As has been previously pointed out, once again the SoS instructions are very poorly worded. Here is a copy of the feedback I posted in the discussion thread.
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This isn't how it works -- the head on a pole thing only shows up when you meet a civ, or want to declare war with them. The "no" option on demands varies by the type of demand -- for example the no response on a demand for a tech is often "sorry we can't help, it's no rose garden here either". This might even vary based on who the other civ is.
From a rules perspective, it's a good thing we don't automatically declare war by saying no. If saying no implied a declaration of war, then the assembly would have to pass an inititative authorizing no responses.
Also you're missing the most important potential popup, which is to ask if we want open borders. While this is very remote (requires writing to be discovered I think) there should be an instruction for it.