Lockesdonkey
Liberal Jihadist
Dear citizens, the following is important information concerning the state of the world. Please take the time to read it carefully. Americans in particular should take note. In the event that you are vaguely aware of this information, feel free to disregard this. It's your skin that we're trying to save.
As should be obvious to anyone who has been awake for the past year, the British, in the wake of the London train bombings, have elevated their alert level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". In the event of new attacks, which new information indicates is possible, alert may be further raised to "Irked" or even "A Bit Cross." Citizens should note that this level of alert has not been seen since the Second World War, when it was issued on account of low tea rations and those irascible German bombs. Furthermore, terrorists have been reclassified from "Bothersome" to "A Bloody Nuisance", not seen since the London Great Plague/Fire of 1666.
If Britain does in fact become "A Bit Cross", it will merely have been following in the footsteps of the Americans. After 9/11, they elevated their alert level from "Self-Assured Isolation" to "Outraged Panic"; this was further upgraded to "Finger-Pointing and Pontificating About Freedom", and finally "Getting Bogged Down in a Country People Can't Find On A Map."
France has also changed its alert level, having elevated it from "Run" to "Hide". It would appear at first glance that this is the result of the revolt of the unemployed Muslim youth, but the French Government is actually, despite appearances, completely unfazed by this matter. It is instead a result of the destruction of one of France's two white flag factories, halving its military capabilities. In the event of the destruction of the second factory, it is possible that they will up the level to "Surrender" or even "Collaborate".
Germany has also changed its stance in the past few years. Originally at the "Disdainful Self-Confidence" level, they have raised their level to "Elect an Unteneble Alliance of Conservatives and Socialists with a Strong Communist Opposition", last seen in the 1930s. Two levels remain: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Italy is unique in that it rose to the third level, but then dropped down to the second. It was elevated from "Watch the Show" to "Make Loud Noises" at the beginning of the Iraq War, and was quickly elevated to "Ineffective Combat Operations." Some American pundits would argue that the recent withdrawal from Iraq qualifies as the Italian Level 4 alert, "Change Sides".
The Belgians, are, of course, all relaxing, their only concerns being whether or not NATO and the EU will pull their offices out and when the Americans will realize that it was BELGIANS who invented the French fry, not the French.
As should be obvious to anyone who has been awake for the past year, the British, in the wake of the London train bombings, have elevated their alert level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". In the event of new attacks, which new information indicates is possible, alert may be further raised to "Irked" or even "A Bit Cross." Citizens should note that this level of alert has not been seen since the Second World War, when it was issued on account of low tea rations and those irascible German bombs. Furthermore, terrorists have been reclassified from "Bothersome" to "A Bloody Nuisance", not seen since the London Great Plague/Fire of 1666.
If Britain does in fact become "A Bit Cross", it will merely have been following in the footsteps of the Americans. After 9/11, they elevated their alert level from "Self-Assured Isolation" to "Outraged Panic"; this was further upgraded to "Finger-Pointing and Pontificating About Freedom", and finally "Getting Bogged Down in a Country People Can't Find On A Map."
France has also changed its alert level, having elevated it from "Run" to "Hide". It would appear at first glance that this is the result of the revolt of the unemployed Muslim youth, but the French Government is actually, despite appearances, completely unfazed by this matter. It is instead a result of the destruction of one of France's two white flag factories, halving its military capabilities. In the event of the destruction of the second factory, it is possible that they will up the level to "Surrender" or even "Collaborate".
Germany has also changed its stance in the past few years. Originally at the "Disdainful Self-Confidence" level, they have raised their level to "Elect an Unteneble Alliance of Conservatives and Socialists with a Strong Communist Opposition", last seen in the 1930s. Two levels remain: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Italy is unique in that it rose to the third level, but then dropped down to the second. It was elevated from "Watch the Show" to "Make Loud Noises" at the beginning of the Iraq War, and was quickly elevated to "Ineffective Combat Operations." Some American pundits would argue that the recent withdrawal from Iraq qualifies as the Italian Level 4 alert, "Change Sides".
The Belgians, are, of course, all relaxing, their only concerns being whether or not NATO and the EU will pull their offices out and when the Americans will realize that it was BELGIANS who invented the French fry, not the French.