Ansel
Chieftain
Some 'funnies' from mostly UK newspapers.
At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard on
the spot and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied that he
was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help,
the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen
Evening Express)
Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience
with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each
week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she
recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the
crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they
spelt out Heil Hitler". (Bournemouth Evening Echo)
Commenting on a complaint from a Mr.Arthur Purdey about a large gas
bill, a spokesman for North West gas said "We agree it was rather
high for the time of year. It's possible Mr.Purdey has been charged
for the gas used up during the explosion that blew his house to
pieces." (Bangkok Post)
>From the BBC Newsquiz website:
Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole
salami in her knickers. When asked why, she said it was because she
was missing her Italian boyfriend. (Reuters via The Manchester
Evenings News)
Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van,
because they cannot issue a description. It's a special branch
vehicle, and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)
After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30 year old Michael
Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to Yorkshire Bank PLC
Are Fascist Bastards. The bank has now asked him to close his
account, and Mr. Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance, by
cheque, made out in his new name. (The Guardian)
Would the congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the
church labelled 'for the sick' is for monetary donations only.
(Churchtown Parish Magazine)
6.10pm: Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Bennett's estranged cousin,
Mr.Collins, writes to announce his imminent visit to Longbourne - the
house he will inherit on Mr.Bennett's death. Mrs. Bennett rallies
the residents to stop him setting up a minicab service. (Hampstead
and Highgate Express)
There must, for instance, be something very strange in a man who , if
left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on. (Glasgow
Evening News)
A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was
rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman
commented, "this sort of thing is all too common". (The Times)
At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard on
the spot and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied that he
was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help,
the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen
Evening Express)
Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience
with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each
week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she
recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the
crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they
spelt out Heil Hitler". (Bournemouth Evening Echo)
Commenting on a complaint from a Mr.Arthur Purdey about a large gas
bill, a spokesman for North West gas said "We agree it was rather
high for the time of year. It's possible Mr.Purdey has been charged
for the gas used up during the explosion that blew his house to
pieces." (Bangkok Post)
>From the BBC Newsquiz website:
Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole
salami in her knickers. When asked why, she said it was because she
was missing her Italian boyfriend. (Reuters via The Manchester
Evenings News)
Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van,
because they cannot issue a description. It's a special branch
vehicle, and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)
After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30 year old Michael
Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to Yorkshire Bank PLC
Are Fascist Bastards. The bank has now asked him to close his
account, and Mr. Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance, by
cheque, made out in his new name. (The Guardian)
Would the congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the
church labelled 'for the sick' is for monetary donations only.
(Churchtown Parish Magazine)
6.10pm: Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Bennett's estranged cousin,
Mr.Collins, writes to announce his imminent visit to Longbourne - the
house he will inherit on Mr.Bennett's death. Mrs. Bennett rallies
the residents to stop him setting up a minicab service. (Hampstead
and Highgate Express)
There must, for instance, be something very strange in a man who , if
left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn't try it on. (Glasgow
Evening News)
A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was
rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman
commented, "this sort of thing is all too common". (The Times)
Thanks for sharing! 
(Does he still have them? Don't know that, he's not on tv anymore over here....)
