From the End of Turn 201 --​

The acrid smoke of spent gunpowder wafted across the battlefield, mixing with the early morning mists rolling out from Mycenia Bay. As the first rays of sunlight began to pierce the double grey of mist and smoke, they illuminated a scene the battle weary men of Cannon Regiment Four could scarcely believe.

Regiment Four, or the "Head's Up" men, had been selected to lead the vanguard of the assault on the Loco fortress city of Mycenian. In what seemed like a lifetime ago, but had really just been the previous day, The Heads Up men moved to within 100 yards of Mycenian's walls. There in the shadow of the austere walls ringing the city as if they were a part of the hill itself, the Cannon Men were in position to inflict massive damage to every longbow and Musketman who would defy The Leader. It was a hopelessly defenseless position, and the Heads Up men all knew they had but one job… inflict as much damage as possible before certain death fell upon them. With the blessings of The Leader, they'd do enough damage to open the gates for the elite Cavalry divisions waiting just over the hill for the attack later that day.

So it was with no small surprise that this morning Colonel Suhpmem found himself alive and surrounded by his own cannon men – and not in the company of the angels. After he and his surviving men stared at each other for a few moments in quiet shock that slowly faded into triumphant grins, the Head's Up men cast their eyes back to the top of the hill that had sheltered them for the night…

A steady easterly breeze was blowing the fog of war and smell of battle out to sea… and that same wind was now unfurling the proud flag of Epsilon, high over the city of Mycenian.

Victory belonged to The Leader.



Addenda:

Memo:
Official Foreign Office Summary of the Recent Events Surrounding Mycenian
For Immediate Release

Wherefore, let it be known:
Loco had imposed its will on the once free city of Mycenae. When the people of Dune applied to become part of the Empire of The Leader, they told us horrifying stories of how Loco was treating their brethren. We were compelled to act out of a sense of shared humanity. Until Loco dissolves it's military, The Leader will continue to liberate the wretched Locopotomanians.

Statement prepared by: Scion Peter Grimes
Initial Approval: Follower Semirg Retep
Office of Oversight Approval: High Follower Wal Neger
Foreign Ministry Approval: Servant General_W
By the Blessings of The Leader, may he live forever.