"It's all about ass, you can kick it or lick it" -- Gen. Groves
Or chop it off!! 
I got a few stories from the Todd 'n Tyler Show, which is the funniest morning radio show ever!
The first story starts with this guy and his girlfriend driving in a car. His girlfriend had found out he was cheating on her, so the girlfriend ends up taking a pair of hedgetrimmers and proceeded to chop the guys ass off. The girlfriend then gets a ride from someone else and dumps the guy off in a ditch by his car. The guy somehow gets into his car and drives 2 hours to the nearest hospital. Where he says his girlfriend chopped his ass off. The police then arrest the girlfriend. Todd 'n Tyler then made a few cracks to Donnie on whether he would rather be ass raped by 5 big black guys named Bubba or Leroy opposed to getting your ass chopped off. Donnie chose to rather have his ass chopped and avoid public humiliation by joking that is was just a turfburn he got from being dragged 90 yards by Marshall Faulk.
The 2nd story was about a guy in Alaska who was beatin by another guy with a steel pipe. The onlooker was walking by the alley and he glanced over and saw a guy having sex with this chick and he said "having any fun." The guy in the alley then took a steel pipe and beat the holy hell out of the onlooker. Just wondering why he even bothered to stop ti beat the guy.
NOTE: I AM NOT AGAINST HOMOSEXUALS IN ANY WAY, IT IS JUST AN ONGOING PROBLEM IN THE OMAHA AREA. HOPEFULLY NO ONE IS DEEPLY OFFENDED BY THIS NEXT STORY.
The 3rd one isn't a story, but it is an ongoing problem in Omaha area parks. At Lake Cunningham just north of town older married men who haven't come out of the closet engage in homosexual acts of pleasure. The police have tried to crack down on this problem, but a recent court ruling has overturned all of the laws against lewd conduct in public places saying that it is out of date and unconstitutional. So now you can pretty much do whatever you want in Omaha area parks and not get in trouble.
Tyler and Slaveboy Jeremy decided to make a bet for Celebrity Boxing. Tyler had said that Joey Buttofuco would wax Chyna's ass, so Jeremy made a bet that Chyna would win. The bet was if Jeremy had won, Tyler would have to give Jeremy $200 and if Tyler won, Jeremy had to go to Lake Cunningham and wear a sign that said "Free Shaft and Balls." So they wouldn't get in any trouble, Jeremy had a copy of the movie "Shaft" and a some golfballs in handy. The week afterward Slaveboy Jeremy had gone to Lake Cunningham to where the sign with Slaveboy Chris and Machinehead to give updates on the situation. No one approached Jeremy for any homosexual pleasure, they thought that maybe the big Z-92 van gave it away or the feminine scents from Machinehead had chased them away.
Later that week 4 guys were caught in Mandan Park doing a circle jerk. Todd 'n Tyler decided for a joke to hold a fake Z-92, Lake Zorinsky 92 Man Circle Jerk. Donnie had pieced together a sound byte that was just about the most hillarious thing I have heard, depicting the 92 man circle jerk.
Just a couple of days ago Todd 'n Tyler brought on a police officer named Jason who happened to be on the "Homo Patrol" at Lake Cunningham. He had told them about a time when he was going bust a guy, but he needed some kind of reason to arrest the guy, so Jason asked the guy "Do you have any lubrication?" The guy said that he had some Barbecue Sauce in his car that they could use. Another story Officer Jason told them, was about a time when he had a 76 year old man pinch his nipples, but he couldn't arrest him, because the contact wasn't consider sexual. Another story Officer Jason had told TnT was of a time where he was giving the googally eyed looked to some guy who wasn't looking for any homosexual pleasure, he just happened to be a jogger that had to pee.
The Lake Cunningham saga continues. I personally don't go within 5 miles of the place. Hopefully I didn't offend anyone, I was just relaying some stories that I thought were really funny.
