senwiz
Prince
I sat on my throne, listening to the chatter around me. The gravity of this room was lost on all but me. Such is the weight of my office. The room is full of memories from the Pharaohs from years gone by. All the greats have things here: Cleopatra, Tutankhamun, Ramesses. I am but another in the long line Kings destined by Ra to hold the reigns of power. But, I couldn’t follow that many people speaking at once. The noise of voices, the clattering of ceremonial swords, sandals shuffling across the floor. The din was deafening and enough to drive an Emperor sane.
I interrupted, “Ok, someone explain this to me, because I’m not getting it. You say that the Japanese have declared war on us? Toku must have lost his mind to think he can beat us.”
General Misgiving said in a condescending tone,” Yes, Emperor Senwiz. We are trying to determine the best course of the war, sir. You see Emperor Tokugawa’s forces have Catapults, Machine Guns, and Caravels. There are even reports of deadly archers, sir. We are concerned for the nation’s safety.”
“Caravels!” I screamed. “You must be joking. How does Toku plan on getting his wooden toys here, log rafts, for crying out loud? Oh, we are in SUCH danger, General. Quickly, someone get my Gunship, and find some place to hide me. Does anyone know if an arrow can hit a plane at 30,000 ft?” I quipped, my eyes rolling around in my head.
There were various snickers and guffaws from around the room, as the sarcasm did not go unnoticed, by most.
“Well, we’re not sure of any of that, sir. But, we’re most concerned that our T-1020 can not handle that kind of onslaught.” the General said gravely.
I said, “You have got to be kidding me. At least, you had better be. This country does not spend millions of gold per year on the military so you can lose the first time you come up against a couple of archers, for Buddha’s sake. Look, General …If that is your real title, here is your battle plan. Ta-”
“Sir, with all do respect, you don’t know war like I do. I went to the military academy, sir. My credentials for this are well proven, and frankly, sir, you haven’t been in office but a few centuries”, the General interrupted.
“General, interrupt me again and I will have your head. Understood?”, I screamed.
“Ummm…Yes, sir. Sorry, sir”, the General whined.
“Good. First of all, lose the tone or your head. I am Emperor of Egypt, not you. Secondly, I am well versed as to your credentials, or lack there of, General. Your war game scores from last year were less than stellar, General. With that in mind, your battle plan is thus: Send Task Force 1 to the continent, to soften up a landing spot. Then, take 3 transports, fill them with your new war toys, and head to the Japanese continent. Send a 4th with several groups of Marines to mop up. Once you get there, blow everything up on that rock, and bring me Toku’s head. Is that understood, General?” I said.
“Sir, yes, sir.” said the General. He turned to his aid. “Mini, tell the Builder dude we need some Battleships and Destroyers now. We’ll need to start them towards Japan in the next few days or so.”
“The Builder dude??” I screamed. “General, just how big of an idiot are you? Mini, what is your rank? Who is this, builder dude that I have never heard of? And WHY DO I HAVE AN ARMY WITH TRANSPORTS AND NO PROTECTION? And General, I want that task force moving today, not tomorrow or next week, got me?”
“Sir, my name is Colonel Malcolm Minibird. The individual that the General is referring to does not exist, but I’ll have the ships built, sir. I believe they are, in fact, already built and stationed around the country, but that will require verification, sir. As for why we have an Army and no way to get them anywhere safely… Well, sir…The General would have to explain that, sir.” “Aid, get me the Domestic Minister now, I have something to beg for.”
I sighed at that thought. “General, explain. And understand it had BETTER be good. Colonel, you are dismissed. Please get back to me with the status of the military, the whole military, ASAP. I am going to look over everything, with a fine tooth comb now, General. I want the accounting books to the Royal Accountants in the next 20 minutes. They will tell me what the hell you have been spending money on, General. Because I know, at some point, that I ordered the production of enough transports to get this party started, and a Battle Group to defend them, and this country. I do not intend on losing my throne, because of one incompetent General, who wouldn’t know an Archer from a hole in the ground. Do I make myself VERY clear here, gentlemen?”
The Colonel walked out, with two aids in tow, one muttering, “About time the General got called on the carpet for being an idiot.”
“I’m waiting, General. And I hate waiting.”
“Well, sir. We have had a limited budget for years, sir. Some of those boats the Colonel is referring to have fallen out of maintenance, sir. We always assumed that an attack would come to us, not us to them. We didn’t think we needed modern transports, sir”, the General said.
“First of all, what limited budget are you referring to General?? Just what are you doing with more than half the gross national product, General? Playing golf? Why, if the attack is coming to us, do we not have a NAVY to deal with the problem BEFORE it gets to our shore, General? Maintenance, and creation, of the Navy has always been my PRIME DIRECTIVE, General. Do you like the thought of having a foreign military at my doorstep, ruining my lands, and taking over my cities, while you get your act together, GENERAL?” I motioned to a guard. “Come here, please private.” I beckoned.
The surprised private moved to the bottom stair of dais, as directed.
“Well, sir. We never thought of it that way, sir. No, that doesn’t make any real sense, when you put it that way, sir”, said the General.
“We? Just whom is we, General”, I asked.
“Umm…Well…” the General whined.
I got up from my throne, walked calmly down the stairs. When I reached the private, I pulled his ceremonial sword.
“General, this sword was made to protect me from people like you. People, who could not carry a thought with them if I HANDED TO THEM IN A PAPERBAG. General, you’re fired.” With that, I cut off his head.
“Well, that’s one less idiot at the shallow end of the gene pool. Where is the Foreign Minister? Foreign Minister!” I beckoned.
Wide eyed and frightened, Foreign Minister Zero approached. “Here, sir.”
“Joe, my friend, please inform the good Colonel that he has been promoted to the rank of General of the Army. Oh, and have the servants come in and clean up this mess.” I handed the private back his sword.
“Oh, yes, sir. Will there be anything else, sir?”
“No, that will be all. Thanks, Joe.”
There was scrambling a moment later, as the cleaning crew came in and cleaned up the body and replaced the red carpet. I nodded approvingly.
I looked around for a moment and asked, “Is there anything else this morning, people?”
Domestic Minister Denise Shurpa spoke,” Well, sir. I hazard to bring this up. But, we are having some issues with happiness in a couple of cities. I am investigating, but initial reports state that some of the slaves are uprising, sir. Apparently, slavery doesn’t appeal to them, sir. I’ll have it under control shortly.”
“Well, the first spot of good news today. Thank you, Denise. Have those cities with unhappy citizens build me some ships, if in fact they don’t exist already. And more tanks, if do. Please have the Whip Masters make sure they are built…quickly, if you take my meaning.”
Snickering, with an evil look in her eyes, she stated gleefully, “Oh, yes, sir. I’ll handle it personally. Would you like the constructions video taped, sir? I could have them sent in for tonight’s entertainment.”
“Of course, that would be lovely, Denise. Thank you. A little dinner time entertainment, I think.”
Next day, Royal Court Room
DM Shurpa reports, “Well, sir. I hope you enjoyed last night’s entertainment. As you can tell, we now have a very formidable Armada armed and heading to the Japanese coast. I can say no more, but I’m sure the Foreign Minister can enlighten you, since the General seems to be indisposed this morning.”
General Minibird strolled in the door, saying, “Actually, Ms. Shurpa. I can do that. Sorry for my lateness, your Highness. First of all, let me thank you for my appointment. I’ll not let you down, sir. Now, the Armada is being handled by Admiral Knowitall. Knowitall is a good officer, with a keen eye for tactics. The ground invasion will be handled by General Malcontent. He knows how to take city, with or without rubble. He says that’s your choice, sir. He stated that you would get a kick out of that. The Armada left yesterday, steaming South with all possible speed. Knowitall stated that he can get anywhere in the world in 24 hours. He gave the estimated time of arrival as last Wednesday, sir.”
Snickering went around the room, knowing my answer. So, I surprised them.
“The General does know me well, doesn’t he? And I like the Admiral’s sense of urgency. Tell the General that he has my permission to beat the citizens of Japan into submission, post haste, using any means he deems necessary. FM Zero, send this message to Toku: Toku, all of your citizens are mine, lock, stock, and barrel. Surrender now or your head will become a trophy on my wall. Oh, General Minibird. Please tell Malcontent, that when Toku is killed, I want his head. The rest of him is to be chopped into pieces, with each piece buried in a separate location on the continent with a marker reading: This is what happens to people who defy me, signed your NEW Emperor.”
Meanwhile on the deck of the Battleship Mage, Command ship of the 1st Fleet, making best speed for the Japanese homeland
Admiral Knowitall approaches General Malcontent.
“General, we are approaching the coastline now. The LSTs have broken off from the main force and are landing tanks, as we speak. The Sprungaleak will be hanging around the area, in case you want to watch the landing. I’ll be taking the rest of the force and heading towards Edo, to begin the bombardment of the coastline defenses.”
“Good, good, John. Yeah, I’ll transfer over there now. I would rather be with the troops, you know? I think we have this under control here, so if you can pound on Edo for awhile for us, that would be good.”
“Of course we can, Frank. By the time you get there, the city will rip for the picking”, he snickered.
A seaman approaches. “Sir, I have a TS1 message from HQ.” He hands the communiqué to the Admiral, salutes and leaves.
“Well, well. The Emperor has sent a message to us both. “Good Luck and happy hunting to you both. Oh, and bring me the head of Toku, gentlemen. I want to hang it on my wall.” It seems the Emperor is slightly angered, General. I think your directions in this are clear. Demolish the Japanese Empire.”
“I’ll take him his head. And take that twit Misgiving his middle finger, and mine”, the General quipped.
“Oh, haven’t you heard? General Misgiving lost his head yesterday. Apparently, his tone with the Emperor was not well taken. Minibird is in charge now. I thought that message would have been given to you first. I am sorry for not ensuring that”, the Admiral said.
“Minibird? Finally, a man I can stand behind. Misgiving was an idiot. I’ll inform the troops immediately. That should energize them a bit. Thanks for letting me know.” With that the General headed for the waiting motor launch to take him to the Destroyer that would be his home during the invasion of Japan.
As the weeks went by, reports filtered in about the war with Japan. All reports were good; the military was living up to its exorbitant cost of production and upkeep. Oh, there were usual requests for force additions, maintenance parts, and the like. I ordered all requests fulfilled post haste, and waited for the outcome. At least, I wasn’t bored. The normal day to day operations taking care of any thoughts of micromanaging the war.
One day, General Minibird ran in, interrupting a meeting with the Science Minister. We were talking about some sort of rocket, that carried a new payload that would light up the world, not just Japan.
Science Advisor Forevermore, stated “Well, sir. Our scientists have named it the atom bomb, after the reaction that takes place at the very core of th-“
“Sir!! Sir!! My apologies for interrupting Chuck, but I have great news. The war is over, sir. Japan no longer exists”, said Minibird.
“Excellent news, General. Wait, no longer exists? So, then the Japanese flag flies over nothing then?”
“No, sir. It will fly over nothing but the graves of the dead, sir.”
“How faired our forces? I assuming that total loses will be huge and make the populace very angry. Making them happy again should take awhile, I would think.”, I said.
“Actually, sir. We lost 5 divisions of tanks in the first landing. The rest of the losses have been stated as being minor. In all, we lost a total of 14 divisions out of the total invasion force of 25.”
“Minor??? General, did you just hear yourself? 14 out of 25 is over half. My God, man. I would, hardly, call that minor. Ok, ok. What of the other 11 divisions?”
“Well, sir. Loses were expected, but they were expected to be higher than that, sir.”
“Ok, so where are the forces now?”
“Heading home, sir. We’ll be transferring back 5 tank divisions and 3 transports, along with the rest of the Task Force. There are 6 tank divisions remaining on the mainland, with the Marines, to ensure that the populace is made…happy, sir. I am told that the Emperor Tokugawa’s head is in the possession of the General, who wishes to present it to you, personally, sir.”
“Not a bad day’s work, people. I think we should choose the next target for our little task force. I would like to send that prick, Asoka, back to the stone ages as well. General, please make preparations for an invasion of India. They have a few things I want, and they aren’t giving them up. Foreign Minister, get Asoka on the phone please. I have a few demands to make. Shurpa, please have the factories turn out 3 more transports, and fill them with tanks.”
I interrupted, “Ok, someone explain this to me, because I’m not getting it. You say that the Japanese have declared war on us? Toku must have lost his mind to think he can beat us.”
General Misgiving said in a condescending tone,” Yes, Emperor Senwiz. We are trying to determine the best course of the war, sir. You see Emperor Tokugawa’s forces have Catapults, Machine Guns, and Caravels. There are even reports of deadly archers, sir. We are concerned for the nation’s safety.”
“Caravels!” I screamed. “You must be joking. How does Toku plan on getting his wooden toys here, log rafts, for crying out loud? Oh, we are in SUCH danger, General. Quickly, someone get my Gunship, and find some place to hide me. Does anyone know if an arrow can hit a plane at 30,000 ft?” I quipped, my eyes rolling around in my head.
There were various snickers and guffaws from around the room, as the sarcasm did not go unnoticed, by most.
“Well, we’re not sure of any of that, sir. But, we’re most concerned that our T-1020 can not handle that kind of onslaught.” the General said gravely.
I said, “You have got to be kidding me. At least, you had better be. This country does not spend millions of gold per year on the military so you can lose the first time you come up against a couple of archers, for Buddha’s sake. Look, General …If that is your real title, here is your battle plan. Ta-”
“Sir, with all do respect, you don’t know war like I do. I went to the military academy, sir. My credentials for this are well proven, and frankly, sir, you haven’t been in office but a few centuries”, the General interrupted.
“General, interrupt me again and I will have your head. Understood?”, I screamed.
“Ummm…Yes, sir. Sorry, sir”, the General whined.
“Good. First of all, lose the tone or your head. I am Emperor of Egypt, not you. Secondly, I am well versed as to your credentials, or lack there of, General. Your war game scores from last year were less than stellar, General. With that in mind, your battle plan is thus: Send Task Force 1 to the continent, to soften up a landing spot. Then, take 3 transports, fill them with your new war toys, and head to the Japanese continent. Send a 4th with several groups of Marines to mop up. Once you get there, blow everything up on that rock, and bring me Toku’s head. Is that understood, General?” I said.
“Sir, yes, sir.” said the General. He turned to his aid. “Mini, tell the Builder dude we need some Battleships and Destroyers now. We’ll need to start them towards Japan in the next few days or so.”
“The Builder dude??” I screamed. “General, just how big of an idiot are you? Mini, what is your rank? Who is this, builder dude that I have never heard of? And WHY DO I HAVE AN ARMY WITH TRANSPORTS AND NO PROTECTION? And General, I want that task force moving today, not tomorrow or next week, got me?”
“Sir, my name is Colonel Malcolm Minibird. The individual that the General is referring to does not exist, but I’ll have the ships built, sir. I believe they are, in fact, already built and stationed around the country, but that will require verification, sir. As for why we have an Army and no way to get them anywhere safely… Well, sir…The General would have to explain that, sir.” “Aid, get me the Domestic Minister now, I have something to beg for.”
I sighed at that thought. “General, explain. And understand it had BETTER be good. Colonel, you are dismissed. Please get back to me with the status of the military, the whole military, ASAP. I am going to look over everything, with a fine tooth comb now, General. I want the accounting books to the Royal Accountants in the next 20 minutes. They will tell me what the hell you have been spending money on, General. Because I know, at some point, that I ordered the production of enough transports to get this party started, and a Battle Group to defend them, and this country. I do not intend on losing my throne, because of one incompetent General, who wouldn’t know an Archer from a hole in the ground. Do I make myself VERY clear here, gentlemen?”
The Colonel walked out, with two aids in tow, one muttering, “About time the General got called on the carpet for being an idiot.”
“I’m waiting, General. And I hate waiting.”
“Well, sir. We have had a limited budget for years, sir. Some of those boats the Colonel is referring to have fallen out of maintenance, sir. We always assumed that an attack would come to us, not us to them. We didn’t think we needed modern transports, sir”, the General said.
“First of all, what limited budget are you referring to General?? Just what are you doing with more than half the gross national product, General? Playing golf? Why, if the attack is coming to us, do we not have a NAVY to deal with the problem BEFORE it gets to our shore, General? Maintenance, and creation, of the Navy has always been my PRIME DIRECTIVE, General. Do you like the thought of having a foreign military at my doorstep, ruining my lands, and taking over my cities, while you get your act together, GENERAL?” I motioned to a guard. “Come here, please private.” I beckoned.
The surprised private moved to the bottom stair of dais, as directed.
“Well, sir. We never thought of it that way, sir. No, that doesn’t make any real sense, when you put it that way, sir”, said the General.
“We? Just whom is we, General”, I asked.
“Umm…Well…” the General whined.
I got up from my throne, walked calmly down the stairs. When I reached the private, I pulled his ceremonial sword.
“General, this sword was made to protect me from people like you. People, who could not carry a thought with them if I HANDED TO THEM IN A PAPERBAG. General, you’re fired.” With that, I cut off his head.
“Well, that’s one less idiot at the shallow end of the gene pool. Where is the Foreign Minister? Foreign Minister!” I beckoned.
Wide eyed and frightened, Foreign Minister Zero approached. “Here, sir.”
“Joe, my friend, please inform the good Colonel that he has been promoted to the rank of General of the Army. Oh, and have the servants come in and clean up this mess.” I handed the private back his sword.
“Oh, yes, sir. Will there be anything else, sir?”
“No, that will be all. Thanks, Joe.”
There was scrambling a moment later, as the cleaning crew came in and cleaned up the body and replaced the red carpet. I nodded approvingly.
I looked around for a moment and asked, “Is there anything else this morning, people?”
Domestic Minister Denise Shurpa spoke,” Well, sir. I hazard to bring this up. But, we are having some issues with happiness in a couple of cities. I am investigating, but initial reports state that some of the slaves are uprising, sir. Apparently, slavery doesn’t appeal to them, sir. I’ll have it under control shortly.”
“Well, the first spot of good news today. Thank you, Denise. Have those cities with unhappy citizens build me some ships, if in fact they don’t exist already. And more tanks, if do. Please have the Whip Masters make sure they are built…quickly, if you take my meaning.”
Snickering, with an evil look in her eyes, she stated gleefully, “Oh, yes, sir. I’ll handle it personally. Would you like the constructions video taped, sir? I could have them sent in for tonight’s entertainment.”
“Of course, that would be lovely, Denise. Thank you. A little dinner time entertainment, I think.”
Next day, Royal Court Room
DM Shurpa reports, “Well, sir. I hope you enjoyed last night’s entertainment. As you can tell, we now have a very formidable Armada armed and heading to the Japanese coast. I can say no more, but I’m sure the Foreign Minister can enlighten you, since the General seems to be indisposed this morning.”
General Minibird strolled in the door, saying, “Actually, Ms. Shurpa. I can do that. Sorry for my lateness, your Highness. First of all, let me thank you for my appointment. I’ll not let you down, sir. Now, the Armada is being handled by Admiral Knowitall. Knowitall is a good officer, with a keen eye for tactics. The ground invasion will be handled by General Malcontent. He knows how to take city, with or without rubble. He says that’s your choice, sir. He stated that you would get a kick out of that. The Armada left yesterday, steaming South with all possible speed. Knowitall stated that he can get anywhere in the world in 24 hours. He gave the estimated time of arrival as last Wednesday, sir.”
Snickering went around the room, knowing my answer. So, I surprised them.
“The General does know me well, doesn’t he? And I like the Admiral’s sense of urgency. Tell the General that he has my permission to beat the citizens of Japan into submission, post haste, using any means he deems necessary. FM Zero, send this message to Toku: Toku, all of your citizens are mine, lock, stock, and barrel. Surrender now or your head will become a trophy on my wall. Oh, General Minibird. Please tell Malcontent, that when Toku is killed, I want his head. The rest of him is to be chopped into pieces, with each piece buried in a separate location on the continent with a marker reading: This is what happens to people who defy me, signed your NEW Emperor.”
Meanwhile on the deck of the Battleship Mage, Command ship of the 1st Fleet, making best speed for the Japanese homeland
Admiral Knowitall approaches General Malcontent.
“General, we are approaching the coastline now. The LSTs have broken off from the main force and are landing tanks, as we speak. The Sprungaleak will be hanging around the area, in case you want to watch the landing. I’ll be taking the rest of the force and heading towards Edo, to begin the bombardment of the coastline defenses.”
“Good, good, John. Yeah, I’ll transfer over there now. I would rather be with the troops, you know? I think we have this under control here, so if you can pound on Edo for awhile for us, that would be good.”
“Of course we can, Frank. By the time you get there, the city will rip for the picking”, he snickered.
A seaman approaches. “Sir, I have a TS1 message from HQ.” He hands the communiqué to the Admiral, salutes and leaves.
“Well, well. The Emperor has sent a message to us both. “Good Luck and happy hunting to you both. Oh, and bring me the head of Toku, gentlemen. I want to hang it on my wall.” It seems the Emperor is slightly angered, General. I think your directions in this are clear. Demolish the Japanese Empire.”
“I’ll take him his head. And take that twit Misgiving his middle finger, and mine”, the General quipped.
“Oh, haven’t you heard? General Misgiving lost his head yesterday. Apparently, his tone with the Emperor was not well taken. Minibird is in charge now. I thought that message would have been given to you first. I am sorry for not ensuring that”, the Admiral said.
“Minibird? Finally, a man I can stand behind. Misgiving was an idiot. I’ll inform the troops immediately. That should energize them a bit. Thanks for letting me know.” With that the General headed for the waiting motor launch to take him to the Destroyer that would be his home during the invasion of Japan.
As the weeks went by, reports filtered in about the war with Japan. All reports were good; the military was living up to its exorbitant cost of production and upkeep. Oh, there were usual requests for force additions, maintenance parts, and the like. I ordered all requests fulfilled post haste, and waited for the outcome. At least, I wasn’t bored. The normal day to day operations taking care of any thoughts of micromanaging the war.
One day, General Minibird ran in, interrupting a meeting with the Science Minister. We were talking about some sort of rocket, that carried a new payload that would light up the world, not just Japan.
Science Advisor Forevermore, stated “Well, sir. Our scientists have named it the atom bomb, after the reaction that takes place at the very core of th-“
“Sir!! Sir!! My apologies for interrupting Chuck, but I have great news. The war is over, sir. Japan no longer exists”, said Minibird.
“Excellent news, General. Wait, no longer exists? So, then the Japanese flag flies over nothing then?”
“No, sir. It will fly over nothing but the graves of the dead, sir.”
“How faired our forces? I assuming that total loses will be huge and make the populace very angry. Making them happy again should take awhile, I would think.”, I said.
“Actually, sir. We lost 5 divisions of tanks in the first landing. The rest of the losses have been stated as being minor. In all, we lost a total of 14 divisions out of the total invasion force of 25.”
“Minor??? General, did you just hear yourself? 14 out of 25 is over half. My God, man. I would, hardly, call that minor. Ok, ok. What of the other 11 divisions?”
“Well, sir. Loses were expected, but they were expected to be higher than that, sir.”
“Ok, so where are the forces now?”
“Heading home, sir. We’ll be transferring back 5 tank divisions and 3 transports, along with the rest of the Task Force. There are 6 tank divisions remaining on the mainland, with the Marines, to ensure that the populace is made…happy, sir. I am told that the Emperor Tokugawa’s head is in the possession of the General, who wishes to present it to you, personally, sir.”
“Not a bad day’s work, people. I think we should choose the next target for our little task force. I would like to send that prick, Asoka, back to the stone ages as well. General, please make preparations for an invasion of India. They have a few things I want, and they aren’t giving them up. Foreign Minister, get Asoka on the phone please. I have a few demands to make. Shurpa, please have the factories turn out 3 more transports, and fill them with tanks.”
with above.
Great story
