Anoter dumb thief

[Lord Draegon]

This wasa darwin award honorable mention though I don't know why

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50 am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

Some people are real idiots

 

[the mormegil]

That can't be true, no one's that stupid.

 

[Amenhotep7]

mormegil, you'd be surprised.

 

[Lord Draegon]

That can't be true, no one's that stupid. [/QUOTE]

Trust me it is

 

[CaptainCommando]

Yeah, there was a news story around a few years ago, some guy used an art program to make a 200$ bill with Bill Clinton on it, and went to McDonald's to sue it as a joke.

The idiot clerk didn't realize it and actually GAVE HIM like, 196.50$ back in change, at which point the guy decided to just take off and leave. When the cops finally caught up with him they didn't even charge him with anything because they figured for anyone to do anything that stupid is just above and beyond, and why not just let the guy slide for an innocent prank?

 

[Al Zan]

these are idiots!

 

[kcwong]

Wow. They're as sharp as a circle.

 

[Perfection]

Originally posted by kcwong
Wow. They're as sharp as a circle.

Nice analogy!

*Add's it to list, after "He's adorable, in the way a three legged puppy is"

 

[Lord Draegon]

Here's somemore from DarwinAwards

Seattle: When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two counterfeit $16 bills.

When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still wouldn't give him the money, so the robber called the police -- and was arrested.

A guy wearing pantyhose on his face tried to rob a store in a mall. When the security came, he quickly grabbed a shopping bag and pretended to be shopping, forgetting that he was still wearing the pantyhose. He was captured, and his loot was returned to the store.
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. They placed the message "HE'S LYING" in the copier, and pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed to the police.

A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking" stole a steamroller and led police on a 5mph chase, until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

AVweb, a weekly aviation news letter, reported that a bungling burglar broke into a Mooney aircraft at the Knox County, Ohio airport and removed its avionics system, including the Emergency Locating Transmitter or ELT. This device sends homing signals if the aircraft crashes. You can guess what happened next. The ham-handed crook jarred the ELT enough to activate it, and authorities had no trouble tracking the perpetrator to his lair.

Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer was $15. Question: if someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?

 

[Lord Draegon]

(16 July 2001, Union City, Tennessee) A woman ordered to pay off $1100 in bad checks left the courthouse, drove to her hometown, and pulled a gun on employees at the First State Bank. She fled into a cornfield with $7000, eluded the hastily-organized search party, and made her way back to Union City to pay her debt.
But given the small size of her hometown, with a population of 344, it was inevitable that one of the tellers would recognize her. Police were waiting at her home to arrest her and confiscate the remainder of the money.

 

[Lord Draegon]

(20 March 2000, Niedersachsen, Germany) When the masked man stormed into the Volksbank and demanded money, the teller complied. Like a child demanding candy, the robber held his bag open with both hands and waited for the cash. Now any fool knows you can't hold a heavy bag of money and a gun at the same time, so he put the weapon away for a moment. The teller seized his chance and seized the gun, and suddenly the tables had turned. The confused robber raised his arm and, forgetting that his gun was missing, menaced the teller with his index finger. When the robber realized that his situation was not as strong as he had anticipated, he fled the bank on an old bike with pink protection sheet metal. The police are hunting for the man, but they have to take care. He his armed -- with his forefinger.

 

[the mormegil]

Can you give me the URL for this site?

 

[Lord Draegon]

www.darwinawards.com

 

[the mormegil]

Hmm, I had should have guessed that really. Thanks anyway

 

[Lord Draegon]

(February 1998) ATM's have become a popular target for thieves. The law of averages demands that some attempts end unsuccessfully.
Our hero started out like most: He knew that in order to win the prize, he needed to get at the back of the machine. He pried it away from the wall with difficulty. As soon as he had enough clearance, he wriggled behind and started working on removing the rear panel.

At this point, the watchful reader will have noticed a few problems with his logic.

1. He has completely ignored the video camera.

2. A silent alarm is triggered if the machine is moved.

Furthermore, the ATM in question is three minutes away from a police station. As the sirens neared, our novice criminal decided to hide. When the police arrived, they saw that the machine had been tampered with, and assumed that the thief had fled. They secured the area and called in a forensics team.

The forensics team was dusting for fingerprints when a very loud ACHOOO! from behind the ATM.

In summary, the klutzy crook was videotaped, left fingerprints, and he hid behind the ATM.

(1997, Canada) A woman in Canada called the police with a complaint that she had been burnt in a drug deal. She claimed that a man had sold her a rock of crack cocaine, but when she brought it home, it "looked like baking powder." The police dispatched a narcotics agent to her house, who tested the rock and verified that, despite its appearance, it was indeed cocaine. The woman was promptly arrested for drug possession. The RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) are encouraging anyone who thinks they may have been fooled into buying fake drugs to come forward.

(1996, Texas) 45 year old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

(1996, Rhode Island) Portsmouth police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January. He was captured when he inexplicably fled from police when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine. Suspicions were confirmed when he later tried to post $400 bail in coins.

A thief who sneaked into a hospital was scarred for life when he tried to get a suntan. After evading security staff at Odstock Hospital in Salisbury, Wiltshire, and helping himself to doctor's paging devices, the thief spotted a vertical sun bed. He walked into the unit and removed his clothes for a 45-minute tan. However, the high-voltage UV machine at the hospital, which is renowned for its treatment of burn victims, has a maximum dosage of 10 seconds. After lying on the bed for almost 300 times the recommended maximum time, the man was covered in blisters. Hours later, when the pain of the burns became unbearable, he went to Southampton General Hospital, 20 miles away, in Hampshire. Staff became suspicious because he was wearing a doctor's coat. After tending his wounds they called the police. Southampton police said: "This man broke into Odstock and decided he fancied a quick suntan." Doctors say he is going to be scarred for life.

(February 1981, California) Phoenix Field airport in Fair Oaks had been subject to recurring petty thefts from neighborhood teenagers, so a security firm was retained to patrol the grounds. Thefts decreased sharply, but fuel consumption was on the rise. This puzzling situation continued until late one night, when a passerby noticed a flaming airplane on the field.
By the time the fire department arrived, the plane had completely melted into the tarmac. While they extinguished the residual flames, the passerby noticed a uniformed figure lying facedown several yards away. It was a security guard!

He was revived and questioned.

Turns out he had been siphoning fuel from small planes to use in his car. The plane he selected that night had a unique fuel storage system involving hollow, baffled wing spars. When the determined guard shoved the siphon in, it stubbed against the first baffle. No matter how he twisted, pushed, and pulled the hose, he could not siphon any fuel from the plane.

Exasperated, he lit a match to see inside the tank… and the rest is history.

 

[the mormegil]

That one about the cocaine is good. What an idiot.

 

[allhailIndia]

The pilfering security was brilliant

 

[Lord Draegon]

(1999, Washington) A penchant for life's little luxuries led to lousy luck for one bungling burglar. This Seattle bank robber rented a limousine. He instructed the chauffeur to drop him off at Bank of America, and return when contacted by telephone.

The thief presented a teller with a written demand for money, collected his cash and coins, and ran from the bank to a nearby Starbucks. While he was paying for a double latte with stolen coins, an alert customer phoned police and notified them of the criminal's whereabouts.

While waiting for the latte, the bank burglar called his chauffeur from a pay phone and arranged to be picked up outside Starbucks. The police quickly surrounded the store and apprehended the crook, after a brief foot chase, just before his getaway limo arrived. The driver confirmed that he had driven the man to Bank of America, and was returning to pick him up.

(Indiana) A man had the good fortune to raise a healthy marijuana plant in his back yard. But then tragedy struck. He received a phone call from the authorities, saying he was busted but they would not press charges if he brought the bush into the station. Roots and all. So he sadly hacked his 8-foot annual down and carried it into the lobby of the Sheriff's office, where startled officers took him into custody for suspected felony cultivation. Turns out the phone call was a prank.

(17 June 2000, Florida) Another one from the Stupid Criminal file. A man murdered a female acquaintance and dumped her burned body in a remote location in Southwest Florida. Seven weeks after the crime, he remembered her jewelry and returned to the body to recover his loot. But the charred skeleton had been found and identified only the day before. When deputies stopped the suspicious vehicle on the lonesome road, the driver attempted to accelerate to freedom. Instead he crashed into the sheriff's portable command post, making the manhunt that much simpler. A classic example of the culprit returning to the scene of the crime is enhanced by this piquant twist: if the murderer is sentenced to Florida's death penalty, he may one day qualify for a Darwin Award instead of just an Honorable Mention.

(31 March 2000, New Mexico) Edward had some trouble when he attempted to steal a utility trailer from the Home Depot store in Albuquerque. He drove in and hitched a trailer onto his Toyota pickup, then drove off quickly - only to crash on Griegos Road. He then returned to the home improvement store and hitched up a second trailer, then drove off - only to have it come loose and crash 75 yards away from the first stolen trailer.
Deputy Sheriff Scott Baird noticed the two trailer on the side of the road, and stopped to investigate. Just then, Detective Bill Webb said, Edward "drives by with the third stolen trailer, and the fender of the trailer clips the deputy's patrol car." A 25-mph chase ensued; the leisurely pace set by Edward, who ""probably knows that trailers at high speeds don't stay on very well," Webb elaborated.

The would-be thief was finally pulled to a stop, arrested by Albuquerque police officers, and charged with three counts of motor vehicle theft.

Hurrah for Edward! If all criminals had a modus operandi as feeble as his, the species would die out from an excess of convictions.

(4 March 2000, England) In a related incident, two homeless men stole a car, a Vauxhall Astra, in a multi-story car park. Their luck was short-lived. They rammed the vehicle though the safety barrier on the 9th floor, and their trajectory described a 42-foot parabolic arc before crashing into the concrete below.

(19 August 1999, Seville, Spain) A professional French pickpocket used astoundingly poor judgment when selecting his most recent victim at the Seville Airport. The thief, who specializes in international events that attract crowds of visitors, thought he was in his element when he circled a group of young men and chose his prey. Little did he realize that he was dipping into the bag of Larry Wade, champion 110-meter hurdler for the US Athletic team. He was also spotted by Maurice Green, the fastest sprinter on Earth, capable of running 100 meters in 9.79 seconds. The two athletes quickly chased down the thief despite his hefty head start. The pickpocket attempted to pretend that he was just an innocent French tourist, but the entire episode was captured on film by a Spanish television crew that had been interviewing Mr. Greene at the time. "He chose the wrong man," deadpanned a spokesman for the Civil Guard.

(1 August 1999, California) 22-year-old Myner broke into a Los Angeles home at 3AM on Sunday, only to be confronted by the homeowner, an armed police officer, who fired when he saw the glint of a weapon in the intruder's hand. Myner realized he was in trouble and attempted to flee the scene, but succeeded only in stumbling painfully into a bed of cactus, where he lost his knife. After freeing himself from the prickly plants, he headed over the fence, a decorative wrought-iron barrier that speared him cruelly in the groin as he hurtled over to the sidewalk. Despite these blunders, he managed to escape, but was apprehended later that morning when he sought treatment for his injuries at the Anaheim Memorial Hospital. Sgt. Joe Vargas summed up his adventures by saying, "It wasn't a good night."

 

[The Person]

Is it a crime to actually think nowadays? People like those make me wonder.