[RD] Happy International Men's Day!

[Narz]

*checks body*
No man boobs and whatever belly is there is due to me being lazy (and the fact I'm probably going to eat 3/4 a pizza tonight).

Think you may be a bit off there, mate.

One or two is fine, anyone who drinks 10+ a day is gonna develop serious problems

 

[Narz]

Sorry if I misread your post, I've been juggling two threads at the same time. If I'm interperating it correctly, it seems that it all funnels down to being told to "man up" does not help in any situation. The only time I've been told to "man up" was deep in my depression when I was told "just man up and be happy". Never thought of it as being a man's issue, but only thought of it as someone being insensitive to my mental condition.

(I had to retype my reply since apparently the forum bugged out and only posted me quoting you)

Its a fine balance between pushing yourself and accepting yourself.

Telling dudes to toughen up w/o any moral support is rarely gonna be effective

 

[Narz]

I wish every man had the right to be gentle and emotional and seek out a hug if he needs one without being afraid of the social stigma.

It will never be the same as a woman wanting a hug. A lonely dude wanting a hug is the least likely to get it. Cause wanting a hug is all mixed up w wanting sex and wanting the comfort of a woman's arms and when you need something that primal its very hard to get. When you don't need it you project confidence and it's much easier to get. Part of the dilemma of manhood

 

[Zardnaar]

One of my most memorable life experiences happened on January 1st, 2000, at about 12:10am. We were celebrating New Years Eve at my friend's house in Toronto, and after the countdown and fanfare took the elevator down to street level and walked around.

Technically this wasn't the start of the new millenium, but everybody was celebrating it as though it was. There was an especially festive and optimistic feeling in the air, there were groups of people walking around still celebrating, yelling, wooing, and many people on many balconies on many tall apartment buildings doing the same.. and it was just a bit surreal, really, with us also being a bit intoxicated.

I forget exactly how this went down, but somehow I just started running straight at this random guy who I saw walking nearby, with my arms outstretched. Some stranger who was also there with his group of friends, and we just started running at each other with our arms outstretched, we were yelling incoherently, and then we just came together in a big hug, we embraced each other, and spun in a circle. And then 5 or 10 seconds let go and just continued running and ended up with our proper groups of friends again.

So yeah, that was kind of weird, because I think usually if I did that it wouldn't really have worked out this way. But it was just that kind of night, and that was the best spontaneous hug I ever participated in. There was zero judgement, zero stigma, zero anything negative, it was just two random humans coming together in an embrace to celebrate the coming of the new millenium.

I remember that night. Got a bit more than a hug though. Friend came up to me and told me her friend wanted erm some company.

Dated for a bit didn't work out.

 

[Zardnaar]

Its a fine balance between pushing yourself and accepting yourself.

Telling dudes to toughen up w/o any moral support is rarely gonna be effective

Apparently not allowed to say to kids here to "man up" anymore.

Adults have some funny ideas because the kids themselves know a few things they're not supposed to.

 

[Ajidica]

One or two is fine, anyone who drinks 10+ a day is gonna develop serious problems

I mean, duh.

At minimum a beer is ~100 calories, so 10+ a day is going to comprise half of your daily recommended calories at minimum.
Having a piece of chocolate is fine, eating ten bars a day is bad for you.

 

[Zardnaar]

I mean, duh.

At minimum a beer is ~100 calories, so 10+ a day is going to comprise half of your daily recommended calories at minimum.
Having a piece of chocolate is fine, eating ten bars a day is bad for you.

Would take me a week or so to drink 10 beers unless it's a binge night.

 

[red_elk]

When boys are told things like that it will make a huge impression on them, and they'll grow up into people who do not seek help when they face sexual assault or violence (from any gender). That's why I'm fiercely against gender roles of any kind in our society. Many of them seem harmless, but I disagree. The longer we stick to these outdated gender roles, the more we'll continue having problems in society that don't have to exist. Abolishing gender roles will help both men, women, and those who do not self-identify as either.

IMO some of the gender roles are ok, as long as people enjoy them and they are not enforced. Things like giving flowers to a woman, wearing man/woman clothes or helping the weak, like you mentioned, are harmless and don't necessarily have to be abolished. The world where all genders look and behave identically, wouldn't be very fun to live.

 

[Bugfatty300]

I mean, duh.

At minimum a beer is ~100 calories, so 10+ a day is going to comprise half of your daily recommended calories at minimum.
Having a piece of chocolate is fine, eating ten bars a day is bad for you.

You got to balance it out. Drink all you want but spend the other half the week on uppers. Burn off the excess booze calories and get the house cleaned up.

 

[Cloud_Strife]

You got to balance it out. Drink all you want but spend the other half the week on uppers. Burn off the excess booze calories and get the house cleaned up.

Nice, I just run In a circle for an hour after eating a cake or having a beer

 

[Bugfatty300]

Nice, I just run In a circle for an hour after eating a cake or having a beer

If you run you'll only die tired... peacefully in your bed... many decades from now.

But you really do burn almost as much calories sitting as you do running.

 

[Patine]

Men are their own worst enemies ultimately.

More @Cloud_Strife absolutist, demographic thinking. There are no individual people in this world to you, with individual beliefs, lifestyles, struggles, accomplishments, and situations - to you, we are all just members of our respective demographics - like generic templates or cardboard cut-outs - true literary one-dimensional characters - and only judged simply and absolutely as such. In their day, the Nazis thought by exactly the same method, at least, in judging people.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I’ve been told, mainly from SJW circles, that belonging to the male gender means that I’m part of the oppressor class (which I strongly disagree with), that I should feel guilt not only because I’m a male, but because I’m white and straight. And because I’m a white straight male, that my options are to be invalidated and not taken into consideration. Even my feelings are to be invalidated because I’m a male. For me, it makes me feel alienated.

Personally, I do not like the current associated negative stereotypes attributed to males. One comes to mind is being assumed that I’m a sexist mysogonist pig for liking a picture of an attractive woman (or a fan art of a female character I like), or play a video game that features an attractive woman. This gives me the general impression that not only feminist hate men, but are prudish sex negative bunch.

There are many degrees of feminism. I consider myself one, but it's incorrect to say I (or even most feminists, in my opinion) hate men. I may hate certain kinds of men, or individual men, but not men in general. As I've said before, I've spent 15 years on this forum, that is mostly populated by men. If I hated men, how could I have lasted this long here? Why would I stay? Would I not have sought out the all-female forums and retreated to talk about husbands, babies, recipes, and soap operas? (been to a couple of those sites and they are horribly shallow, BORING places where not much discussion happens that's actually of interest to me)

The only female OT poster who actually has expressed a lot of general negativity about men isn't part of this thread. If she were to come and post such things, I would expect pushback, since that kind of negativity would not be in keeping with the OP and the fact that this is a Red Diamond thread. And it's rude anyway.

I honestly find it that women have it easier in terms of getting dates and not being a scapegoat in the current culture war. Where as men have to face rejection or at worse rape allegations and end up being scapegoated.

Have you talked to any women about this? You might be surprised at the answers.

I think there needs to be a conversation around toxic masculinity (which was originally coined by a male to describe acts of masculinity that harmed the man or others around him) and what is and isn't "manly". You're not any less of a man if you don't enjoy sports or drink beer or exercise or like pink or aren't strong, etc.

Human males used to wear really flashy, colorful clothes as a matter of course, while the women were expected to dress more modestly. And yes, the men wore pink. That was long before it was considered a "girl's color."

This mimics nature, particularly birds. The flashiest, most colorful birds are the males, in most species. With penguins, you have to guess in a lot of cases since the colors are identical, but generally the males might be slightly taller. Maybe. You can't even tell for sure by watching to see which half of the couple is looking after the chick, because parenting is a 50/50 thing with penguins, and some couples are same-sex and are raising an abandoned or stolen chick.

I also don't get that watching sports is manly . The only sport I was remotely interested in was ping-pong

I still can't figure out why that's an official Olympic sport but ballroom dancing isn't. You have to be in very good physical condition to do ballroom dancing at the professional competitive level.

It will never be the same as a woman wanting a hug. A lonely dude wanting a hug is the least likely to get it. Cause wanting a hug is all mixed up w wanting sex and wanting the comfort of a woman's arms and when you need something that primal its very hard to get. When you don't need it you project confidence and it's much easier to get. Part of the dilemma of manhood

I'm reminded of a couple of guys I knew who were regulars at the science fiction conventions I went to back in the '80s and '90s. One of them was a really nice guy named Steve Forty (yes, his real name), but his nickname was "Huggable Steve". He enjoyed hugging people, but he never automatically assumed he had permission. He always asked first, and he was very good at hugging and cheering people up.

Contrast that to a different guy who I've mentioned a time or two here - who went around giving women backrubs - without asking permission. He just acted like he was entitled to do it, and wouldn't leave me alone (he'd do this anywhere - in the consuite, in a panel room, on the mezzanine) until I yelled at him in front of everyone, in a crowded hallway, to STOP, I'd already told him twice not to do that, and I really didn't want him to touch me. He tried arguing that "nobody else minds" and didn't get that that's not the point. It's a good thing for him that he did stop; my next step would have been con security and he'd have been thrown out of the convention.

IMO some of the gender roles are ok, as long as people enjoy them and they are not enforced. Things like giving flowers to a woman, wearing man/woman clothes or helping the weak, like you mentioned, are harmless and don't necessarily have to be abolished. The world where all genders look and behave identically, wouldn't be very fun to live.

Agreed up to a point. Don't assume everyone wants flowers. Some people have allergies, so before buying or sending flowers, try to find out if the intended recipient has any allergies. It's not fun having to refuse or discard a gift that would literally make a person sick (I try to be gracious about it when given treats that have nuts in them, or scented stuff - they're quietly disposed of in some way... my dad didn't mind getting the Peanut Buster Parfait one of my typing clients gave me as a tip, and the scented candle I got from my boyfriend was never taken out of the wrapper - it's pretty to look at, but I don't dare breathe around it).

 

[warpus]

IMO some of the gender roles are ok, as long as people enjoy them and they are not enforced. Things like giving flowers to a woman, wearing man/woman clothes or helping the weak, like you mentioned, are harmless and don't necessarily have to be abolished. The world where all genders look and behave identically, wouldn't be very fun to live.

I also do not think that any of this should be enforced. I am just saying that I think that our society should move forward to a place where eventually these things don't matter.

Personally I feel that clothing should be up to each individual. If a man wants to wear a dress, I don't think we should try to pressure him to wear pants instead. And right now what would happen is people probably making fun of him, because they have been conditioned to think that only women wear dresses. But hey, at some point in the 1950s (or earlier?) only men wore pants, and women never did. Now women wear pants and nobody thinks it's weird.. Why do we need any gender-specific clothing? It's not a super important thing to abolish, I agree about that, but surely slowly over time these ideas about who can wear what will continue to go away. The main point here to me is that each individual should feel free to wear whatever they want (within reason).

I don't think that "everybody should behave identically", I think that each individual should embrace their own ideas about what they want to wear and how they want to look - not based on gender at all.

I am not against women getting flowers. If somebody likes flowers buy all means by them flowers! I bet there's also men out there who like flowers and don't mind getting them as a gift.

 

[AdamCrock]

I also do not think that any of this should be enforced. I am just saying that I think that our society should move forward to a place where eventually these things don't matter.

Personally I feel that clothing should be up to each individual. If a man wants to wear a dress, I don't think we should try to pressure him to wear pants instead. And right now what would happen is people probably making fun of him, because they have been conditioned to think that only women wear dresses. But hey, at some point in the 1950s (or earlier?) only men wore pants, and women never did. Now women wear pants and nobody thinks it's weird.. Why do we need any gender-specific clothing? It's not a super important thing to abolish, I agree about that, but surely slowly over time these ideas about who can wear what will continue to go away. The main point here to me is that each individual should feel free to wear whatever they want (within reason).

I don't think that "everybody should behave identically", I think that each individual should embrace their own ideas about what they want to wear and how they want to look - not based on gender at all.

I am not against women getting flowers. If somebody likes flowers buy all means by them flowers! I bet there's also men out there who like flowers and don't mind getting them as a gift.

I have a confession to make. I sometimes would want to wear stockings . I just like the material and how it feels to the touch. I never actually wore them though - in fear of being seen as some kind of pervert or worse.

In Renaissance men wore stockings and nobody seemed to mind .... well maybe one day

 

[Patine]

I have a confession to make. I sometimes would want to wear stockings . I just like the material and how it feels to the touch. I never actually wore them though - in fear of being seen as some kind of pervert or worse.

In Renaissance men wore stockings and nobody seemed to mind .... well maybe one day

My advice. Become a Shakespearian actor. Then you can wear them - at least on stage - and all insecurities can be dispelled.

 

[Zardnaar]

I also do not think that any of this should be enforced. I am just saying that I think that our society should move forward to a place where eventually these things don't matter.

Personally I feel that clothing should be up to each individual. If a man wants to wear a dress, I don't think we should try to pressure him to wear pants instead. And right now what would happen is people probably making fun of him, because they have been conditioned to think that only women wear dresses. But hey, at some point in the 1950s (or earlier?) only men wore pants, and women never did. Now women wear pants and nobody thinks it's weird.. Why do we need any gender-specific clothing? It's not a super important thing to abolish, I agree about that, but surely slowly over time these ideas about who can wear what will continue to go away. The main point here to me is that each individual should feel free to wear whatever they want (within reason).

I don't think that "everybody should behave identically", I think that each individual should embrace their own ideas about what they want to wear and how they want to look - not based on gender at all.

I am not against women getting flowers. If somebody likes flowers buy all means by them flowers! I bet there's also men out there who like flowers and don't mind getting them as a gift.

I don't like getting flowers and neither dies the wife.

Mostly because you're kinda killing an

I have a confession to make. I sometimes would want to wear stockings . I just like the material and how it feels to the touch. I never actually wore them though - in fear of being seen as some kind of pervert or worse.

In Renaissance men wore stockings and nobody seemed to mind .... well maybe one day

Drunken Polish pervert (ducks) .

Confession. Wore a dress an bra in small town NZ in 1997. Complete with oranges as the breasts.

Did it for a lark and my girlfriend and her friends talked me into it. She dressed up as a mummy.

Ulterior motive made her erm affectionate latter on got to unwrap the mummy and erm nvrmind.

 

[red_elk]

Personally I feel that clothing should be up to each individual. If a man wants to wear a dress, I don't think we should try to pressure him to wear pants instead. And right now what would happen is people probably making fun of him, because they have been conditioned to think that only women wear dresses. But hey, at some point in the 1950s (or earlier?) only men wore pants, and women never did. Now women wear pants and nobody thinks it's weird.. Why do we need any gender-specific clothing? It's not a super important thing to abolish, I agree about that, but surely slowly over time these ideas about who can wear what will continue to go away. The main point here to me is that each individual should feel free to wear whatever they want (within reason).

I agree in general. And of course everybody should be able to wear whatever he/she wants without fear of being shamed for that.
But I also think men's and women's fashion and clothes are okay to stay, changing over time like they did last centuries.
That's just what people commonly use at this period of time, because they want to look attractive to most of other people.
Someone may also be part of subculture and want to be attractive for their smaller group. Or don't care about attractiveness at all.

I think, no matter how fashion and people's tastes change, everyone will still consider some things more attractive than others.

 

[AdamCrock]

Drunken Polish pervert (ducks) .

In this particular movie scene I felt like he's buying the lingerie for himself

 

[Arwon]

You're not any less of a man if you don't enjoy sports or drink beer or exercise or like pink or aren't strong, etc.

And also literally none of these things are male-only!