The 7 Idiots of 2003

[WickedSmurf]

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ant are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention
that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your award, lady. Wear it with pride.

Number Two Idiot of 2003
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard
helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your award, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

Number Three Idiot of 2003
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown
Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup.
Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give
his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him
write the note and might call the police before he reached the
teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street
to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note
to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the street told him that she could not accept
his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit
slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's award. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

Number four Idiot of 2003
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this
time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Another award (though this guy might be onto something worth thinking about)!

Number Five Idiot of 2003
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21.
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he
got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a award!

Idiot Number Six of 2003
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't need a award, he probably figured it out himself.

Idiot Number Seven of 2003
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the
window. The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking
him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.

Oh, that smarts. Give him his award.

 

[luke ka boom]

As we all know, Michael Jackson has been accused of sexual harrasment. I think he should just forget plastic surgrey and just get a sex change so he'll at least look like a girl when he molests little boys in Neverland(or whatever it is).

 

[DS_Legionary]

Man, I've heard of idiots, but they take the cake.

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

I think that a couple of these guys could easily qualify for Darwin Awards.

 

[The Person]

And another award to me for viewing this thread. I laughed myself almost dead by reading this.

 

[Der PH]

Originally posted by SuperBeaverInc.
I think that a couple of these guys could easily qualify for Darwin Awards.

IIRC Darwin is only given to people who died or got impotent by their actions.

But these are great, too.
I especially liked the one with the handcuff-picture.
But all are hilarious.

 

[SuperBeaverInc.]

Originally posted by Der PH


IIRC Darwin is only given to people who died or got impotent by their actions.

But these are great, too.
I especially liked the one with the handcuff-picture.
But all are hilarious.

I was talking about either future Darwin Awards or Honorable Mentions.

 

[Zwelgje]

I've got a nomination of my own to make...

 

[philippe]

number five man what an idiot!

 

[Emp.Napoleon]

Lol were did you get all of this info?

 

[Amenhotep7]

Originally posted by Zwelgje
I've got a nomination of my own to make...

Is that pic real? Kinda looks doctored, but I've never seen a Coke can in an X-ray!

 

[Zwelgje]

Originally posted by Amenhotep7
Is that pic real? Kinda looks doctored, but I've never seen a Coke can in an X-ray!

It's real, trust me. It's from a scientific journal.
I've got some other pics to prove it but I don't know if I'm allowed to show them. I'll first ask the mods.

edit 2: I was told that I can't post the other pics, sorry.



edit 1:
I probably can put the text here, made some text bold to show the best parts.

Retained Foreign Body in a 14-Year-Old Boy
By P. Steenvoorde, J.P. Rovers, and R.A.E.M. Tollenaar
Lieden, The Netherlands

From the Department of Surgery, Leiden University Medical Centre,
Leidon, The Netherlands.
Address reprint requests to P. Steenvoorde, MD, MA, Leiden University
Medical Centre, Department of Surgery. Albinusdreef 2, Postbus
9600, 2300 RC Leiden, The Netherlands.
© 2003 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
0022-3468/03/3810-0027$30.00/0
doi:10.1016/S0022-3468(03)00516-5


The authors describe a 14-year-old boy who presented at the
emergency department after he deliberately inserted a soda
can in his rectum 48 hours before presentation. The authors
were able to remove the foreign body in the operating room
by squeezing and twisting the upper round of the empty
soda can, in this way changing the original cylinder shape
into a conus-shape. Retained foreign bodies in the rectum of
children are rare. The authors report our case and discuss the
relevant literature.
J Pediatr Surg 38:1554-1556. © 2003 Elsevier Inc. All rights
reserved.


NONTHERAPEUTIC INTRODUCTION of rectal
foreign bodies is not uncommon. In the past decades,
an increasing incidence in adults is noted.1-4 Most
patients are in their fourth or fifth decade of life. The age
ranges from 14 to 76 years.4-6 We describe the removal
of a self-inserted soda can from the rectum of a 14-yearold
boy.

CASE REPORT
A 14-year-old boy, of Asian origin, was admitted to our hospital
after he had inserted an empty soda can into his rectum 48 hours before
presentation at our emergency department. He was referred to us by the
family practitioner, where routine rectal examination for abdominal
pain found the soda can. He said never to have had a sexual relationship,
and this was the first time that he had inserted a foreign body in
his rectum. He called it his “experimental phase.” He denied any form
of sexual abuse. He complained of slight abdominal pain and rectal
blood loss (spotting). An upright plain abdominal ada (Fig 1) indicated
the size and position of the soda can without any signs of free
abdominal air. Original diameters of the can (15 mL) were 8.8 cm in
length and a maximal circumference of 16.6 cm. Abdominal examination
was normal. Rectal examination found no anal tone. The empty
soda can was felt about 3 to 5 cm from the anus; the opening of the can
could easily be felt (Fig 2). We tried to remove the can in the
emergency department, but because of spasm of the anal sphincter as
we moved the can and the appearance of a small fissure, it was decided
to remove it under general anesthesia. With the use of peritoneum
clamps, the upper round of the soda can (from the opening at the top to
the side of the can) was squeezed together and twisted. In this way the
original cylinder-shape of the foreign object was changed into a conus
shape (Fig 3). In this way, the smallest diameter had to pass the rectum
first, making it easier to remove the foreign object. After removal,
inspection found small mucosal lesions. Follow-up of 2 months showed
normal sphincter tone and no fecal incontinence.

DISCUSSION
Injury to the anus and rectum in children is uncommon,
most often caused by child abuse.7 Retained foreign
bodies in children reported in literature are mostly
from iatrogenic causes, like lost pieces of broken thermometers.
8,9 We could find only one other case of a
self-inserted retained foreign body in a child younger
than 16 years, in which a 14-year-old boy inserted a
vibrator in his rectum.4 In adults, retained foreign bodies
are mostly caused by self-administration for erotic purposes.
10,11 Retained foreign bodies are mostly found in
men.5,6,12 The list of objects used for rectal stimulation is
almost infinite. About half of the retained foreign bodies
are those that were designed originally for this purpose,
like rubber phalluses or vibrators. The other half includes
a variety of objects like fruit, vegetables, bottles, billiard
balls, light bulbs, paperweights, and screwdrivers.13
Roughly, there are 2 ways in which a patient with a
retained foreign body can present him or herself. The
first is the patient who is unable to extract the retained
foreign body and the second is the patient who present
with perforation of the rectosigmoid, which occurs in 3%
to 17% of hospital cases.1,5,6,12 The initial history of
foreign body insertion often is lacking, as in our case. In
a series of 30 patients, only 56% freely admitted the
self-administration of a foreign body in their rectum.
Embarrassment might play a dominant role.6
Most retained foreign bodies can be removed in the
emergency room1,3 using the gloved hand, tenaculum,
ring forceps, or snare,14 although others debate this.5
Various ingenious methods have been used, like plaster
of Paris, tubes, or delivery forceps.13 General anesthesia
has the advantage of lowering patient discomfort and
providing maximum anal sphincter dilation. The disadvantage
is loss of the ability of the Valsalva maneuver.11
If the object is too high for removal, bed rest also can be
tried, within 12 hours, the object usually passes to the
rectum, where it can be extracted easily.1 For large
foreign bodies, bimanual pressure on the anterior abdomen
should be used.12 Posterior sphincterotomy, or the
transphincteric approach, can be helpful in case of large
foreign objects.15 Enemas carry the risk of pushing the
foreign object up beyond reach; cathartics can cause
impaction of the foreign object, and, therefore, should
not be given.16 Sometimes removal through the anus is
not possible, necessitating an abdominal laparotomy in
10 to 19% of cases.5,6 A retained foreign body without
signs of perforation can be treated by means of a colotomy.
17 If a perforation has occurred, some advise to
close the site of perforation, to prevent further peritoneal
contamination2 followed by a sigmoid colostomy and
peritoneal irrigation. Although, the safe creation of a
primary anastomosis in a contaminated region has been
reported.18
Psychiatric help or sex therapy has been suggested in
case of retained foreign body,19 but in a large series of 30
patients, none of the patients wanted any such counseling.
6 The maximal circumference of a foreign body that
has been removed through the intact anus in an adult is
22 cm.20 In our case, the maximal circumference, before
manipulation, was 16.6 cm. We were able to manipulate
the circumference of the upper side of the can, making a
conus shape from the original cylinder shape. To do this,
half of the top of the can—from the opening to the
side—was squeezed together and then twisted. A conus
shape can pass the anus easier because of the gentle
dilatation it performs on the anus compared with a
cylinder shape. If the upper cylinder is not properly
squeezed and twisted, chances are that the soda can will
tear in the middle part. There is a risk that this will lead
to perforation of the rectum. We encountered tearing of
the can also; a retractor could prevent perforation of the
rectum in our case.
We described a rare case of a retained foreign body in
a 14 year-old child, necessitating removal under general
anesthesia by means of changing the original shape of
the foreign body. This method seems to be a good way
for removing an empty soda can from the rectum.

 

[onejayhawk]

Originally posted by Der PH
IIRC Darwin is only given to people who died or got impotent by their actions.

No. That is just usually the case. Its not a rerquirement. I recall one guy managed to strand himself on a frozen lake in the middle of a Minnesotta winter, by sinking his brand new Jeep in the middle of the aforementioned lake. He had not yet made any payments on the Jeep.

J